I'm not afraid
Everyone calls me pretty, handsome, even sexy… Have I ever wanted to be like this? I don't think so… Living with my family never is easy… Especially after father's death. We have never been perfect family, but everything is even worse now… Luigi started killing people again. I know it's normal for him, but now he murders about ten people every day. I guess that's a lot… I'm so bored now… I keep walking and walking around towns' streets, because I'll have trouble when I'll go home. I broke one of Luigi's favorite knives, so he might kill me later… Believe I know him well enough. I'm tired of all madness that's going on. Everything changed since Carmella got the company. She isn't that drug addicted slut any more… No, now she is very venerable business woman and she's married now and has baby on the way… She doesn't have so many surgeries too… Just couple every month… The only one who still has not changed is me, The Pavi.
It's getting cold here, so I guess, I'll have to go somewhere. I've just entered one of many bars... I think I'll never forget that smell of sweat, piss, alcohol and dust… These things made great cocktail of smells that you won't be able to found anywhere else… I think it's the smell of freedom, happiness. The smell of things that I've never had and will never have…
There are lots of people in the bar. I can see young people from 20 to 30 years old, all of them are having a good time, I think they have no problems at all; they live in their own little perfect world… I want to be one of them, at last just for a minute… A woman, about 30 years old is climbing on scene.
"Hello and welcome to our annual festival 'Music is World'. As you probably know, I'm Julie and I will host this festival"
"We all know that, just give us some normal music, or me and my boys will crash this party." I heard the voice from corner. As I found out later, the owner of voice was tall, blonde guy who's name is Eric.
"Shut up and sit down, Eric" Julie wasn't happy about Eric's jokes. "So the first participant is… Nora"
Nora had terrible voice, just like most of the people in there, and after her there were thirteen more shows… All of them were just terrible… In fact, I think my sister sings better than that Nora and everyone else in here. I think I'd rather be killed by my brother than stay here and listen of all these so-called singers. I've started to walk to doors, but stopped for a minute when Julie climbed on stage again and announced
"Ok… All of today's shows were good, but we have one even better… Today there is our old friend in this bar. We all know her wonderful voice and who is she… So let me present to you… Veronica"
Everyone in the bar stopped speaking and just looked into scene where something stood amazing and supernatural. The girl looked like fairy or elf for me… She had long black hair, brilliant skin; it looked like chocolate and beautiful green eyes. She was something that I've never seen. Like an angel. She took microphone and said loudly
"Hello, as Julie just said, my name is Veronica, but I suppose you already know it." She smiled and I saw her snow-white teeth. "I'm going to sing you one of my favorite songs that I wrote long time ago. You probably know this song, so please sing with me if you know the lyric." Even her voice was great.
When she started singing, everyone shut their mouths and sang with her. Even those spooky singers like Nora, who had no voice… They sounded very good with Veronica.
'Everything about her is so perfect…'
Finally she finished her song, and everyone stood up and started applauding. Veronica just smiled and I tough that I may be in love. Yes, this is true. Me, Paviche "Pavi" Largo… The younger son of Rotti Largo… In love with that girl… Is it only me, or you think that it's crazy too? I don't know what love is. No one in my family loved me for real, I know it… And that girl… Who is she? After her show I walked to her, but she was talking with that guy, Eric. She cried and as I saw he was making drama…
"…Why?" He asked. "I told you NOT to go here. You had chances to sing all around the world, for you it was better to be in this little town, yes? You think it's better for you to stay here? Vera, you are pretty, you have good voice… Why can't you swim in bigger waters? You can succeed somewhere else, not in this smelly pit…"
"But I want to be HERE! How can you don't understand…? There is not much time for me… Doctors said, only about four months left, so I want to spend my last days here. Please understand me…" Veronica seemed to be very sad…
"Excuse me, bella, could I-a get your autograph?" I asked trying to interrupt their little fight.
"See, Vera? That's what I was talking about whole evening…. This place sucks. Only total losers like this clown,
for example, will go here. You could get more fans and money in real world. I don't mind if come here to visit your relatives or something, but I think it's bad for you to be in all this polluted and toxic air for a long time…" Eric started again… It seems that these words made Veronica even more depressed.
"I'm-a sorry, but why-a did you made that bella cry?" I just asked.
"You shouldn't care about me and my girlfriend. Now do favor for everyone in here and go home. Stupid asshole… " Eric was more than angry now…
"I'm not your girlfriend and you know it very well." now Veronica tried to make it up. "Where should I sign?" She asked and I gave her white napkin from table.
"Stop acting like little bitch, Vera. You know how I love you. You're part of my world… Let's go..." He took her hand and pullet it strongly.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be there for everyone who loves me and my music. Sorry Eric, I'm going to stay here." My bella had tough personality. "Here you go" she gave me my napkin with autograph and smiled. "I want to spend my final days with my parents and Louisa… Until there's time left… I'm sorry, Eric." She started crying again.
"Why-a did you make the bella cry, again. You're hurting-a her feelings." I don't know why I said so… It made Eric mad.
"Oh, so you think you can teach me how to talk with my girlfriend…" now I understood that crossing Eric is pretty much same thing as crossing Luigi….
"She said-a she's not you're…" I couldn't finish the sentence because Eric hit me in face.
"Hey, boys, we're leaving now. This party is the worst thing I've ever been in... See you later, slut!" Eric shouted and left with about seven or eight guys.
"Are you ok?" my bella asked. "I think your nose is broken. Let's go I'll put some ice on it."
We walked away from all those people and interesting smells. I've never felt so happy. That moment was special for me…
Veronica R. Jackson
Everyone calls me pretty, beautiful, even sexy… Have I ever wanted to be like this? I don't think so… I've always been the nice girl… The good girl… Everyone calls me and my life perfect. But it never was perfect… Nobody's perfect. I have made lots of mistakes in my life and now it's just too late to fix it, I'm dying now. I have lungs cancer and doctors can't help me anymore. I lied when I said that I still have four months left… In fact, I only have one… I hate lies, because they make our lives so complicated. Music… It's the only thing that saves me from myself. Music and Louisa are my world. The only things that I still have… When I was younger I always said that it's better to die young, but now, when I will really die young… I don't want it. I'm twenty-seven years old, but like Eric always says, I look younger. Eric… Two years ago when I was still healthy, I was famous singer and Eric was my producer. We loved each other… Or at last I tough that. We were in love. Then we found out that I have cancer and then he started drinking. Not a lot in the beginning, but later… When he got drunk, he started abusing me… After a year we broke up. I didn't want to waste my time when I had so many things to do and almost no time… I've traveled a lot and sang in different countries, and now, I'm back in this place to spend my final days here, with my family. I promised my friend, Julie that I will come here today and sing… But Eric was here too. Eric… I have no idea why, but I still love him, the man who tried destroyed me, but saved from my problems some time ago…
"Let's go to my changing room. I'm sure we could find some ice in my minibar." I said while walking with Pavi Largo.
When I was healthy, I thought that Largos are perfect… But now I can see when someone suffers.
"Thank you-a, bella, you are very nice." he answered. "I'm fine, everything-a is good."
He lied. I could see his face expression, who said 'It hurts so much! Help me…' I wish I could help…
I opened the small wooden doors to my changing room. It wasn't real changing room, just small room with some mirrors, wardrobes, minibar and lots of mess. I found the minibar and took some ice.
"I will need to take a look at your nose, but you will have to take off you're... Mask." I said gently.
"No-a, bella, the Pavi doesn't want to-a do this, and you really don't want-a to see it. Believe me." he sounded scary- like a kid who found out that he will get surgery, but without anesthetic.
"I'm sure that it won't be the worst thing I've ever seen. Thrust me." I whispered to make him calm down.
"Still, the Pavi won't do-a this." Gosh, he really acts like little kid who's in trouble.
"Don't be afraid… I won't hurt you. Everything will be ok…" slowly I took his mask off. His face was scary, I can't deny it. So scarred, damaged… And beautiful. It's good that I could control my emotions and face expressions, because I was scared. Scared of his real face, the face that was hidden behind that mask. And then I understood one thing- he was just like me. He could be my alter-ego.
"You're pretty." I said softly.
"No I'm not. I'm fucking monster, like-a my father and brother says!" he screamed in face and then started crying. "You're better than me. You're perfect-a!" he said without his accent.
I'm sure that he saw how sad I've become after his words. I did, because… just because I needed it.
"Bella, bella, please… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your-a feelings. Forgive me… Bella, are you ok?" he asked. I wasn't ok. I felt terrible. I felt pain in my lungs again and fell unconscious.
The first thing that I saw when I woke up was Paviche.
"Are you ok, bella? You scared me…" I saw he was worried about me.
"What… What happened? What's the time? Did I pass out?" I felt tired.
"Yes, bella, you passed out and fell-a unconscious. Now it's about 4 o'clock. Tell-a me that you're ok…"
His nose was huge and purple. I think that when I passed out he forgot to put the ice on it. Big puddle on the floor proved that I was right.
"It's 4 o'clock? Oh no… I had to be at home like 6 hours ago… Oh… My head hurts. Thank you… I feel better now. How about your nose? It doesn't look very good. "I got up from the bed, but I was too weak to walk, so I sit on chair. "What happened? Now when I'm better can I take a look at your nose, please…? I think it's too late now for ice, but I still have some." I wanted to help him…
"Here's my-a telephone. You can call home… Everything-a is fine with my nose. It doesn't hurt, like I said before." He lied and I knew that, but I kept in in secret. I always see when somebody is lying. He was the sweetest man I've ever met. We both needed friends and we could be each other's friends. I was sure about that…