I recently received a review that really caught my attention:
Hi! Well, I was going to stay silent and kind of lurk in the shadows but then you asked for criticism so I thought I might as well explain why I've lost interest in this story. I really don't want to sound mean; I loved the first few chapters, and your writing style's great. I just stopped reading because Jessica was quickly becoming unbearable.Let me explain. Have you heard of a Mary Sue? They're characters who are written as so all-around perfect that they detract from the story and irritate readers. Jessica's an almost perfect example. She's beautiful, everyone seems to love her, she has a dark and mysterious past, she's smart enough to impress geniuses like Dr. Banner (coming up with that formula in no time), and government agencies like SHIELD are interested in her. The main character immediately loves her and to top it off she's got superpowers and keeps getting hurt to put her in the focus of everyone's concern. Not to mention it doesn't make sense for her to live alone, because when her parents died she was a minor and would have had to be found another guardian. One or two of those traits might be okay, but all of them combined felt unnatural and irritating, especially for an OC.Also, I felt like there were a lot of plot points that were dropped when Jessica came into the picture. Like when Peter unmasked to his classmates? There probably should have been more of a reaction to that and the fact that Iron Man is his father. It's a huge deal and all we got were a few exclamations of surprise. Wouldn't the public have something to say about it? It felt like once Jessica was introduced the whole story started revolving around her. Finally, the way she randomly started talking to Peter once he unmasked as a superhero doesn't reflect that well on her character. What's with the sudden interest?Heh. I feel like I kind of ranted here. I guess Mary Sues have always annoyed me. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really like your writing style and this seemed like a very interesting story in the beginning, which is why I favorited it. To tell the truth I was disappointed when Jessica took it over. Hopefully you'll write more stories soon!
You may think, why would I include the review? Well, this is the only person so far who has taken this much time to notice all the details in my story and point out plot holes, things about the story, parts of my characters that needed improving that I hadn't even noticed.
Thank you for this, reallyhatebananas, you have made me realise that I need to revise the story.
So, people, I am deleting the current chapters. Do not fear. I am simply reviewing the chapters, re-inventing the story a bit, and filling in plot holes. The story will continue!
Please don't delete me off of your favourite stories, authors, or follows list!
I'm revising the story for your benefit, dear readers, so that my story will become more enjoyable, and so there are no confusing points in the story.
Do not delete me xD
The revised Prologue is in progress and will be added tonight! :D
Please look forward to the revised edition of:
Surprise & Tragedy
Continue to show support! :D