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Noodle gave an irritated sigh as she heard Murdoc Niccals walk out of the living room, surrounded by a group of big breasted girls, still barely clad from their recent 'adventure'.
Seventh time this week, and it was only Tuesday. She was getting really sick of Murdoc bringing in so many girls all the time, especially since you could never be sure where they would decide to do their, er, business.
One time Noodle had wanted to go to the kitchen to make herself a sandwich, but, hearing strange noises from outside the door, she (luckily) stopped. She had given a horrified gasp as she realized what was going on in there, running away from the door as if there was a bomb inside.
And they never tidied up after they were done. Whatever room Murdoc would bring his ladies to would be absolutely trashed by the time they left. It was always up to Noodle to tidy everything up, and quite frankly, she was getting sick of it.
Plus, it did nothing good to their reputation to have strange women coming in everyday at all times. She didn't want Murdoc turning this band into a joke.
This time Murdoc had decided they'd stay in the living room. Noodle got up from her bed, and went down the stairs to see if they were finally going. As hoped, Murdoc was just ushering the women out of the door.
The guitarist went to the living room, fearing the worst. And, sure enough, the place was a wreck. Cushions lying all over the floor, the table had been turned over, potted plants had been smashed. She stood there for a moment, taking everything in.
"MURDOC!" she then screeched.
The bassist stopped in his tracks, cursing under his breath. He zipped up his jeans and straightened up.
"Yes, love?" he asked nervously.
"Get in here. NOW."
He groaned and slowly walked into the living room, cringing a little at the state it was in. Noodle rounded on him, seething.
"What is it, love?" Murdoc asked with a nervous grin.
Steam seemed to fly out of Noodle's ears as she gestured sharply around her.
"Murdoc, I am so sick of you trashing some part of the house every single time you bring women inside! You've got your own room and your Winnebago, what's so hard about going there?" she yelled.
Murdoc flinched. "But love, it's so much more fun when-"
"Spare me the gory details! I've had it, Murdoc. You are not bringing in any women for a month!"
Murdoc's jaw dropped open. "WHAT?"
"You heard me, Murdoc! I am sick and tired of this. I have to clean up every time you're all finished-"
"I'll help you tidy up, Noods!" Murdoc said hastily.
Noodle shrugged. "Thank you, but it won't change anything. I want a little break from all of this. We all need a break from your..doings. You could use a break too, I doubt this is healthy. No women here for a whole month, Murdoc."
The bassist pulled a face. "Or what?"
"Or else you – hey Russel, come here for a moment," she then called to Russel.
"What's up?" he asked curiously, then frowning when he saw the living room. "Hey what the hell-"
"That's what I mean, Russ. Murdoc isn't allowed to bring in any girls for the whole month," Noodle said.
"Really? Good. I was getting sick of all this," Russel agreed, much to Murdoc's frustration.
"Lards, you can't be serious! This is ridiculous. Besides, dullard brings in birds all the time too. Why isn't he getting the treatment I am?" he snapped.
"Because 2D stays in his room for that stuff," Noodle answered.
"I stay in my room to do what?" said singer asked, walking in through the front door.
"Fuck your birds," Murdoc snapped impatiently.
"Er.. no I don't," 2D said, confused.
Everyone rounded on him. "What do you mean?" Russel asked.
"Well, I've taken birds to the kitchen a few times.. oh and one time we were in the recording studio, too," 2D answered brightly.
"So it was you who'd fucking trashed the place! I thought I'd had one drink too many," Murdoc growled, giving 2D a slap on the back of the head.
"See, Noods? 2D doesn't always stay in his room either. If I'm getting punished, he should too," he then said triumphantly.
"Punished? What?" 2D asked, frowning and rubbing the back of his head.
Noodle looked from one to the other, thinking. Then she nodded.
"Fine. 2D, no more women in this house for a month."
2D opened his mouth protestingly, but Murdoc interrupted him.
"Hang on, what're the conditions? What happens if we, y'know, ignore this bullshit because, er, you're not our mother?" Murdoc said sarcastically.
Noodle glared at him, and he shrank away slightly.
"Then we get to live in your Winnebago for a week," Russel suggested.
"No fucking way, Lards-" Murdoc started yelling.
"I've got a better idea," Noodle suddenly said slowly.
The boys looked at her curiously. A grin started to spread on Noodle's face.
"What? Why are you smiling like that?" 2D asked nervously.
"If one of you brings in a girl this month, the pair of you have to pretend to be a couple for two months," the guitarist answered smoothly.
They all stared at her, mouths agape. Then Russel burst into laughter at the same time as Murdoc and 2D started yelling.
"IF YOU THINK FOR ONE MOMENT I AM GOING TO PRETEND TO BE A FUCKING COUPLE WITH THAT BLOODY FUCKING IDIOT-"
"NOODLE, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? IT WAS JUST A FEW TIMES, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS-"
"Stop it, the pair of you! As long as you both make sure you don't bring any girls in here, everything's fine," Noodle said calmly.
The boys both quietened down a little.
"Dullard, if you even look at a bird this month, I am pulling out your entrails and choking you with them," Murdoc then hissed.
2D flinched back. "I think this is going to be easier for me than for you, Muds," he then remarked smartly, being awarded with a punch in the stomach.
"Oh man, I can't wait to see how this plays out," Russel laughed, wiping his eye.
"And if we don't act like a couple?" Murdoc asked, glaring at Russel.
Noodle gave him a death stare, taking a step towards the bassist whose attitude was quickly faltering.
"Would you really like to find out?" she hissed.
Russel backed this up by cracking his knuckles.
"Oh, bloody hell, fine! We are allowed to bang birds outside of the house, right?" Murdoc then asked in despair.
Noodle flinched a little at the choice of words. "Of course, as long as it's not anywhere near this house. I don't really care about your Winnebago, so you can do your business in there too."
"I'm going to have to cancel something then.." 2D muttered, walking hastily back to the front door.
Noodle rolled her eyes as 2D asked the girls he was planning to bring inside to leave. When he returned, Murdoc was glaring at him so fiercely 2D shrank back behind Russel.
"That didn't count, right?" Murdoc asked Noodle nervously.
"No. It starts now. A whole month of peace," Noodle said happily. "Now, could you please all leave, seeing as how I have to tidy up the living room. Unless one of you wants to help-"
Before she could even finish her sentence, the men rushed up the stairs to their rooms. Noodle rolled her eyes and started clearing up, humming. This was going to be a good month.
Thank you for reading, please leave reviews and I'll continue!