Note: I started watching "True Blood" recently and love the show! I've only seen the first three seasons so far but really love Sookie and Bill together (although he seems to be lying to her all the time... ). I wish they could end up together and live (well, exist) happily ever after. So this is set at the end of season three in a slightly AU where Russell and Eric have died in the sunlight and for once there is no one out to get Sookie for being so "special".
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. I'd like to add Bill to my collection of extremely cool fictional characters I'd just love to own, though. I think he's pretty great.
Please be nice since English is not my first language and this is my first TrueBloodFiction.
Chapter One: The Possibility
The warm night air hit me like a solid brick wall of heat as I stepped out of the air conditioned rooms of the quiet, cozy little restaurant Bill had taken me to on this brilliant, starlit night, the first together again in peace since that fateful night of the proposal, which had changed so much. It still frightened me to think of the days that had followed.
Though it had been a very pleasant evening, I felt relieved that it was drawing to an end. When Bill had asked me out last night, I had felt a sudden pang of panic, thinking that he might consider proposing again, reminding me of the fact that I had never given him an answer to the question he had popped on that night, which felt so long ago to me now. He had never learned the answer I had decided to give him that day and though my feelings and wished concerning him had not changed a bit, after all the terrible things that had happened since then, the thought of marrying him was somehow confusing and unsettling. The fact was, I simply wasn't sure any more. I still loved him deeply and earnestly, but even though the incident in the back of the van was forgiven, forgetting seemed a lot less easy. From the way he was treating me, I guessed Bill was sensing it and it was making him terribly sad and so he did his best to earn back my trust in his self-control when it came to his most primal urges. He had no bitten me again – well, except during our passionate make up sex the night Russell had tried to break into my house but we both had been wild with a desperate desire to be with each other again - and he was "dieting", as I he liked to call it, by exclusively consuming "True Blood".
As we walked though the nearly empty parking lot over to his car, I couldn't resist the urge to take his cool, big hand into mine and I could see from the corner of my eye how the small, but tender gesture made the corner of his beautiful, chiseled mouth twitch into a wry smile. It made me notice how rarely he had done that lately. I hoped the underlying tension and disquiet that had crept into our relationship would soon dissolve. We had talked things out. Bill had apologized again and again, I had forgiven him and it had been easy to do so, once I had noticed how badly I missed him when we were apart. I had realized – how corny I thought it sounded even in my head – that I could not live without Bill Compton. And I didn't want to, as it was. Eric and Russell were dead, no deadly catastrophes, no serial killers, no kidnapping had been going on in the last few weeks and I was expecting to go back to feeling safe and comfortable with Bill again. Then again, had I ever felt like that with him?
Bill must have sensed the gloomy direction my thoughts were taking, because he broke the quaint silence of the warm night.
"Thank you very much. This has been a wonderful evening." His voice was deep and quiet as ever.
"It's me who has to say thanks. The food was good, pity you couldn't try it." I answered in a light tone, thankful that he had interrupted my train of thoughts before I had the chance to start brooding.
"That dessert did look quite delicious, to the best of my knowledge. And it smelled good, too."
Before I could finish the thought of never having caramel ice cream with Bill on the porch on a hot afternoon, the soft pressure of his hand brought our slow stroll over the graveled parking lot to a halt. I hadn't even noticed we were already at the car. But Bill didn't seem to want to get in yet because when I turned to face him, he was looking down on our entwined fingers, seeming a little flustered.
"Sookie, there's something I wanted to talk to you about…"
Oh boy, here it came! My hearted skipped at least two beats when he looked up to meet my eyes and his gaze went from tender to worried.
"Are you alright? You look pale."
Now was the time to get it out before anyone's feeling could get hurt.
"Ok, look. It's just, after all that has happened since the night you… well, you know. I had been wearing your ring all the time. I was going to say yes, but so many things happened."
He looked positively horrified at that, his bright blue eyes filled with hurt and remorse. I could have sworn his face had even less color than usual.
"Oh, I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I still love you, you know I do and I want to be with you, it's just that at the moment I can't…"
I trailed off helplessly lost in the attempt to voicing my own confused feelings. Thankfully, Bill saved me by speaking again.
"Sookie, I know. It's too soon and I wasn't going to pressure you about it. There is all the time in the world to talk about this when you feel more comfortable."
He managed a small smile, but I could see that didn't reach up to his eyes. I thought he looked hurt, but he gained control over his features within seconds and gave me an abashed grin instead. It was funny how sometimes this superhuman vampire version of a man could look so sheepishly human.
"Actually, I wanted to talk about something else. I have some kind of surprise for you." He rubbed his neck in a gesture of embarrassment as a small pause ensued. Damn, the man knew how to arouse my curiosity.
"It's something I've been… well, working on, you could say, ever since our relationship started to get serious. Please, hear me out and don't be mad that I haven't told you about it before. It's something that I thought only a legend among Vampires and I never thought it even possible that it might be true. But I did some research in the library and on the internet…"
I felt silly for still being surprised to hear that Bill was using the modern methods everyone else used.
"Ok, you're starting to make me nervous. What are you talking about?"
Bill made a noise that I would have described as a deep breath had I not known better. I could tell from the way his handsome, slightly glowing features were frozen in his usual solemn expression that he too was nervous ad uptight and it wasn't actually helping me with the attempt to acquire any kind of peace of mind. What was he going to tell me? Hell, if there was going to be danger ahead again I wasn't sure I wanted to know about it. After everything that had happened since we had met and after all the times I had nearly been killed, I had come to the realization that being with Bill meant being in serious - deadly serious – trouble most of the time. There had been times I had though I wouldn't be able to deal with it, but the few days of thinking we had separated for good had brought me to the realization that there was nothing in the world, that could frighten or hurt me more, than to live my life without William Compton. The force of this feeling gave me strength and I told myself I would be able to face whatever horrible thing would be coming for my life or his existence this time, so I followed him in silence when, instead of getting in the car, he tilted his head slightly into the direction of a narrow path leading in the woods.
"Walk with me?"
This time it was him who reached for my hand and pressed it tightly, as we walked into the dark shadows of the trees. With him I was never afraid in the dark, but I made sure I was as close to him as possible. Ever since the breakup my desire to touch him had grown almost morbidly strong.
"Sookie, I have been thinking." It sounded like he had trouble finding the right words. "The way your life has changed ever since I stepped into it… It is dangerous and unhealthy. I have caused you so much pain in the past when all I ever wished to do was to protect you."
I felt my insides grow cold. What was going on? Was he breaking up with me again? As if this could mend anything, I tightened my grip on his hand, but he spoke on.
"Vampires are dangerous creatures. We have a fierce and ferocious nature and although you know I try to suppress as much of it as possible, I cannot act entirely human. I will always be a threat to you; my kind will always be a threat to you."
This. Did. Not. Sound. Good. At. All.
"No, please. Hear me out. You cannot deny that I have made your life a nightmare full of killers, werewolves and vampires seeking your blood."
I wanted to tell him that it was not his fault that I was a fairy and that there were vampires out there lusting for my blood. It was not his fault that Rene had hated women who socialized with vampires, but I knew he wouldn't hear any of it. Bill could be terribly stubborn.
"Some time ago I was foolish enough to propose to you, although I knew deep down that I could never give you the life you deserved. Besides all the danger and violence you have endured because of me, there are other things I selfishly refused to consider when I asked you to be my wife."
Ok, I was seriously freaking out now and almost sure where this was going. He had taken me out on a nice date tonight to dump me as gently as possible. I could feel hot tears welling up in my burning eyes and a violent sob choking me, as I tried to interrupt him again. We were standing in the dark and I could barely see his lightly glowing face in the gloom of the woods, so I could not quite make out the expression on his face as he continued.
"Please, darling. Don't cry." He sounded soothing and a little surprised."I should have started this differently." He muttered to himself, as though he was angry with the result of his little speech. "Before you start crying, please hear what I have to say to the end! When I last proposed to you, I hadn't been able to give you what you deserve. As it is, we would never be able to have children, never be able to lead a normal life and have breakfast on the lawn on Sundays. But I want this life for you, Sookie. I want this life for us!"
He sounded desperate now, and when I felt him move, he put his cold hand on both sides of my face, cupping my cheeks that were wet with tears. I felt sad and desperate, but the confusion about why the hell he was telling me all these painful things I knew so well already. Why was he voicing this hopeless, hopeless wish that would never come true?
"Why are you saying all this?" I asked him, my voice breaking at the effort not to let the sobs take over the control over my throat.
"Because as long as I am a vampire, however much we may deny it, we both know deep down that we can never be truly happy together."
His voice was raspy and thin now too. His face was close to mine and I breathed in the intoxicatingly manly smell of his body. I had stopped wondering how a dead man could smell so nice a long time ago.
"As a vampire, I can never make you happy. So I will have to change what I am."
"W-what do you mean?"
"Sookie, I may have found a way to cure the virus, lift the curse to … be reborn. Call it as you will, but I think I the accounts are true, that I might have found a way to become human again!"