As I told Jane-By-Design-Lover, 62 pages, 29 chapters, a bunch of heartbreaking scenes, and a few perfect Billy and Jane moments later... I'm finally finished.
When I woke up again it was around one in the afternoon and Billy was still out. I very carefully untangled myself from his grasp as to not wake him. I carefully shift my weight off the mattress and tiptoe out of the room, closing the door quietly behind me.
I turn around and, "Hey there Kiddo. Long night?" Ben whispers. I jump out of my skin from being so startled. I walk to the kitchen with Ben behind me, "You could say that. I hear it was longer for you though." He leans against the counter while I wash off some fruit to munch on. Ben nods, "Yeah, those personal appointments take forever." He drags out the word 'forever'.
I debate whether or not to tell him I know. It can't hurt now. I turn around and lean on the sink the same why my brother is, "Ben, I know it wasn't a 'personal appointment'", I put the air quotes around the two words the best of my ability with food occupying my hands. "I found out yesterday before he left." Ben looks at me bewildered, "Crap. He's totally going to think I told you!" I scarf down the rest of the grapes, "No no, he thought that." I remain innocent with my big doe eyes, "I may or may not have… kind of… read your texts." I glanced at my now raging brother. He doesn't say anything but I know he's about to. I leave the kitchen quickly.
He's right on my tail, "Jane?! You can't just throw caution to the wind and go through my phone like that!" He's now whisper yelling at me. I give him my best apology smile before slipping in my room just before he got me. I lean my back against the door thankful for the rule Ben and I made a long time ago about entering our rooms. I look over to my bed and am surprised to see Billy is still asleep.
I smile and look at his cute face. When he's deep asleep, it's like I'm still looking at the little third grader I met so long ago. I go to my bed and sit facing his sleeping form. He's on his back now so I easily put my right arm over his abdomen so I can rest my head for a moment on his chest. He stirs as soon as my ear reaches his chest and I quickly look up. He's looking down at my face with sleep still in his eyes.
"Good morning beautiful." He said in his thick, sleep voice. Even though that greeting whenever he woke up wasn't uncommon I still felt heat rise to my cheeks and those darn butterflies in my stomach. I giggle that very embarrassing giggle, "Good," I glance at my clock forgetting the time. "Afternoon, handsome." I loved the feeling of being able to be like this with Billy. It feels natural and right. He wraps his arms around me in a bear hug and I can't say I mind.
I break the hug knowing we can't be in here all day. Well, we could but that would lead us somewhere I know I'm not ready to go. Remembering Ben I know I can't go out there either… "Hey, do you want to go for a walk?" I ask, it was the first thing to come to my mind. He sat up a little not even having to think about it, "I would love to walk anywhere with you." I lean forward and put my lips on his quickly. I blush madly, "You're too sweet to me, yano that?" He shrugged, "I like to think my charm will get me some wildly rich lady someday." Oh Billy. I smack his arm much like when he told me he told Nick to "not touch my boobs". I roll my eyes and he just laughs.
He wraps me in his arms once more, "I'm just kidding Janey. Besides I have you and that's plenty. I mean unless some wildly rich lady can persuade me otherwise." I shake my head and smirk. "You're simply too much, Nutter." I get up. "Now if you don't mind I'm going to get dressed. In the mean time maybe some 'wildly rich lady' will come and sweep you off your feet." You know, we were having a very nice moment and now I find I'm jealous of this fake, unnecessary joke. I go to my walk-in closet and shut the doors behind me. I go for some comfy yoga pants and a t-shirt. I look down at my floor and see a familiar sweatshirt. I pick it up and bring it to my nose remembering the heartbreak from the last time I had it. I put it on as well.
I go back to my room to find Billy standing in front of my full length mirror in his new leather jacket. He turns to me, "Janey… This is perfect." He was getting emotional over this and I could tell. When he turns back around I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his torso. I speak quietly, "I wanted to do something for you and I know how much the original one meant. I'm so happy you love it." He intertwined his fingers in mine, "Thank you. Trust me, this jacket means way more than the other one ever did."
Feeling the moment was getting to be too much for him I take his hand and pull him away from the mirror and out of my room. I quickly walk to the door with Billy close behind me. I call over my shoulder for wherever Ben may be, "Bye Ben! We're going for a walk!" I grab my comfortable shoes by the door and push Billy out of the door. While walking I stumble trying to put the shoes on.
We get into a normal walking rhythm and I slip my arm around Billy's. He says, "Yano, this whole walking thing is really, really awesome." I chuckle, "It is isn't it?" We fall into a nice silence, enjoying the brisk afternoon until we reach the local park. A lot of memories come flooding back of this place.
When we were around ten or so we came to this part like usual and I started racing him to the swings. He tripped and got a bloody nose. Poor kid still isn't over having to be nursed back to health by a girl.
I stop walking which causes Billy to stop and I look up at him, "Race ya!" I squeal and start running. He calls, "What? No Janey not fair!" He whined. I look behind me to see he's actually not far and is going to win if I don't pick up speed. When it was neck and neck I managed to pull through and make it to the swings first.
Completely out of breath I plop down on an open swing and start laughing uncontrollably. He drops to the ground in front of me, "Totally not fair Janey, you cheated." His whining is making me laugh harder and I can't really breathe. In the midst of my laugher I squeak out, "Maybe your wildly rich lady will come by and sue me." I'm mocking him now and I don't even feel bad. He laughs along with me, "She will because I called her using this high tech thingy she gave me. Yup she's on her way and you are totally busted."
We laughed for a while trying to catch our breaths, just the two of us being silly little kids again. I hear the crunching of the woodchips right behind me and turn around to see none other than Zoe. We grow up immediately. She had her hands stuffed in the pockets of her light gray leather jacket. Her black skinny jeans were tucked into her black ankle boots. A part of me wants to think I'll never compare to her, but another knows Billy thinks I'm worth it. It's time to find out.
"Hey guys." She says while kicking at the ground. These two need this, I shouldn't be here. I know she wouldn't cheat on Billy, she's not that kind of girl and even though it was only a dream I know it's true. I get off the swing, "Hey Zoe. I'm gonna go sit over there, you two need to talk." I smile at Zoe trying to convey to her I know the truth and I don't hate her. I walk around Billy, but he's quick to grab my hand and stand up. "No Jane, stay." He begs me. No matter how much I want to stay, this is between them and I need to give them the chance to make things okay. I gently let his hand go, "I'm only going to be right over there," I point to a bench not far from where we stand and I kiss him on the cheek whispering, "Talk to her."
I leave them to get everything out and hope Zoe tells him the truth. If not, I will, but then again I guess I really didn't know 100%. I walk to the bench and sit myself down. I take out my phone to play a game to pass the time. When I unlock the screen I see I have two missed messages. I open them and they read:
Hello Jane, I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you. Call me soon I have something to ask you.
I'm sorry to pester you Jane, but it is rather important you get back to me. Talk to you soon.
Jeremy? But I haven't heard from him in months… I call him back as soon as my fingers can allow.
" 'Ello?" I hear his sweet sounding British accent.
"Hey Jeremy, it's Jane. I got your texts, what's going on?" It feels weird talking so nonchalantly to him.
"Oh yes, Jane! How have you been darling?" I smile, oh that charming man. Some things never change.
"I have been very well. Well, except things with Donovan Decker didn't work out."
"Yes, I heard that too. How is that delinquent doing?" I heard his chuckling so I didn't take offense; however I do feel the need to stick up for him.
"Jeremy…" I say in a warning tone. "He's fine, almost as good as new."
"Well, Jane let's cut to the chase shall we? I have something I want to ask you." For a moment I freak out unsure of what he wants to ask.
"Okay… What's on your mind?"
"See I started my own company a few months ago and things are really picking up. So, I wanted to know if you would like to be my creative assistant. You'd be designing Jane, doing what you love. I know you're still in high school and that's okay. We can conference call or video call until you graduate and then you can move here, to London."
"London? Jeremy…" I freak out internally. But what about my life here? Can I accept this? I have so many things to consider like Billy and Ben and my whole life.
Jeremy interrupts my thoughts after I've been quiet for a few seconds, "I know this is a lot." I hear him talk to someone on the other end and then he comes back to the phone, "Ah, Jane I hate to cut this short, but I must go. I would love to talk to you more about this though. Just think about it, yeah? We'll keep in touch. Goodbye Jane." And that was that.
I let my hand slide my phone from my ear to my lap and I stare at it in shock. I was just offered my dream job, but in London… I can't ask Billy to move there with me…
"Hey." I hear and see Billy slide from the other end of the bench to my end and put his arm around me. He kisses my temple, "Thank you." I forget my crazy life for a moment. I smile, "You're welcome. How'd it go?" Billy shrugs, "Fine. She didn't cheat on me. She said she just wanted to see us have a chance." I lay my head on his shoulder, "I had a feeling that's what she'd say." "So you believe her?" He asks. I shift my eyes up, "You don't? She's not that kind of girl, Billy. You should believe her." "Well, either way, I finally have you and that's just fine with me." He touches his lips to mine for a quick second. Too quick if you ask me.
I reach up to bring his face back to mine and have my way with him. I know this could be the last kiss we share before I talk to him about Jeremy…
In the course of a year my life has changed in so many ways. I've learned to deal with my fair share of circumstances and I wouldn't go back to them for anything. You can't run away from your problems, you have to face them or they will haunt you. You can't go hide and hope everything will pass because it won't. Things will get worse and worse until you confront it. Heartbreak happens, don't let it ruin you. I found my boyfriend in my best friend and I should have seen it years ago. If I to go through learning to deal, so can you.
Okay.. everyone.. I just can't think you all enough. I know writing this story has made me feel a lot better about the cancellation. I still am heartbroken, don't get me wrong, but I'm over it kind of... I know it won't come back *ignore need to say 'not with that attitude' here*. You all are the best fandom there is and abc family has simply missed out. Gosh I'm like getting emotional.. haha I had so much to say but now I'm like wahhhh so.. Just.. thank you. You inspired this. As corny as I'm about to sound, I hope you still remember that life is a work of art and it can be inspiring. Find a dream, go after it, love it.
I love youtube for letting me replay a certain playlist a million times during this. It's the only thing that has made this work.
Super side note, I'm sorry. If anyone wants to write a whole new summary for this story that'd be great. Lord knows I've gone so far off the path of where I first intended it to go.
Okay, so for the last time on Learning To Deal, feel free to rant. Let's rant together. Just because I'm over it doesn't mean I still won't yell at the top of my lungs my hatred for all things abc family. Thank you so much for sticking with me, you are all beautiful.