Title: That's A1

Summary: A simple bet, see who can use a 'coupla focail' to get a 'cailini' into the 'aul 'leaba', what could go wrong? Well Irish Boy Edward Masen is going to find, not just what could go wrong, but what also could go right.

Perspective: EPOV

Story Type: Drabble, chapters will vary in life.

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I wished I owned Twilight, so, so, so much! But I don't so I'm just going to play with them for a bit.


"Ma, its fine." Emmett yelled down the phone as we carried our bags up the stairs to our flat. "Yes Ma, I swear to God. It was just a little rash..." He began when he stopped "Well tell Auntie Mary thanks for praying for it. She's A1" Emmett said causing me to laugh. "Hold on Ma. Hey Cullen shut up ya dickhead" He told me "Ma I called him a dickhead because he is one. Look right I gotta go. Yeah Love ya too. Seeya." He said before hanging up.

"Your Auntie Mary prayed for your STD to go away?" I asked him.

"My Auntie Mary prays for every little thing. She once lit a candle because my sister was upset that she missed Fair City." Emmett muttered as he unlocked the flat. "And it wasn't a fecking STD, it was a rash." He added

"On your dick." I said as he let me into the flat. Slapping me across the back of the head as he did.

Emmett and I had always had this relationship. We had been friends since we were kids, we had met at under fives hurling training back home in Ireland and then when to the same schools as each other. Following the Leaving Cert, the final exams of secondary school, we decided to get a J1 visa and come work in America. You know for a little bit of life experience and what not. We settled on Seattle, because the rain reminded us of home, and our other friend Jasper was a Frasier fan, and got jobs in small construction companies just learning trades, those had slowed down with the recession but it was not as bad as back home.

So many other fuckers were just wasting their time sitting at home, going on the dole and only working getting the silage in during the summer. Like seriously I'd rather fuck myself with the recorder I was forced to learn to play in school up me hole. I knew guys back home, who's life plan was to get some girl up the duff and then get a house from the local council... like what the hell? My brother was one of those fucking morons, he's twenty five and he got three kids. The idea made my fucking skin crawl.

It was a sad fucking day when we found out we couldn't buy drinking here until we were twenty one, what a poxy fucking rule, just saying. But we stuck it out and found jobs, and this was our third year here. Emmett was adamant that we stayed until were 22 so that we could at least spend a year getting drunk. I had to say I was with him on that front.

Seriously Americans could drive at sixteen but not get drunk? I don't know what kind of country they were running but I suppose I couldn't complain too much. I was enjoying myself out here. I was far enough away from my Ma that I had no rules but not too far away that they spoke a different language. I was here with my two best friends and we were just enjoying being young and having fun.

Sure I wanted to go home some day, I couldn't imagine settling down and having a family in the states but for this stage of my life this was pretty A1 and I was sticking to it.

"Shut the fuck up. Who asked ye, ye fucking bollix?" Emmett asked as we walked into the flat. "Fuckhead we're back." Emmett called into the flat. Jasper our third room-mate walked out of his bedroom wearing his just his jocks, followed by a midget who was his girlfriend Alice.

"Do you have to be so fecking loud?" Jasper asked walking over to where we had left the bags on the counter. He began sorting through them and putting stuff away. "Edward ye gotta a package in the post."

"I've got a question. Why do you always have to cuss?" Alice asked in her Southern American twang and I looked at her confused as I grabbed my box off the counter. I recognised Ma's hand writing on the top. My Ma was a fucking saint let me tell you.

"What?" I asked Alice as I cut open my box.

"You guys cuss all the time." She said.

"No we fucking don't. Jasper, tell her I don't fucking cuss all the time." Emmett said and I laughed. "Sorry Chicken couldn't help it." He said to Alice who glared at him.

"Why do I hang out with you people?" she asked.

"Because for some reason you think Jasper's a ride?" I asked her as I opened the box.

So what are your first thoughts on my Irishward?

Review please? I know some of it won't make sense, so feel free to ask!

Love The Irish Cullen.