A/N: You mentioned something about 'actual' sex Kimmie? Hmmm, here you go:D
Also I apologize for the delay – my sister is visiting me and I've not seen her in 18 months so of course my priority right now is my 'mei mei', I love you RC.
"Mine," he echoes nodding, as he surges upwards towards her entrance, feels the strength of her long legs as they wrap lovingly around his body and he rejoices as she arches, ecstatic when he joins them.
One thrust, just one slide of his body inside of hers and she's reeling from the pure fulfillment of it. Every sensation suddenly slamming into her consciousness like battering rams, each of them vying for her attention and her brain doesn't even know where to begin. She feels like she could short-out, explode, come – just from this.
There's so much to absorb, from the heat and the feel of his weight pressing her into the bed, to the hard muscles of his thighs as they pry her legs wide, to the incredible feel of him buried within her. It's all of it just . . . oh my God.
A little dazed her gaze seeks his. Finds the same stunned expression she just knows she's wearing etched heavily into his features; his pupils are so dilated his eyes have gone black with desire now and it sends excited, delicious ripples down her the length of her spine.
That's about the most articulate description his poor over-taxed brain can come up with, and it doesn't even come close to making sense of how she feels all around him, how nothing in his experience has ever come close to this - to the wet heat of Kate. The tight snugness of her sheath as it wraps around his eager body, gripping him firmly in a lovers caress. The gorgeous arching line of her torso and her limbs as she offers herself so freely to him, gives to him so unstintingly that which he's so very long now wished to claim.
She's his. His now, in the most fundamental way a woman can be, and its not like anything before it, and he knows nothing like it will ever come his way again. For him, just as he's long suspected – she is as perfect and as precious as it's ever going to get.
He's . . . done.
His body wants him to move but his brain overrules it, wants to draw out this moment and he stares down at her splayed beneath him lovingly. Marvels at her, at this, at her generous and easy forgiveness of him, and feels his eyes growing wet.
His expression changes very slowly. First from lust to love, and then slowly to complete adoration, devotion, the changes communicating his thought processes as clearly as if he were speaking aloud to her. Kate can tell he's completely overwhelmed by her right now, at her so actively wanting this - him – after everything that's just happened. The depth of his love for her is staggering. Just floods out of his eyes, swirling around her body, penetrating through her skin and into her soul and Kate hoards it to her greedily. Rejoices in it fully – because how can she do anything else? How many people are ever lucky enough to be loved in this way?
She prays he can feel her giving it back to him with the same intensity, because she may already have told him, shown him, tried to make him understand, but it's only right now, with him physically merged with her that she's beginning to feel him accepting that this is honestly, truthfully where she's longed to be.
Her body is tingling and responsive to his every touch and look and she desperately wants him to move, mark her, push her to her peak and beyond it, but Castle just lowers his mouth over hers again and stills her for a moment, once more asks her plainly for her forgiveness with his tongue against her lips.
Shaking she quells her desire with difficulty, leashes the wild beast momentarily to again give to her partner whatever he seeks.
She skates her fingers slowly up over his biceps, pauses for a single moment to dwell on the amazing feel of the hard muscle of them, to delight in it, before she continues to map him, up over his wide shoulders, finally fisting them into his soft hair. She kisses him back deeply, for long moments her mouth as soft and tender as his and then she's overwhelmed by a single tiny twitch of his hips, an almost helpless thrust and the tightly held rein on her own longing snaps. All at once the movements of her mouth become very suggestive, turn aggressive, and her body undulates beneath his, moving them against each other forcefully until he breaks from his stillness, his tender contemplation and she smiles into him as he's lured into taking over again.
He can no longer resist the siren call of her body as it pleads with him now so loudly, each shift and twist of her beckoning to his lust, summoning him to come out and play with her. It's the sexiest, the most erotic moment of his life, the desperate, wanton lunge of her against him. She's like kerosene on an already blazing fire. Her blatant needs igniting something so primal and lawless within him that his gentleness evaporates in the onslaught of flames.
Her skin beneath his palms feels scorching, and he manhandles her right thigh, pulling it higher against the crush of his body, opening her even more fully, allowing him to sink into her another inch or so. Kate gasps, and her eyes slam shut as he gains that extra amount of penetration and he wonders fleetingly if he could have hurt her, but then she grasps his ass hard and instead pulls him further into her than he thought he could possibly go.
She breaks from the heat of their kiss to bite his earlobe and hiss at him, "Move-"
He pulls back until only the very tip of him remains inside her, teasing her for just a second before he puts all his weight behind it as he thrusts back in. A breathy moan pushes out of her, just the tiniest of glorious sounds, but it causes a full body shudder to go right through him and the writer instantly needs to hear it again.
He repeats his previous motion, the slow and agonizing withdrawal followed by the mighty thrust back home, thrilled when he is rewarded once more with the same ecstatic little noise, the same pull of her palms against his ass tugging him back inside her.
"Harder," she pleads, biting the underside of his jaw now, before she latches her teeth onto the upper swell of his left pectoral.
"Harder Castle." To illustrate her point she bites him again and his hips comply with her request without his conscious assistance. Two, three thrusts of his body as quick and hard as he can move it and she comes with a wild abandon he's never seen before. He's had loud women, quiet women, wanton women, but Kate – Kate is untamed.
Her climax hurtles not just through her but through him as well, a shock wave radiating out in concentric circles as her body bows her eyes slam shut and every part of her trembles with it.
Its almost too much for his control to take and his own orgasm coils at the base of his spine, another couple of sloppy thrusts and he'd spill himself within her, and it's about to happen when her eyes open and he's so stunned by everything contained in the emerald of her gaze that he simply stops dead and stares. Inert. He can't move.
Happiness such as he's never witnessed on anyone, let alone the guarded woman he loves and yet it's clearly happiness, unmistakable and unbridled. Pure radiant joy as she stares up at him as her body calms, stops shaking and rippling around the hard length of him that's still buried inside her.
"Oh Castle," she whispers, and he's dazzled by it. By her, by all of this, the blinding obviousness of how fiercely and deeply and truly she loves him.
It makes him angry. So very, very angry at himself, at his sheer stupidity that he didn't continue to wait for this – that he lost his faith. That he didn't know and now doesn't deserve.
He should have waited. He should have known.
Should have seen the identical echo of his own love in her fathomless eyes, but he doubted – he doubted her and now . . .
For one scary second she doesn't know why her blissful state should be affecting him quite like this. He stilled to watch her come, stopped the wonderful movement of his body into hers and she freefall-ed through it, the pleasure unlike anything she's ever known. She came back to herself sated, needing his fulfillment now more than her own and wanting it badly, anxious to see it.
But her joy somehow isn't contagious and she's a terrified witness as his horror at what he's done once more threatens to overcome him. She sees the anger in his eyes, directed solely inward, sees him withdrawing, overcome by a sense of unworthiness.
No, no, no. She can't let it be like this, she can't let the perfection of how this is between them become a new source of pain.
He's entitled to feel as amazing as she does this minute; she needs him to join her on this plane of being can't let him pull back, not now, she couldn't bear it.
Kate launches her mouth at his, feverish and terrified, prayers, pleas falling helplessly from her lips.
"Love me," she begs. "Love me harder Castle. Don't you stop. Don't you ever, ever stop."
Her eyes have gone sad and fearful and it's this that breaks him. He cannot leach away the wondrousness of this moment for her by wallowing in how much he doesn't deserve it. Kate wants him, and anything she wants from him is hers – whatever it is.
He'll give her his battered heart, his love, his life, his soul if she wants them – right now if it's his body she's craving he'll casts off the heavy chains of everything else that's happened and just give in.
He kisses her back, both their eyes wide open and locked together, and he moves again, driven, purposeful thrusts inside her. Seeking his own gratification now but barely for himself this is his gift to her – his Kate – because he knows it's what she's asking to see.
The climb once begun again is quick and steep, spiraling to heights only love could hope to plunder, the friction of their bodies sweet and intoxicating, and she fights against falling, wanting it, needing it only for him.
They peak together but she's aware this time, eyes boring into his when he stiffens, spills into her, falls down heavy into her waiting arms, and she almost bursts with the relief of knowing they're finally free.