Naruto Nanny

Chapter One

(Naruto's Point of View)
Naruto works hard at everything he does; he worked hard to graduating at age sixteen, he worked hard to get and keep his jobs over the years, he even worked hard at making friends despite his obvious lack of social skills when it came down to interacting with people. But for some strange reason, no matter how hard he tried to keep everyhting together, he always managed to mess things up for himself.
It started on a Tuesday, Christ he hated Tuesdays, they were "death warmed up just for me" as he said. Tuesdays were teases, at least Mondays were honest, you knew they were going to suck before they came, hell they have the word "moan" in it if you took the time to rearrange the lettering a bit. But this Tuesday sucked worse and it didn't even have the decency to make it obvious, it left it up to Wednesday to break the news, to say, "Yeah, the bitch screwed you over… again," in a voice that sounded a lot like his friend Shikamaru after waking up from a nap.
You see, Naruto has this boss, Kakashi, who's a total fuck-up, and a pervert, and a genius, a bit of a sadist, but mostly a fuck-up. Who else reads porn in public while wearing an eye patch and a mask that hides the lower half of his face?
Now his boss decided that now would be a good time to start his new promotion for this fancy new eco-friendly line of hair products. A normal manager would make his employees wear a special shirt or a button on their apron, but no. The silver haired bastard has to force him into dying his head purple and green, like a peacock. A freaking flightless bird that struts about doing nothing but boasting to all the other birds about how grand its tail feathers are. Well, guess what? You can't fly, stupid!
Naruto understood that working at beauty supply store had its occupational hazards, like getting hairsprey in his face or being fored to listen to the complexities of Bragelina (BradXAngelina), but this was ridiculous.
The ass starts out the day by arriving late to work, giving Ino and Naruto some lame excuse about a genie and the black pelage before chucking bottles of hair dye at their faces. Giving them instructions to have their hair dyed to be "aesthetically" (sexually) pleasing or not to show up to work at all tomorrow.
Then he turns around and has his nose stuck in his favorite little orange book. That innocent looking little book was actually porn. Porn Naruto's grandfather wrote (and incidentally, one chapter was written by Naruto himself.)
'Thank goodness he doesn't recognize me on the cover.' Naruto sighed in his head, his grandfather has an awful habit where he would take pictures of Naruto at compromising moment and make those the cover shots for his 'Icha Icha' paradise series. The blonde teenager swears up and down that it had to be altered in some way because there is no way that he looks like when reaching for something in the spice cabinet above the stove.
They appeared to be going fine, not many people came in so he and Ino spent the whole day turning labels out and talking about life, mostly her life because it was just so much more interesting than his own.
At the moment Sakura, Ino's friend was the hot topic of the hour, "Yeah so Sakura imy friend, but she's kinda bitchy but I still do stuff with her because she's good at doing girly stuff, like you but it's diffrent because she is a girl, ya know?
"So anyway, she has this guy, they aren't dating or married or nothing like that, but they have like three or four kids together. And he's an ass; he's virtually perfect in everyway; handsome, rich, sucessful… but doesn't give a flying fuck about anything but himself, his work, and his kids.
"She had his first kid at sixteen and he didn't even propose to her or nothin'," Ino said, sitting on a stool behind the cash register moving her manicured hand as he talked, "The poor girl's been love sick for this boy since she was eleven. That's fifteen years! Sakura falls and she falls hard. But He doesn't look twice at her.
"So she came up with this plan, it's a terrible plan, but she's desperate at this point. So everyday she goes out, gets drunk before noon, has sex with as many people as she can, and spends all this money trying to make him jealous and want her bad. But it's not working at all, if anything it's making it worse. He doesn't even sleep with her!"
"That's probably for the best, Ino. Who knows what nasty thing she's picked up by now?" Naruto said, perched on the counter next to the register.
"Naruto!" Ino yelled in that 'I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that' voice every girl develops around age fourteen. She turned and looked at him with wide blue eyes, that held a hint of amusement.
"What? You can't just go tramp around the city and notbe at a high risk for contracting an STD."
"She's not a shank."
"If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck..."
"She's not a duck either!"
"Oh my gawd. Ino. It's an expression. I can't believe that you're ten years older than me," He shrieked in exasperation, "She needs to cool her jets. The man obviously doesn't want her. And sleeping around like a pathetic whore is just sad. She's a mom, she's been a mom for quite some time now, she should start acting like it."
Their conversation switched over to how Choji, Ino's fiancé, has been doing and how wonderful their wedding's plans have been coming along. The blonde girl managed to coerce the younger boy into coming to the wedding with the promise of food and cute boys.
Which then lead to Ino harassing the kid about when he was going to find a hottie because she was tired of having his lazy ass bumming around the apartment she and Choji shared every third weekend or so. The boys: Naruto, Shikamaru, Kiba, and Choji pretty much alternated houses to crash and play videogames at for hours on end at.
" I will get one when I get one. I might just meet someone when I start classes at the college in the fall. He'll be older, and attractive and can buy his own beer instead of bribing some bum to buy it for him like the last guy I tried dating." Naruto huffed, looking annoyed at the memory of watching some idiot try to score cheep beer from a corner store as a 'first date.'
" Oh yeah… wasn't his name Sid or something…?"
"Sai."
"Yeah! Sai! He kept calling you dick-less!" Ino laughed. He blonde ponytail bounced in time with her chuckles.
"He was a bastard," Naruto groaned, looking at the clock, "Well my shift's done. See ya tomorrow!"
"See ya, don't for get the dye."
"Right. Bye!"
The walk home took about an hour, but it was mid June and the days were getting longer, leaving the sun in the skies later and later everyday.
When he got to his crappy "studio" apartment as his building manager called it, which really means it's one room with a bathroom without a door so Naruto has to use a dark green curtain to make it seem like theirs some form of modesty, Naruto dropped his bag at the door and headed to his bathroom so he could jump through Kakashi's damn hoops and color his hair.
His bathroom was a small blue tiled room with a big window up high on the wall behind the white bathtub; the wooden floor had a worn rug in front of the sink and mirror.
Naruto removed his shirt and hung it on a hook attached to the back of the bathroom door before tossing the four boxes of dye on the counter.
"Let's see, let's see. What do I do?" He asked himself as he tossed up one of the boxes and caught it before scanning one of the back panels for instructions. "Okay, I just need to mix the thingies together- dattebayo!"
Reaching into the cupboards located under the sink he pulled out four stained bowls, a brush that looked a lot like a pastery brush, a comb with a "rattail" which is basically a long piece of plastic at the end that looks like a thin handle, a stained towels, and a head band.
"First, mix solution A with the paste." He said, taking the tube of dye and squeezing it into a bowl and splashing the clear solution A in and mixing it with a popsicle stick that cam in the box with it. Then he repeated step one with the other three boxes.
"Next, put dye onto hair for twenty minutes." Naruto said reading the box. "Separate the hair using saloon foil… I think that kitchen foil will work just fine."
When he came back he had the box of tin foil and a dorky look on his face.
"Time to make you beautiful, Naruto!" He told him self in what could only be discribed as a fabulous gay voice, flexing his muscles in a ridiculous display of his arms and chest, which was funny because despite seeing the slight definition of muscle development, be was still a skinny little thing and watching him parade about like he was a body builder could be seen as nothing less than humorous.
He than started on his hair humming as he used the comb's "rattail" to separate his bangs into tin layers before sliding some tinfoil underneath it and slathering the mix over it, thoroughly painting the blond hair with the pastry brush. He alternated between the four bowls so when he was done he had the silver foil on his bangs, the hair at the base of his neck and some randomly and strategically placed in the middle of his longish hair.
After twenty minutes of letting the dye set he pulled the foil out leaned over the side of his bath so he could wash his hair under the faucet. He quickly toweled off his hair and went to look at the finished product.
"Fuck." Naruto whispered running his hands through his damp hair. Instead of being green and purple he had a very different and opposite color.
The newly colored parts ranged from bloody red to rusty orange. It's defiantly not what Kakashi had in mind. "I am so screwed…" He mummbled to himself, turning his head this was and that, trying to see his new 'do' at a diffrent angle.
"Hey... It might not be so bad."
Naruto's voice as desperate, trying to convince himself that he didn't just mess up the best job he's had.
"I look like a fox, a sexy ass fox. And-and foxes are in Nature and Nature is part of the environment and eco friendly stuff helps the environment. So I'm fine."
Yeah… no.
(Sasuke's Point of View)
Sasuke Uchiha works at Sharigan Cooperation as Vice President under his elder brother, Itachi. He basically sat in a glass office from seven in the morning to seven at night everyday sans the weekends, signing paperwork, attending business meetings within the company and meetings with other (vice) presidents of other companies like Bakugan and Rasengan.
At home, his three kids and nephew/son like thing are being taken care of by Tenten who Sasuke hired as a live in nanny due to the fact that he has odd work hours at times and would prefer it if he doesn't have to pick them up from a day care center at midnight.
Normally, when one has a child the mother would help raise the kid as much, if not more than the father; but in this case the mother is a hoe and doesn't, leaving it up to Sasuke to take care of them.
So to say that Sasuke was not pleased when he got home to find that his Nanny was fired this morning over coffee would be an understatement. He was livid.
He walked through the door after depositing his keys in a clay bowl next to the door and loosening his dull blue tie, "I'm home!"
"Daddy's home!"
"Dah-Dah!"
"Uncle Sasuke!"
"Welcome back Father."
After his daughter, Chidori, and his nephew, Chion, attached themselves to his (expensive) pant legs he looked around noticing the mess for the first time.
Blankets, couch cushions, newspapers, and dishes were scattered around the house. Ikkou was currently trying to change his baby brother's diaper on the coffee table.
"What happened here? Where's Tenten?"
"Sakura made her leave because the coffee was bad." Chidori told him with a very serious look on her face.
"Explain." The command was short and crisp.
"Miss Tenten made coffee, Sakura was drunk and fired her because Miss Tenten didn't put any vodka in her coffee, over reacted and fired her," His voice was as formal as his father's, "So no one was here to clean up and take care of the baby. I tried… but I'm ten, and a boy, and... I don't even know if this thing is on right." Ikkou admitted in defeat, looking at the white disposable cloth with contempt. Ikki just giggled.
"Where is she?" He asked, his eyebrows bunched over his cobalt eyes in anger.
"Room."
He quickly hung his navy suit jacket in the closet and rushed up the carpeted stairs and into Sakura's room.
"Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did." Sasuke asked in a grave voice, his face had taken an exhausted look.
"Why, what ever do you mean, darling?" Sakura asked, batting her eyelashes at him in a failed attempt of seduction.
"Don't. You fired Tenten, didn't you?" He asked, glaring at her, daring her to lie to and tell him that she didn't.
"I don't see what the problem here, she sucked so I told her to leave." Sakura answered, her voice getting slightly colder. This answer obviously didn't please Sasuke what so ever.
"Coffee is not a viable reason to fire her, Sakura. Especially when the lack of alcohol is involved in the same context as my children's care."
"What ever. Just hire a new one." She muttered, pulling a nail file out of the drawer of her vanity table and angrily rubbed the tips of her nails in to a nice smooth curve.
"I don't think you understand the time and energy it takes to sort through all the women who apply for the job. I have to take the rest of the week off, and I can't, which means I have to do my work here, while trying to play house and you're off doing god knows what."
"What do you want me to do Sasuke?!" Sakura yelled, slamming the file on the tabletop, making all the little pink glass bottles filled with perfumes and creams clank together.
He glared at the contents of her room, the hot pink mini fridge with a pink microwave on top with a pink coffee maker on topof that. Piles of dirty pink clothes in piles on her chairs, in the corner even on the fluffy bedspread that, yes, is pink too.
'Disgusting color.' He sneered in his head.
"Do… nothing." He turned and walked out of the room, slamming her door slightly.
Pulling out his blackberry he quickly dialed the number two on his speed dial, "Yeah, hi, Hinata…"
He then continued to give his mousy secretary a run down on how his week was going to go while he looked up the phone number of the closest pizza shop that delivers.
All right, people of the Internet, I sucked, so bad. Like, I'm embarrassed to have posted at all. The chapters were incomplete, with choppy paragraphs, bad grammar, and no flow. Right now I just need to slow down and express myself better. So I will.
My updates may vary in time and I may take down a new chapter and re write it if I feel awful about it. School has started up again which means I will be hit with new ideas and bouts of insanity.
All right, thank you for reading this far, Reviewing would be absolutely wondrous.
~Lexxibabe