August 20, 2012 –National Radio Day
Summary: **Part of the 2012 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts August Fic-A-Day** series, also known as the 'Wacky Holiday Series'. AU Buffy's interning at a TV station; demons are no problem for her, so being a secretary shouldn't be a problem…right?
Challenge: for the livejournal 2012 August Fic-a-Day Challenge.
Timeline: AU for BtVS; mid-series for MB, but change the dates so they line up.
A/N: My 'schedule' of holidays had August 19th 'National Aviation Day' for today's FaD, but in addition to being a little confusing to have the 19th on the 20th, I just was having a hard time coming up with an Aviation idea for Murphy Brown. So you get Radio Day instead.
Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Murphy Brown characters belong to Diane English and CBS. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.
The top members of the FYI team – minus one – were watching the scene with varying degrees of amusement. Even the staid Jim Dial had a bit of a smirk on his face as they waited for Murphy to arrive and meet her newest assistant.
Over the years, it had become an office joke that Murphy somehow always got the worst assistants in the world. The few times when she actually got one that wasn't a nightmare, they didn't last long for a different reason…like Carol – who had been number 66 in the list. Carol's old boss came to realize how much he needed her and begged her to come back. Apparently that was all Carol really wanted from him…although she wasn't turning down the raise in salary he promised.
"So how long do you think this one will last?" Frank Fontana asked his colleagues. "I bet five bucks she doesn't last through the initial meet and greet with Murph."
Corky Sherwood saw something in the petite blonde's eyes that made her think it wouldn't be too easy to get rid of her; it reminded her of the looks in the other pageant contestants' eyes during the final rounds of competition. Still, this was Murphy they were talking about… "I give her two days," Corky finally decided, handing over her five.
Miles Silverberg scoffed as he reached for his wallet, "End of the day…tops!" he declared. Of course, he had inside information about the young woman. She was an intern from California whose only previous extracurricular experience was being co-head cheerleader at Hemery High School. Murphy would eat her alive!
Like Corky, Jim Dial saw a strength in the young lady that actually reminded him a lot of Murphy when she was that age. If they didn't kill each other, he thought this might be the one. "Over a month," he hedged to the gasps of the others…as well as some workers nearby. Nobody lasted month!
Nobody could understand why the blonde sitting at the desk preparing for Murphy's arrival smirked at that precise moment, but they didn't have a chance to think about it too long since Murphy was getting off the elevator at the same time. Time for the fireworks.
Murphy saw the new assistant sitting at the desk outside her office and her shoulders drooped a little. What would be wrong with this one? Well, she wasn't a transvestite with a beard and moustache; she was fully clothed in appropriate office wear and a normal hairstyle/color; basically nothing physical to give her a clue. That meant it had to be something else.
She walked up with an air of somebody going to their execution and stuck out her hand. "Hello there, you must be my new assistant. I'm Murphy Brown."
Buffy smiled at her new boss and shook the offered hand without applying too much pressure. "Good morning, Ms. Brown. My name is Buffy Summers."
Murphy shook her head in dismay at the name; it was another Corky…she just knew it! But she had to admit – to herself, but never aloud – that Corky wasn't entirely a waste of space. "Okay…let's get this over with. Are you chronically sick?"
"In love with any of my co-workers or me?"
"I don't think so."
"Ever been institutionalized?"
"Only for a couple weeks; it was a misunderstanding, though."
Hmm…that wasn't good, but she'd risk it for a little while. "Are you suicidal?"
*Snicker* *snort* *guffaw*
"And ruin my health or looks?"
"A dead celebrity lookalike?"
"A wannabe actress? A struggling rap musician? Putting yourself through tap dancing night school? A phone sex operator? A former DMV employee?!"
Buffy started laughing fully. "You seriously need to know those things? Sounds like somebody hates you." She privately wondered if there was some kind of vengeance demon at work here; nobody could possibly have that bad of luck with assistants, could they?
"I have a few questions for you, if you don't mind," Buffy said.
The others leaned forward in anticipation; Murphy wouldn't stand to be sassed.
Murphy raised an eyebrow, then glared slightly. "Go ahead," she snarled softly.
"Are you a demon worshiper?"
"Have plans to take over the world?"
"Ever sacrifice somebody ritualistically for power, fame or wealth?"
"Literally or metaphorically?"
"Ever play poker for kittens?"
"I'll take that as a no," Buffy guessed. She grabbed the phone messages on her desk and held them out to Murphy. "I think I can work for you then. Here's your messages according to how important they sounded. I sharpened all the pencils in your office, left six new legal pads for you to write on, and brought you a personal foot massager as a little new employee bribe…since I figured you had to do a lot of running around, and in women's shoes, that can be real painful."
Murphy looked suitably impressed at the professionalism in Buffy's voice and demeanor. Just as she was about to breathe a sigh of relief, Buffy opened her mouth again, "I just have one more question for you."
"I knew it was too good to last," Murphy muttered. "What?"
"This is a television magazine show…so why are you doing a Radio Day tribute?"
"I'll let Jim answer that question; this is his baby, after all," Murphy said, taking that sigh of relief. The question wasn't as idiotic as she feared.
As Jim came over to educate Buffy on National Radio Day and why a TV station would care, Murphy went to her office, saw the massager next to her desk and grinned. If anybody came to claim this one, Murphy would have to get violent with them. She wouldn't even look into that institution thing…maybe.
A/N: The secretary, Carol, was Bob Hartley's secretary that he shared with DDS Jerry Robinson on The Bob Newhart Show.