[SHnY] Kyonko in Exile
By Henry J. Cobb

[The Haruhi Suzumiya characters and situations are the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. Other than that, he's blameless for the following.]

For some reason I was lying with my sore cheek against the pillow. I tried to turn over, but there was somebody behind me. As I was just waking up it took me a few seconds to remember yesterday's argument. I sat up to look over at him. It wasn't him. A strange boy was lying in my bed and looking at me.

"Who are you?" We both asked in unison.

I took my eyes off him for a moment to look around my room. There was a boy's school jacket over my chair and a few things had been moved or changed. "What happened to my room?"

"Your room? This is my room." He backed away from me and sat against the wall.

"No, this is my room. Why did you mess with my stuff?"

I had that strange dream again. It was the one where I was some sort of giant monster, crushing city buildings. That's not what bothered me when I woke up on Saturday morning.

I looked down at my hand. I had slapped her last night and told her I didn't want to see her again. It hadn't been that hard of a slap, but it was all her fault. She shouldn't make jokes like that. I've got another year of high school ahead of me, not to mention college. I'm too young to be a father.

The look she had given me was so serious, as she held her hand to her cheek. It was like she had something else stupid to say to me. I waited, but she said nothing and just walked away. The last thing I saw was her ponytail, as she turned the corner.

My phone rang. As I grabbed it I saw that the call was from Y. Nagato. I hit the call button. "Hi Nagato."

"Please hand the phone to Kyon." The girl on the other side spoke in an even tone.

"I am Kyon. Who is this? Why are you using Nagato's phone?"

"I am called Yuki Nagato, and by 'Kyon' I mean the boy next to you."

"Yeah, like I'd believe that Nagato had a sister."

"I do not, but you are not of this world."


"In the terms used here, you would be considered a slider from an alternate dimension. Please hand this world's Kyon his phone."

"Here you go, 'Kyon'." I handed the phone to the boy with my nickname, got out of the bed and went to sit in the chair.

"Yes?" he spoke into the phone. "So Suzumiya finally snatched a person from an alternate reality? We'll sneak over to your apartment. See you there soon."

I studied his face as he talked on the phone. There was something familar about it, but I was sure I had never met him before. "So now what?"

"Like I said, we're going to Nagato's. She's got enough room for mysterious extra people."

"Well the Tsuruya house is much bigger."

"No need to get Tsuruya involved at this point."

"Are you going to call in the rest of the SOS brigade also?"

"Seems like a plan."

"But not Suzumiya!"

"Yeah, yeah. We have to keep up the firewall between 'God' and strange events."

"Uh, yeah, that also." I asked his real name, and it was almost the same as mine. We decided that I would adopt Kyonko as my nickname.

As he stepped outside his room so I could change I noticed that we even wore the same style of pajamas, in slightly different sizes.

I looked through his closet and didn't see anything that would fit me, but then I found a box in the corner. It couldn't be, but it was. It was that box of old clothes I never got around to throwing out. It was all boy's styles here of course, but I threw together something I could wear.

I washed up, dressed, and rode my bicycle down to the station. The other three were already there. Nagato looked like a dork, standing there in his school uniform with his head in a book. Asahina was dressed fashionably, but he looked like a middle school student instead of the high school senior he was.

Koizumi wore a vest over her dress and her exacting attention to detail made it all match down to her purse. Her usual smile seemed a bit tired. Must be that time of the month for her, or something.

"You three go sit in the cafe. I'll stand here and wait here for Kyon, as usual."

They all nodded and turned away.

We almost made it to the door, but then a young girl asked, "Sneaking girls into your room, Kyon?"

I turned at the mention of my knickname and stopped. Again there was something almost familar about this strange person.

Kyon, well the Kyon of this world spoke to the strange little girl, "Please don't tell Mom and Dad about this."

"No, no." She walked up and looked at me. "I like this one."

"Thanks." I patted her on the head.

I rode in the same fashion as I had with Suzumiya and before that with Sasaki, grabbing onto Kyon's shoulders as I stood on the back of his bicycle. "I like her. She seems much nicer than my little brother."

Our destination was exactly the same appartment as Nagato's. I stopped in shock as I saw the people there. Again they were strangers, but I could guess the correspondences. "Nagato, Asahina, and Koizumi, right?"

They all nodded in turn.

"Then does this mean that Suzumiya is a girl?" I did cartwheels in my mind as I tried to figure out how different he would be without all that macho crap.

"Yes Haruhi is." Kyon replied.

"Somehow everybody's switched genders. I'm the girl in my universe who matches to this guy." I pointed at Kyon. "So just call me Kyonko here."

We sat down and discussed the situation. These girl versions of Nagato and Asahina talked about possible ways to return me to my own universe.

"I'm not sure if I should go back. Suzumiya is the one who sent me here." I didn't elaborate. If their Suzumiya was anything like mine then they would understand the dangers.

Just then my, I mean Kyon's, phone rang. He saw who it was, but answered it anyway. "Hi, Haruhi."

The girl on the other side of the line sounded angry, but I didn't catch her words.

"Sorry, I'm running late. I'll call them on the way and see what's holding them up."

An all too familiar jingle from a really cute kid's anime sounded from Asahina's purse.

Again the girl on the phone spoke to Kyon.

"At Yuki's." He replied.

She hung up on him and then he looked at me. "She's coming here. Let's get you hidden."

There was no sign of her at five minutes to nine, so I sat down on the edge of the planter. She wasn't there at nine either.

At ten minutes after nine I reached for my phone and called her. The phone rang six times then went to voicemail. I was pissed enough to leave her a message. "Hi. This is your brigade leader. We're all waiting for you at the cafe. Get your lazy ass down here so you can pay the bill."

At the cafe I sat down next to Nagato and across from Asahina and Koizumi. "Looks like she's not going to show."

"You sent her away."

Asahina looked over at Nagato aghast. Even Koizumi seemed shocked into wakefulness at Nagato's comment.

I turned to look at Nagato, but he was still reading his book with his standard expressionless face. If he knew the world was going to end in an hour, he'd still be reading a book.

Our server walked up. It was Kimidori, a senior from our school. "Can I help you?" He asked Nagato coldly.

I turned to Kimidori. "No, I guess this will be all. It looks like the other person we're waiting for isn't going to show."

Kimidori nodded at my comment and moved to the next table.

"I don't want to give her the satisfaction of messing with brigade business, but Koizumi, you look totally beat. Is that part-time job really worth it? Just go home, all of you. I'll see you in the clubroom on Monday."

"Thanks, Suzumiya." Koizumi picked up the bill and stood.

"You don't have to do that."

"No, no, I insist. If my part-time job causes a disruption, then it should at least pay for this." She made her way to the cashier.

Kyon had me hide in one of the closets of Yuki's three bedroom apartment.

In the distance I heard a pounding at the door then it was opened and this world's Kyon said "Good morning Haruhi."

I strained to hear distant footsteps and then a new girl said "So. If it had been anybody other than Kyon, then I would have known that you were all here plotting a coup against me. But Kyon is too much of a spineless coward to even dream of taking me on. This means that you are hiding something from me. Everybody sit right here and remain silent. If I hear even a peep from any of you then it's the death penalty."

Apparently this Suzumiya wasn't that different from the one I knew.

I hid as far back in the closet as I could, but of course this Nagato had hardly anything in her closet, so I was soon discovered.

I stood for a moment and stared at the face of this Haruhi Suzumiya. It wasn't like she was his sister, or even his off-gender twin. The resemblance was somehow much deeper than that.

She stopped for a moment herself as she studied my face. Then she shook her head and dragged me out by the arm.

She dumped me on the floor in front of the gang, who were sitting around the kotatsu. "Explain this, Kyon."

I turned around to face her. "Don't blame Kyon. My boyfriend hit me and threw me out. I didn't have anywhere else to go."

"And why would he do that?" Haruhi stood with arms crossed.

"Because I told him, that he had made me pregnant."

I risked a glance at the gang. Nagato did not react. Koizumi's smile cracked just a tiny amount. Asahina looked directly at Kyon, her unspoken accusation as plain as day. Kyon looked at me in shock and disbelief.

Haruhi's features softened. She grabbed me by the shoulders and nudged me over to the kotatsu. "You poor thing. Yuki, get our guest some tea."

Haruhi sat down next to me and asked her to explain my story, if I would.

I explained what had happened, in broad strokes. No names of course.

Haruhi agreed that I could stay at Yuki's, until I got my situation sorted out. She then lead the brigade (plus one) on a shopping trip for groceries so that I could have proper nutrition.

When we got back to the apartment, Haruhi coached me through preparing lunch. She would find her hands lingering on mine and quickly move away. She said that my boyfriend was the scum of the Earth that the gods could not forgive. She gave me her phone number, which I already knew. She said that if he ever showed up I was to call her directly and that she would beat up this enemy of all women.

After the others left I went and prepared to bathe.

Yuki entered while I was scrubbing. "May I?"

"Uh, sure?"

She nodded and stripped.

I watched her walk over and wondered how her relationship differed from the one I had with my Nagato. I froze as she knelt in front of me, placed her hands on my abdomen and closed her eyes.

"What is it?" I looked down at her.

She opened her eyes, sat back and looked at me. "No abnormalities. Shall we bathe together?"


Her hands lingered on my body then she turned so I could wash her back. As we slipped into the tub together I felt again that feeling of temptation I had towards my Nagato. If only I wasn't in a relationship. Well I wasn't, was I? Not with anybody on this Earth at least. I smiled.

"What is it?" She asked without turning towards me, as she sat in front of me.


Afterwards as she walked towards her closet that had the spare futons I spoke out, "This is a brand new world for me, and I've gotten used to sleeping with somebody. Do you mind?"

She turned back to me. Her eyes widened a fraction of a milimeter and I thought I detected the tiniest hint of a smile. She led the way to her bed and held up the covers so I could snuggle up next to her. She turned away, but did not complain when I wrapped my arms around her.

That night I slept more soundly than at any time since that damned test showed positive.