"Alright alright, I've got another one, I've got another one –"
Ray, Gene and Sam groaned.
"Give it a break, Chris," Ray said, elbowing him. "We're trying to get drunk here, not win a pub quiz."
"Nah, this is a good one, come on," Chris all but pleaded. Gene hefted a sigh, knocking back the last of his beer and signalling Nelson for another one.
"Go on then, Skelton," he said.
Chris licked his lips and leant forwards.
"If your life was a TV programme, what would it be?" he said, concentrating so as not to trip over his own tongue.
The other three groaned and rolled their eyes.
"Well Chris's'd be Watch with Mother," said Ray, and Chris looked almost comically offended.
"You'd – you'd – you'd be," Chris stuttered.
"Mine'd be the Sweeney," Ray continued, looking smug, but his expression dropped when Gene replied,
"You seem more like the Upstairs Downstairs type to me, Ray."
"Ohhhhhh," Chris said, laughing at Ray's face as Gene turned to Sam.
"What about you, Tyler – some sort of cooking show?" The others sniggered.
"Doctor Who," Sam said, trying to hold back a hiccup and failing. What the hell had he been drinking?
"What, because you're really an alien?" Ray said. "Not hard to believe."
"I feel like – like I've come back in time, coming here," Sam managed, ignoring him. "So Doctor Who. How did you know the Doctor was an alien, anyway?"
The others laughed a bit more and Ray reddened.
"M'sister's kids love it," he muttered.
"Alright alright," Gene interrupted. "So if you've come from the future, spaceboy, what's going to happen to us?"
Sam thought, fuzzily.
"Chris is going to win the lottery, but lose the ticket –"
"- and spend the rest of his life looking for it, I'll bet," Ray added. Chris shoved him.
"Ray is going to marry a feminist and become a house-husband," Sam continued; this suggestion set Ray scowling and the other two howling with laughter.
"And what about the Guv?" asked Chris when he got his breath back. Gene looked at Sam.
"Yeah, Dorothy, what's going to happen to me in the future?"
Sam's intoxication leant him some misplaced solemnity.
"You – you are going to hell," he said seriously. For a moment he and Gene met eyes and just stared at each other – and then Chris snorted beer out of his nose, and things returned to normal.