Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans, awoke with just one thought.
I can't take this anymore.
He looked up from his position (the floor) with anything but a pleasant expression on his face.
The Woman was curled up on their bed, the blankets wrapped completely around her, breathing serenely, still deep asleep.
Vegeta got to his feet and glared down at her.
He still wasn't a hundred percent sure how she did it, but this was the fourteenth time this month she had managed to push him onto the floor in the middle of the night.
And it was only March 14th.
"Woman!" He snapped.
Bulma didn't react.
"Foolish woman! Hey!"
Her eyes remained closed.
Vegeta's eyebrow twitched. "Bulma?"
She opened her eyes. "Oh, morning, Vegeta."
The damn woman was awake all along!
He glowered at her.
"Can I help you?" She smiled.
"You need to work on your sleeping habits, woman."
"Huh? What do you mean by that?"
"What I mean is: stop pushing me onto the floor like a goddamn dog!"
"It's not my fault if you fall out of bed, Vegeta."
The warrior reddened. "I do not 'fall out of bed'! I am the-!"
"Prince of all Saiyans," Bulma yawned. "Yes, darling, I'm aware. Now be a dear and go make me a coffee."
"Damn you, woman!" Vegeta yelled and stormed out of the room.
"I guess that's a 'no' on the coffee?" Bulma said to herself.
Trunks walked in. "Hey," He said. "What're you and dad fighting about now?"
"Your father's childish habit."
Trunks and his mother high-fived.
"Can you drive me over to Goten's mom? I said I'd train with him today."
"Sure, hon. But don't ki blast anymore houses, okay? We're lucky they didn't press charges, but we need to be on our guard, alright?"
Bulma quickly showered and dressed. She passed Vegeta as he got an energy drink out of the fridge.
"I'm going out now, sweetie!"
"Good riddance." Vegeta sniffed.
Bulma hugged him and kissed his cheek before he could move away. "Be a good little Saiyan while I'm gone, okay?"
"Don't patronize me, woman!"
Bulma giggled and Vegeta hissed through his teeth in annoyance.
"Bye, dad." Said Trunks, coming into the kitchen.
"Oh, just get lost- the both of you!" Vegeta slammed the door behind him as he walked out.
Trunks, who was used to Vegeta's temper tantrums, simply shrugged. "He'll be in a better mood once he does some training."
"You know it." Bulma winked at her son, but inside she was thinking.
He seemed really upset this morning though… I think it's time to tell him what his sleeping problem is really about.
Once they got to the Son residence and Trunks and Goten ran out into the woods to train, Bulma sat with Chi-chi at the table and told her Vegeta's problem.
"And the worst part is, he's getting upset with me about it!" Bulma complained.
"Well, it is Vegeta," Chi-chi mused. "He wouldn't want to admit that something about him might be the problem. Especially that."
"What do you think I should do?"
"Maybe go out and buy something to clear it up? They sell lots of stuff like that nowadays."
"Hmm…" Bulma mused, wondering if normal Earth treatments would work on a Saiyan.
Then she realized.
"Oh! I know exactly what to do!"
"Really?" Chi-chi looked up.
"Yes! It's the same thing my mother used to do to me when I got this problem."
Bulma explained to her the method.
"Er," Chi-chi stared at her friend doubtfully. "I'm…not sure."
"What? It's a great plan!"
"But, um…I'm not sure it's so great for Vegeta."
"Oh, you worry too much," Bulma sat back, satisfied. "The problem's practically solved!"
Trunks had been right.
Once Vegeta had got rid of his excess anger whilst training, he was in the mood to attempt to at least try and be halfway civil to the people around him.
When Bulma got home he even greeted her with a slight nod.
"How was training?" She asked.
"Fine." He grunted.
"Trunks decided to sleep over Goten's. He really trained hard today."
Vegeta smirked. "He's my son- of course he did."
That's right, get him in a good mood…
"He even beat Goten twice," Bulma commented nonchalantly.
Vegeta even chuckled darkly at that.
Bulma further attempted to butter him up by ordering his favourite type of pizza (pepperoni) and not nagging him about littering round the house.
(Vegeta seemed to think walking to the bin to put in empty drinks cans was beneath him half the time).
When dusk settled, Bulma slid over to Vegeta's side of the couch and they began kissing.
Bulma led him upstairs and Vegeta thought he knew exactly where this was going when they got to their room and Bulma sat down on the bed.
Suddenly though, as if she'd materialized it, she held a plastic bag in her hand.
"Ta-da!" She said.
"Bulma, what are you doing?" Vegeta demanded.
He hoped she wasn't experimenting with anymore sex toys.
Handcuffs broke like papier-mâché and last time they had broken not just their window but the neighbors' as well and had received a very icy letter.
"What's that?" Vegeta pointed to the bag.
"Look, Vegeta- I'm just trying to deal with your problem."
"What problem? I don't have a problem!"
"Yes, you do, Vegeta. That's why you keep falling out of bed."
"What the hell are you blathering about, woman?"
Bulma sighed. I might as well just tell him.
"You have nightmares."
The Saiyan warrior stared at her. "Nightmares?! That's preposterous! As if I would have nightmares-!"
"You do, Vegeta. I've seen you. I tried to hold you and comfort you the first time but you were thrashing about. That was the first time you fell out of bed."
Vegeta was almost shaking with anger. "You are a liar, woman!"
Bulma pursed her lips.
He wanted to play hard ball?
"Worms." She said.
He winced again. "Stop it! Stop…saying that!"
"You wanna know something, Vegeta? That's what you keep mumbling in your nightmares. You just say the word 'worms' over and over."
Vegeta was oddly quiet.
"Are you scared of worms, Vegeta?"
"I think you are."
"You're ridiculous, idiot woman!"
"And you've got worm phobia."
Bulma cracked a smile. "Aww, sweetie, don't worry. I think it's really adorable. It shows your cute side."
"I don't have a cute side!" Vegeta yelled. "I'm a Saiyan elite!"
"Okay, okay, I get it tough guy," Bulma fought to stop herself laughing. "But it's becoming a problem for both of us so in this bag, I have a cure."
Vegeta's eyes fell on the bag warily. "It's…" He swallowed. "It's not a worm is it?"
"AWWW!" Bulma was unable to contain herself anymore, which was a mistake because Vegeta went crimson and almost stormed out of the room. Bulma had to race in front of him. "Okay, alright- I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's not a worm- it's a cure."
"A cure?" Vegeta threw another look at the bag with suspicion.
Vegeta watched Bulma take out a small dark purple pouch from the plastic bag and assumed it contained some kind of herbal remedy.
"Your Earth medicines won't work on Saiyan blood, moron!" He snapped.
"It's medicine of the mind, Vegeta. It could work on anyone."
"Medicine…of the mind?"
These Earth dwellers with their sly treatments…
"Okay," Bulma smiled, leaping to her feet and producing the pouch. "Pick one."
Vegeta frowned and drew something out of the pouch.
It was a tiny little smiling doll in a red and white dress.
"Okay, now this is your Dream Friend." Bulma pointed to it. "What you have to do is talk about your bad dreams to the doll, then put her under your pillow and she'll magic all your bad dreams away!"
Vegeta was eerily quiet.
"Vegeta? Look, why don't you give your little Dream Friend a name? What do you want to call her, Vegeta?"
Vegeta's hand clenched and the doll turned to dust.
"Oh, Vegeta!" Bulma scolded. "You have to be more careful!"
"Out of all…the stupid ideas…you have ever had…" Vegeta was visibly shaking with rage. "This is…the goddamn…stupidest!"
"I'm just trying to help!" Bulma pouted.
"WELL DON'T!" Vegeta yelled and Bulma couldn't stop him from storming out of the room that time.
"Well?" Chi-chi asked when Bulma came to pick Trunks up the next morning. "How did it go?"
"Not well, Chi-chi." Bulma muttered. "Not well."
"What did he do?"
"He slept in the Gravity Room is what he did." Bulma snapped. "The stubborn idiot wouldn't even talk to me. When your husband would rather sleep on a metal floor than next to you, you know he hates you."
"Oh, Bulma," Chi-chi sighed. "You know as well as I do that Vegeta doesn't hate you. He just has a lot of pride. That's all. Maybe you bruised it a bit too much last night?"
"Well, I refuse to tread on eggshells in my own home!" Bulma snapped. "That man's going to sleep like an adult whether he likes it or not."
"Yes," Chi-chi said slowly. "But, um, what are you going to do?"
Bulma smiled. "He thinks he's cleverer than everyone. Even me. Well, he's wrong. I've learned how to trick Vegeta."
"This sounds dangerous." Chi-chi muttered into her coffee mug.
"He's got a lot of pride," Bulma said. "So I just need to work with that." She laughed. "He may be the prince of Saiyans but that tough guy is not the boss of me."
To repay them for last night, Goten was allowed round Capsule Corp for a sleepover.
Bulma made sure they were fine in Trunks' playroom before she went to seek out Vegeta.
"Hey," She stuck her head into the Gravity Room. "I wanna talk to you a second."
"I have nothing to say to you, foolish woman." Vegeta growled.
Bulma sashayed up to him and put her arms round his neck. She knew Vegeta had a thing about her nuzzling his neck so she nuzzled it now and breathed in his ear: "I'm sorry, darling. I didn't mean to offend you yesterday."
"Huh." Vegeta grunted, but his protest was wavering.
"You know what I just found out is good cure for nightmares?"
Vegeta tensed under her warningly. "It's not a goddamn dream-catcher, is it?"
"No," Bulma whispered. "It's sex."
Vegeta gave her a sideways look and Bulma smiled mischievously.
"I'm not sure if it works though," She teased. "We're going to have to give it a test-"
But Vegeta was already on her, so she never finished her sentence.
Goten looked up from the console. "What's that noise?"
"What noise?" Asked Trunks distractedly, focusing on the screen. "C'mon, Goten, you're losing!"
"That banging noise."
Trunks didn't look up. "Oh that? Just my parents."
"What are they doing?"
"I've already explained sex to you once, Goten, I'm not going through it again."
Somewhere, something broke.
"Does sex break things?" Goten asked incredulously.
"Only with my parents." Trunks muttered.
Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans, awoke contentedly in the early light of day.
He looked down.
On the bed for the first time this month.
He looked over at his wife, who lay sprawled out close to him. Her nose brushed against his chest as he breathed.
She was stunning in morning light and Vegeta once again admired how right he had been in his choice of mate.
Yes, she drove him utterly crazy. And most of the time he had to train like mad to work off the excess anger she gave him.
But she was beautiful, sharp as a tack and, well, sexually pleasing as ever.
Vegeta smirked (the closest he ever came to a smile) as Bulma opened her eyes.
"Good morning," She whispered.
"Morning." Vegeta muttered.
He grinned. "I did, in fact. Your theory must have been right."
"I'm always right." Bulma stuck her tongue out.
Vegeta snorted. "A debatable point."
He rolled over. At least his wife had come to her senses and finally apologized for her foolishness earlier. Now she fully understood who exactly was in charge in their relationship-
Vegeta's thoughts were cut off as his hand slipped under the pillow and he felt something small and hard.
He drew it out.
It was a Dream Friend.
"Ah," Bulma said sheepishly. "Yeah. I might have explained your nightmares to the Dream Friend and they put it under your pillow without telling you. But, hey! Who can argue with the results, right?"
Vegeta had gone silent again, his expression shadowed.
"Vegeta?" Bulma laughed. "Hey, you're not seriously mad are you?"
Goten opened his eyes and yawned.
He liked sleeping over at Capsule Corp.
It was clean, comfortable and-
A ki blast shot above his head, barely missing him and going through the opposite wall.
"Vegeta!" Bulma yell reached him from over the other side of the now-ruined house. "You didn't have to go that far-!"
"DON'T YOU TALK TO ME YOU SHAMELESS WOMAN!"
"Oh, you get back here and apologize for that RIGHT NOW, mister!"
Goten groaned and sat up.
Trunks awoke, rubbed his eyes and looked at him. "What's up?"
"I wanna go home," Goten muttered. "Your house is crazy."
"Huh?" Trunks looked confused so Goten helpfully pointed out the hole in the wall. "Oh that," Trunks said. "I dunno, probably just foreplay."
"Looks like a ki blast."
"That's my dad's idea of foreplay."
"Why don't you ask him?"
"YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU WRETCHED HARPY!"
"I think I'll pass." Goten muttered.
The Briefs house was very noisy that day, and got even worse when the neighbors came to complain and Vegeta finally had someone to take his anger out on.
Needless to say, the Briefs were not invited to any neighborhood Tupperware parties for the rest of the year.