Child Being Whipped: *is shrieking. Naturally.*

Jack: STOP IT. *actually possesses some shred of humanity. I know I've mentioned this before, but I'll say it again - I really love this Jack. He's so freaking sassy and is a really good character, but he's not Jack Merridew.*

Child that Was Being Whipped: *runs off into the night, never to be seen again. Actually, it's the middle of the day. But you get the point.*

Jack: *watches him go with a slightly freaked out expression on his face. God, this kid has the best expressions.* I'll get fire. I promise.

Everyone: ...when were we talking about fire?

Jack: Shut up I'm chief. Anyway, we'll hunt again tomorrow. But we have to be careful, because the be- monster might come anytime - OKAY. OKAY. HOLD UP. I WAS A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT THE BEAST, HENCE THE HEAD-LEAVING. I DID NOT USE IT TO MY ADVANTAGE TO GET THESE KIDS ON MY SIDE, BECAUSE I WASN'T THAT MANIPULATIVE. I WAS A STUPID LITTLE GINGER WHO COULD SING HIGH C AND WANTED TO HAVE FUN AND HUNT THINGS. NOT A MANIPULATIVE EVIL BLOND CHILD WHO WANTS POWER AND WILL PROBABLY TELL HIS FATHER ABOUT THIS IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG.

Samoreric: *takes the place of Walter or whoever did this before* But- uh- didn't we- but didn't we- it is very OOC for me to be stuttering this much-

Jack: *monster-scary Satan deep voice* NO! It could come again! I could be the beast! You could be the beast! Roger could be the- actually, Roger probably is the beast, despite his not-as-perfect-casting as the '63 kid. Uh, I meant monster but was too lazy to go back and put that in. I mean what. But uh. It will always be there. ALWAYS. When we're not ready.

Kids: *look skeptical*

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Lord of the Flies: *is disgusting and dead and surrounded by flies*

ABRUPT SCENE CHAN- WAIT, WAS THAT SCENE EVEN NECESSARY

Piggy: *appears to be washing his jacket*

Ralph: *is moping on a log. Good job Ralph. You have a soul. Also red underwear. Have I mentioned the red underwear that he apparently has just so that you always know who is Ralph.*

Piggy: PERHAPS WE SHOULD JUST BUILD A RAFT - AND BY WE I MEAN YOU - AND GO OFF. BECAUSE THAT WOULD WORK.

Ralph: Why the fuck not. There's nothing else we can do.

Piggy: *is actually being quiet for once. This obviously freaks Ralph out.*

Ralph: WELL?

Piggy: We have no idea what's going on when does this take place what sort of war is going on we just don't know.

Ralph: I'll tell you what's out there it's lots of boats and anything would be better than the island with these psychos. We could be rescued.

Piggy: WHAT IF IT WAS RUSSIAN.

Audience: So... it's... against Russia? And these kids are obviously American, so America v. Russia. Okay. Got it. Plus probably a whole bunch of other countries. We don't know what's going on. Does anyone actually know what's going on in this movie? I mean, we don't get much background information in anything pertaining to this story, but... when is this supposed to be taking place again? A year would be nice? Is it supposed to take place in the 90's, when it was made? We just don't know.

Piggy: WHAT WE DO KNOW IS THAT WE'D BE TAKEN PRISONER THAT'S WHAT WE KNOW.

Ralph: Why the hell would the Russians take us prisoner.

Piggy: I HAVE NO IDEA BUT DINKLEBERG OR WHATEVER-

Ralph: Why are we referencing Fairly Odd Parents.

Piggy: THAT'S WHAT MY DAD SAID. Anyway if the Russians invaded the US - aha, we are Americans, it is confirmed, either that or I'm just weirdly concerned about America - uh, they'd take the kids and separate us from our parents...

Audience: Okay, okay, this is sounding believable, and kind of sweet, kind of sad, you know, because he's really worried about this...

Piggy: And I know it sounds weird...

Audience: Oh god he's going to ruin it isn't he.

Piggy: But they might make us go into the Olympics.

Audience: ...

Ralph: *just bursts out laughing right away. Talk about laughing at another man's dreams*

Piggy: ...wat you laughing about.

Nightkill - uh, I mean, Satan Abraham. Wow, penname changes: Oh, I see! This is this movie's version of the sending home a letter but there not being a mailman! Unless they do that too, I can't remember. If they do then this scene is basically useless.

Ralph: Piggy, the Russians would not force you into the Olympics. They would throw you off the boat so that you didn't sink it. *continues to laugh his extremely irritating laugh*

Piggy: *having nothing better to do, laughs as well*

Ralph: *is over this laughing thing. Thank God* Hey! What's that? This isn't a thinly veiled attempt to get you to look away so that I can run away and never be with you again!

Piggy: *looks away*

Ralph: *runs away... to get what he was pointing at. It actually wasn't a thinly veiled attempt to get Piggy to look away so that he could run away and never be with him again. Ralph is so stupid*

Piggy: *has a feeling that this might be a thinly veiled attempt to get him to look away so that Ralph can run away and never be with him again. He overestimates Ralph's intelligence and follows*

Ralph: *pulls a motherfucking accordion out of the ocean. What the fuck*

Ralph: *is so insane that he begins to pretend to play the accordion, as he cannot actually play it, as it was in the ocean for an unknown period of time. His voice has reached insanely annoying levels*

Piggy: *is obviously sick of listening to Ralph* Where the fuck did this come from.

Ralph: *transforms into the epitome of evil. Like 1963!Roger. But not that bad* A Russian submarine, thousands of feet below the surface of the earth, burning in Hell... full of Olympic athletes!

Piggy: *thinks that this is funny, not terrifying. Poor Ralph*

COLLIE PARKILLO~

Satan Abraham: Everything is Long Walk and everything hurts.

Simon: this is going too far

PRINCESSESOPHIE~

Roger: Excuse you. Those are mine.

HAMMSTERS~

Roger: I try. And it's my favorite scene, too.

Jack: WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU PEOPLE LIKE ME.

SEERSTELLA~

Jack: I'M SORRY I HAVE FAILED ALL OF YOU WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG.

GUEST~

Satan Abraham: It's not a… horribly… horrible movie… really… but it's just so unlike the book. Kind of like the Percy Jackson movie. Great movie if you haven't read the book.

IMINROGERSPANTS~

Jack: Yeeah Labyrinth reference.

Roger: I'm sad that that didn't happen, too.

Sorry that the update took so long! Sadly, the next update will also probably take quite a while, too, but… you know. Life. Other fanfictions. Tumblr. Anime. Why is life in there.