Sorry for the wait guys! School is crazy. And it's about to get crazy. A month of finals. That we all lovingly call "Death March". So if I don't get a chapter out in the upcoming weeks, see you in April. While I am studying medicine, I'm still learning so I'm sure there will be errors. I'm trying to show how much of a badass Emily is with a 10 blade.
I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Sorry that it's super long.
Disclaimer: I don't own this show. And maybe it's a good thing I don't, even though Spencer is all kinds of broken right now on the show.
Read and Review guys so I know I'm going down the right path.
The wind was blowing so hard that Emily had almost passed on her cigarette break. It cut at her exposed skin. Her hands shook as she took the pack out of her jacket pocket, whether from the cold or her frustrations she couldn't say. She pulled a cigarette out and put it between her lips. Next came the lighter. Her thumb couldn't get it to spark, and she growled. That was just her luck wasn't it? She tried a couple more times and finally got her cigarette lit.
She inhaled deeply and immediately felt a bit calmer.
No one else was in the tiny alcove with her. Only she was desperate and stupid enough to leave the warmth of the hospital. The weather was numbing and it was the type that would bring in a lot of trauma cases. The roads were slick with ice and most motorists didn't see the patches until their car was slamming into oncoming traffic.
She blew out a cloud of smoke.
Once again, A had them spinning out of control. Just like when they were younger.
Things between her and Spencer had been getting better. Spencer was getting better. She would laugh or just sit there quietly but she'd have a small smile on her face watching her and Teddy. There were times where Emily could see a cloud fall over her, but those moments didn't last long.
Spencer had even taken Emily into her arms, which she realized was less of an embrace and more of an attempt to cling to something real. That she needed to feel safe.
Emily took another drag. She wished Spencer would let her carry some of that weight. Fifteen years in prison wasn't something to shake off lightly. There would be times when Spencer slid back.
She hoped she would be there when every time that happened.
If only it was as easy to fix Spencer as it was to cut out the inflamed or necrotic organs in her patients. If she could make an incision, take out what was damaged and then repair everything after, Emily would. But this way of thinking was unfair.
Surgeons were impatient. They couldn't wait to go inside and cut. Sometimes they wouldn't even see the whole patient, just the diseased body part. Just what needed to be fixed. They would forget that this was a person. A living breathing person with loved ones that needed to feel safe. To feel reassured.
That's all she could do for Spencer. Be there for her. The rest was on Spencer to let her in.
But it was hard to be patient when Spencer and her wife were being idiots.
They were going to get themselves killed or even more scarred and maimed. She was going to end up saving their asses or bailing them from jail. Which she hoped she wouldn't have to do. Neither of the women could afford anything that could send them back to that dark place.
She would never say it out loud but Spencer had to be the dumbest smart girl she had met. And the years hadn't really put much of a damper on that. She still thought she knew what was best for Emily. And Paige was enabling her.
The two of them were just a lethal combination of stupid and brave, and it frustrated her to no end. Damn fool Gryffindors that would leap without looking and she was the Hufflepuff that loved her ballsy women.
She sighed and held her head with her free hand. She needed to relax. She needed chocolate. She took another drag of her cigarette and when it was finished, she flicked it into a puddle and watched the orange glow fizzle out. She had just put her jacket up when her pager went off. She got her lab coat on and made sure she didn't smell like smoke before running to the nurse's station in the peds ward.
"Dr. Fields, the patient in room 214 is complaining of pain." Richard said as soon as she got there. One of her interns, whose name she couldn't remember was standing with the patient's chart and looking a little lost.
"Our daredevil?" Emily looked at the progress notes. The pain scale was a 6 out of 10. Kyle, aged 14 had sustained a fracture of his right femoral shaft after jumping off a roof to impress a crush. The orthopedic attending whose service she was on for the day had decided to fix the break with flexible titanium nails, which the kid thought was cool. The pain making him cry, was not cool at all. "All right start him on ketorolac IV as well. Every six hours. And Doctor..."
"Sam." The intern supplied.
Emily arched an eyebrow at him giving her his first name like they were buddies. She wasn't going to get into that with him at the moment. "Sam the Intern and I will go in to see him and his mom and tell them. And you'll follow as soon as possible".
Emily walked to room 214. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Shapiro." The teen's mother greeted her with a tight smile. "Kyle, I know it hurts. So I asked Richard to bring you some medication. It will reduce the pain and get you out of here faster so you can show off your battle scars. I know for a fact that girls dig scars. But let's not be so quick to try and get them."
Kyle just croaked out a response. Mrs. Shapiro and Emily knew that Kyle was definitely going to avoid risky behavior. He definitely was not going to jump off roofs anytime soon.
"Dr. Sam, why is ketorolac preferred over opiates?"
"Uh. Unlike opioid analgesics, ketorolac does not depress ventilation, and is not associated with nausea and vomiting, urinary retention or sedation. When combined with an opioid, ketorolac exhibits marked opioid-sparing effects, which allows a lower dosage of opioid to be used. Clinical studies in children and adults show that the synergistic action of ketorolac and opioids improves the degree and quality of pain relief, and reduces the incidence of opioid-related adverse effects such as respiratory depression, nausea and vomiting." Sam eyes were directed towards the ceiling as if remembering the exact page in the journal he had memorized that from.
"What that means is there is going to be less chances of problems with breathing and you won't be getting dizzy enough to throw up." Emily explained in words Kyle could understand. She would also be telling Sam that he needed to use layman's terms that his patients could understand.
Richard came in and the pain medication. He checked Kyle's IV line. He inserted the syringe needle into the Y-site and slowly pushed the plunger. "It's going to sting but it'll be over soon."
Kyle winced, and Emily looked over at him with a sad smile. She wondered what kind of trouble her son would have gotten in to. What he would have done when he started noticing girls. Or boys. Which ever he found himself attracted to. Then she started thinking of what he would be when he was older. The type of man he would have grown into.
Being a surgeon was a tough job. A difficult one. Lives were in her hand. Not just the patient's, but also the family's. The pain and sorrow, or happiness and joy of parents was on her head. She knew herself the pain of losing a loved one. And the pain of burying her child. If she could stop anyone from knowing that eviscerating feeling of loss, she would go anything to do so. Sometimes it couldn't be helped and she would have to break the devastating news. The worst had always been seeing parents have their whole world end.
So while being a surgeon was a difficult job, being a parent was the hardest job in the world.
Emily checked on his leg. "It's healing well. No signs of infection." She checked the incision site. There was no redness or major swelling. The swelling that was there would go down. Kyle would be out and walking because Dr. Mendoza was one of the best orthopedic surgeons in the country.
Kyle had fallen asleep. "You're so good with him, Dr Fields. I think he has a crush on you. And I can't blame him. You and everyone here have made this go by so much more faster and easier. Do you have kids?" Mrs. Shapiro said, her voice just above a whisper as she used her hand to push hair out of her son's face.
Emily nodded. "A daughter. She's five. She hasn't broken any bones. Thank God, but she is quite the handful." She shook her head wistfully as she thought of her daughter. She was just like her wife. Spencer too. They'd all be the death of her.
"They are at that age. And you can't wait till they grow out of it, but then you miss when they were little when they're teens. You're still their favorite person and they aren't embarrassed to be seen with you." Mrs. Shapiro chuckled, but wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Well, I'll let Kyle get his rest. And you should too, Mrs. Shapiro. If you need anything just ask." Emily offered.
"Thank you." Mrs. Shapiro returned to her bedside vigil.
Emily left the room followed by Richard and Sam the Intern. Richard went to look after his other patients. "Sam, a word please."
"Uh. Sure, Dr. Fields." The intern sounded nervous.
"You're doing okay. Don't look so afraid. I'm not about to bite your head off. Unless you massively screw up." Emily was a firm, but fair with her interns. It was her job to make sure they learned as much as possible. Just like her attendings and residents did for her. Soon the interns would be where she was applying for fellowships and about to take the boards. But she wasn't going to hold their hands on this journey. She was there to make sure they kept going and didn't get anyone killed. "But when I ask you a question in front of a patient, don't regurgitate a textbook. State it in simple terms. Got that, Sam? And what's your surname?" To her Dr. Sam sounded cartoony, like a character off a children's educational program.
"Uh. Sam is my surname. Not my first." The intern explained. "It's confusing, I know."
"What's your first name then?" Emily asked curiously.
"Your parents named you Abraham Sam?" Emily couldn't help but smile.
"They wanted a name that people wouldn't forget."
"That's pretty memorable." Emily laughed. "But you're here now. And you'll make it so people will remember your name as a surgical Titan. Instead of a really good rhyme."
Her pager went off. "Let's get to the Pit. Ortho consult."
The two doctors went down to the Emergency Department and to a consult room. Stacie Tran, 29 years old, fell off her motorcycle. Her neuro exam was fine and her biggest complaint was pain in her wrist and that her bike was banged up when she tried to avoid an accident that had just happened in front of her. Had she been going faster, she probably would be in worse shape. She was lucky.
After Intern Sam finished up a complete PE, Emily had him take the woman to get an X-ray, while she went to grab an apple or a muffin from the nearest coffee stand.
She entertained the thought of having something delivered from Nina's, but then decided to suffer the mediocre and dry muffins and okay coffee that was sold at the hospital. The person that would deliver her order would probably be Spencer, and she wouldn't want anyone out in this weather.
So that was an excuse. While she was still frustrated with the other woman, she still wanted to see her and have her around. But she was nervous. She never knew which Spencer she was going to get. The woman whose strength and confidence allowed her to find her own or the shade that was left after all the light and life was stolen from a girl she loved.
She gritted her teeth. She was being impatient again. She changed direction towards a vending machine. She needed soothing in the form of a Snickers bar. She put her dollar in and then bent down to retrieve the bar. She tore into the wrapper as she jogged back towards the Pit. She took a bite and savored it. The sweetness jolted her, but she knew it was only a temporary rush.
There was no replacing sleep. No matter how hard doctors tried. And she didn't get much sleep the night before. She had slept at the hospital in an on call room, and had told Paige she was swamped with surgeries and patients. She was a fifth year after all. But they both knew Emily didn't want to go home yet. She needed a night to clear her head. She had let Paige know that she would be home in the morning just long enough for her wife to go on her run and to get Teddy ready for school. So she had studied for her boards and had given two different drunks sutures from two different bar brawls. She also had treated a kid that was having anaphylactic shock from eating peanuts.
In total, she had gotten about four hours of sleep before she had gone home this morning, when she added it all up. A night away had helped lessen her annoyance with Paige. But she had let her wife know her displeasure again.
"Good morning." Paige greeted her with a cheerful smile.
Emily didn't look up from the sink, getting ready to take a shower. "What's so good about it?"
"For starters, you're here."
Emily felt Paige snake her arm around her waist. She furrowed her brows. "I'm still not happy with you."
"I know." Paige let her arm drop to her side in defeat but was still standing a breath away from her. Out of the corner of her eye, Emily saw Paige lean her back against the counter. "But I'm trying to protect you. I'm protecting my family."
"And who's protecting you? Who's looking out for you? Me. It's supposed to be me. This is a marriage. Let me be your wife!"
"I don't want to see you get hurt."
"If anything happens to you. To either of you. That would hurt me more than anything. It would kill me. I almost lost you once already." And for a time she had lost Spencer. She had thought she had her friend back, but that girl was still missing. "I can't go through that again. I can't."
"Don't worry. I'll make sure I'll live an annoying long life. Spencer, too." Paige grinned as she gave a small salute and left to go on her run.
Emily called out after her wife, trying to keep her lips thinned and her brows knitted together in frustration. "That promise doesn't make me any less unhappy with you! Did you hear me? Try not to die!"
Paige was still being an idiot. So while Paige never broke her promises, Emily wasn't reassured that easily. She resolved to make one of her own. It was she was going to keep.
After Paige had left, she took her shower. Then she had tried to get some reviewing in but had dozed off on the couch. Teddy's giggling had waked her up. Her daughter had climbed onto her legs, bouncing in excitement at having Emily home. Then the little girl had fallen forward onto Emily, which had knocked the wind out of her. But Teddy had wrapped her little arms around her in a hug and she didn't have it in her to chastise her daughter. Then they made French toast and veggie sausages for breakfast. After that she got Teddy ready for school and sipped a mug of coffee until Paige got back later than usual with only enough time to shower herself and get dressed for work and take Teddy to school.
Her pager went off, pulling her back to the present. She checked it and relaxed when she saw it wasn't a 911. Her X-rays were ready, and she let Mendoza know.
A glance at the X-ray and Mendoza told her she could explain the benefits between the three treatment options, but to sell her on intramedullary fixation and she could lead on the surgery. Emily thought she would have no problems doing that. Her patient seemed the type that would want to be back on her bike as soon as possible. That surgery was hers.
"You're pretty lucky. You walked away with just a broken wrist." Emily looked at the woman's x-rays. It was a bad break of the distal radius.
"Am I going to need a cast?" Stacie looked disappointed. "How long would it take?"
"A cast would take about six to eight weeks. When your wrist is in a cast for that long, you can't turn your hand or close your fingers. You certainly couldn't ride your motorcycle safely. When the cast finally comes off, you can expect your hand to be very weak and stiff. Then you'll need several weeks of intensive physical therapy to strengthen the muscles of your wrist and hand. You may not recover normal wrist flexibility or function for several months to a year."
"Yeah. Well fuck that. What's the best option?"
"Dr. Sam, care to tell Mrs. Tran about what we plan to do?"
"We'll insert a titanium rod intramedu-" Dr. Sam caught the look Emily was giving him. "Inside the broken bone. It's minimally invasive, and only a small incision will be made. The rod we'll be using reduces irritation and swelling compared to if we put a plate on the outside of the bone. This means you'll be able to regain function sooner."
"And you'll be back on your death rocket in no time."
"Doc, you wound me. That bike just feels like freedom. I just can't give it up." Stacie grinned.
"That's what my wife tells me." Paige loved anything that let her be unlimited. Her motorcycle was on that list. And so was Emily. That was an amazing thing. To be with someone that made you feel limitless. But at the same time you could be chained to a person, and there was no moving forward.
"Your woman rides?"
"A Bonneville Triumph. It's a gorgeous bike, but you still can't get on me on the thing."
"How about you, Dr. Sam? You down with a woman who rides?" Stacie flirted.
"On the streets or in the sheets?" Abraham played back.
"We'll get you ready for surgery. It'll only be an hour. And you can go home today. I'll be handling the surgery."
"All right then. Let's rock this." Stacie nodded.
"Dr. Sam, schedule us an OR."
Emily was scrubbing out. The surgery went off without a hitch. She knew it would. She had first assisted on many ortho surgeries before choosing pediatrics as her specialty. Like Stacie had said, she had rocked that procedure.
Mendoza, who had been in the OR while reading a magazine, came up to her. "Good job, Dr. Fields. Didn't really need to have me in there. I wish you were considering ortho. Any chance I can steal you from Doctora Bernal? The othro fellowship is good as yours."
As hard as Dr. Bernal was on her, she learned so much from her. The older woman was amazing with children, their parents, and the nurses. She was just tough on residents and interns, but for those that could take it, they became better surgeons. She was learning from a legend. So after her interviews for programs in Seattle and Boston, she was planning on staying at St. Luke's. She was going to get the peds fellowship. "Tempting, Dr. Mendoza but peds is where my heart is."
"I understand. I enjoy having you on my service." Dr. Mendoza walked away.
Emily caught up with Sam. "Good job in there. And with the patient." The intern had scrubbed in and had answered all her questions right.
"I was just establishing rapport." Sam grinned.
"Uh huh. That better be all it is while she's a patient." Emily crossed her arms but had a playful tone. "So now you get to take care of my post-ops. Just page me if you need me."
"Are you okay?" Sam asked.
Emily eyed him curiously. "I just rocked a surgery. So yeah I am."
"I didn't mean... Of course you did. It was flawless, Dr. Fields. But when you saw that other doctor up in the gallery... You looked angry. And I learned that I should always back my attendings and residents up." He nodded and crossed his arms.
This intern had only been working with her for two days and he already was loyal to her. She let him handle instruments and prove his worth. That was a new record. He had picked up on her lapse in calm focus when she had looked up at the gallery and saw Wren Kingston watching her. He had a good eye to pick up on it, a good trait in a surgeon.
But what was it about her that inspired in people the want to project her.
She didn't think she deserved that kind of devotion. She was only human, flawed like everyone else. Selfish. Indulgent. She smoked and she overate when things got too hard. She needed things to be simple. It hurt but she could hold a mirror up to herself and see her imperfections. She knew which sins and failures belonged to her. Sometimes she didn't like what she saw.
Still she was put on a pedestal.
"Right. I can handle Dr. Kingston." Emily's eyes narrowed.
"I mean if someone needs to hold you back. If looks could kill that guy would be in the morgue." Sam raised his hands up.
"Thank you for the offer, Dr. Sam. I'll let you know if you have to prepare a trauma room." Emily smirked. She and Wren were going to have a little chat.
As she walked through the halls to get to his clinic, Emily thought about how the timing was perfect. He had information she needed. She hadn't thought of it before. Since was loath to depend on the man for anything. There was something about him that made her skin crawl, so she avoided him.
She found his clinic and walked in, right passed the receptionist.
"Do you have an appointment?"
"No. I'm just a walk in," Emily opened the door. "Dr. Kingston."
"Emily... Er, Dr. Fields. What brings you here?"
"We need to have a conversation."
"Are you here for a consult?"
Emily smirked. "Not at all."
"You were brilliant in the OR today. Glad I got a chance to see you in action."
"I'm always brilliant." Emily stated. "But that's not the issue."
"Well. What can I help you with?"
"It's how you can help yourself. I need information on a former patient of yours."
'You know I can't give you those details in good conscience." Wren seemed to know where Emily was going. "It would be unethical."
"We both know there's nothing good about your conscience." Emily glared at Wren. She place both of her hands on the desk separating them.
"And you're just trying to clear yours." Wren leaned back in his chair.
"Neither of us is innocent. This is for the one person that is."
Emily left the clinic with an address, her hands shaking a bit. Not from nervousness, but adrenaline. She had gone in there aggressively. Some would say recklessly. But it got the job done.
She could have gone to Hanna. But her best friend was about to pop out a baby at any moment. Why get her involved just yet?
She should call Aria. Someone else should be in on her plan and it would let her feel like she wasn't sneaking around. And if Aria didn't agree with her, there wasn't much she could do to stop her all the way from the other side of the ocean.
After grabbing her jacket and cigarettes, Emily went back to her atrium, which was still deserted due to the weather, but the sun was slowly coming out. She went into her contacts and selected Aria's photo. Her friend picked up after a couple of rings. "Hey."
"Em? What's up?" Aria greeted. But then a hint of urgency tinged her next sentence. "Is something wrong?"
"Isn't it always?" The more she thought about it the more she had doubts about if she had made the right choice in confronting Wren. He couldn't be trusted. Out of all the hospitals, he walked into hers. "I may have just done something stupid. Which is of course just another thing in a long list of stupid things I've done."
"Whoa. Calm down. What happened? Did you... Did you kiss Spencer again?"
"No!" Emily cringed at that being brought up. She had told Aria because she needed to tell someone. Paige was out for obvious reasons and Hanna would blame Spencer and end up doing something harsh to the other woman.
The only people that knew about the kiss were the woman that had shared it, Aria and A.
"Did Paige find out? You need to tell her. And you need to do it soon. Or someone else will pull the trigger for you."
"That is the worst thing that could happen." Emily reached inside her jacket for the pack of cigarettes and her lighter.
"The lies are already piling on. You told Paige that you hadn't gotten any messages from A."
"Yeah, well, lying is all I'm doing lately. Which is why I called." Emily got the cigarette lit, her last one. She'd have to get a new pack. "I made an appointment in Brookhaven."
"What's in Brookhaven?"
"A halfway house." Emily exhaled a tendril of smoke. She could get rid of some poisons, but others weren't so easy to release. They would stay insider her and grow, much like a tumor. Cigarettes and secrets both caused cancer. She should really quit.
The line was silent as Aria processed the information. "No!"
"I need answers. We need answers."
"Does Hanna know?"
"I haven't told her." She inhaled deeply.
"And something tells me you haven't told Paige or Spencer."
She flicked ash off the end of her cigarette. "They want to play detective, I can too."
"Well don't play against them. Work with them." Aria scolded.
"Things are a mess without you here."
Aria was quiet for a beat. "You know I can't go back there."
"I know.'' They were all haunted. Aria tried to escape her ghosts. But hell went with her.
"I miss you guys though."
"We miss you too. Teddy's drawing you some pictures to thank you for the birthday card and watercolors set now. She had to after she learned about her Aunt Aria the artist/writer/ bohemian. Thank you for the mess again by the way." Emily chuckled into the receiver. "And Hanna is going to have the baby soon. Paige is helping Caleb with the nursery. That Hanna designed of course."
Aria winced. "That bad, huh?"
"She was making so much progress but then A texted."
"I'm sorry I can't be there. But maybe I should call her. I should talk to her right?" Aria sounded hopeful.
Emily bit her lip. She wanted to fix Spencer on her own. But Spencer and Aria had always been closer. She couldn't take that away from either of them. "Yeah. She still doesn't know about... the fire."
The line was silent. "She'll blame herself won't she?"
"Yeah, she probably will." Paige had told her Spencer had freaked out when she told her about her eye and hand. Her wife had felt cruel for telling her like she did. Spencer had felt guilty about the letter bomb attack. She would probably fall into self-flagellation when she found out about Ezra. That needed to be handled in a delicate manner.
"Tell her that I don't blame her."
"You'll tell her yourself. I'll-" Her pager went off. "Shit. I have to go."
"Okay. You go save lives, Dr. Fields."
"Bye, Aria. Stay safe." She hung up the phone and slipped it into her coat pocket. She ran back inside the hospital.
A long shift dead and gone, a new one coming up tomorrow. Emily had to get out of the hospital, but she didn't want to go home just yet. So she made another phone call.
When Hanna showed up behind the wheel of her car, Emily's eyes almost bugged out of her head.
"Should you be driving? I thought you'd show up in a cab or have Caleb take us?"
"I don't know where my chauffer is for the evening. But it's better this way. Just the two of us." Hanna shrugged.
"Get up. I'll drive." Emily gestured with her hand.
"Em! I got here didn't I? I'm pregnant. Not invalet!" Hanna rolled her eyes.
"Invalid and many of the differently-abled can drive. But they're not about to go into labor." She put her hands on her hips.
"Please, I'm not due for weeks. And I'm with a doctor. So it's safe."
"Not if you somehow get contractions and drive the three of us into on coming traffic."
"Fine! You win, Dr. Fields. Can I have my best friend Emily back now?" Hanna pouted as she heaved herself out of the driver's seat. She waddled around the front of the car to the passenger's seat.
Her hand was about to open the door when Emily stopped her. "Nope. Back seat for you."
"I'm not a child." Hanna looked like she was going to immaturely stomp her foot.
"No, but you're with child. Don't be a pain in my ass. Get in the back."
"It's not like you'll feel it. Your ass is huge." Hanna mumbled.
Emily laughed. "I'll be glad when your baby hormones stop making you cranky. My huge ass needs to get some new jeans. And I need your opinion on how to make it look smaller, which is why we're going to the mall."
Two hours and forty-seven minutes later, the two friends were loaded down with shopping bags and sitting on a bench eating soft pretzels. Hanna had whined about being tired and hungry so to shut her up Emily had bought what her pregnant friend had been craving, a bacon and cheddar soft pretzel with mustard. They had smelled so good that Emily bought one for herself.
"So I got everything I needed." Emily had bought new jeans, which she had to get one size up. But they looked great on her. And she had picked up a blouse in a nice teal color. She also bought some socks for Paige and leggings for Teddy at Macy's. Her wife more often than not would misplace socks, and Teddy's adventurous spirit meant ripped leggings from climbing trees and falling down. "Where else do you need to go? Even though we've been to practically all the stores."
While Emily was exaggerating, it didn't feel like it to the tired surgeon. Most of the bags surrounding them were Hanna's and of course Emily was carrying most of them. She was usually relaxed when shopping and spending time with Hanna but she was starting to feel every minute.
"Aw. You're usually so Zen when we retail it."
Emily yawned. "Sorry. The day finally caught up to me. Fifth year." That on top of everything.
"It's almost done and then you'll be in attendance."
"An attending." Emily said as she finished off her pretzel and tossed the wrapper into the bin next to their bench.
"Yes that. We have one more shop to hit and then you can drive me and my car home." Hanna grinned.
"You still haven't heard from Caleb?"
"No. How about Paige? They're probably together getting drinks at The Library. It's still happy hour for a few more minutes."
"I texted her." Emily's lips thinned. It wasn't like Paige to not text her or to reply back. "But nothing."
"I'm sure we'll hear from them soon." Hanna balled her wrapper up and then threw it at the bin like Emily had done, but instead of going in it bounced of the edge and fell to the floor.
Emily stood up and picked up the wrapper and threw it away. Then she stood in front of Hanna who looked up at her expectantly with her arms stretched in front of her. Emily rolled her eyes and pulled the pregnant blonde to her feet. Hanna started walking and Emily gathered up their shopping bags.
"Forgetting something?" Emily asked when she caught up to Hanna.
Hanna took two of the bags from Emily's hands. She stuck her tongue out and then walked into a shop. Emily paused before following her inside. "Victoria's Secret? Seriously, Han?"
"Hey, I'm going to give birth to this baby. And when I do I want to look good for Caleb and feel sexy. Also take advantage of these boobs." Hanna cupped a lace bra up to her breasts.
When Emily chuckled at her friend, Hanna pouted. "Don't laugh. You've got amazing boobs. You would look good in this."
"I'll pass." Emily made her way towards a comfortable looking armchair.
This time Hanna followed behind Emily. "You should get something sexy to wear, too. You know, for Paige. I'm sure she'll enjoy it more than those socks you bought her."
"She needs socks. I don't know where they keep going. I think Dantes likes to play with them." Emily was the one that did the laundry and one sock would always end up solo. The unpaired socks were a problem before the pitbull came to live with them, so she couldn't really say he was the culprit. But he was responsible for the fine hairs that she'd find on her sweaters and jeans after folding them in the laundry room, where he slept.
"You got a dog?"
"Actually, he's-" Emily stopped herself. Spencer was a sore subject for Hanna. She didn't want to have an argument among lingerie. "Yeah. He's a pitbull."
"I'm sure that made Teddy happy."
"Very." She should probably get him a sweater while they were at the mall. The vet said that short haired dogs like him got cold.
"So make your wife happy, and pick something up for her. I mean when was the last time the two of you had sex?"
"Hanna!" Emily's voice was a warning.
"Lesbian bed death is serious business. Caleb and I wouldn't mind having Teddy sleep over so you two can have a night together. You two are definitely going to do the same for us once I push this kid out. This would look good on you." Hanna was holding up a bustier top and matching panties in a sheer white. "Match it with thigh stockings and garters! And wear three-inch heels. Em, you have to get this."
Emily placed a hand on her stomach. She had just bought some size 14 jeans, so she was a little in doubt about her measurements. She loved her curves and so did Paige, but they really hadn't had sex in awhile. Not since Spencer had come back into their lives. "Okay. You convinced me. I just need to get my size right."
So a sales associate got her measured: 38C-32-46. She bought the white set Hanna had suggested some bras and panties as well. Once Hanna got everything she wanted twenty minutes later, they left the store.
But before they headed back to Hanna's car, Emily made sure to get Dantes a couple of sweaters. Spencer hadn't stopped by that morning to walk him and she hoped it was because of the weather and not because she hadn't wanted to see her. She thought about getting a key made for Spencer. She'd talk to Paige about it.
They were finally in the parking garage when her talkative friend fell silent. Emily could feel her eyes on her. "What?"
"You didn't answer my question earlier. How long has it been since you and Paige had sex? I want to know what to expect when this kid is finally around. Seriously."
"Teddy isn't the problem." Emily unlocked Hanna's car and got the truck open. "She was asleep the last time we had sex."
"And that was?"
Emily couldn't really remember as she put their bags away. "Last month?"
"Four weeks!" Hanna whistled. "I was totally right about the lingerie. Em, I'll take Teddy tonight if it means you and Paige get horizontal. Or against the wall."
"Like I said, Teddy isn't the problem." Emily bit her lip. She had to talk to Hanna about this, but this so was not the way she wanted to bring the situation up. She opened the driver's door, but didn't get in. She looked at Hanna over the roof of the car. "It's Spencer."
Hanna was quiet and staring at her intensely. Then she erupted. "That bitch! I swear to God if she's taking advantage of how you felt for her-"
"No!" Why did everyone think she was hooking up with Spencer? And why did Hanna assume that Spencer was the one taking advantage of her. It had been the other way around. She had been the predator, catching the woman with her lips. She felt angry at Hanna but even more with herself. "Spencer doesn't even-" Emily sighed and got into the car. She leaned her forehead onto the steering wheel.
She heard the passenger door open and then slam shut. "Talk to me, Em."
"I was the one taking advantage. I kissed her."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Hanna smacked her on the shoulder.
"Because I knew you were going to blame her."
"I do blame her." Hanna crossed her arms across her chest.
Emily knew Hanna wasn't talking about the kiss. "When are you going to forgive her?"
"She doesn't need us. She made that perfectly clear." Hanna was staring straight ahead.
"Spencer had a reason. Maybe it was us. A didn't bother us while she was gone."
"And now that's she's back, so is A. And the last time A raised her fugly head, Paige lost an eye, Ezra lost his life, and we lost Aria to exile."
"You know she had nothing to do with those cupcakes."
"It's not about the cupcakes. It's about how you tried to see her every day after she got arrested and she ignored you. She ignored all of us. She didn't trust us."
"So, you're not going to help. You're just going to give up?" Emily's brows furrowed.
Hanna shoulders slumped. "I gave up on Spencer a long time ago. Maybe you should, too."
Emily opened the door to their apartment defeated and completely drained. The drive to Hanna's had been spent in silence. The moment she had got the car parked, she had jumped out of the car and caught a cab home. Hanna had looked like she wanted to apologize, but Emily didn't want to hear it.
That's how she knew A was back. Not the texts. Or the paranoid feeling. But the fact that the four of them were divided. And that's how they would fall.
For the three of them, A had been quiet. Almost like A never existed, just a bad dream they had woken up from. But an explosion and a fire were the wake up call. Just a taste of the hell Spencer had been living with for the last fifteen years.
"Hello?" Emily called out. She could hear the TV in the living room. She set her bags down. She started walking towards the sound. Paige and Teddy probably hadn't heard her over the noise.
Her wife and daughter were in the living room. And so was Spencer.
While Paige and Teddy were curled up together on the couch, Spencer was sitting alone in the armchair, hugging her knees to her chest. She had on a baseball tee and sweats. Her hair looked damp, like she had taken a shower. She looked so small, in that armchair.
"Oh." That got Teddy to look up at her Emily. Distracted from the movie, Teddy jumped off the couch and ran over to her. Dantes, who had been lying down in front of Spencer, scampered after the little girl. There was a mix of childish giggles and barking.
"Mommy! Spencer's here and Mama's being a pirate and Dantes almost eatted Mama's eye and we ordered pizza and we watching movies because it's a sleepover!" Teddy hugged her leg.
"I see that." But Emily was confused.
Paige came over to them and Emily understood what her daughter meant by her "being a pirate."
She was wearing her eye patch. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail. Emily noticed a scrape on her chin. A look of displeasure on her face, and arms folded across her chest made Paige an imposing figure.
"Teddy, go keep Spencer company. Your mother and I need to talk."
Their daughter skipped over to Spencer and said something to her. The woman looked up at them briefly and then back at Teddy, who was trying to climb into her lap. Spencer hesitated before helping her get settled into the couch. Teddy's attention was back on the movie, but Emily could tell Spencer's was focused on the two of them even though her eyes were staring at the TV screen.
Paige sighed and moved them a little bit into the dining room, but at angle where she could keep on eye on Teddy and Spencer. "Where have you been? I've been calling your phone."
"I was at the mall with Hanna." Emily said in confusion. She hadn't gotten anything from her wife.
"You were shopping?" Paige sounded relieved. But started again, with agitation lacing her question. "Why didn't you text or call?"
"I did. Didn't you get it? Never mind. What happened?" Emily reached out to caress Paige's cheek.
Paige's shoulder slumped. "Spencer found out about Ezra."
Emily's eyes widened. "She did? Is she okay?"
"Does she look okay?" Paige spat out.
"How bad was it?" Emily cringed.
"She freaked out. She was hysterical. I had to," Paige clenched her eye shut, loathing and regret pouring off her. "Slap her. She was hurting herself."
Emily knew what a person in a severely anxious state was capable of. She had to deal with it in the Pit on numerous occasions. It would end in restraints and administration of sedatives. There was no real quick fix.
And while Paige had a tendency to throw things when she was angry, she always hated her actions afterwards. She knew Paige. Striking Spencer, even if it was to stop the woman from being a danger to herself, was going to join dunking her head underwater on the list of things that would haunt her wife.
"Did she do that?" Emily asked about the scratch marks on her chin.
"It's okay." Paige shrugged it off, and Emily knew that her wife wasn't telling her everything in order to protect Spencer. "And I was polishing my eye when I dropped it. And Dantes scooped it up in his mouth and it got even more scratched. I already called to get it replaced. But it will take awhile. So, in the meantime, I'm a pirate."
"All right. If that's what happened." It seemed like an elaborate cover up but if Teddy said it, there had to be truth to it. Her daughter was the only one of them that couldn't lie. She hadn't learned how to yet.
"And Spencer's staying with us tonight. I got her cleaned up, but she hasn't eaten. And she hasn't said a single word yet." Paige was choked with worry. "I don't want her to be alone right now."
"No, of course not." Emily was about to suggest that. She was somewhat surprised that Paige was so worked up about Spencer. They had become close so quickly. Paige just felt so strongly for the forgotten and broken. She knew her wife had been there once and couldn't stand to have other people go through the darkness alone. Paige had such a big heart. It was what she loved about her.
"We should get back to them. We were watching The Wizard of Oz." Paige started heading back to the living room.
The credits were rolling when they got back. "Aw, it's over. Did I miss movie night?" Emily put on a pout for her daughter. She noticed that Spencer was rigid, and shivering. Dantes had taken back his spot at the base of the armchair by Spencer's feet. Paige went to sit on the couch.
"No, Mommy. There's one more movie lined up." Teddy grinned up at her and Paige from Spencer's lap. Then the little girl beamed up at the woman. Spencer smiled back weakly, but it was a struggle for her to do so. She looked uneasy at having Teddy so close to her.
"You want to come sit with us, Baby Girl?" Emily joined her wife on the couch, and patted the spot next to her.
Spencer flinched at Emily's question, and she regretted it. The woman thought that she didn't trust her with her daughter. Spencer was tense because she thought she was dangerous. Finding out about Ezra's death and hurting Paige had wrecked Spencer even more. Holding Teddy was a victory she needed.
Before Emily could save the situation, Teddy flopped against Spencer's side. "I'm good. Spencer needs my cuddles more."
Spencer looked up her and Paige, asking for permission. Emily nodded and the lithe woman relaxed and leaned back against the armchair, but not before brushing a hand over Teddy's hair. She and Paige settled in to watch the next movie that had been put into the queue.
The familiar notes of her childhood came through the surrounding speakers as the Disney intro music started playing and Cinderella's castle appeared on the screen. Paige's arm went around her shoulder and she leaned into her wife. She smirked knowing what movie Teddy had picked out.
"Brave again?" Emily whispered into her wife's ear.
"She loves it. All that talk of her Mama Bear, of course she was going to want to watch it." Paige whispered back. "Did you eat yet?"
"Just a pretzel." Paige leaned forward and grabbed a paper plate. She opened up the pizza box that was on the coffee table. There were still a lot of slices left, and her heart sank. Paige had said Spencer hadn't eaten yet.
That was another thing Emily added to her list of things that made Spencer different. She had always been a big eater. How she had managed to stay so skinny, Emily never knew. She had been someone that enjoyed food and taken pleasure in sharing a meal. But she now seemed to shy away from excess.
Loss of appetite was a symptom of depression and PTSD. And that's obviously what Spencer was going through. Emily had to wonder if Spencer's living expenses were also a factor. It certainly didn't help her. She made a note to have Spencer over more.
Paige gave her a plate with two slices. "Here you go. Pepperoni and mushrooms." She glanced over at Spencer, and Emily did the same. "Spence? You feel up for a slice?"
Teddy shushed her. "This is the best part."
"Everything is the best part. Your mother is asking if Spencer would like to have something to eat." Emily said firmly. "You've seen this movie countless times."
"Spencer hasn't seen it yet!" Teddy pouted. "You're just like Merida's mommy. Mean."
Emily tried to not wince. She was now engaged in a staring contest with her daughter, when she had just hoped for a nice quiet night for all of them. A similar scene was playing out on screen between the Princess and the Queen. Emily was not looking forward to Teddy's teenage years.
"Okay." Spencer's voice was barely a whisper, a dry rasp. Emily was sure she had imagined it but Paige stretched out and gave her a plate of pizza. Spencer took it and gave it a small bite. Paige grinned and wrapped her arm around Emily's waist, and Teddy went back to watching the movie distracted by the arrival of the different clans presenting their sons as suitors.
The rest of the movie was watched without any more upsets. Spencer finished her slice, and Emily polished off a third one. Paige's hand slipped under her shirt, and lazily traced circles on her skin. The movie ended, and Teddy was hugging Emily tightly.
"Sorry, Mommy. I love you. Don't turn into a bear." Teddy's face was pressed into Emily's side. "Just be a Mama Bear. Scary but soft."
Emily kissed her head. "Okay, I promise not to turn into a bear."
Paige was smirking in amusement at the exchange, one that always happened after they watched Brave. Paige had joked the first viewing that she was like King Fergus minus the accent and burly manhood and that Emily was a total Mama Bear like Elinor, which caused their three year old at the time daughter to burst into tears at losing her mom. So Emily had made the promise that she would never leave or turn into a bear every time the credits rolled each time they had watched it.
"Oh!" Teddy jumped off Emily's lap. She went over to stand Spencer. She put her tiny hands on the tense brunette's knees. Her daughter's voice was low, but sincere. "Sorry I forgotted. You miss your mommy now and that made you sad."
The movie always made Emily think of her own mother. And would illicit a phone call home to her voice and feel reassured that Pam was still there. Their relationship had come a long way since the standoff that happened between them when Emily had come out. They were closer now that she was an adult and a mother herself.
But Spencer would never have the chance to talk to Veronica Hastings. She would never get to have a relationship like the one she had with her own. She didn't know what their final goodbye was like, but it had to be tearful. Spencer had to have known that would be the last time she'd see her mother alive. She couldn't visit Veronica in the hospital while she was dying from breast cancer. She hadn't even been allowed to attend the funeral. There were things she never got to tell her mother. Life was so precious.
She felt Paige squeeze her hand, as if she had been thinking the same thing about Spencer. She looked at her wife, who had a sad smile. "Talk to her?"
Emily just nodded. Paige got off the couch. "Alright, Tedge. Time for bed."
The little girl began to protest. She wanted to stay up. "It's pretty late as it is. You're lucky you don't have school tomorrow. And I'm going to sleep, too."
"But Mama! I'm six now. I can stay up so much longer." Teddy's argument didn't hold much strength when she let out a big yawn.
Emily laughed at her. "I think you're sleepy. Trust me I'm a doctor."
"Hmm. I trust your mommy a lot so it's bedtime for you." Paige put her hands on her hips.
"Then tell me a bedtime story then. The princesses I want to know what happens next."
Paige picked up their daughter. "Oof. You really are six aren't you? I mean you are getting too heavy for me to carry."
"Nah uh. You are the strongest mama I know."
"Thanks, Tedge. Well then, any last words?" Paige cocked her heads in the direction of Emily and Spencer.
"Oh yeah!" Teddy wiggled. "Good night, Mommy."
"Good night, Baby Girl. Sweet dreams."
"Good night, Spencer. See you tomorrow! Thanks for watching movies with me."
"Night, Cub." One corner of Spencer's lip went up, an imitation of a smile.
But Teddy didn't pick up on it. She just looked pleased that she got Spencer to say words. Emily had watched as the little girl from time to time had looked up at Spencer during parts of the movie to see her reaction. She probably noticed that the woman didn't laugh or giggle during the funny parts. She did smile though, Emily had noticed, but the saddest smile one could make. Emily knew the smile from patients and parents. The ones that were terminally ill, grateful for the time they still had but dreading the moment that their time together would end. That was how Spencer smiled these days, as if she was on borrowed time and A would soon come to collect.
Paige gave Emily a kiss. "Don't stay up too late, babe." She flicked her eyes urgently in Spencer's direction. Her wife must have noticed Spencer's "smile" as well.
Then Paige headed towards the bedrooms, Dantes following them. "Remind me... what was happening with the princesses previously?"
"The Brave Princess was swimming when the Grey Knight came and tried to scare her. The knight is mean. I don't like her." Teddy scrunched her face up.
"I didn't like the Grey Knight either. But she gets better. Trust me. Right so the Rose Kingdom was going to compete in a race, and The Brave Princess and The Grey Knight were the fastest in the whole kingdom. But no one knew who was faster so..."
Emily couldn't hear the rest of the story, but she already knew how it ended.
Once she and Spencer were alone, Emily tried to sit as close to the other woman as she without leaving the couch. She didn't want to crowd her. They sat in silence. Emily watched Spencer as she stared down at her hands in her lap. They were scraped up again, but it looked like her wife had tended to them. There was some Tegaderm on her left hand.
She began gently. "Paige told me what happened today."
Spencer's hands clenched tightly but she tensed, almost like she was cowering. It was if she was getting ready for a punishing blow to strike her body.
Emily continued, uncertain as how to proceed. "It was such a shock when it happened. It was exactly a year after Paige's attack." A had reminded them with bouquet of flowers with a card attached, wishing them a "HAppy AnniversAry!" She gritted her teeth at the thought. "The fire investigator ruled it an accident. An electrical fire. But nothing is ever an accident when it comes to A."
A hadn't sent a text claiming responsibility like she had when Paige had been attacked. It was unnecessary because none of them would ever forget what happened on this date. So when the same date rolled around the following year, Hanna, Emily, and Paige had Caleb on lockdown. It was Paige that thought to check the car out, and had found a puddle of brake fluid.
And Aria had run off to Europe. Aria had never received the brunt of A's torment. That had always been Spencer, followed by her and Hanna. But it was unfair that it had all caught up to her in such a brutal way.
"My fault." Spencer croaked out.
"No one blames you." Emily stated firmly. Spencer still didn't look up at her. So she went over to the woman instead. She crouched down in front of her; take up the spot Teddy had been standing in earlier. Instead of Spencer's knees, she took Spencer's hands in her own and kissed her knuckles. "Did you hear me? No one blames you. Not for Paige's attack. Not for what happened to Ezra and certainly not for your mother's death."
The tears were falling freely from Spencer's eyes now, her face twisted in pain. "No one was supposed to get hurt." She had a hard time getting the words out because she was sobbing so hard. "I thought... My fault. Mine."
"Spencer?" Emily asked in confusion. What did she mean by that?
She didn't have time to figure it out because Spencer slumped out of the armchair onto her knees. Emily alarmed, tried to catch her, but they both ended up falling to the floor instead.
They were on their sides, but Spencer was sobbing into her chest. Emily adjusted their position so that Spencer would be more comfortable on top of her. Just like in the restroom at the cafe, she put one hand on the small of her back and the other in her hair. She held the woman close as her body wracked with sobs.
"She was sick. She didn't take care of herself because she was taking care of me." Spencer choked out.
"Your mom loved you. And when you love someone, you move mountains for them." Emily knew this was true. She would do anything for her daughter, protect her and never give up on her. Not just her daughter either. She knew she would do anything for Paige, her wife who she loved dearly. But the one thing she couldn't do was to stop loving Spencer.
But she knew Paige could never ask her to do that. Her wife put her before herself. And the woman in her arms right now was the same way.
Spencer would move mountains for her. She didn't know how to ask, but she was sure that Spencer already had. And it cost her fifteen years of her life.
"I'm just so tired." Spencer murmured.
"Let's go to bed." Emily instinctively kissed the top of her head. She bit her lip. Why did her heart work faster than her brain? "I- I can stay with you until you fall asleep." She waited for Spencer's reaction.
Spencer didn't move for what felt like forever. Maybe just to embrace Emily tighter, as if trying to hold on for a few more seconds. But Emily couldn't be sure because Spencer pushed herself up quickly moments later, practically ripping herself out of Emily's arms.
"That's not necessary." Spencer stated, staring straight into Emily's eyes. But she was embracing herself. Emily missed having her arms around her too.
"Spencer. Just let me-"
"Good night, Emily." Spencer turned on her heel and went to the guest bedroom. Emily followed her only to have the door shut in her face.
Emily put her hand and forehead against the door. She wished Spencer would just let her help her. But she messed it up again. "I'm sorry."
Like the night before, Emily didn't get much sleep. She couldn't sleep.
Again she stayed on the couch, reviewing until she fell asleep. Unlike before, where her daughter woke her up, she woke up to shouting.
She ran to the guest bedroom. Luckily, Spencer hadn't locked the door. The bed was empty, but the screaming was still going on. She went to the side of the bed, and found Spencer thrashing on the floor in a tangle of sheets and blankets.
Emily went to her side. "Spencer! Wake up!"
Spencer sat up, a look of confusion all over her face.
"You were having a nightmare." Emily wiped away some of the sweat on Spencer's forehead.
"I'm sorry." Spencer whimpered.
"Emily?" Paige was standing in the doorway. She looked worried, if not a little disoriented herself. Dantes was by her leg, but then he came into the room to stand guard.
"I've got this under control. Go check on Teddy? Please." Emily helped Spencer back up into the bed after Paige left and shut the door. She thought that the woman had fallen out of bed because her nightmare had been so violent. But it looked like Spencer had laid out a blanket and pillow. She started off sleeping on the floor.
She fixed the bed up as quickly as she could and got in next to Spencer. She wrapped her arm around her and pulled her close to her chest. "Just go back to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."
The little dog put his nose on the edge of the bed. Spencer reached out and rubbed his muzzle.
Emily sighed. "You too, Dantes." The dog moved and she imagined that he was there on Spencer's side of the bed, curled up and worried about her.
She hummed something for Spencer, as she listened to her sniffling die down and her breathing evening out. Soon she fell asleep, too.
Emily woke up alone. The side of the bed next to her was empty. She sighed and looked up at the guest bedroom's ceiling.
She felt like she was stuck in a loop, always repeating herself and her thoughts. She was always remembering the past and while someone once said, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." She could never forget the past, but she was always making the same mistake.
All Emily could see was the damage, but Spencer was still there. She was still healing. What Emily thought of as two completely different people was the whole. That was all Spencer. Nightmares and broken smiles. Gentleness brought on by caution. Someone afraid to love because she thought she only brought ruin and destruction to everyone around her. Even though Spencer didn't believe it, Emily knew she had a big heart.
But Emily was constantly breaking it.
She got out of bed and padded to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Dantes barked when she came in. Paige and Spencer were sitting at the kitchen island chatting. They were both dressed up for a run, both covered in a sheen of sweat. She momentarily wondered where Spencer had gotten her clothes. They didn't look like anything Paige owned. The material actually a little tight on the woman, showing off the definition in her arms. Emily guessed they were her old clothes, which made sense since they were brighter than what she usually wore.
And brighter too was Spencer. She actually had a grin on her face as if she hadn't had the worst day yesterday. Her eyes were shining.
"You guys went for a run?" Emily asked, as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
"Yeah." Paige nodded. "Spencer is almost as fast as me."
"Almost had you." Spencer said with her mouth full. She was eating a banana.
If anything could appeal to Spencer it was the chance for competition. Emily smiled weakly. Why was it so easy for Paige to help Spencer? Why did Spencer keep running from her? "That's great."
"What do you want for breakfast?" Paige went over to the fridge. "I can make us something nice."
"I have to get to the hospital. So I'm going to hop in the shower. I'll grab something on the way."
"Promise me you'll actual eat something." Paige frowned.
"Hey, I'm in no danger of wasting away." Emily joked. She drained the rest of her coffee. "Sorry I have to steal the shower away from you. You'll just have to be all hot and sweaty for a few more minutes."
"We could always share the shower." Paige grinned suggestively as put her mug in the sink.
"Tempting offer." Emily cocked her head to the side and brought a finger up to her cheek. "But like I said I need to take a quick shower and get to work."
After her shower and getting dressed, Emily went to say goodbye to her wife and Spencer. She gave Paige a kiss on the lips, but Paige pulled her in possessively and deepened the kiss for seconds longer.
"Uh. I'll see you tonight." Emily asked a little flustered.
"Yeah?" Paige grinned. "I put your shopping bags up in our closet by the way. I didn't peek. But I can't wait for my surprise."
Emily smacked her arm playfully. "Well, you're going to have to wait a bit longer. Your surprise needs more planning."
Paige pouted, which looked ridiculous on her face when coupled with the eye patch. Her wife was an adorable badass.
"Bye. Have fun with Teddy." Emily said in amusement. She turned to say goodbye to Spencer, but found her staring intensely at the bowl of fruit laid out on the island.
That whole exchange between her and Paige must have made her uncomfortable. And waking up in the same bed together this morning had to leave Spencer confused. "Spencer? Bye." She didn't know what else to say. It fell awkwardly between them.
"Bye." Spencer said shyly, not looking at her in the eyes. Paige said goodbye to her once last time as she left the kitchen.
She bit her lip and went to the elevator. She pressed the down button.
When it arrived she was surprised to see Hanna standing there.
"What are you doing here?" Emily said harshly.
"Well, I felt bad about where we left things off yesterday, so I was going to surprise you. I called your Chief Resident and asked Riyadh what time you were free. And he told me that you weren't coming in until the afternoon. Which I thought was a little weird since you told me that you have to get up at the ass crack of dawn to go to surgery. Didn't you used to be the honest one? What are you really doing?" Hanna crossed her arms against her chest.
Emily pulled Hanna into the elevator and hit the button for the ground floor. "I'm going to Brookhaven."
"Emily! No!" Hanna looked angry.
"A is back and I need a place to start."
"So you were going without telling me?" Hanna raised her voice.
"Hello? You are extremely pregnant." Emily yelled back.
"Well. Now I am going with you." Hanna shrugged it off. "How did you find out where she was anyway?"
"That's not important." She didn't want to admit that she got help from Wren Kingston.
"Look, I didn't tell you because I was trying to protect her like I protect all of my friends. She's getting better now. She has nothing to do with any of this."
"So, you're still defending her?" Emily was irritated by the fact that Hanna had abandoned Spencer, but still kept in contact with her. "She might know who is behind all of it. We can end this." Emily was determined.
"She didn't talk then so what makes you think she's going to now?" Hanna bit her lip.
The elevator doors opened. "A feeling."
After registering with the front desk with a fake name, Emily took her visitors badge. Hanna knew her way around, so she just followed her friend to a common area. They took a seat at a table and waited. Hanna told her something about the program at Brookhaven.
Residents had to keep a job while staying there, so they could learn to be integrated back into society. They had a curfew that had to be followed, but they could come and go as they pleased as long as they were cleared with their psychiatrist and they signed out with the front desk. Emily didn't like how that sounded.
She took a look around the room. It was a very nice place. It reminded her of a sorority house or a day spa. It was very upscale with plush carpeting and mahogany paneling. A couple of the residents where milling about the room. There was a burly man sitting in an armchair doing a crossword puzzle but she guessed he was an orderly on some type. He had on a grey polo shirt and khaki pants. He looked up when the person they were visiting showed up.
"Hanna! Look at you, mom. When is the little ankle bitter going to show up? I want to spoil this kid. Stake my claim as the cool aunt."
Hanna flashed Emily a brief apologetic look before smiling awkwardly. "Soon. I hope."
"And Emily Fields. " The woman drew her name out slowly, her voice sickly sweet. "I haven't seen you in ages. And there's so much more of you to see."
Emily gritted her teeth. "Mona."