REGULAR ED

Chapter 1

One summer morning at the park, Benson had just called his employees outside for a meeting.

"Alright, everyone. I have an announcement to make," Benson said.

"You know who else has an announcement to make? MY MOM!" Muscle Man joked.

Benson sighed in frustration. "Anyway, we have three newcomers who'll be working with us for the summer."

"Oh, boy!" Pops cheered. "I can't wait to meet them. When will they arrive?"

"They should be here sometime this afternoon," Benson answered.

"You think we can get them to do our work for us?" Rigby whispered to Mordecai.

"I HEARD THAT!"

"Chill, Benson. I was just joking,"

"I don't want you two being bad influences on them," Benson told Mordecai and Rigby.

"Hey, we're not bad influences," Rigby protested.

"I think he's mostly talking about you, Rigby," Mordecai joked.

"NO, HE'S NOT!"

"Alright, that's enough!" Benson interrupted. "When the newcomers arrive, I want you all to meet them and make them feel welcome, got it?"

"Yes, sir," the employees replied in unison.


The Eds were riding a bus and were on their way to the park. Ed and Edd were looking forward to their new summer jobs but Eddy wasn't.

"Man, I can't believe our parents are makin' us get summer jobs," Eddy complained with his arms folded.

"I think it's a wonderful idea," Edd said. "Having summer jobs will better prepare us for adulthood."

"I don't wanna work all summer, Double-D. Jobs work ya too long for too little pay,"

"You'll need to obtain a career eventually, Eddy. You can't spend the rest of your life scamming people,"

"Sure, I can," Eddy argued. "Playin' dirty is the fastest way to earn big bucks. I don't need you to tell me how to make cash, Double-D."

"What kinda summer jobs did we get, Double-D?" Ed asked.

"Groundskeeping, Ed," Edd answered.

"What's that?"

"A groundskeeper is someone who maintains a park for functional and aesthetic purposes," Edd explained.

"Oh, great. So, we gotta take care of some stupid park all summer?" Eddy asked negatively.

"That's correct, Eddy,"

"Sounds like fun," Ed said, unaware of how wrong he was.

"That's the spirit, Ed," Edd complimented.

Eddy groaned and slid down in his seat. "It's gonna be a long summer."


When the bus pulled up at the park entrance, the Eds exited the bus. Then, it drove away.

"Well, here we are, gentlemen. The first day of our first summer job. Isn't this exciting?" Edd asked excitedly. "Just think of it; responsibility. That's a sign of growing up, you know. A key to enter our social structure, a tip of the hat, a flag wave to the world proclaiming-"

"Alright, Double-D! We get the point already! Geez!" Eddy interrupted.

The Eds entered the park and started walking down the sidewalk.

"Look!" Ed exclaimed. He pointed to a four-seater cart that was approaching them. Pops was waving at the Eds while driving the cart.

"He must be one of the groundskeepers," Edd assumed.

Ed and Edd waved back at Pops. Eddy took one look at Pops and snickered.

"Get a load of that guy's big head," Eddy teased.

"He looks like a lollypop," Ed commented.

They both laughed.

"Ed, Eddy, shame on you," Edd scolded. "You both should know better than to ridicule someone for their appearance."

Pops stopped and exited the cart. Then, he walked over to the Eds.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen," Pops greeted. "Welcome to the park. I'm Pops."

"It's nice to meet you, Pops," Edd replied as he shook Pops's hand. "I'm Eddward but I'm usually referred to as 'Double-D'. These are my friends, Ed and Eddy."

"You three have the same name? What a coincidence!"

"Hello, friend," Ed greeted as he shook Pops's hand. "I like the size of your head. How did it get so big?"

"Ed, you're embarrassing him," Edd complained.

"Oh, that's quite alright. You boys must be the new employees Benson mentioned earlier," Pops said. He reached into his shirt pocket, took out three butterscotch ripple lollypops and handed them to the Eds. "Here you go. I give lollypops to all park visitors."

"Cool! Free candy!" Ed exclaimed.

"Thank you, Pops," Edd said.

Ed and Edd each took a lollypop. Ed ate his right away while Edd just held his in his hand. Edd didn't really want the lollypop because he knew it had sugar in it and that it would give him cavities but he took it anyway because he didn't want to hurt Pops's feelings.

"Ya got any jawbreakers?" Eddy asked disapprovingly.

"No, I'm afraid I don't," Pops answered, upset that Eddy didn't want a lollypop.

"Eddy, don't make Pops feel bad," Edd said. "At least, he's generous enough to offer us candy."

"Lollypops are for babies, Double-D," Eddy complained.

"It's the thought that counts,"

"Whatever. I don't want it,"

"I do," Ed said. He took the last lollypop and ate it.

"Let me show you where you'll be staying for the summer," Pops said. He and the Eds entered the cart and made their way over to the house. When they arrived, Pops announced, "Here we are. This is where I live."

"You mean you work here AND live here?" Eddy asked in surprise.

"How convenient," Edd commented.

"Oh, yes," Pops agreed. "I have two co-workers who live here too. Come inside and I'll introduce you to them."

The group of four exited the cart and entered the house.

"Mordecai, Rigby, the new employees are here," Pops informed as he and the Eds entered the living room, where Mordecai and Rigby were playing video games.

When Ed saw Mordecai and Rigby, he gasped in surprise and exclaimed, "LOOK, GUYS! CUTE ANIMALS!". Ed laughed as he ran towards them.

"ED!" Edd and Eddy shouted as they ran after Ed.

Ed hugged Mordecai and Rigby, who were startled and grossed out by Ed's stinky armpits.

"Aw, man! You reek!" Rigby complained.

"When was the last time you showered?" Mordecai complained.

"Ed, control yourself!" Edd ordered.

"Let 'em go, Ed!" Eddy ordered.

Ed released Mordecai and Rigby.

"Dude, that was sick," Mordecai told Ed.

"Yeah, man," Rigby agreed. "Haven't you ever heard of personal space?"

"Please excuse Ed. He adores animals," Edd explained.

"Hey, are you supposed to be a bird?" Eddy asked Mordecai. "I hate birds."

"Dude, I don't even know you," Mordecai replied, taken aback.

"Eddy, that was very rude," Edd scolded. "What did I tell you earlier about ridiculing people for their appearances?"

"Birds are useless," Eddy commented, ignoring Edd.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mordecai retorted, glaring at Eddy.

"Watch how you talk to my friend, you turd!" Rigby shouted angrily at Eddy.

"You're the turd!" Eddy retorted.

"No, YOU are!"

"No, YOU are!"

"YOU are!"

"YOU are!"

"Eddy, Rigby, stop!" Pops interrupted. "We can ALL be turds."

Edd, Eddy, Mordecai & Rigby stared awkwardly at Pops.

"What's a turd?" Ed asked in confusion.

Edd cleared his throat in an attempt to change the subject. "Let's try this again, shall we?" he asked. He faced Mordecai and Rigby. "Good afternoon, gentlemen. I'm Double-D and this is Ed and Eddy."

"Nice to meet you, Double-D," Mordecai replied. "I'm Mordecai and this is Rigby."

"Why do they call you 'Double-D'?" Rigby asked curiously.

"My name is Edd also but with two D's," Edd answered.

"So, you guys have the same name? Cool!"

"I apologize for their immature behavior,"

"That's okay. Rigby acts the same way sometimes," Mordecai said.

"I do not!" Rigby protested.

"Yeah, sure. Anyway, welcome to the park,"

"Thank you. Is the park manager available at the moment?" Edd asked.

"You mean Benson? Yeah, he's in his office," Mordecai answered. "Be careful though. He can be a jerk sometimes."

"Where is his office located?"

"I can show you where it is," Pops offered.

"That would be great. Thank you, Pops," Edd replied.


Benson was in his office when he heard someone knock on the door.

"Come in," Benson called out.

The door opened and Pops came into the room.

"Hello, Benson," Pops greeted. "Our new employees are here."

"Alright, bring them in," Benson instructed.

The Eds cane into the room and Pops left. Eddy took one look at Benson and snickered.

"Oh, man. This is rich," Eddy said.

"What's rich?" Benson asked.

"You're a talking gumball machine," Ed blurted out, causing Eddy to explode with laughter.

Benson glared at Ed and Eddy. Oh, great, he thought sarcastically. I bet these guys are even less mature than Mordecai and Rigby.

"Ed, that was very rude," Edd scolded. He walked up to Benson. "Please excuse my friends, sir."

"Don't worry about it. I deal with people like those two everyday," Benson said flatly.

"The three of us are here for our summer jobs,"

"Ah, yes, Ed, Double-D & Eddy. Welcome to the park. I'm Benson, the park manager. I'll be your boss this summer,"

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Benson," Edd replied as he shook Benson's hand. "I look forward to working here this summer."

"Me too," Ed agreed.

"Not me," Eddy grumbled. Everyone ignored him.

Benson smiled at Edd and said, "Glad to hear it." I guess one out of three isn't bad, he thought.

"When can we start?" Edd asked.

"First thing in the morning. For now, I just want you to get settled in and get to know your co-workers. I'm gonna have two of 'em give you guys a tour of the house and the park,"

Benson turned on the intercom and used it to call Mordecai and Rigby into his office.

"You guys have been playing video games all day instead of working," Benson scolded Mordecai and Rigby when they entered his office. "Make yourselves useful and give these three a tour of the house and the park."

"Alright. C'mon, guys," Mordecai said, motioning the Eds to follow him and Rigby.


Mordecai and Rigby gave the Eds a tour of the house. Then, they left the house and started giving them a tour of the park. Their first stop was Muscle Man and High-Five Ghost's trailer. Mordecai knocked on the front door.

"Who is it?" a voice from behind the door asked.

"It's us," Mordecai answered.

"What do you want?" the voice asked.

"The new guys are here and we want you to meet 'em," Rigby answered.

"Okay,"

Footsteps were heard. Then, the door opened, revealing Muscle Man and High-Five Ghost.

"What's up, bros?" Muscle Man greeted the Eds. "The name's Muscle Man and this is High-Five Ghost."

"It's a pleasure to meet you both," Edd said.

"Thanks, you too," High-Five Ghost replied.

"Check out the freak, Ed," Eddy teased.

"Can you give it a rest, Eddy?" Edd complained.

"Who are you callin' a freak, shorty?" Muscle Man angrily asked Eddy.

"Go look in a mirror, why don'tcha?" Eddy retorted.

"OOOHHH! Nice one!" Rigby complimented. Mordecai punched him. "Ow!"

"Don't encourage him, Rigby," Mordecai scolded.

"Cool Halloween costumes," Ed said, causing Edd to groan and facepalm himself.

Muscle Man and High-Five Ghost stared awkwardly at Ed.

"What're you talkin' about? We're not wearing costumes," Muscle Man said.

"And it's not Halloween," High-Five Ghost added.

"Ignore him. He's an idiot," Eddy advised.

"Who are you guys anyway?" Muscle Man asked.

"I'm Eddy and this is Ed and Double-D," Eddy answered, pointing out who was who.

"Why do they call you 'Double-D'?"

"My name is Edd also but with two D's instead of one," Edd answered.

"They all have the same name," Mordecai said. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Yeah, that is cool," Muscle Man agreed. "You know who else has the same name as them? MY MOM!"

Muscle Man and High-Five Ghost high-fived each other. Then, they went back inside the trailer and closed the door behind them.

"Was that supposed to be a joke? 'Cause I ain't laughin'," Eddy said.

"Sorry about Muscle Man. He can be a turd sometimes," Mordecai explained.

"I HEARD THAT!" Muscle Man shouted from inside the trailer.

"I still don't know what a turd is," Ed commented.

"You don't need to, Ed," Edd replied.

"C'mon, let's go meet Skips," Rigby suggested.

"Okay," Mordecai agreed. He suddenly remembered something. "Double-D, Eddy, you guys might wanna keep Ed away from Skips."

"Why?" Eddy asked.

"You'll see,"


The Eds, Mordecai & Rigby arrived at Skips's house. Skips was doing pushups in his garage.

"Hey, Skips," Mordecai greeted.

Skips grunted as he stood up. "Hey, guys," he greeted. "You need my help with somethin'?"

"Not this time. We just want you to meet the new guys,"

"IT'S A MONKEY!" Ed exclaimed as he started running towards Skips.

Skips took a few steps backwards. Edd, Eddy, Mordecai & Rigby grabbed Ed and held him back.

"Ed, please, not again," Edd complained.

"Is he okay?" Skips asked.

"No, he loves animals and he wants to hug you 'cause you look like a gorilla," Eddy explained.

"You should've seen him when he hugged me and Mordecai," Rigby commented.

"Anyway, this is Ed, Double-D & Eddy," Mordecai said, pointing out who was who.

"Nice to meet you three," Skips said.

"Thank you. It's nice to meet you as well," Edd replied.

"Can I feed you a banana, Mr. Monkey Man?" Ed asked.

There was an awkward silence. Skips just glared at Ed.

"Uh...we're gonna go now," Mordecai said.

"Yeah. See ya later, Skips," Rigby said.

Edd, Eddy, Mordecai & Rigby walked off while dragging Ed away.

"But, guys, he's so cute!" Ed begged.

"Shut up, Ed," Eddy scolded.


Mordecai and Rigby gave the Eds a tour of the rest of the park. Then, the group of five returned to the house.

The Eds went upstairs to their bedroom so they could unpack their bags. Their bedroom was located inside the empty room from the Regular Show episode "This Is My Jam" and it had three beds and two windows inside.

"It certainly was nice of Mordecai and Rigby to provide us with a tour of the park," Edd commented.

"I wanted to hug the monkey and feed him a banana," Ed complained.

"Get over it, Monobrow," Eddy replied. "You can't go around huggin' people all the time."

"Eddy's right, Ed," Edd agreed. "You need to learn to respect someone's personal space."

"It's bad enough bein' stuck at this dump all summer but we hafta work with all these weirdos too," Eddy commented.

"Eddy, that's enough," Edd scolded. "You and Ed have been poking fun at these good people since the moment we arrived. They may not resemble humans but that doesn't mean they should be treated any differently than you, Ed or I."

"Whatever, Sockhead,"

"Do you think they have jawbreakers here, Double-D?" Ed asked.

"I'm not quite sure, Ed, but once we receive our first paychecks, we can locate a candy store in town and purchase jawbreakers there," Edd explained.

"I wonder if that talking gumball machine has jawbreakers inside of him. Maybe, we can get him to cough some up," Eddy joked.

"Good one, Eddy," Ed complimented.

They both laughed. Edd noticed Benson standing by the doorway with an angry look on his face.

"Eddy?" Edd asked.

"What?" Eddy asked.

Edd pointed towards Benson. When Eddy turned around and saw Benson glaring at him, he realized that Benson heard what he said.

"Oh...hey, Benson," Eddy greeted nervously. "What's up?"

"Since you're new here, I'm gonna let that comment slide but if you continue to disrespect me, there will be consequences," Benson said sternly.

"Ligthen up, chrome-dome. It was just a joke,"

Benson's gumballs turned red. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"

"Excuse me, Benson," Edd interrupted, hoping to prevent any fighting. "What time do we begin working tomorrow?"

Benson sighed as his gumballs returned to their normal color. "8 AM," he answered after calming down.

"8 AM? That's too early for me!" Eddy complained.

Benson's gumballs turned red again. "GET USED TO IT!" he shouted before leaving the room.

Eddy groaned. "It's gonna be a long summer."

"I believe you've already made that statement, Eddy," Edd reminded.