"So... bored..."

Percy looked up; the moan came from Frank, who lay spread-eagled on the deck of the Argo II. The demigods were all sitting around, engaged in various activities in which they clearly had no real interest.

Honestly, all Percy really wanted to do—and he knew the others felt the same way—was to go home, back to the United States and their respective camps, and never have to deal with saving the world again. They could finally have a chance at somewhat normal lives.

"Me too," said Jason, voicing Percy's thoughts aloud. "Can we, like, actually do something?"

Piper laughed. "What is there to do? Unless you want to fight some more monsters or defeat freaking Gaea again—"

"Nobody wants that," said Annabeth quickly, and everyone murmured agreement.

"Hey," Hazel said suddenly, sitting straight up against the railing. "Where's Leo?"

"That is the question," mumbled Percy, and Annabeth laughed lightly.

"If I know Leo," she said, grinning, "he's probably—"

"I'M ON A BOAT, I'M ON A BOAT, EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME! 'CAUSE I'M SAILING ON A BOAT, I'M ON A BOAT, I'M ON A BOAT, TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE MOTHERFU—"

Nico moaned, "Oh gods, why. Why do you do this to me?"

"We're all wondering that," said Frank and Jason simultaneously.

"SEX, BABY! LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU AND ME!"

"Is it like 'let's scandalize Hazel' day? Because I'm not really getting a kick out of this," said Hazel, fanning her face.

"SEX ON A BEACH, WE DON'T MIND SAND IN OUR STILETTOS, OH OH—"

Percy looked over at Annabeth. "Hey, it's 'California Gurls'! You know—"

Annabeth slapped a hand over his mouth. "First of all, I'm from Virginia. Secondly, don't even think about it, because whatever you're implying is not going to happen."

Percy could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. Everyone else was laughing their heads off—except for poor Hazel, who looked absolutely mortified.

"OHHHH, YOU GONNA TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT! OHHHH, DOWN BESIDE YOUR RED FIRELIGHT! OHHHH, YOU GONNA LET IT ALL HANG OUT! FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS, YOU MAKE THE ROCKIN' WORLD GO ROUND!"

Frank groaned and rolled over onto his stomach, covering his ears with his hands. "Sweet Romulus, will somebody please just shoot me?"

"IIIII WANT ACTION TONIGHT! SAAAATISFAAACTION, ALRIGHT—"

"Oh my gods, I'm gonna kill him," mumbled Jason.

"Way ahead of you," said Piper, unsheathing her dagger and heading toward the stairs.

"Wait!" Percy shouted down after her. She paused, holding the door leading downstairs open. "It's not really 'let's scandalize Hazel' day until we do the wobble!"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Percy, seriously? He's not going to—"

"WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE! WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE! WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE! WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE BABY WOBBLE! GET IN THERE, YEAH YEAH! GET IN THERE, YEAH YEAH!"

Hazel buried her face in her hands. "I have officially lost all my faith in humanity."

"Technically we're only half human, but—"

"Jason?"

"Yes?"

"Please shut up."


A/N: Yo, I'm back.

"BUT EMMA WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? YOU ABANDONED FANFICTION AND WE ALL THOUGH YOU HAD DIED A HORRIBLE DEATH!"

Let me put it to you this way: Finals. Suck. I've been watching Duck Dynasty, which should tell you a lot about my mental health for the past few weeks. Other than that, I've really got no excuses for not updating or posting new stuff other than general laziness.

Also Tumblr.

All right, guys. This is where I need you to help me out. I've got no shortage of songs to use, but I really need theme suggestions for each chapter—like "let's scandalize Hazel" or the Christmas chapter. So if you could try to leave suggestions in your reviews, that would be A+.

Songs used in this chapter: I'm on a Boat - The Lonely Island / Let's Talk About Sex - Salt N Pepa / California Gurls - Katy Perry / Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen / I Want Action - Poison / Wobble - V.I.C.

Toodles!

EPC :)