"It wasn't our best idea ever to take Leo clubbing, was it?" Annabeth asked as Percy unlocked the door to his apartment. She rubbed her hands together in a futile effort to warm them up—despite her new gloves, her fingers had just about frozen stiff.

"Probably not," Percy said, finally managing to turn the key in the door and pull it open. The heat from the space beyond hit Annabeth instantly, a fact for which she was immensely grateful. "Knowing him, he'll be singing all night."

"He's staying with Jason and Piper, though, so at least we're not the ones who have to deal with him." Annabeth stepped through the open doorway, dropping her bag on the table and stripping off her coat. She turned to Percy and pulled him around by the sleeve to face her. Before he could say anything, she kissed him, hard. "Thanks for tonight, by the way."

He raised an eyebrow, although his expression was still a little dazed. "You're, uh, very welcome. I had fun."

It was Annabeth's turn to raise an eyebrow at this in confusion. "Only 'fun'? That's all you can say? Hmm, I think I must must be doing something wrong."

She pulled Percy toward her and kissed him again, this time eliciting a gentle moan as she lingered over his lips. They stumbled blindly over to the couch, Annabeth feeling behind her with her free hand as Percy fell on top of her.

It could have been seconds or lifetimes later when Annabeth came to realize two things: she and Percy were both completely naked, and the phone was ringing off the hook.

With a startled look at Annabeth, Percy snatched his phone off the coffee table and hit the accept and speaker buttons. Annabeth rose unsteadily to her feet, methodically gathering up the clothes that had been strewn across the living room.

She snagged Percy's jeans and the bra she had been wearing from under the TV as the call connected. Instantly a loud, screechy wailing noise emanated from the speakers, causing Annabeth to involuntarily fling the clothes she had just picked up across the room in panic.

"PERCY?" Jason shouted, trying to make himself heard over the screeching. "ANNABETH? A LITTLE HELP?!"

"What the Hades, Jason?" Percy's voice was tight, strained. "Is something attacking you guys? We can—"

"NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! IT'S—"

"I'M SO FANCY, YOU ALREADY KNOW! I'M IN THE FAST LANE—"

Annabeth swore loudly in Greek. "Leo's singing again?" she demanded, lobbing one of her boots and a stray sock across the room to Percy, who put them on the ever-growing pile of their clothes that they had amassed in the doorway. "I knew taking him out with us was a mistake."

As if to prove her point, Leo wailed, "TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!"

Percy sighed. "Look, bro, bring Piper up here with you and we'll regroup. Maybe we can figure something out."

"SOUNDS GOOD!"

Percy stayed on the line with Jason as Annabeth headed for the kitchen, thinking that maybe Jason and Piper would be grateful for something heavily caffeinated. She was just putting on a fresh pot of coffee when she heard footsteps pounding down the hallway outside. Jason and Piper bolted through the unlocked door and slammed it behind them, both of them breathing heavily.

"Hi, Annabeth," Piper gasped, clutching her chest as she struggled for breath. "Couldn't get out of there fast enough."

Jason was winded too, but he narrowed his eyes. "I'm sure there's a really juicy reason why you're both completely naked, but I'm going to choose to ignore it for now."

Percy smirked. "Are you jealous, Grace?" he asked, motioning to himself—and Annabeth had to admit he didn't look half-bad in the dim lamplight of the living room.

"Oh, you wanna go—?"

"If you two are about to start comparing your dick sizes, I'm leaving," said Annabeth, cutting off whatever Jason was going to say. "We have more pressing matters to deal with."

She jerked her chin in the direction of the coffee table, where Percy was still connected to the call with Jason. The four of them could hear Leo, who was still singing: "

"Just throw me off a cliff now, it'll be kinder," groaned Piper.

"YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT BIG FAT BUTT!" screeched Leo in a wailing falsetto.

"Let's just throw him off a cliff instead, make our lives easier," Jason suggested.

"Does anybody have pepper spray?" Percy asked offhandedly. He blinked in surprise when Piper nodded.

"Tons, in my nightstand drawer downstairs. But—"

"I have an idea," Percy said. "It's going to involve a fork, peanut butter, whipped cream, hot sauce, probably a catapult, and the pepper spray."

There was silence in the kitchen, apart from Leo's continued singing—"FERGALICIOUS DEFINITION MAKE THEM BOYS GO LOCO!"

"That sounds like a really bad idea," she said when the wailing died down at last.

"I'M THAT FLIGHT THAT YOU GET ON, INTERNATIONAL—"

"It doesn't have to be a good idea," Percy said. "It just has to work." He seized three bottles of hot sauce from the pantry, grabbing a couple of bottles of food coloring evidently for good measure, then turned and headed for the door.

"Um, Percy?" Piper asked tentatively. "Maybe some pants?"

"BEEN AROUND THE WORLD, DON'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE! BUT YOUR BOOTY DON'T NEED EXPLAINING! ALL I REALLY NEED TO UNDERSTAND IS—WHEN—YOU—TALK DIRTY TO ME!"


A/N: A poor excuse, I know. I've kept you guys waiting so long, I figured you at least deserved an update. ;P However, NEXT chapter... *evil cackles* ...may or may not feature Percy attempting to teach Hazel how to twerk and failing spectacularly.

You should be VERY afraid.

I love you all. Review review review! Tell me how you've been—I missed you guys so much! :3

EPC