"Anybody know where Leo is?"

Hazel's question jerked Percy out of his half-asleep stupor, prompting him to blearily open one eye and glance around at his surroundings. Salty ocean air stung his skin-they were on the deck of the Argo II, white-hot sun beating down on them. The sky was a perfect, cloudless blue. Hovering over him, he could just make out a cascade of gold curls framing someone's face.

Annabeth, he thought to himself. He must've fallen asleep on her lap again.

Raising himself up further, he saw Jason leaning against a pile of unused rigging, studying what appeared to be a map. Piper had her head resting on his shoulder, staring off into space. Hazel was paging through a book, and Frank was polishing his bow, but Leo was nowhere to be seen.

"I think he went to shower," Jason said in regard to Hazel's question. He idly folded the map over, laid it on the deck beside him, and closed his eyes. "But he's been down there almost an hour and a half."

"What's he doing down there? He's got to have reached some brilliant philosophical conclusion by now, he's been down there so long," Annabeth said, rolling her eyes.

"Who knows with that boy?" Piper laughed. "He's so…"

"Weird?"

"Thank you, Percy, that was exactly the word I was looking for."

Frank set his bow to one side. "Hey, as long as he doesn't use up all the hot water, I'm good."

"Have you forgotten who you're with, Frank?" Percy asked, gesturing to himself. "Son of the Sea God, instant hot water, you know?"

The son of Mars blushed. "Whoops."

"I wonder what's taking him so long, though," Hazel said thoughtfully. "Puzzling out the universe, or-"

She was interrupted by a sudden loud voice from underneath them:

"I LIKE BIG BUTTS, AND I CANNOT LIE!

YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY!

AND WHEN A GIRL WALKS IN

WITH AN ITTY-BITTY WAIST

AND A ROUND THING IN YOUR FACE

YOU GET SPRUNG!"

"What is that?" Jason shouted, springing up from his seat. Everyone else on the deck was now doubled over, laughing hysterically.

"It-it sounds like a whale being hit with a bag of dying cats," Annabeth choked out.

"Like Octavian at senate meetings?" Percy asked weakly, and that set them off again.

Leo emerged from below decks with wet hair, wearing nothing but a towel. "I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and-" He stopped dead when he saw everyone staring at him. "What are you all looking at?"

Where to begin? Percy thought helplessly. "Um, Leo, you sing really off-key…"

O-o-O

A/N: Hope-yeah, I put it in there for you :D

So in case you couldn't tell, this is a complete and utter crackfic. I was just on Tumblr about an hour ago reading all the Mark of Athena theories, and I got all depressed, so I came and wrote this and now I feel better. I'm still having really bad Nico feels, though. Any fangirls out there who can relate?

EPC