Hello everyone! This is my first fanfic ever so please be gentle. :) But don't rule it out! I have big, awesome plans for this story!
If you have come for LEMONY GOODNESS than this is for you. If you don't like lemons, you need to get the hell away from this story as quickly as possible and never look back lol. That being said, this will be more than just a lot of sexy writing; I do have an actual plot you know! ;P
Warnings (for future chapters): lemons, slash, prostitution, rape, very mature sexual and violent themes, language, kinkiness lol
Pairings: Definite Katniss/Peeta, Katiss/Finnick, Katniss/Gale, and some Peeta/Finnick...possibly other pairings as I go though. Enjoy!
"Good morning, Ms. Everdeen!" a cheerful voice sang out, as I winced awake from the brilliant light suddenly replacing the darkness. The stark white room they had been keeping me in for the past week came into focus as my eyes squinted open, and I groggily turned my head to the nurse who was now sitting next to me, a tray of hot, delicious-smelling food in her lap. She was there to feed me, as some nurse had almost every morning since my capture by the Capitol. They had me restrained so that I couldn't move at all, let alone feed myself. Using the bathroom was embarassing, involving two armed guards watching me, but it was the only time I was allowed any amount of exercise - normally my arms and legs were secured to the bed by metal clasps - you know, in case I decided to strangle someone or break their neck or something. I was apparently still a risk after the stunt I pulled at the Quarter Quell, and President Snow had personally informed me that I would be allowed to move about and see the others (learning of the others' survival was the only positive thing that had happened to me here) once I could be trusted to fully follow instructions.
President Snow only visited me once, alone. His visit was...brief. A short time was all he needed to deliver news that it seemed I could never recover from. He told me that what I had done had made his job very difficult. That the damage from it would take a long time for the Capitol to clean up. That he should have me killed for what I had done. That he wouldn't have me killed, and I would eventually begin repaying my debt to the Capitol.
I briefly went mad, I think, when he told me they had destroyed District 12 because of me. My punishment. Reduced it to ashy, smoking rubble just like they had done to District 13. When I recovered I shouted furiously that he was lying. He only chuckled while a video screen appeared on the wall across from me, revealing footage of District 12 that was all too similar to that of District 13. The emptiness I then felt was only comparable to when I lost my father.
There had been good news too. Prim, my mother, and my cousin Gale, had all been captured beforehand and were being kept alive, and supposedly unharmed, only for my cooperation (if you could call that good news). Peeta, Finnick, and Johanna, while they had all been captured too, were alive and "well," though I was informed that the rest of the Victors had not made it. Snow had also added that a physical examination had determined that Peeta had lied about my pregnancy. Then he left, his nauseating smell of blood and roses lingering as if to remind me of our devastating exchange. Like I could ever forget.
I half-listened to the nurse's vague, cheery chit-chat as she fed me, not bothering to reply to any of it. I never talked to anyone, except for Snow that one time. The food was superb as always, but I didn't enjoy a bit of it. After I finished everything on the tray, the nurse left. Being trapped in a featureless room with no distraction whatsoever with everything I had experienced in the past couple of weeks was torture; For a week, I had been anxiously obsessing over if Peeta was truly okay and what the Capitol planned to do with us all now. I cried myself to sleep the first few nights, wondering if I would ever get to see Prim, my mother, or Gale again. Wondering if they were even okay really. I wept for everyone and everything I had ever known in District 12. I didn't allow myself to think about the horrible events as consequences of my actions - if I had to deal with guilt right now on top of everything else, I might really lose my mind. And then what would happen to Prim, my mother, and Gale? I also dimly wondered how my actions had affected the rest of Panem besides my district's terrible fate...had me blowing up the forcefield even been shown in the other districts? What did the Capitol tell everyone to cover themselves? But I had more pressing things to worry about right now.
Sometime after lunch the door to my room opened, and I found myself surprised and relieved to find Finnick Odair standing in my doorway. There were armed guards outside, but he came in alone, closing the door softly. A large black eye marred his usual handsomness, and he sat in the chair by my bed slowly, looking tired and older somehow, even with his smile. I had so many questions for him and three or four must have exploded out of me simultaneously because he quickly held up his hand to silence me.
"Calm down, Katniss. We're all okay. I guess. They have to beat Johanna sometimes to keep her in line but other than that, none of us are badly hurt. Peeta is more than excited to see you."
"I get to see Peeta!?" Finally. This room was unbearable. The thought of getting to talk to Peeta, maybe even feel his comforting arms around me again, gave me hope. I asked Finnick dozens of questions, barely giving him enough time to answer one before I was on to the next. I found out that I was the only one being kept like this, apparently because I was the one who shot an arrow into the forcefield. The others were unrestrained though constantly monitored by armed guards, and were allowed to leave their personal rooms to eat, exercise, and have "visiting" time together. They hadn't been informed of anything Snow hadn't all ready told me. Well, except for one thing. I found out my means of repayment.
"The reason I was sent here to tell you this instead of one of the others is because I have the most experience with it," Finnick said bitterly.
"What? What are they going to do to us, Finnick?" I choked out, dread gripping me from his pained expression.
He took longer to answer me this time. "It's more of what they're going to make us do, really," he said. More silence. Then finally, "The Capitol will be prostituting us out, so to speak."
I didn't move or say anything. What could I say? Was he fucking joking? I couldn't decide if this was better than being violently tortured
everyday...no, it wasn't.
Finnick continued. "I've all ready been there, done that, unfortunately. It's nothing new. Snow's a greedy bastard and likes to capitolize off of the more attractive Victors, long after the Games are over. They've been doing this to me and the more, I guess, desirable victors for awhile now," he said, disgusted. "It's not so bad after you get used to it. You just have to remind yourself you're keeping the ones you care about safe and that there are worse things they could do to you and -"
"I don't think there are worse things!" I shouted angrily. The reality of what Finnick had just told me began to sink in. For a brief moment I imagined myself in a dark room as the shadow of a strange man crawled up a bed to me, giving me a hopeless, icy feeling in my chest. Then I thought about Peeta. It would be happening to him too. At that point, it was all I could do to not break into hysterical sobs.
"Of course you know that they have your mother and sister," Finnick said sadly, watching my face closely with his brilliant eyes. "They make us all do what they want, somehow. And I'm sorry about your district, Katniss," he added softly. I began crying now. "But I promise after you get used to it, you just kind of become numb to it. Sometimes it's not even really that bad, depending on the situation. It really beats having your fingers and toes cut off, Katniss." I could do without a few fingers and toes anyway. Nothing he could say would make this seem better to me. "And it's not all the time. They let you live semi-normally as long as you cooperate." He sat there for awhile longer, attempting to make me feel better about the fact I would now be living "semi-normally" in exchanged for being whored out by the Capitol, until finally a guard came in and told him it was time to leave.
Finnick stood up. For a minute he seemed to struggle with himself, and then said quietly, "I've been told to tell you that if you don't cooperate, they will of course hurt your loved ones and make your living conditions less welcome. And to tell you that you'll be released tonight and allowed to see Peeta. See you tomorrow, Katniss." And with that he turned and left.
I paced restlessly back and forth in my small room, white-hot excitement filling my chest and stomach as I thought about getting to see Katniss shortly. Finally. Finally after what had seemed like months but in reality was only a week, I would get to see her. Finnick told me she was perfectly fine, physically anyway. He did describe how upset she seemed when she learned the news about our predicament. It must be so hard for her. I wish I could have been the one to tell her so I could have taken her in my arms and told her it would be okay, that I would always be there for her, that I would never let them hurt her.
Finnick said she's been tied up this entire time, but not beaten or anything. I breathed easier. I had been cooperating without trouble with the Capitol, worried that if I misbehaved they would hurt her to punish me. In fact, the only time I didn't cooperate was when I found out they would be prostituting Katniss out. I was absolutely horrified when I found out my own fate, but when I learned about Katniss...I lost it. They had to knock me unconscious and lock me in my room for two days with no food before I promised I had accepted it and could be trusted to behave sensibly.
The minutes crept by torturously slow, and I began to worry that they had decided to keep her locked up in her room after all. But just then, a knock on the door. I leaped across the room and threw the door open, eagerly looking past the large group of armed guards there to a disheveled but otherwise unharmed-looking Katniss.
"Katniss! Oh thank god, Katniss!"
"You have half an hour with her. We'll be right outside," one of the guards said. And then we were alone and she was in my arms.
I stroked her hair and held her as she cried into my chest. I kissed the top of her head, her temples, the tip of her nose, her wet cheeks. I told her over and over again that it would be okay...that I loved her. I told her she would see her family again. We didn't say much else though, and neither of us mentioned the Captiol's plans for us, though I'm sure we were both thinking about it. We just sat on my bed and held onto each other. I was aware that our half hour was probably close to its end, and I needed to stop avoiding the subject we needed to talk about.
"I'm not sure how much time we'll get alone, so I need to say this now, Katniss," I began, placing my hands on her shoulders and lowering my head to look directly into her watery, swollen eyes. She was so beautiful, even now after she had been crying so much. "This is horrible, but we're both survivors." I didn't have a doubt that she knew exactly what I was talking about now. "We've been through worse, alone. So we can make it through this, together. It won't be forever. It can't be." And then I dropped my voice to barely a whisper so that I knew only she could hear, guessing our rooms were all monitored, and added, "We'll figure out a way to get out of all of this, Katniss. You were close, after all."
I went back to holding and kissing her, and she eventually stopped crying. "I love you, Katniss," I said for the sixth time probably, never expecting her to say it back, of course. She never did. But this time she surprised me. Elated me. Melted me.
"I love you too, Peeta."
I held her gray eyes in mine, surprised, while I thought of something - the right thing - to say next. I never got the chance however, as the impossible warmness enveloping me was immediately replaced by an icy, ripping sensation in my chest when the guard came in and told her it was time to leave. Took her away. Led everything that mattered to me right out the door because our half-hour together was up. I sighed as I returned to my previous state of without-Katniss.
How was I possibly going to get her - all of us - out of this nightmare?
So hopefully the first chapter wasn't too slow. Get ready for some action in the next chapter, which will be up in the next few days! Please review! It would give me more incentive to get the next chapter up quickly XD