Author: Memento Mori Pontifex Mortis
Pairing: Spamano ( )
Warning: Descriptive Sex Scene, Sex Scene, My Writing, Mentions Of Self-Harm, All Around Craziness, Broken Psychosis.
Summary: Spain is haunted and Lovino is breaking, unable to change what is going on.
A/N: Ah... look a slightly demented Spamano!~ Ah, I spoil my readers too much... oh wait, actually readers, you guys should run. Writing this was awkward and it might be slightly just a little bit, mostly connected to this little song drabble I wrote. Said song drabble is up and it's in my drabble collections. Or, should be up either one. I hope y'all like it!
Their relationship was fraying.
Lovino knew this, knew that he was going to lose Spain if he just sat back doing nothing. He had to do something. The other nation was distancing himself from Lovino and that was something Spain never did; it was what he did every now and then but it never really stuck. Spain was becoming haunted, too scared to speak about anything. Hell the nation barely left his house anymore and he had effectively kicked Lovino out of his home.
This Spain scared him.
Even though he was accustomed to Spain's moods, he had never met the one that was showing. Spain had never yelled at him like he had. Lovino bit down on his lip, whimpering slightly at the pain that followed as he almost bit through completely. Not having Spain was painful, and it scared the Italian at how dependent he was on the nation. Sure he was able to do things on his own, but he'd preferred to have Spain with him.
But Spain wouldn't be coming to help him anytime soon.
Lovino wanted to yell, to break something, to... just break down and cry at the brokenness of their once great relationship. Sure, he wasn't exactly intimate but that was due to his own issues! And if that was what was the matter with Spain than... He'd have to fix them. He'd have to change to make Spain love him again.
Because without Spain, he is nothing.
Spain is lying in his bedroom, arm slung over his eyes, looking almost beat up. Lovino is worried but doesn't say anything as he silently walks over to the bed. In his mind he is praying that Spain is not yet gone. He could not have lost Spain. He already lost his grandfather, he cannot lose the only other person to have shown slight interest in him.
It was like this with Rome too...
Maybe it's him? He wondered as he moved closer, only taking in deep shaky breathes. He knows what happens now, he has seen it before. Once, when he was younger and he'd had a nightmare before going to Rome, who laid in his canopy bed. Watching the older man take in painful and shaky breathes had been scared; it had been even more scary when Rome had beckoned him over and said his final goodbyes.
Please God, don't let Spain do the same.
But Spain is not Rome, he is not an empire with stretches of lands so why is he breaking like this? Why is he about to leave him?
"Get out." Spain's rough voice cuts through his thoughts and he immediately thank the God he's been praying to that Spain is alive, but Spain's voice keeps him holding onto the nothingness that seems to be their relationship.
"...Don't kick me out... not just yet." He begged quietly, letting go of the once heavy pride he carried.
Spain turned towards him, green eyes sharp and unrelenting as they looked straight through him, "... Are you not going to speak?" he asked after a minute. Lovino only nods his head lightly before moving towards the bed and sitting down next to the other nation.
"... Te amo." he said, "y... Lo siento, Te amo." Whimpering lightly he added, "Please, just... stop... breaking. Stop... d-dying!"
Spain stared at him, eyes cold while they watched his sobbing. They analyzed him, making him feel even more self-conscious than he already did before Spain got up and walked away. Lovino collapsed on the bed, he couldn't breathe anymore, everything in his world just fell apart, just like when he was a child. Why did this always happen? Spain couldn't be gone, he just couldn't! He needed the nation, needed him to finish teaching him love.
But Spain has made his choice, made his decision to walk away.
Spain doesn't come back to the room to quell his tears, doesn't come back to remove the pain of his broken heart. No, he is not ever coming back. Lovino remembered, "How could you?" He can only ask as the pain radiates throughout his body, sending him into a fit of racking sobs.
This can't be happening.
But it is. Spain has left him, he is now alone. He is the odd sheep, the black sheep, the unloved one. Lovino quieted down after a few more minutes of sobbing before he is just lying on the bed, shaking back and forth. This was not right, this could never be right. Getting up, Lovino somehow makes his way back to his place with Feliciano, who watched him for a moment before giving him 'hug therapy' and for once, he didn't resist. Though he couldn't explain what was happening to Feliciano, he could trust in him to try and make him better.
It won't work though.
It never will.
To feel better, he needs Spain, but Spain is not here right now and there is no telling if the other nation will ever come back.
Their fragile relationship has been broken due to whatever is wrong with Spain and all Lovino wished he could do, was fix him. Make the other feel better. Or at least show the other that breaking up like this is wrong, that he's not weak and he's here for him.
Romano doesn't leave his bedroom, not to go to meetings, not to badmouth Germany, not even to get up and eat. Feliciano suspects something but he doesn't say anything and instead just brings his brother his breakfasts, lunches and dinners. Feliciano can say one thing, this is not his brother's normal 'I-just-got-in-a-fight-with-Spain' attitude, no this is something worse and it is now that he wishes he had Grandpa to help him with things he doesn't know how to fix. Yes, Grandpa would know what to do because the man was smarter than him, able to solve problems that seemed impossible.
"... Romano... please... be fine." He wished to the star that just passed by the window. "Please help my brother get better!"
It seemed his wish fell on deaf ears.
Two days later, Romano is still in his room, occasionally crying but Feliciano wasn't supposed to know that. He did though, and it broke his heart. Romano wasn't supposed to cry, wasn't supposed to be so sad. He has called Spain over and over, only getting voice mail and something about that makes Feliciano mad. Why is Spain hurting his brother? It makes no sense, sure, their relationship could've been better but it was still a relationship, and not one of convenience but of love.
Something about everything makes Feliciano want to call France-niichan but he doesn't, knowing full well Romano wouldn't like it if the other nation found out.
So he sits and waits. Waiting for something to happen to fix all the wrongs that has happened. He waits until Romano leaves his room, and tells him he's going to be gone for a little. Feliciano knew where he was going, it wasn't hard to guess but he decides that saying something will help nothing.
Hopefully, they can fix their problems. Feliciano hoped, that at least Romano could have some closure or something. Something that would stifle the cryings.
Lovino had gotten a text message telling him to meet up with the Spaniard at his place. So he left his comfortable bed to go see a man who he's been crying over. Lovino entered the darkened house, even though every fiber of his being was telling him to go the other way and wait until daytime. Heading to the only place he was sure he would find Spain, he opened the bedroom door; only to come face to face with the sight of Spain lying on the bed, arms bleeding, eyes unfocused. He scrunched up his nose as the smell of heavy alcohol assaulted him.
"... Spain?" He questioned, "Spain!" He ran over to the other nation who only moaned at his presence. Looking over the cuts, he realised that some of them were old... and that scared him. "Please be okay." He muttered.
"Mi tomito... get out.." Spain muttered as he got up to get the first aid kit.
This is just like Rome.
He can't allow Spain to leave him like Rome did so Lovino was going to do everything in his power to keep the other nation grounded. Sure, he wasn't exactly sure what was wrong with Spain but whatever it was, it was copying what he didn't want and he wasn't going to let that happen. Maybe he was being hopeful, hopeful that he could stop what he couldn't many years ago but he knows he going to try.
It's because it's Spain.
It's because life'll hurt without him.
It's because he loves him.
Spain's eyes are completely closed so he takes a chance and leaned forward, kissing the other nation on the lips. Lovino is so happy when Spain kisses back but is shocked when he feels Spain's hands pulling him over him. Pulling away, Lovino realised that he was not kissing Spain, he wasn't because Spain's eyes never were that dark. Maybe he was wrong about certain things, maybe he was wrong about Spain. The Spanish nation gives him a dark look before rolling over so he was on top.
"Bonito..." Spain licked his cheek and he flinched slightly, "Oh.. don't be scared."
Shakily, he spoke, "Spain... w-what are you doing?"
"Solving an itch." He answered back, pulling on Lovino's clothing with his teeth. His darkened emerald eyes cut into Lovino's soul, causing him to shiver lightly. Something about this Spain touched him, figuratively and literally, in more places than his Spain ever did. "You want to help me don't you?"
Lovino nodded before saying, "Yes, I-I do."
Spain smirked, "Good, that's good." Unbuckling Lovino's shirt, Spain went on, "That's very nice of you. So nice." He planted his hands on either side of Lovino's face, before burrowing his face into his neck, sucking on the sensitive flesh there, causing Lovino to moan loudly.
"S-Spain!" Lovino cried, as said man bit down on his neck and one of his hands moved downward towards his zipper. Of course they had had sex before but, well it had been softer and slower and... well, less like it was right now.
"Mi Tomito... don't you want to help Boss Spain?" He asked in a sickly-sweet voice and Lovino nodded once more. Spain continued with his marking on his neck before moving onto Lovino's chest and when he's mouth connected with his nipples, Lovino had to bit his lip to stay silent. The Spaniard noticed this and bit down, getting the sounds he wanted from Lovino. "Don't stay silent, Boss doesn't like it."
Lovino nodded as Spain continued down his chest and to his still clothed length. He could feel Spain's hot breath on him and it made him squirm. "P-Please..." He moaned.
"Needy, aren't we?" Spain asked as one hand reached to pull down his boxers. Lovino was fully erect as Spain began to stroke him softly at first and then harder.
"H-harder! Ugh, please!" Lovino begged as his Spain began to slow his ministrations. Spain just lightly chuckled before getting up and undressing himself. When he was finishing stripping, he pulled Lovino down to the floor to kneel and spoke softly.
Lovino took in the head first, licking lightly, coating it in his saliva before taking the rest of Spain in. His hands moved to caress the underside of Spain's balls as he moaned around the large member. Spain threw his head back as the vibrations vibrated through out his entire body. He resisted the urge to thrust into Lovino's warm mouth as said man pulled back from the base and then removed his cock to lick it. Spain knew that he was just teasing but he didn't care. He wanted Lovino, all of him.
"Bed." Spain said huskily and Lovino got up off his knees and crawled onto the bed. Spain crawled on top of him before sitting up between his legs. He brought three fingers up to Lovino's mouth saying, "Don't want it to hurt." Lovino coated them before Spain inserted one into his hole, he put one more in, scissoring them. He pushed in deeper, searching for that one spot that would-
"Ah!" Lovino whimpered.
Make his little Italian moan out. Spain opted out on entering a third finger when Lovino began to push down on his fingers, hoping they would brush against that spot once more. He positioned himself in front of Lovino's puckered hole before pushing in much to the delight of the Italian, who moaned loudly. Spain quickly pulled out, giving Lovino no time to adjust before pushing right back in violently.
"God!" Lovino pleaded as he pulled out just as quickly. Spain pinned down Lovino's wrist, and kissed him roughly. He forced his tongue into his warm crevice and began to explore every inch of the mouth he was so used to.
Spain snarled against Lovino as said nation began to struggle lightly, "Pl- harder!" He said and Spain smirked again, before doing as told. He thrusted in and out, hitting the same spot over and over, making the smaller male underneath him squirm like a worm.
Letting go of one wrist, Spain snaked his hand down to wrap around Lovino's hard cock, pumping in pace with his thrust. Lovino could feel the coil in his stomach, if Spain kept the way he was going, he would come soon.. very soon. Spain leaned back down to mark Lovino's collarbone as he came inside the smaller male, who came a second later all over their bodies. Spain collapse next to him, panting heavily while Lovino closed his eyes, whispering something.
"What is it, tomito?"
Lovino looked at him with those eyes; sad, teary eyes before saying, "D- Does this mean you're back?" Spain just moved closer before closing his eyes to go to sleep; Lovino's quiet whispers lulling him into a numb sense of comfort. Lovino looked at his sleeping lover before the tears began to fall again, Spain not answering him back made him feel conscious, since it meant not knowing what was going on but eventually he too closed his eyes and allowed sleep to take over.
(^^) (^^) (^^)
Romano woke up and wiped the crust off his eyes before realising where he was and what had happened last night. Looking to the side where Spain had fallen asleep he was downhearted to see that said Spaniard was no longer laying there and instead the bed was made up on that side. Feeling the tears sting at his eyes again, Romano sat up and closed his eyes tightly, willing those tears to go away when the door opened. In walked Spain, holding a breakfast tray, smiling like the idiot he usually was.
"Ah~ Lovi! I made you breakfast in bed." He said upon seeing him up. "I even made all your favourite foods~" Spain walked over to him, placing the tray across his lap before moving to sit behind him.
Whatever was wrong with Spain seems to be gone, Lovino thought, which was a good thing, because he didn't think he could stand it anymore. Spain began to feed him, taking some bits himself and Lovino let a tear fall, it just seemed too good to be true. Spain ignored him for so long, was so... wrong and then after a night of sex becomes normal? There was no way that could happen unless it was a prank and Spain would never hurt him like that.
Spain paused in his feeding, "Are you okay?" He asked, "You've got this far out look that's worrying me, tomito~" Lovino doesn't answer and opts to cuddle closer to the man. No words could explain how he was feeling right now, but... that uneasiness is still there so Lovino looked up to stare into Spain's eyes and it's then he noticed it.
The darkness is still there, it's just sated right now but there'd be no telling how long it would stay that way.