This movie was brought to you by Castle Rock entertainment... seriously, it was.

People who actually read the book: Hey, there aren't supposed to be any adults! Well, at least he's got blood coming out of his mouth, maybe he'll die right away-

Harry Hook: KEEP DREAMING.

Ralph: Blond hair? Psh, no, we'll go dark brown. TIME TO SHOW OFF MY PROTAGONIST-ISM!

Random child one: SOMEBODY HELP ME I CAN'T SWIM.

Nightkill: Those were seriously the first words uttered in this movie.

Random child two: GET THE RAFT.

The raft: *is gotten*

Somebody: *lost their hat*

Random child one: SERIOUSLY, GUYS, I CAN'T SWIM.

The raft: *explodes. Wait, no, it's just opening*

LORD OF THE FLIES. BASED VERY LOOSELY ON THE NOVEL BY SIR WILLIAM GOLDING. DON'T FORGET THE SIR. HE WAS KNIGHTED.

The raft: *takes an incredibly long time to get anywhere*

Harry Hook: IT'S MORE REALISTIC.

Ralph: We just got to shore, how on earth did I get my arm bandaged up already? And where is that creepy music coming from?

Crickets and frogs: Flies are too mainstream. This island has CRICKETS and FROGS, bitches. And creepy music.

Piggy: I'm the right weight! Which means I'm morbidly obese.

Adult-that-shouldn't-be-there: I'm not dead yet!

Ralph: Mmkay, time to pull out the lightsaber...

Random child three: What's that?

Ralph: A lightsaber. MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU.

Random child three: How does it work?

Ralph: STOP ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS, YOUNG PADAWAN.

Samneric: *are the only adorable children in this film*

Random child four: Do you think anyone else is here, Mister Goblin King Sir?

David Bowie - I mean, Jack: It's just an island. And I'm not David Bowie.

Everyone: *is thirsty*

Random child four: What if we die here? What if we get all dehydrated and die? I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE.

Ralph: We're all thirsty and hungry. So it's only logical that we just go to sleep and hope that our problems go away.

Simon: I'm either an insomniac or I just have problems. Or maybe I'm the only nice one and am watching the supposed-to-be-dead guy sleeping.

Adult-that-shouldn't-be-there: That's just creepy. Water...

Simon: Uh... we're hoping that our problems go away, sorry.

The next day.

Simon: Yeah, I'm just wandering around aimlessly. Apparently I wander around quite a bit, if the amount of transitions are anything to go by. Hey! Water! Oh, look, more pointless Simon wandering... ah, frick. I'm right back where I started. Maybe I can bother the love of my life - uh, I mean, Ralph. Sir Ralph. Sir.

Ralph: What do you want, I was having a very nice dream -

Simon: During my pointless wandering I found water!

Ralph: Hey! Things did take care of themselves! I NOW PROCLAIM SIMON JESUS.

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

David Bowie!Jack: *leads the procession*

Roger: I'm here, but I just look like a harmless little person with weird hair. But at least I'm here, unlike Bill and Maurice and Robert and Henry and Harold-

Billy: FALSE! They just added a 'y'! :D

ABRUPT CAMERA VIEW CHANGE

Nightkill: You know, it really sucks that they all know each other. There's no useful little introduction

*is scene. :( No little choirboys going down in a line 'Henry! Maurice/Morris! Rupert! Bill! Roger! Et cetera!'

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

1963!Cast: Psh, and they say our movie sucked. We didn't have near as bad scene changes as this... well... not this quickly.

David Bowie!Jack: Yes, I am just leading these people around the island randomly.

Random Black Kid: *is walking eerily close to Jack*

Roger: *is walking right behind him, presumably figuring out a plan to get rid of Random Black Kid*

Fog: ominous*

David Bowie!Jack: Well... we aimlessly wandered for a while, so I'm going to assume that this is it.

Ralph: I'm here! :D

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

THE CONCH OF POWERRR: WOO! I AM READY TO BE BLOWN BY RALPH. ;)

Piggy: *approaches*

THE CONCH OF POWERRR: NO. NO. NOT THE FAT KID. I WANT RALPH.

Piggy: *takes an overly long amount of time to get THE CONCH OF POWERRR out of the water*

Ralph: I'm here! :D And what is that?

Piggy: This is a conch-

1963!Jack: Shut up, Fatty.

Book!Ralph: Hey, we could maybe be friends.

Piggy: My Granny had one-

Book!Piggy: FALSE. Your AUNTIE knew someone that had one. *pushes up glasses*

Piggy: If it had a hole in it, right there, you could blow it. If you know what I mean. *seductive face*

Ralph: O-kay...

Piggy: Like a trumpet-

1963! & Book!Jack: WHERE'S THE MAN WITH THE TRUMPET?

Ralph: Seriously. This is not your parody.

Book!Jack: I didn't get a parody...

Nightkill: There are tons of book parodies. Scram.

Ralph: *takes THE CONCH OF POWERRR*

Piggy: *looks very proud of himself*


ROGERFROMLOTFOBSESSOR-

1963!Eric: LEAVE ME ALONE. It's not my fault he's so creepy and attractive.

FLEEEP PERSON. THERE'S A FLEEEP AND A FLUFFIETFLEEEP. I'M UNSURE IF THEY'RE THE SAME PERSON. BUT I THINK SO. SO~

1963!Simon: Thank you for your review. :) I'm glad you enjoyed.

Nightkill: Yes, I am the one who wrote the LOTF/Harry Potter crossover. Cx I'm glad you enjoyed that as well as this.

HAMMSTERS~

Nightkill: Yeah, it's way too easy to make fun of. Cx

PRINCESSESOFIA~

1963!Roger: …fine. *does as asked* But now you'll have to deal with 1990!Roger, and he's not as near as awesome/adorable as me. And he has stupid hair.

1963!Ralph: Hey! It's not easy being chief to a bunch of little idiots who just want to hunt and stuff all the time! Only Simon helped, and… well, we kind of killed him…

1963!Jack: ….whatever.

1963!Simon: I'm sorry for making you sad. :C But now you have another Simon.

DRAGONWRITERZZ~

Percival: Thank you! :D I remembered my telephone number, do you want it too?

Nightkill: Oh my god. I just made up a Lord of the Flies pickup line. LIFE ACHIEVEMENT ACHIEVED.

1963!Simon: I think you're all unique and beautiful.

1963!Ralph: Sucks to the people that don't like me. But you're cool. Because you do like me.

1963!Piggy: :D

1963!Roger: …there were actually more. Only Nightkill found them adorable instead of creepy. So she didn't count them.

SEERSTELLA~

Nightkill: That is right below the review replies on this chapter. :3 And, yeah, I've seen the LOTF Randomness. Cx It's pretty good.

1963!Jack: :D Hooray!

KSBG~

1990!Simon: Hooray! My first fangirl of this parody!

1963!Simon: Okay.

ALLTHEGOODNONESARETAKEN~

1963!Roger: …trapping littleuns so they would get burned up with Maurice. I mean, Maurice was helping me. Not getting burned up.

JUST ANOTHER BELIEVER~

1963!Roger: No. I am way better than the 90's version. Mostly because that version has stupid hair. And a stupid face. And I'm creepy and adorable.


Jack: I'm crashing through the forest, crashing through the forest, maybe I'll find my friends who abandoned me... whoa. How did I get here? Oh, look, Ralph. Hi Ralph!

Ralph: Sucks to your ass-mar - oh, not Piggy. Hi, Jack.

Hut: SUCKS TO YOUR BUILDING SKILLS.

Ralph: FUCK YOU, HUT. *falls over in anger* We've been doing this for days! And nobody helps, hint hint!

Jack: I join you on the ground because apparently Jalph is a thing.

Ralph: AND NOBODY HELPS, HINT HINT.

Jack: ...we need meat?

Ralph: You idiot, the three things you seriously need in life are food - we've got fruit - water, and SHELTER. SHELTER.

Jack: HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME-

Ralph: DUDE I JUST WANT SOME HELP FROM SOMEBODY WHO IS NOT ONE OF MY FANGIRLS. No offense Simon. If you're in earshot.

Jack: *mutters* Your only fangirl, you don't even have a nice chest-

Ralph: Don't you want to be rescued?

Jack: *is silent*

Ralph: *apparently takes this as a 'keep going'* ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS MEAT.

Jack: WE NEED MEAT.

Ralph: AND YOU COME HOME AND YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE THE SHELTERS AND ALL I HAVE IS STUPID LITTLE FANGIRL SIMON NO OFFENSE SIMON IF YOU'RE IN EARSHOT AND WOW WE ARE REALLY BAITING THE JALPH FANS RIGHT NOW.

Jack: *prolonged silence* Hey, I do stuff too!

Ralph: *is suddenly defensive* Yeah but you like your work! So hah! I officially work harder than you-

Jack: *stands up*

Ralph: *shuts up*

Jack: *is completely adorable* I'll help you. A little. I mean, for like two minutes or something.

Ralph: No. *leaves*

Jack: WTF, RALPH.

Extremely long shot of Jack just standing there. Yes, he is an attractive person. No, we did not need this section to be this long.