The Red Side of a Blue Moon

~Noy Telinú~

Warning: making predictions can destroy your self esteem if they're wrong. Do it anyway because it's fun!

Caution: be sure to get all your facts straight before hand or you'll look bad.

Reviews: are made to be read aloud in front of the class… or whatever this is. Aceina, because Akane needs to wake up. Didn't even work. Plus, Michiru is showing hypocritical signs. TJG, Haruka is replacing Kodachi… sort of. Noy said that the number of characters needed to be kept down so some replaced others. It sparkles… in the anime at least. It's weird. Plus, Akane doesn't know what it DOES exactly. Richard Ryley, I bet it exists somewhere, but yeah, conflict is so fun! Yep, exactly. James Birdsong, yeah huh. Here's more! Spica75, that's so weird yet so plausible that it's scary. Of course, I'm biased, being the Text and all… luger 7, party! Whoo! Guest, an account is free you know, but whatevs! Don't count your chickens before they hatch! hero in a cup, your guess is as good as mine. Suspense!

You have been warned….


Chapter 6: Yapappa, Yapappa, insolent!

"… And then, aliens wrecked the place because they wanted Luna…" Akane tried to explain the situation to her father and eldest sister. "Good thing that I'm super awesome…"

[Aliens?] Genma's sign read.

"… Would you believe just one alien?" Akane asked, hopeful.

Soun massaged his forehead.

Akane looked away. "How about a crazed martial artist and a cat?"

[WHAT!?] Genma's eyes went wide. [I mean… err… look, a one yen piece!]

Michiru crossed her arms and glared at Genma. "What do you know?"

The panda got a tire from nowhere and started playing with it. [I'm just a cute panda!]

Akane sweatdropped. 'Terrible, terrible animal advisor.'

That's when Ranma came down the stairs, muttering to himself.

Akane sighed in relief. "Ranma, explain what happened."

Ranma gripped his head in obvious pain. "I don't know…"

"Therefore, aliens!" Akane smiled. "I'm not saying it was aliens. But it was aliens…"

Michiru frowned. "You expect me to believe that?"

Akane facepalmed. "Honestly! Idiot oldest sister, WHERE IS LUNA FROM?!"

Michiru groaned. "That doesn't mean I believe you…"

"Hey, Ranma, are you still afraid of cats?" Akane asked, ignoring her sister.

"I'm not afraid of ANYTHING!" Ranma growled. "Let alone some tiny creature…"

Akane sighed. "Whatever, I'm going to go find Ami; at least SHE will believe me…"

The blue-haired girl walked up to Genma.

[Just an innocent panda…] Genma's sign read.

Akane grabbed the sign...


… And hit Genma with it.

"Worst father/animal advisor EVER!" Akane spat in disgust and left the grounds.


Luna lay in her bed, shaken and stirred. She shivered as she reflected on what just happened moments ago.

Akane held Luna as Ranma glared at the mooncat in Akane's room.

"Do YOU know anything about healthcare for cats?" Akane asked, embarrassed.

"Mau-ian…" Ranma growled.

Akane rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Do you?"

Ranma gritted his teeth. "Not much… Evil creatures…"

Luna pretended to still be unconscious, listening carefully.

"Well, maybe I should just let her rest…" Akane mused. "You won't try to kill her, now would you? Because I know I will get blamed for it and I have enough trouble with animals already…"

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Soun's crying echoed throughout the house.

"Shoot. Um, just don't kill her, alright?" Akane grabbed Ranma's arm and pulled him out of her room, closing the door. "Anyway, what was with that thing with the acting like a cat and stuff? That's not normal…"

Ranma shuddered and crossed his arms, looking away.

Akane sighed. "Fine, don't tell me. You better explain stuff though. I hate getting into trouble."

With that Akane ran down the stairs.

Ranma stared at Akane's door for a moment before shaking his head and walking down the stairs as well.

With a mirage-like fade, Luna was once again sitting on her bed.

'Ranma…' Luna shuddered. 'He could be even more trouble than I feared. He's either an enemy or a reincarnated enemy…'

Luna's eyes went wide. 'I must warn Akane!'

With that, she left her bed and ran off into the sunset.


'Maybe we can eat some ice cream…' Akane thought to herself as she walked towards Ami's cram school. "Hmm? When did THAT get there?"

The blue-haired girl looked at the garden in front of her strangely. The garden was incredibly overgrown, with numerous vines crisscrossing everything. The large lot-like garden was not only eerie, but dark and densely populated with bushes and weeds. More like a giant mess than a garden, as it looked abandoned… except it was new.

There was no one around besides Akane. The tallish buildings on all three other sides closed off the area and gave it the feel of a jungle. While the area was a bit out of the way, Akane walked this way from time to time. To see this giant mess of a garden was a bit surprising.

'Really needs a trimming.' Akane shook her head. "Huh?"

Akane noticed a shoe just inside the entrance, and a school bag as well.

She rummaged through it, and saw a paper dated two days before.

While most people would start getting nervous, scared, fearful, or cautious, Akane felt… well…

"Alright! Youma!" Akane giggled madly. "I'm going the right way! It's about time I've seen one."

The blue-haired girl transformed in a flash of light lasting less than half an instant. But for her, it took much, much longer.

So much that she got irritated.

'HURRY UP!' Akane angrily thought as her body was engulfed in light, stripping her nude before prettying her up in what her sisters considered a stripperrific school uniform.

Sailor Moon was back, and she was hunting Youma.

With a laugh, Moon jumped into the garden.


Luna ran down the street, eyes peeled for Akane or Ami… preferably Ami.

Unfortunately for the black cat, she didn't really know the area too well, being injured and bed ridden for most of her time in Nerima.

'Now… where could she be?' Luna wondered to herself.

Laughter echoed loudly around the area.

Luna sweatdropped. 'Definitely her.'

Before she got too far, she heard large footsteps behind her.


Luna was pushed into a puddle by a running man.

The cat didn't see who he was though.

Shaking off the water, Luna ran towards where she clearly heard Akane laughing.


Ranma gripped his head in pain. "Stupid headaches again…"

Genma raised a sign. [It's in the front pocket.]

Ranma nodded and gritted his teeth before heading up the stairs for the room he shared with his panda father.

Locating his backpack, Ranma opened the front pocket.

After some rummaging, he took out a bottle of pills.

"Bottoms up…" Ranma seethed in pain as he chugged them.


Sailor Moon carefully kept her eyes on her surroundings, looking up frequently.

Her eyes darted from shadow to shadow, looking for any movement.

The sun finally set, causing Moon's vision to plummet.

'Any second now…' Moon gazed around, spotting a tree.

The blue-haired girl tore a branch off easily.

'Just in case.' Moon placed the branch behind her back.

Just then, movement drew Moon's eye towards the deepest part of the garden.

Holding her tree branch defensively, Moon slowly made her way to the back of the garden.

Moon's eyes widened as she saw the horrific sight in front of her.

There, rising from the ground, was a vast and expansive complex of biological goo-like liquid cages… containing unconscious schoolgirls!

'Aliens.' Moon growled. 'The answer is ALWAYS aliens! And the Youma is behind me, isn't it?'

Without looking, Moon swung her tree branch to hit whatever was behind her.

*Twang twang wang twkwang* The branch broke through several vines.

"Shoot!" Moon had a bad feeling when she saw more vines move in to take its place. "IT'S ALIVE!"

Responding, several vines shot out to ensnare Moon.

But she was too fast and whacked the vines out of the way before scrambling back a safe distance.

"Kidnapping schoolgirls? How typical." Moon tightened her grip. "Show yourself, monster Youma of the plant…"

A faint laugh echoed around the garden as a woman-plant hybrid came into view.

Her green skin and plantlike features were very indicative of a Youma. And her red hair made her look familiar to Moon.

So much so that…

"I knew Poison Ivy was a Youma!" Moon pointed her tree branch at her.

The Youma snarled. "So, it appears you have studied Earth's media as well, Senshi…"

"Well, duh." Moon rolled her eyes. "It's called doing the research."

"Hmmm…" The Youma narrowed her eyes. "This will indeed prove much more challenging. I must report this to my bosses…"

"Nuh uh." Moon stuck her tongue out.

The Youma sweatdropped. "Childish… of course… What is your name, Senshi, so that I may be able to properly brag about killing you?"

Moon shook her head. "You mustn't have been studying well; it's customary to give your name first."

"It is?" the Youma mumbled to herself, scratching her head.

Moon nodded. "Yeah huh. Earth etiquette. Super-simple stuff."

The Youma sighed. "Very well then…"

The vines of the garden filled up the area.

"I am Youma 8001, research experiment class, and my specialty is-" The Youma had to stop, due to danger.

Moon threw her tiara and charged with the tree branch, screaming. "Moontiaraaction!"

8001 ducked under the tiara but was unprepared for Moon coming right at her with a tree branch.

*WHAMO* The Youma was sent flying, hitting the holding cell of a girl.

"Very well, Senshi…" 8001 spat. "Screw you!"

The vines came after Moon in overwhelming fashion, causing her to retreat into a corner.

"You're finished, Senshi!" 8001 laughed.

Moon was going to say something back, when a red rose struck the ground between them.

"WHAT!?" Moon yelped before looking up on top of the building behind her.

There stood a man in a tophat, wearing a long black cape and dressed way too formally… including a white, pathetic-looking eyemask.

'Well, at least Ranma finally showed himself…' Moon facepalmed. 'But still, if THAT is what a prince is supposed to look like…'

The Youma looked at the man dumbfounded.

"Fear not, fair maiden, for your fierce fullness shall defeat the forces of evil indubitably." TophatRose spewed.


A vine shot out and grabbed the tree branch. Moon still held on, but it swung her around in the air violently.

"The blue-haired girl shall always triumph!" the man cheered.

"QUIT TALKING LIKE KUNO AND HELP, YOU JERK!" Moon yelled before being thrown up into the air.

8001 laughed evilly.

Moon ate dirt, sliding a few meters towards the entrance. "RANMA!"

"Yo," Ranma replied.

Moon looked up and spat out the dirt. "Wha!? You… there…"

The blue-haired girl glanced from Ranma standing there, eating nuts, to TophatRose, to Ranma chewing nuts to TophatRose.

"What the…?" Moon clamped her hands on her cheeks, dumbfounded.


Luna ran through the city streets, now hopelessly lost.

'Not good, not good, not-good, notgood!' Luna sweated in her panic. 'Wait… this is… somewhat familiar…'

"Luna?" Ami was suddenly right behind her.

Luna turned and sighed in relief. "Thank goodness…"

Ami picked her up. "Why are you out here?"

"I have to warn you Senshi… Ranma is an enemy. I know it!" Luna explained, fear in her voice.

Ami rubbed her chin. "What makes you say that?"

Luna looked away. "He knows who I am."

Ami blinked in surprise. "Well, that could mean anything…"

Luna shook her head. "He HATES me. Really hates me. Scary hate…"

Ami puzzled this while Luna shuddered.

"Where is Akane now?" Ami asked.

Luna sighed. "I don't know."

Suddenly, a voice cried out angrily, "QUIT TALKING LIKE KUNO AND HELP, YOU JERK!"

"'Kane!" Ami ran towards the shout, Luna in her arms.


Ranma stood there, in his usual clothes, eating nuts. Someone else was dressed up, throwing roses at a living plant.

This was Moon's predicament.

"If you're here…" Moon's heartrate went off the charts.

Ranma nodded.

"Then who…" Moon's eyes widened. "No… no, no, NO! It's not true! It's impossible!"

Ranma chewed nuts, zoning out. "Search the bag… Look, a shoe…"

"NOOOOOO!" Moon cried. "NOoo…"

"You have blue hair…" Ranma said aloud.

Moon's veins popped on her head. "What is wrong with you!?"

Ranma chewed nuts. "Hi, Akane, what's up?"

Moon sweatdropped.

Vines started closing in on the two teens.

"It is a great day for poisoning pigeons…" Ranma sang. "Poisoning pigeons in the park…"

Moon's eye twitched. "If you're going to be loopy, do it somewhere else. I have a Youma to dust."

Ranma just stood there and ate nuts.

Moon, frustrated, ran back into the garden.

That's when Ami came by, Luna in her arms.

"Ranma!" Ami exclaimed.

"Yo." Ranma stood there, eating nuts.

Ami frowned. "What are you doing?"

Ranma shrugged. "I dunno… Blue hair… too…"

Ami looked down at Luna, who sweated.

"Dost thou not see? The fierce one has come back to defeat thee!" TophatRose boasted.

Luna scowled. 'There's that guy who pushed me over!'

Ami waved a hand in front of Ranma's face.

Ranma didn't react.

"Yeah…" Ami rolled her eyes. "Enemy… Ranma, look that way."

Ranma glanced the way Ami was pointing and ate nuts.

Ami transformed into Sailor Mercury and dashed to go help, leaving Luna with Ranma.

"Tree…" Ranma muttered.

Luna glared at the pigtailed lad.


Moon really hoped for a weedhacker, or giant shears… or even a machete, really. The vines were getting too much for her.

"Stop being so slippery!" 8001 yelled angrily at Sailor Moon.

Moon stuck out her tongue. "Why don't YOU stop messing around and get back with Harley!"

Mercury rolled her eyes at the two bantering and came up with an idea.

Quietly moving, Mercury snuck around in a wide berth behind the Youma. However, she had to stop once she saw the schoolgirls trapped in liquid goo.

Mercury covered her mouth to prevent herself from gasping at the sight. With a shiver, she decided to act immediately.

"Now, Senshi… you will die." 8001 smiled evilly.

Moon burst out in laughter, causing the Youma to growl.

"What's so funny? Eh? Bubble fog?" 8001 blinked in confusion as the area became engulfed in bubble fog. "Dammit!"

Moon smirked.

The Youma facepalmed. "Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT! Idiot! There are three of them! St-"

Her sentence was cut short as a fist impacted her jaw.

*Thud* The Youma hit the ground hard.

Moon took off her tiara and launched it at the fallen Youma.

*FWOOSH* Dust spewed into the air, creating a large cloud.

The fog dissipated, revealing a crater in the ground.

Moon coughed as the dust entered her lungs. "Well, that was anticlimatic…"

"Nevertheless, she is triuph-OOF!" TophatRose was cut off by a sucker punch from Moon as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"NO THANKS TO YOU!" Moon growled. "GO TO HELL!"

TophatRose cried in agony as he was punted away, becoming a twinkle in the sky.

"Stupid…" Moon shook her head. "Oh well, now to free the schoolgir-ACK!"

A vine shot out, wrapping itself around Moon's neck, choking her on the last word.

8001 stepped out of the shadows, smirking. "Oh, I'm afraid THAT won't happen…"

The smug Youma walked right up to Moon and grabbed her chin, looking into her eyes behind the mask.

"I've learned from my bosses. Teleporting is VERY handy…" 8001 laughed.

Moon struggled, her hands trying to get the vine to let go.

8001 licked her lips. "I wonder how much energy you have… Maybe I'll get promoted."

Moon smiled.

The Youma shook her head. "Losing blood to your head, I see…"


8001's eyes widened as Moon pulled the vine apart, freeing herself.

"Please, this choker is far more constrictive than that pathetic plant." Moon smirked. "You aren't going to die today, are you?"

The Youma narrowed her eyes. "I'm taking those girls with me."

*BONK* A tree branch hit the Youma on top of the head, causing her to fall over.

Moon caught the Youma by the neck, choking her.

"Stop worrying me, Moon." Mercury threw the tree branch that she was holding away. "I hate having to fix you up all the time."

Moon shrugged. "I had it covered. You freed the schoolgirls?"

Mercury nodded. "Are you going to dust her now?"

Moon looked down at the Youma, who was unconscious in the Senshi's grip. "I have a better idea…."


Luna glared at Ranma.

Ranma ate nuts, looking at the mooncat oddly.

Luna bared her teeth.

Ranma blinked.

'Why is he acting this way?' Luna wondered. 'Is he planning something?'

Ranma crouched down and pointed at Luna. "You… are a fake cat…"

Luna narrowed her eyes.

"Why… evil… disguise?" Ranma ate nuts. "Alien…"

Luna held her ground, wondering what he was up to.

Ranma slowly closed his eyes and scratched his head. "Wait… you… Something… bad…"

Luna's tail stood straight up as she tried to look bigger.

Ranma seemed to struggle with what he was going to say, but then shook his head slowly, returning to eating nuts.

Luna watched him cautiously.

"Look… familiar…" Ranma pondered aloud and started pacing, eyes unfocused.

Luna's eyes widened as vines started moving, flowing towards Ranma. The mooncat took two cautionary steps back as the vines approached.

"Tired…" Ranma yawned and sat down… onto a group of vines that formed a chair for him.

'I knew it! I knew it! I KNEW IT!' Luna screamed internally. 'He's EVIL!'

Ranma leaned back, the vine chair adjusting to him. "Moon… pretty…"

Ranma put his feet up and was supported by the vines as he looked at the Moon in the sky.

Luna's heart pounded in extreme fear and she was ready to bolt when she heard something.

"NO THANKS TO YOU!" Moon growled. "GO TO HELL!"

Luna looked towards the deeper garden, only to see the man who knocked her over twinkle in the sky.

"Ding…" Ranma muttered, still eating nuts in his relaxing chair made of vines.

Luna's mind raced. 'What to do? What CAN I do?! This Ranma must work for… for HER… OF COURSE! The hair! When a girl Ranma has that red hair! He must… SHE must be… OH NO!'

Just when Luna was going to have a heart attack, Moon and Mercury came out of the garden, Moon holding a Youma by the neck.

"Hey, Luna…" Moon greeted casually. "You getting along with Ranma yet?"

Luna held herself from screaming… out loud, at least. 'SHE'S THE ENEMY!'

Mercury stroked her chin. "I will need a few things, but I think I can make this work. As for Ranma… what's with the vines?"

"Yo." Ranma raised his hand for a moment as he ate nuts.

"Hm…" Mercury scrunched her lips. "I need to test something…"

Ranma turned his head very slowly. "Hey, Ami…"

Moon's eye twitched and she stomped over to Ranma, grabbing him by the shirt. "STOP! BEING! SO! SILLY!"

Ranma was shaken back and forth, punctuated for emphasis… and Sparta.

Mercury started typing things on her tablet. "I don't detect anything evil. Odd, but not evil…"

Luna lost her faith in humanity… or whatever the Senshi were. 'We're doomed…'

"Aliens…" Ranma muttered once he was not being shaken anymore.

Moon's eyes widened in realization. "He's right… the insane guy on TV is right! Aliens DID visit in the ancient past! Luna, the aliens did do stuff to humans on Earth in the past, right!? Cats… 5000 years ago! EGYPT! TV is right again! Come on, Ranma!"

Moon grabbed Ranma's pigtail with her free hand and ran home, the Youma under her other hand, leaving Mercury with Luna.

Luna cried. "Mercury… please believe me. You are my only hope…"

Mercury sighed. "I need proof to see if Ranma is evil, Luna. Now, come on, let's go home. I need to examine this further…."


Michiru sipped tea, her body calm and relaxed. She gazed at her father playing shogi with Genma… as a panda. This caused the greenish-bluish-haired girl to shake her head, for it was a hard thing to believe.

With a deep, soothing breath, Michiru enjoyed the quiet, peaceful atmosphere that-

"HI-I'M-HOME-BYE!" Moon blurted as she zipped through the room, causing a huge gust of wind to blow by.

Michiru sighed as her hair blew in the gust. "Typical…"

Moon got to her room and slammed the door. "Wow! That's the fastest I've run EVER! WHOOO! What do you think of THAT, Ranma?"

Ranma ate nuts, unmoved.

Ranma was let go of and he lay on the floor, still unresponsive to much of anything.

Akane's face fell as she transformed back. "Well… the Youma's still out. But how can I restrain her?"

Ranma shrugged slowly.

Akane looked around her room for something, anything useful.

That's when the Youma began to stir.

*WHACK* Akane punched the Youma's head with her fist.

"She can teleport, so…. Hmm…" Akane scratched her head, tongue sticking out. "Think… think, think, think…"

As Akane tried to figure out what to do, Ranma contemplated Akane's ceiling.

"But what would be the best way to freeze-" Akane snapped her fingers. "Of course! Why didn't I think of it before! Ranma, stay here. I have to take care of this Youma."

Ranma blinked as Akane ran off, Youma in tow.

Soon after, Ami walked down the hall with Luna.

"And that's why I think he is evil-ALALAHHH!" Luna flipped out seeing Ranma lying in Akane's bedroom, door open.

"Yo." Ranma waved.

Ami rolled her eyes. "Hello again, Ranma. What are you doing there?"

The pigtailed boy shrugged.

Ami rubbed her chin. "You've been acting… odd. Did you hurt your head, by any chance?"

Ranma looked confused and nodded, then shook his head, then raised an eyebrow.

Ami tapped her lips in thought. "Does your head hurt?"

Ranma slowly nodded, unsure.

Ami glanced at Luna, who just shook violently in sheer panic. "Can you get up off the floor and follow me to my room?"

Ranma nodded.

A minute passed by, neither moving before Ami took a deep breath. "Will you do so?"

Ranma got up and followed Ami to her room.


Akane sighed in relief and dusted off her hands. "Good thing we have malletspace technology."

The blue-haired girl was about to leave the kitchen with a smile, confident that the Youma would be on ice, literally, until some other form of freezing could be invented by her twin.

But that's when Michiru walked in.

"What are you doing?" Michiru demanded.

Akane blinked. "Walking…"

Michiru raised an eyebrow.

Akane's eyes shifted left to right, suspiciously. "What are YOU doing? HUH?!"

Michiru sweatdropped. "Get out of the kitchen, please."

Akane nodded and made a run for it. "I regret nothing!"


Ami sat on a red chair, glasses sliding down her nose and a notepad and pen in her hands. "Headaches, you say?"

Ranma nodded as he lay on Ami's bed, somewhat dazed.

"Interesting…" Ami tapped the pen to her lips. "For something to bother you this much, it must be very severe. This isn't the first time this has happened, correct?"

Ranma nodded.

"Did you ever see a doctor for this?" Ami asked.

Ranma nodded.

"And what did the doctor say?" asked Ami as she jotted down some notes.

Ranma shrugged. "Dunno. but Pops said I have to take medicine."

"Hmm…" Ami wrote down more. "Interesting. Very interesting…"

*BANG BANG BANG* Akane slammed her fists on Ami's door.

"AMI-I-I-EE! Why did you steal my fiancé?" Akane whined.

Ami pinched her nose.

"Stuff… loud…" Ranma muttered.

Ami sighed. "Would you show us what you did to cause you to act this way?"

Ranma nodded and stood up.

Luna bit her lip as she hid in Ami's closet, unsure what to make of the scene.

Ami opened her door and stepped to the side, causing Akane to fall forward and smack into the floor.

"That didn't hurt…" Akane lied.


Ranma stood in front of his pack and pulled out an empty container.

"Hmm…" Ami took the container from Ranma and read the label. "Maximum strength painkillers… seems you ran out. Doesn't explain your behavior, though…"

Akane waved her arms in the air. "Yeah! What gives!?"

Ranma shrugged.

Ami raised an eyebrow. "Maybe you overdosed? How many did you take at once? This is a fairly new medication…"

Ranma made a chugging motion with his arm and head.

Ami's eye twitched. "You… you don't mean…"

"YOU DRANK THE WHOLE THING?! THEY'RE PILLS!" Akane chibified and ranted. "Honestly! No wonder!"

Ami sighed. "Side effects of overdosing include extreme drowsiness, and… whatever you were doing earlier."

Ranma looked upward. "Had to… Head hurt…"

Akane flipped out and got in front of her twin. "FIXHIM-FIXHIM-FIXHIM-FIXHIM!"

"Relax…" Ami grabbed Akane's shoulders.

Akane suddenly slumped against Ami. "Ahhhaha…"

Ami rubbed her forehead, taking off her glasses and putting them away. "Why don't you get some rest, Ranma. Sleep this out. It'll be easier getting answers when you're coherent."

Ranma nodded slowly and went to bed.

"Hey… Ami… why are your eyelashes so big? " Akane grinned drowsily.

Ami looked down at Akane. "'Kane… I seemed to have overdone it."

Akane nodded. "I can't feel my legs… or arms… or much… But if you get me a sword, I'll scare the prince…"

"Really?" Ami raised an eyebrow. "You can barely stand… I think you should just go to bed."

Akane sniffled. "Yes… pwease, super-twin awesome Ami the Great!"

Ami covered her mouth to try to hold back her giggles, but to no avail. "Oh, fine… but you are helping me with the freezing."

"Yes!" Akane smiled.

Ami smirked.


The Tendo twins snuck down the stairs, Akane leaning on Ami and trying not to laugh.

Ami rolled her eyes at her twin's ploy, and half dragged her down the stairs.

Akane leaned in and whispered to her twin, "I'll distract Michi. You get to the kitchen and make the sauce…"

Her twin pinched her nose and whispered back, "So we're going THAT route, then?"

"Yes. Yes, we are…" Akane whispered. "At least for now, getting carbonite freezing done right would take too long, yeah?"

Ami reluctantly agreed. "Plan Z, then."

"And go!" Akane nearly laughed.

Ami nodded and leaned Akane on the edge of the stairs before continuing down to the kitchen.

When Ami was out of sight, Akane counted a minute in her head before standing up and walking down the stairs…


Falling down would be more accurate, however.

"Ow…" Akane muttered to herself.

Michiru was immediately over her. "Are you alright?"

Akane winced. "Not really. Ow. I could use a hand…"

The oldest Tendo daughter helped the youngest to her feet.

"Please, little sister, you are a martial artist…" Michiru scolded.

Akane hung her head. "I know… See, Ranma has been acting weird because he drank a bottle of painkillers…"

Michiru blinked in shock. "… What?"

"Yeah, he wandered the street, eating nuts… NUTS!" Akane threw her arms into the air. "His animal advisor of a parent sucks at his job…"

Michiru frowned. "Mr Saotome isn't an animal advisor…"

"I guess you're right…" Akane sighed. "You have to give advice for that to work…"

The house shook as Genma walked over, still a panda. [Hey! I give great advice!]

Michiru closed her eyes and sighed sadly.

Akane smirked. "Alright then, prove it! Your son has a massive headache. What do you say to that?"

[Take your medicine!] Genma's sign read.

"Oh, OK," Akane made a motion of chugging painkillers. "*Glug glug glug* WhooOoo… whoa… Look… it's a panda. Hi, panda. Do you do tricks?"

[Well, I don't like to brag… Wait, what?] Genma scratched his head in confusion.

"You are not supposed to chug pills!" Akane cried as her eyes turned into greater and less than signs. "Honestly!"

[Yes, you are.] Genma raised his eyebrow. [Or at least he is. It's the only way they work these days…]

"Bad panda. BADDD!" Akane narrowed her eyes and gave him the pointy finger. "You get more concentrated doses, not more pills!"

Michiru facepalmed.

[But you don't get it! Those were the strongest ones they made!] Genma seemed to whine. [In the fifteen years of this, it was only this month that he had to take the whole bottle!]

Michiru was shocked. "FIFTEEN YEARS?!"

Genma blinked. [Yes… this has been going on his whole life. Only when he started talking did we know it was something serious. Whiny brat.]

Akane whistled. "Wow…"

"We need to get him to the doctor…" Michiru bit her lip.

Akane snickered.

[We DID!] Genma growled. [He said to give him the painkillers. They were free…]

"Bad panda, bad panda… You obviously met an impersonator." Akane shook her head and looked past Genma. "DAD! Did you steal his glasses?" She turned back towards Genma. "You had glasses, right?"

Soun looked up from his game, at which he'd been cheating. "Huh?"

Michiru shook her head. "I'm going to check on Ranma. Hopefully this isn't as bad as you said…"

Akane smirked as her sister went up the stairs.

[I have my glasses right here, girl.] Genma waved his glasses in front of Akane's face.

Akane crossed her arms. "Why aren't they on your face?"

[…] The panda was speechless.

"Honestly…" Akane began pushing Genma towards the front door. "The Doctor loves the British people for some reason; hopefully he's off messing around with Sailor V. Anyway, find out what is wrong and fix your son, 'K?"

*Slam* went the front door as Genma found himself standing outside it.

[What just happened?] his sign read.

Soun looked at his youngest blankly. "What... was that about?"

Akane held out her hands. "Aliens…"

Soun blinked and scratched his head, totally lost.

Akane smirked and headed for the kitchen.


Ami dusted off her hands. "That should do it…"

"Tickle belt," Akane spoke with a fake yawn right outside the kitchen.

Ami wiped her forehead. "Wallets."

*Zoom* Akane zipped into the kitchen, a giant grin on her face.

"Good. We have two minutes before Michi gets down here again. Does it work yet?" Akane bounced from leg to leg in joy.

Ami shook her head. "It needs to be tested first."

"Oh, so…" Akane's eyes widened. "No… When you said… That means I have to…"

Ami nodded.

"Fish paste!" Akane grit her teeth. "Fine, we're out of time. Fire it up."

Ami waited until Akane stood in the middle of a meter-wide circle made of metal that was connected to a control panel before pushing the lever to freeze.

Within seconds, Akane was flash frozen in tartar sauce.

Ami rolled her eyes as she saw her twin with her tongue out and one eyelid pulled down.

"Do you hear me now?" Ami asked the frozen Akane.

The frozen block didn't respond.

Nodding in satisfaction, Ami pulled the lever to unfreeze.

*Splat* Akane fell right onto the floor.

Ami bent down to Akane's twitchy level. "How was it?"

Akane spat and got to her knees. "Couldn't move. Blacked out, really. Good to go, I'd say."

The slightly older twin stood up to her full height. "I'll take care of big sister… I trust you know what you're doing."

Akane's face had to be seen to be believed. -_-

"Right…" Ami left the kitchen in a flash.

Akane opened the freezer and pulled out the Youma, who was already in a giant block of ice.

With a smirk, the Tendo girl placed her in the center of the circle and pulled the lever to freeze.

"Excellent…" Akane pressed her fingers together evilly.

Without wasting any more time, the tartar-coated Akane cleaned up the mess and lifted the machine that housed the Youma effortlessly, carefully pulling it out of the kitchen and towards the dojo.

'Plan Z is a success!' Akane laughed to herself. 'And next on the agenda… a bath! With BUBBLES!'


Michiru frowned as she took her hand off of Ranma's forehead. "He's burning up…"

"Very abnormal," Ami muttered as she came into the room. "I should have noticed that. But then again, it isn't something we would normally look for. These drugs don't usually cause fevers, after all…"

Michiru sighed. "True… So, did Akane ruin my kitchen?"

"She didn't." Ami shook her head and switched to English. {Talk to Luna. She thinks Ranma may be dangerous.}

Michiru nodded. "Where is she?"

"My room," Ami answered. "Save my dinner; this might take a while."

Michiru sighed and left the room, assured that Ami would handle Ranma's situation.

Luna wasn't too hard to find. She was pacing in the closet, worrying.

Michiru bent down to her level. "Luna… what is it that you need to talk to me about?"

The mooncat fretted. "It's Ranma… I sense a bad vibe coming from him. Not only does he hate me, but he knows where I'm from. He could be an enemy."

Michiru frowned. "That does not sound good…"

"Hopefully I'm worrying about nothing." Luna's ears lowered. "But if he is bad news…"

"Any other evidence here?" Michiru asked.

Luna nodded. "In our fight, the vines-"

"Wait, wait, wait… Fight?" Michiru was alarmed. "What fight?"

Luna sighed. "Akane encountered a Youma… Ranma was with her, eating nuts and spaced out. This Youma was like a plant, I could tell. It was controlling the plants in the area and capturing schoolgirls. While Ami was able to free them, I had my eye on Ranma and he was acting… strange. Not only was he out of it, but the vines bent to his will."

"That is…" Michiru looked away. "Alarming."

Luna nodded. "What's more, Akane took the Youma prisoner instead of simply destroying it. Ranma's influence, I bet."

"So THAT is why Akane was being so confusing." Michiru stood up. "If Youma are coming back… we really need to stick together."

Luna agreed. "I may have something that could help…."


Akane, who was now squeaky clean, Soun, who had a newspaper on the table in front of him, and Genma, human once more, sat around the table and waited for food.

The youngest was the most enthusiastic, her body swaying back and forth.

'Now that we haz a Youma, as cats would say… her secrets will be ours! It's delicious! And speaking of delicious… I wonder what we are going to eat tonight. Most honorable eldest sister usually likes to make surprising things when guests are over… But are they permanent guests or what? Hmm…' Akane wondered silently to herself. 'Is there a time limit? Do they just become part of here? When is that? Is it after the marriage? And as for that, what if things go wrong? What if cold water splashes at a bad time? Does Ranma have a secret identity as a girl? So many questions! Damn it! Where's dinner? I get questiony when hungry! AHH!'

Genma raised an eyebrow as he saw Akane's head fall and slam into the table.

Soun didn't react, his eyes closed and arms folded.

"Tendo?" Genma asked. "When-"

Soun cut him off. "Patience, Saotome. It shall be worth the wait."

Genma accepted that.

"Akane, where is Ami… or Ranma, for that matter?" Soun asked of his daughter.

Akane rolled her head to the side. "She's treating him. Mr. Saotome… this Doctor impersonator… Did he even have a weird-looking handheld device?"

Genma blinked. "No…"

"Gullible," Akane mumbled. "Oh well, at least Ami can fix him. Be wary of people proclaiming to be the Doctor. Did you know you can just buy labcoats? Yeah… add a clipboard and BAM! Medical degree."

Genma glanced at Soun, who sighed. "Just smile and wave, Saotome. Just smile and wave…"

Akane smiled. "Being a penguin won't do any good, though…"

That's when Michiru came in with the food.

"Alright, let's eat…" Soun sighed blissfully.

"Wait!" Akane looked around frantically. "Someone's missing…"

Genma's eye twitched. "You just SAID that your sister was treating my son. And you were awfully insulting-"

Akane cut him off. "Where's LUNA?!"

"…" Everyone else in the room sweatdropped.

Michiru sighed. "Let's just eat…"

Akane grumbled. "Alright, alright, she's being catty… But I'm still saving some for her."


After dinner, the three Tendo girls… and Luna… were in Akane's bedroom, discussing things.

Akane whispered, "You'd better be quick and quiet if you want to keep this a secret, Luna."

Luna nodded and pushed forward three pink, flimsy, credit-card-sized, plastic-looking things with tiny screens.

The three girls blinked.

Michiru picked one up carefully. "What… are these?"

"Communicators," Luna replied softly.

Akane picked one up and pressed a button.


Nothing happened, except for static on the tiny screen.

Luna sweated. "Try again…"

Akane kept pressing buttons, but nothing else was showing up on the screen.

Ami pressed a button as well, getting the same result.

Michiru sighed. "That wasn't supposed to happen… was it?"

Luna shook her head fiercely. "I don't know WHY they aren't working!"

Akane rolled her eyes. "Didn't I tell you? The Furinkan area of Nerima is a dead zone. No reception here. Zilch. No matter how many towers are put up, something just keeps jamming any cell phone communication. Why? I dunno. It's a mystery that even I wasn't able to solve. It's also why no one has a cell phone... except eldest sister… but that's because she travels. We still have internet, though, so it's not too bad."

Luna's eye twitched.

Ami collected them from her sisters. "I'll see what I can do… but no promises."

Michiru stood up. "Well, I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, big sister!" the twins chorused.

And Michiru left.

Ami got up. "Goodnight, 'Kane."

"'Night!" Akane smiled.

And Ami left as well.

Akane yawned and turned off the lights. "Goodnight, Luna."

Luna collapse on her bed, and wept.


Author's notes: dun dun DUN! Stuff is happening! AHH! Anyway, I was told that this was going to be covered chapters ago about the cell phone thing, but stuff happened. Thank you for continuing to read and everything. Stay tuned! Things get crazy… er.