Ok! Don't panic. I can do this. Of course I can. I mean how hard can it be to climb up a 40ft pole, climb tubes, balance on logs, climb nets and then finish with a leap of faith which I could either end up hanging off a trapezium or, if my harness brakes, almost certain death.
It's not like I have never done anything this scary before, I mean, I've been on a camel and nearly fallen off. This will be fun. Oh! Who am I kidding, I'm going to die. No, stop Katie! Don't think like that, your family are down there watching you. I turn to wave at them and almost faint! Don't look down, DON'T LOOK DOWN!
Why did I do this? How did I even get myself up here? Why couldn't I have just stayed at home today, eating ice cream and watching repeats of the 'X Factor?' Ok, positive thoughts, cute puppies, smiling babies, David Tennant, Gordon Brown. Gordon Brown!? Why am I suddenly thinking of the ex Prime minister? Ok, focus. One step forward, then another, that's it. Wow, I'm doing it, I'm actually doing it!
"Can you please get on to the first net?" exclaimed the young (rather fit) instructor, breaking my thoughts. "It's just; I'm on quite a tight schedule."
Doesn't he appreciate that this is scary. Doesn't he appreciate that I'm trying my best. Doesn't he appreciate that I agreed to sign up for it because it said on the leaflet, a challenging course for beginners. For beginners! I'm going to sue. As soon as I get off this wretched thing I'm going to sue.
I slowly get on to the net and begin to climb across it. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! OMG! I'm nearly there! I have nearly got past the first obstacle, then, with a lunge of victory I jump onto the platform. My mum cheers and the rest of my family join in. To my astonishment I begin to enjoy myself. Ooooooh! There's a button on the pole. I can never resist a button. I know, I'm 28 and I should have grown out of these childish habits, but, I thought, maybe it makes the rope that I'm supposed to walk on next wider or something. Like a 'Simplify' from 'The Cube.' So I did something that I now regret. I pressed it.
Alright, I suppose I should have known that it was the emergency button. But, it was all so surreal, one minute I was pressing the button, the next minute, my rope had locked, so I couldn't move backwards or forward and the obstacles all started dropping to the ground with a crash and my family, plus the instructor were screaming and staring in horror as I was left there hanging.
I admit that I shouldn't have pressed the button without considering that it might have a bad effect. And I am sorry for wasting the fire brigade's time (5 hours trying to get me down), but they didn't have to call the police and send me to the station for questioning. I mean honestly! That instructor was a total drama queen. He kept going on about how he couldn't get down until I did and he was missing his girlfriend's twenty-first birthday. Like I said, drama queen.
It's the next morning and I wake up. The whole horrible experience, floods back to me. Oh well, you live, you learn! I turn on the telly and the news is on.
"A reminder of our main headlines." The news reporter drones. "The actress, Danielle Harmer, who's starred in the children's program 'Tracy Beaker' as Tracy, has split up with her boyfriend after he missed her 21st birthday party.
I really like Dani Harmer, she's my idol.
Hang on did he just say the words 21st birthday. Oh my god! No, it couldn't be, that would be impossible. Then a picture of my instructor yesterday flashes on to the screen. Oh no, oh no!
"When asked, Danielle quoted, "He was just too obsessed with work. He missed my birthday, because he was at work for goodness sake!"
I sit down. I split my idol up with her boyfriend. I mull this over and come the conclusion that it's quite cool.