Author's Notes: Suddenly got some motivation to write after the newest episode of The Listener. Again, Major spoilers for people who haven't seen it yet. You have been warned.
It's not until he and Oz are sitting on the couch in his apartment drinking booze that everything that's happened over the past few hours really sinks in. Toby's about to take another swig of his drink when he just stops, frowns, and sets the glass back on the coffee table. Oz gives him a woeful look.
He can't find any words. His tongue has stopped working and his brain has decided to trade speech for remembrance and all he can come up with in his mind is the look in Olivia's eyes when he had walked into the room to find her in pain with blood running down her beautiful face.
The soft-spoken words from Oz snap him back from then and into now and Toby realizes that he's been holding his glass with a grip that could be considered vice-like. Clenching his teeth, Toby tries to let it go, but at that very moment something inside of him decides to snap and the glass is suddenly flying across the room.
It smashes against the far wall and explodes outwards in a rain of shards and rum. Beside him, Oz jumps in his seat and stares with wide eyes.
"Jesus Christ!" He sputters, "Toby, what the hell-"
Oz's words are cut short when he sees the look on his best friend's face. He's seen this look before when it had been Charlie in the hospital room, but this is just a billion times worse. The tears hiding behind those blue eyes make his heart clench.
Scooting closer to his friend, Oz places a soothing hand on Toby's back. "Hey, man. C'mon, Toby. It's ok, alright? It's ok."
But it's not ok. Toby's heart feels as if it's been pushed through a meat grinder. On the table his digital camera sits there, the only window into the past with reminders of better days that involve dinners and colourful leis and intimate moments that now only exist within the confines of a small, out of date piece of technology.
He can't take it. Everything he's been feeling since leaving the hospital builds up until he can't keep it together anymore and he just lets go of it all. Every tiny moment of regret, of ditching Olivia for some stupid mission to save someone and the look on her face every time their plans got cancelled.
Of all the times he'd been a jerk and yet she still never gave up on him. She was a doctor; patience came with the job description.
A choked sob claws it's way out of his throat and he turns to Oz.
When the dam does break, Oz doesn't do anything except keep his hand on his friend's back and mumble soothing words. Toby's forehead rests on his shoulder and he's crying as hard as Oz has ever seen him. Tears quickly soak into his favourite hoodie but he doesn't care.
Who cares about hoodies after the death of a family member?