She was always the one,
I'll repeat it again, the one,
No such thing as too young,
Red lights flashing in cars we're kissing in,
Call me crazy,
I've always tried to remind her, that the future's,
Just a few heartbeats away from distaster,
I'm afraid that I've thrown it all away.
"Kissing in Cars" -by Pierce The Veil
"I'm sorry I missed it," Peter muttered as he looked out the window, running a hand through his messy brown hair. He blinked twice, wondering how he could be stupid enough to miss her mother's dinner party that Peter was supposed to attend earlier that night. He knew how much it would mean to Gwen if he came, but of course there was something that Spider-Man had to do. It seemed lately Peter had been missing a lot of things because of Spider-Man, and it was getting him pretty antsy. Gwen was getting irritated with it, and Peter knew it. "I know it meant a lot to you. I'm really, really, really sorry, Gwen. Won't your mom have other dinner parties?"
Gwen shook her head. "It's not about that, Peter! I told my mom that you were coming and I got all dressed up for you to come. I looked like an idiot. I was really hoping you would come." Peter could hear the hurt in her voice, and he just couldn't look at her knowing that she was so furious with him. He was wrong to miss the dinner party. But what was he to do about it? "You miss everything."
"What?" Peter asked. "What do you mean? I don't miss everything. Look, I'm sorry I get busy, Gwen. But we have to learn to live with this kind of thing, you know?" He turned his head a little to get a good look at her. She was just shaking her head and keeping her sparkling blue eyes on the road. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail with her bangs covering her forehead.
"You do to miss everything!" She exclaimed. "Last week we had a study date that you never showed up to, the week before that was my brother's birthday party, and then it was my father's funeral. You can never keep your word, Peter, and frankly, it's really annoying." Gwen took a deep breath, not wanting to yell at Peter. "The point is: I want a boyfriend that will actually come with me places when I ask and not ditch me."
Peter sighed. "There was nothing I could do, Gwen. There was a bank robber, and-"
They sat in silence for a few more minutes as they drove through the bustling city. It was weird for a teenager to own a car in a busy city like Queens, but Peter was just thankful that the traffic wasn't too bad that night. Maybe he would actually make it home on time for once. Aunt May was getting increasingly worried about Peter each night when he came home late with scratches and bruises on his face. He felt bad for making her worry so much, and he just hoped that she wouldn't soon find out about what exactly he was doing. When she asked, he just told her that he was getting caught in whatever battle Spider-Man was in. So he wasn't a complete liar.
Peter opened his mouth to say something, but then he felt like something was wrong when Gwen came up to the stop sign. She had her signal on so she could turn left. Peter looked around to the corner to see if any cars were coming up quickly. As she pulled out more, Peter could see in the far distance a black SUV that was coming up rather quickly. Peter turned towards Gwen and said, "Look out, that car is coming up pretty quickly."
"That's from your Spidey seeing, though," Gwen replied, getting ready to make the turn. "It won't hit us. It won't even come within a few feet of us, Pete." She waited for the cars coming from the left to pass them by.
"Gwen, don't make the turn until I tell you to."
"Peter, chill out. I'll have time to make the turn. Now shut up and let me concentrate on driving." Peter could see the SUV getting closer and closer every second. It was obvious that the person was exceeding the speed limit, which was making Peter pretty nervous. He was getting ready to yell at her, but there just wasn't enough time.
As Gwen made the turn, the SUV slammed into the side of the car that Peter was sitting on, pushing them towards the sidewalk and making the car land on its side. Gwen could feel pain in her head and ribcage as the side of the car she was on hit the pavement, glass shattering on the ground. Her right hand went to the ground, glass piercing her skin and making her wince in pain. She couldn't move her body at all, which scared her. What had just happened? Did they really crash? Gwen couldn't quite believe it. She looked over to see Peter dangling in his seat unconscious.
"P-Peter?" She choked out. "Peter, what happened?" He didn't answer her, making her even more scared. Gwen put a hand out to touch his shoulder, her fingers just brushing the brown jacket that he always wore. Her hand began to shake, and she put it back down to rest of her side. She wondered how long it would take for someone to come help them. "Peter, please."
It seemed like hours before help came for Gwen and Peter. They told Gwen that she and Peter would be okay and that they would get them out of the car. They told Gwen to not fall asleep, or she would go unconscious like Peter. She kept her eyes on him as they pulled her out of the car, and then Peter. They put her on a stretcher right next to Peter. Gwen couldn't look at him knowing that he was unconscious and was bleeding from his face.
Why did she have to make that turn?
Gwen was the lucky one. She only had a concussion, a broken wrist, a few cuts and scrapes, and needed stitches to stitch up the hand that got glass in it. The doctor only recommended bed rest once she got home and suggested that she not go to school for a couple of days until the concussion had subsided. The two days that she spent in the hospital were quite boring. Her mother came about four times a day when she got off of work and her brothers tried to come and entertain her. But Gwen really wasn't that interested. She only wanted to know if Peter would ever awake from the coma that he was in. The doctors told her that he would be alright, but she knew that they were trust trying to make her feel better. They didn't want her to worry at all. But the way Aunt May cried outside Gwen's room whenever she walked by gave Gwen the feeling that Peter wasn't doing too well. And it was all Gwen's fault. If only she hadn't made that stupid turn.
"I'm afraid he won't be able to hear you," Peter's doctor said to Gwen. "He's in a coma, Miss Stacy. He's very unresponsive right now." He saw the look of hurt and worry on Gwen's small face. "But...I guess a quick visit won't hurt. Please make it quick, Miss Stacy."
"Thank you," Gwen muttered as she opened the door to Peter's room. She shut it quietly and shuffled over to the chair that was next to his bed. His brown hair was a mess as always, the bruises on his face beginning to heal just a bit. There were so many tubes connected to him, making Gwen cringe a little bit. She put a hand on his and squeezed it. What was she supposed to say? The doctor even said that Peter wouldn't be able to hear her. He was unresponsive. "Peter, can you really not hear me? I-I'm sorry I did this to you. It's all my fault. Please, Peter, just wake up. I need to know that you're going to be okay. I don't think Queens will be able to live without you, bug-boy." She paused for a second. "I don't think I can live without you."
Gwen looked around and saw a notepad on the table on the other side of the bed. She reached over him, grabbing the notepad and the pen. When she sat back down in her chair, she looked over at him. "You're going to be missing out on a lot if you stay in that coma of yours. I don't want you to be out of the loop or anything. How about you I write you, erm, notes?" Of course he didn't respond to her. "Yeah, yeah, that will work."
She scribbled down anything she could think of onto the first piece of paper on the notepad. Every few minutes, Gwen looked up at Peter, hoping that just maybe he would move or mumble something to her. But, of course, he remained asleep and unresponsive to anything she would say to him. Gwen probably wrote that note to him for a good twenty minutes. When she was finished, she folded it up, put his name on it, and slipped it under his pillow.
"That way we won't lose them," Gwen said. There was a knock at the door, and she turned around. The doctor gave her a sorry look, and she sighed, knowing that it was time for her to leave. Gwen reluctantly got up from the chair and said, "See ya, Pete."
"Your doctors are very skeptical about me visiting," Gwen said to Peter as she sat down in the chair. Peter was quietly breathing and the beeping sound of the machine next to him was actually kind of soothing to her. She pulled her blonde hair into a ponytail as she grabbed out her notepad and pen from her bag. "I've got lots to tell you, Peter."
As Gwen scribbled down a note onto the piece of paper, she smiled when she remembered something from a couple of weeks before.
"You could do track!" Gwen exclaimed as she looked over the upcoming sports on the school website. She turned in her computer chair to face Peter, who was lying on her bed and throwing a baseball up in the air and then catching it. "Tryouts are in two weeks. You could do it, Peter. Besides, you said Aunt May wanted you to try something new. This could be it."
Peter rolled his eyes at her as he sat up in the bed. "Track and field? Nu-uh, no way! That's a recipe for disaster, Gwendy." He chuckled when she glared at him for calling her that nickname that she hated. "That one is out of the question."
"And how come?" Gwen asked, crossing her arms against her chest and continued glaring at him.
"I like staying under the radar, Gwen. There's no way I'm going to join a sport. Aunt May can get over it." He winked at Gwen and then said, "You do track and field."
Gwen shook her head. "Oh no, you're not turning thing around on me. I'm already on the debate team." She motioned towards the picture of the whole debate team that was Peter's screensaver when she closed out of the window. "I don't get why there isn't a photography club at school."
Peter got up from the bed and walked over to Gwen. He picked her up, sat down in the computer chair, and then let her sit on his lap. "How about I just don't join a club? Besides, then I'll have way more time with my favorite blonde." He winked at her. "Well, you know, when I'm not saving the city from some weird villain." Peter chuckled lightly and rubbed her back soothingly.
"That does sound better than you joining some club," she replied, putting both hands on his shoulders. Gwen leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips and then pulled back. "Maybe you should do basketball." She winked at him and laughed.
"Ha ha, very funny, Gwendy."
Gwen's smile grew wider as she finished up the note, folded it, and then put Peter's name on it. For a few seconds she looked down at the white piece of paper that was neatly folded. Then, she placed it under his pillow and said goodbye.
Gwen tapped her chin with the top of the pen as she looked down at the notepad. She then looked over at Peter, who still had all the tubes hooked up to him. Gwen swallowed hard, not able to handle that needle that was in his hand. The tubes that were in his nose were supposed to help him breathe, but Gwen just couldn't handle seeing them. She thought back to the night of the car accident, finding it hard to believe that just a week before they were both sitting in the car, fighting like an old married couple. She looked back down at the notepad and wrote quickly onto the piece of paper.
"Hey, Peter?" Gwen asked him, looking up at him. She spoke to him as if he were awake and responsive. "What's it like being unconscious for so long?" Gwen scribbled more onto the piece of paper. "Is it like being asleep?" More writing onto the paper. "You just don't realize that you're asleep until you wake up the next morning? Is it like that? You know, I haven't heard your voice in about a week."
Gwen thought for a moment and bit her tongue. She then slowly wrote a question onto the piece of paper, folded it, put his name on it, and then slipped it under his pillow.
"Hey you," Gwen greeted as she sat down in her chair. "A lot of students today were asking me about you." She took out the notepad and pen, slowly writing onto it. The room was silent for a few minutes. "Don't worry, I'll tell you more about it in the note. You've missed a lot. I've missed you, Peter. Aunt May has barely left your bedside. The only time she does is to go get something to eat. Of course, though, the doctors practically have to drag her out of here. They are so weird about anyone visiting you."
"The doctor keeps saying how these visits aren't going to do much. My talking to you isn't going to wake you up. What downers they are."
She slipped the folded piece of paper under his pillow.
Peter sat on the edge of the hospital bed next to Gwen, watching as she wrote quickly onto the piece of paper that was for him. He wanted to say something, but he knew that she wouldn't be able to hear him. It was just his spirit that was outside of his body. That meant that he couldn't touch anyone or speak to anyone. They wouldn't be able to feel or hear him. Peter hated seeing Gwen so shaken up about the car accident. He knew that she was blaming herself. But he wasn't going to blame her for it. Anyone could have made a mistake like that. He didn't want Gwen getting herself worked up about it. And he only wished that he could comfort her like he normally would.
He scooted over to her more, so he was practically sitting in front of her. "You shouldn't be getting yourself all upset about this, Gwendy," Peter mumbled. "It's not your fault. Oh man, if only you could hear me. Hey, what are you writing onto that piece of paper? This is torture. I can't read these because it will just slip right through my hand. No fair."
Gwen got up and slipped the note under Peter's pillow. She waved goodbye to him, and Peter's spirit waved back. He then watched as she left the room.
"Wake you, you idiot," Peter mumbled to his body.
"Do you know how long you've been in a coma for?" Gwen asked Peter, leaning back in the chair and staring at the notepad. She had a lot written down already and wasn't sure of what else to put. After thinking for a couple of more minutes, she wrote something else down and folded the note. Slowly she slipped it under her pillow and headed for the door.
Gwen walked out of the room and saw Flash leaning against the wall across from the door. She raised a thin eyebrow at him, taking a few steps towards him and crossing her arms against her chest. Flash had tried to make amends with Peter after the Lizard incident, but he was still considered the school bully. He liked to bully the freshman and still sometimes made jokes about Peter in the hallways. But Gwen needed to remember that he was still trying and tried to keep her anger under control as she began to speak with him.
"What are you doing here?" Gwen asked him quietly, looking down at the floor and then back up at him.
Flash shrugged. "I wanted to see Pa-Peter. H-how's he doing?"
Gwen pursed her lips for a second. "He's...okay. Still unresponsive and the doctors aren't sure if-if he'll ever wake up."
"He'll wake up," Flash said soothingly. "He just has to." He put a hand on Gwen's shoulder, giving her a rare sincere look. "Don't worry, Gwen. We just have to give him time. Is it alright if I go inside his room?" Gwen nodded her head slowly and got out of his way so he could walk into Peter's room. She watched him go inside the room.
For ten minutes she watched him sit in Peter's room and was surprised when she saw Flash crying.
Gwen ran a hand through her blonde hair as she stared at Peter. She clenched her hands into fists and could feel a tear escaping her eye. Embarrassed, she wiped it away and leaned back in the chair. She was getting tired of waiting for Peter to awake from the coma that he had been in for what seemed like forever. Slowly, Gwen put a hand on his and stared at his closed eyes. Oh how she wanted to see those big brown eyes of his again. She wanted him to call her Gwendy and make jokes with her. She just wanted to know that he was going to make it through all of this and go back to being his old self. Gwen had put him through all of this. It was her fault that he was in that hospital bed.
She swore that she could feel something brushing her hair. Her heart raced as she looked around the white room, expecting something to pop out at her like in some horror movie. There was no one else in there with her, though. It was only her and Peter. Gwen looked back at him, pursing her lips, and then quickly writing onto the piece of paper.
Gwen slipped the note under his pillow and left the room.
Peter stared at Gwen as she stared at his unconscious body. He hated this spirit body that he was in. He couldn't touch the sad blonde or kiss her. She couldn't hear him when he tried to talk to her. It was like he just wasn't there. Well, technically he wasn't. Peter knew this was probably just some unconscious dream that he was having. He had seen it happen in movies and heard people talk about it when they had near death experiences. Was this a near death experience? Was Peter close to death? He didn't want to think about dying at any moment. He knew that he just had to wake up soon. There was no way in hell that he was going to leave Gwen forever.
"C'mon, Gwendy," Peter whispered. "Don't be sad. I'm right in front of you." He waved a hand in front of her face. "But...you can't see me." Slowly he lightly brushed his fingers against her straight blonde hair, and then sighed when his hand went right through her hair. He pursed his lips and kept trying to flick her hair. After the tenth time, he actually got some of her hair to move a just a little.
Peter smiled when Gwen's eyes went wide and she looked around the room. He got up from the bed and kept trying to put a hand on her shoulder. "Gwen! Hey, hey, you just felt me. Look! I'm right in front of you!" His face fell when she just wrote something onto the piece of paper and slid it under his pillow. He watched as she left the room quickly.
He looked down at his body. "You're killing me, here."
"Happy May Day," Gwen said as she sat down in her chair. "Is that even a holiday anymore?" She began to write on the notepad for a few minutes. "You know, your aunt worries about you a lot. She's literally worried sick. She won't eat, go outside, or even talk to anybody. All she does is stay at home and look at old pictures of you. It's really sad. No one can get her to come outside. She can't even visit you anymore. It's too sad." Gwen wrote more onto the notepad, and then leaned back and sighed.
Gwen bit her tongue when she saw the new machine in Peter's room. She knew what that meant.
Gwen could feel tears streaming from her face as she looked at Peter's face. Her lip trembled as more sobs escaped her chest, her whole body trembling. Her hands shook as she grabbed her notepad. She wasn't going to miss a day. Quickly and between sobs, Gwen wrote onto that notepad. The piece of paper was beginning to get drenched with her tears, but she didn't care. There was so much she needed to tell Peter. He needed to read it all when he awoke from the coma. Well, if he ever did. No, she knew that he was going to. She wasn't going to lose somebody else.
"I'm sorry, Peter," Gwen whispered. "There was nothing we could do. She...she just gave out. It's my fault. This never would have happened if I never would have made that turn."
Peter wondered why Gwen was sobbing so much when she ran into his room. He watched as she sat down in the chair and soon began to write quickly onto her notepad. What could she be crying about? Did something bad happen to her at school? Peter leaned forwards, his face inches away from hers. Slowly, he said, "Gwen, why are you crying? You can always tell me." She couldn't hear him. "What happened? Stop crying, please. It's killing me to see you this way."
He leaned back when Gwen said how there was 'nothing we could do'. His lip trembled when she mentioned a 'she'. Who had given out? Who had died?
Gwen smoothed out her black dress as she sat down in her chair. She absentmindedly wiped away stray tears as she began to write anything that she could think of onto that white paper. So much had changed since that car accident and it was all way too much to handle. Gwen wanted things to be the way they were so long ago. If it weren't for her, Peter would be awake and everything would be the same as they had been. Queens was suffering because of Peter, too. Banks were being robbed, villains were killing people, and everyone had lost faith in Spider-Man. And only Gwen knew the truth as to why Spider-Man wasn't around anymore. It was because Gwen had put him into a coma. Rumors went around that he was killed by different villains, and villains claimed to have killed him. Gwen knew the truth, though. She was the villain that had taken out Spider-Man.
"I can't take this anymore," Gwen whispered. "You need to wake up, Peter. Everyone misses you. We're graduating soon. Queens is terrible right now. Just...wake up. Please."
"I'm trying," Peter whispered into Gwen's ear. "You have no idea how hard I'm trying."
Gwen watched as the doctors checked over the machine that was keeping Peter alive. She stayed silent the whole time as they checked his vitals and made skeptical faces with each other. Her whole body was just trembling as they whispered to each other. They had to tell her that Peter was going to be alright. They just had to tell her that he would awaken soon and be the same old Peter from before the accident. They hadto.
"Miss Stacy," one of the doctors said, walking over to her. "Peter isn't doing well. There isn't much we can do anymore. It's time to flip the switch."
Peter looked down at his hands as the doctor spoke with Gwen. He was feeling stronger each and every day. He could almost actually touch Gwen. But, there was still something weird about his hands. They seemed to be getting thinner and thinner every day. Was he crossing over to the other side? Was he going to have to leave Gwen forever?
He walked over to her, putting a hand on her shoulder and whispered, "I'm slipping away."
"I'm running out of options, Peter," Gwen whispered as she plugged in her iPod dock. She let it sit on the table and put connected her iPod to it. Quickly she scrolled through the songs and clicked on the one that he always liked best. Soft acoustic guitar strumming started, making Gwen feel at ease. "Hopefully you can hear the music. The doctors said I should just give up on you, but that's never going to happen. I know you're going to wake up someday. Maybe in a couple of days, maybe in a year. But you'll come back to Earth. I promise you that."
"Don't make promises you can't keep."
"But those are the best kind."
Gwen just had to smile again when she thought about that day in class. She knew that he would never be able to stay away from her. She didn't care if her father told him to stay away from her in order to keep her safe. They were meant to be since the day Gwen saved him from Flash. Everything happened for a reason. So what was this reason? What was going to come out of this if Peter lived or died? Was he meant to die at a young age? No, Gwen wasn't going to think about him dying. She knew somehow he was going to live through this and wake up from the coma to read the notes that she had been leaving him. There was no doubt about that.
Gwen looked down at the blue dress she was wearing. Her hair was curled, thanks to her mother. She wished that Peter could have been able to experience what she had just gone through. It was the thing that they had been looking forward to most. They had plans for what they were going to do afterwards. But now it seemed those plans would have to wait until Peter woke back up. She wrote those plans down onto the piece of paper and then folded it neatly.
"You missed a good day," Gwen whispered into his ear.
"I'm not coming back, Gwen," Peter whispered. "Please, just flip the switch. It will be so much easier for us."
Gwen stared at the casket as people began to say their final goodbyes to him. She fished the notes she wrote him out of her pocket and read through them, wishing that he could have read them himself.
April 12th, 2012.
Peter, you're in a coma. I guess I should listen to you more when I drive. I'm sorry this had to happen. You shouldn't be in this coma, I should be. You've done so much, and you have just gotten started with helping people. It's selfish of me to take it away from you. The doctors don't think you'll wake up. But I know you will, Peter. You're strong, brave, and you have just started living this life. You can't leave yet. You and I have just started to get to know each other more. Aunt May is worried sick about you. She's barely left your side. Now let me see those big brown eyes of yours.
I'm sorry I did this to you. Can you ever forgive me?
April 13th, 2012.
Track and field tryouts were today. Remember when I told you to try out because Aunt May wanted you to join a club? I still think you would have been perfect for track. It doesn't matter if you're clumsy or something. Just as long as you tried, right? I could just see you going over those hurdles and being faster than anybody else. Wouldn't that be something? Man, everyone would be so surprised. Aunt Maywould be cheering you on from the bleachers. And I would be sitting right next to her, trying to work that silly camera of yours. When you wake up, let's go see a track meet, okay? Their first one is in three weeks. Is it a date?
April 14th, 2012.
What's it like being unconscious? Are you dreaming right now? Or is it just like sleeping? I've got many more questions for you, but let's just focus on those three. I bet you're going to wake up, thinking it's just been a couple of hours and you'll say, 'Man, what a long nap'. You're funny, Peter. I hope this next question is okay. Do you see Uncle Ben? Do you dream about him at all? I bet he's giving you advice right now. He's probably telling you to wake up whenever you feel like waking up. But, I didn't know him that well, I wouldn't know. When you wake up, tell me what it's like to be unconscious. I would love to hear about your dreams.
April 16th, 2012.
I went back to school today. It really isn't the same without you. There are not many people to talk to at lunch, and you aren't around to help me with my chemistry homework anymore. Looks like I'll be needing a new tutor. But I won't be replacing you, don't worry about that. You'll always be my favorite science geek, Peter. No matter what. Everyone kept asking about you, but I really didn't want to talk about what happened. It's none of their business right now.
Those doctors keep telling me that you won't wake up. How can they not have faith in you? You've overcome so many things, Peter. I just know you'll overcome this. It's a coma. I've been researching them and only in rare cases does the patient die. You're not going to die, though. You'll wake up. I just know it. I promise you.
April 19th, 2012.
You've been asleep for exactly one week. One week ago, I made that SUV slam into us. I really should have listened to you. Then you would still be awake and healthy. This is all my fault. Maybe I should listen to you more. When you wake up, I promise you I'll listen better. I'll even let you drive from now on. Then we won't get into something like this again. How does that sound? I'll help you get your license and everything.
Wake up, Pete. We all miss you.
April 25th, 2012.
Waiting for you to wake up is beginning to make me antsy. It's terrible seeing you asleep like this, not able to hear and say anything. Do you know that I'm here every single day waiting for you? And I probably haven't slept in a week or so, it seems like. I've been waiting so long for you to wake up, and I worry so much about you. You keep me awake at night, Peter. But I guess I deserve that for putting you into a coma. Payback isn't nice, though, Pete. So just wake up, already. I've learned my lesson.
Peter...are you in here with me? I swear something just brushed me. This sounds crazy, but, is your spirit in here somewhere?
The teachers said today that with you missing so much school, you won't be able to graduate. I'm sorry.
May 1st, 2012.
Aunt May is getting worse and worse. She won't leave the house anymore. She can't even come to visit you anymore. All she does is sit at home and look through pictures of you and Uncle Ben. I don't know what she would do if...if you never woke up, Peter. Aunt May would be such a mess. She would have no one else. Peter, you can't leave her behind. Aunt May can't be alone.
You're on life support now, Peter. You've gotten...much worse. The doctors say that there's no use in coming in anymore and visiting you. They want to shut off your machine.
May 7th, 2012.
Aunt May died today. She had a heart attack from all the stress she was under. There really was nothing we could do. I'm really sorry, Peter. I wish I could bring her back for you. Trust me, I would. And you know I would do anything to bring her back for you. Peter, it's my fault she's dead! If I never would have made that turn then you would be awake, and Aunt May never would have worried so much that she had a heart attack. I've ruined your life. I wouldn't be surprised if you woke up and never wanted to see me again.
I haven't heard your voice in a month, Peter. I miss you.
May 14th, 2012.
Today was the funeral. It was small and short, but I was there the whole time. They talked about you. They said how it was sweet how you were always looking out for her. Aunt May died believing you would wake up, Peter. So, please. For her. Wake up. No one can take this anymore. I can't take this anymore. You're off somewhere, and I'm stuck here. I at least want to know what it's like where you're at. What do you see?
Queens is falling apart. Spider-Man isn't here to protect us. Everybody thinks he gave up on our city. But only I know the truth. You've left, and now everything in chaos. You could always keep the city in peace. We could really use some peace right now, bug-boy. Everybody needs to be reminded that there's a hero among us. That hero is you. Please. I don't want anyone getting hurt, and I know you don't want anyone to get hurt. I sound selfish when I say this, but I want you to make me safe again. I've missed your arms around me and hearing you tell me everything would be okay when you come to my window, bleeding from your stomach and face. I've missed everything about you. And the people of Queens have missed everything about Spider-Man.
May 20th, 2012.
I talked to your doctors today. They want to shut off your machine. It's the only thing keeping you alive at this point. They even said a couple of days ago that if you wake up, you'll never function properly again. You'll have so many problems. You're practically brain dead at this point, as much as it hurts to admit. I'm afraid of losing you.
During our last conversation, we were fighting.
We're selfish to be taking all these moments for granted.
May 25th, 2012.
I don't remember exactly why you wanted to break my father's promise. You only told me that you just couldn't stay away from me. But there was more to that, wasn't there? That can't be the only reason why.
I'll never hear your voice again. I'm beginning to accept that.
But I can't accept the fact that...
June 7th, 2012.
Today was graduation day. You had been looking forward to this day. It wasn't the same without you. Remember all those plans we made together? We were going to spend the summer sightseeing New York. Once it ended, we were both going to go our separate ways to college. We told each other that during the weekends and holidays we would visit each other. Remember that one day you planned out our whole life? You said we were going to get married on a hilltop and have a baby together. At the time, I thought it was all ridiculous. But now, I wish we could do those things together.
You said you wanted to name our daughter Copeland.
It's a beautiful name, Peter. I never told you that.
"Two years ago I was writing these notes to you," Gwen whispered, looking at his grave. She held the notes she wrote him in her hands. Her eyes were red and swollen with tears as she looked back to all the times she wrote those notes. Two years ago, she had wanted to put those notes with Peter in the casket, but she couldn't. They were the things that helped her remember the months that he was left in a coma because of her terrible driving. Every day, she wished she never made that turn. Then they would be living their lives together, happy as they ever had been. But things had changed, and Gwen wasn't sure if it was for the better or for the worse.
"This is the last note," Gwen said. "I wrote it the day your life support was turned off. Here, I'll read it to you."
"June 15th, 2012.
I flicked off your life support today, Peter. I know I can't keep thinking you're going to come back, because you're not going to! My reckless driving put you in the grave. Peter, I want to be with you in the ground. I always thought we would be raising our daughter, Copeland, together. We would grow old together and be buried side by side. But now I'm alone in this world. I'm without you."
Gwen could feel more tears escaping her blue eyes. Violent sobs escaped her throat, making her chest heave and her body tremble.
"I'll always love you, Peter. Remember that. I've always loved you, even that night I was yelling at you about missing my mom's dinner party. I was selfish to get mad at you about that. You were saving the city, protecting everyone. And now...now you're not here to do any of that. There are so many things that have gone unsaid."
She dropped the note to the ground, as she had memorized the rest of it. Those final words always run in her mind.
"I looked up those lyrics you were always singing. 'The first time I've seen love, and the last I'll ever need. You remind her that your future would be nothing without her. Never lose her.' But it seems you're the one who's been lost."
Gwen hugged her knees as she sat on top of the hill, sobbing in front of his grave. "Peter, I miss you," she choked out between sobs. "Forgive me, please."
Disclaimer: I do not own the Amazing Spider-Man movie or the comics.
Thanks so much to everyone who stuck through this terribly long fic. This quite a while to write. I'm hoping you all like it. Please remember to leave a review!
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