A/N: This one features "MC Horror's Rap," so far my favorite thing to write. Think "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer. BTW, I fully intend for all of Rocky's real spoken lines to come from the movie Cool As Ice.

[Setting: Lab…]

"Zompers!" Janet exclaims.

Frank-N-Furter is caught off-guard. "What the hell is a 'zomper?'" He shakes his head. "Never mind."

"Why are you creating life, may I ask, uh…what's your name again?" Brad stammers.

"Dr. Frank-N-Furter."

"Wow. But, anyways, why?"

"There comes a time when one hungers for company." He leans on the tank, a look of lust in his eyes. "And what does one do?"

"Join eHarmony?"

"No! One creates someone who will always be there to do whatever you desire…and more." He chuckles slyly. "And now…Columbia, Magenta?"

Columbia and Magenta grab either side of the blanket over the tank.

"Brad and Janet, I present to you…Rocky Horror!"

They remove the blanket; Rocky is in the tank. He suddenly emerges, dons a backwards cap and a gold chain with a dollar sign on it, and grabs a microphone that appeared basically out of nowhere.

"Check, 1, 2, 1 2," Rocky begins,

"MC Horror is here to say

Let's start the party, come join the fray

I'm rocking and rapping like no other

And I want to state that I'm a real bad mother

It's raining, but it's light at the Frankenstein place

I'm chilling with my peeps from outer space

First there's my new bros Brad and Janet

Then my bad posse from Transsexual planet

So come on all you boys and girls

MC Horror's gonna rock your world!"

"That doesn't rhyme…" Riff Raff observes.

"I'm gonna make you move your feet

So let's all rock out to the beat

We're going to party without a glitch

Cause MC Horror's one son of a-"

"All right, let's stop him before he freestyles." Riff Raff groans.

"Say, does he know how to Madison?" Brad asks.

"Brad, not everybody knows how to Madison." Janet sighs.

"Master, it seems Vanilla Ice here is fully functional." Riff Raff snaps.

"Now if you'll excuse me," Rocky drawls, "I need to go, uh, schling a schlong."

"You've really done it now, haven't you?"

"Uh, could we get some help for the car?" Brad pipes up.

"You ain't gonna stay?" Columbia whimpers.

"Shut up, Columbia." Frank-N-Furter growls. "You're not going to stay?" He asks Brad and Janet.

Columbia sulks.

"Brad, I think it'd be a little more helpful if we stayed." Janet reassures him.

The shutters clatter, thunder and lightning rumbles, and eerie voices fill the air.

"Kill…" One whispers.

"Or how about we leave?"

The entire gang rushes toward the door, but it's locked. They desperately pull it.

"Frank, open the door!" Magenta screams.

"I never locked it!" Frank-N-Furter replies frantically. "And anyways, I don't have the key!"

Thunder clashes again.

Janet jumps into Rocky's arms. "Rocky, protect me!"

Frank-N-Furter jealously pushes Janet out of Rocky' arms. "Rocky, protect us!"

Rocky grunts.

"What are we going to do?" Brad panicks.

"Everyone!" Riff Raff steps up onto the table. "It appears that we have a haunting. But ghosts don't exist, do they?"

"Well, evidently," Columbia argues, "they do!"

"Shut up, Columbia. Of course they don't! And that means someone here is causing the hauntings."

Eddie suddenly bursts in.

"Hot Patootie, bless my soul," Eddie exclaims, "I really love that rock 'n' roll!"