Hey guys, sorry for the hiatus. I hope to put some new chapters and new stories up really soon so please check back. Thanks for hanging in there.
Charley felt mildly guilty as he left Jody's apartment in the early hours of that morning. He knew he shouldn't. He told himself that he had no reason to feel guilty. So why was he sneaking out? That's what he was doing, wasn't it?
He still wrestled with these feelings as he walked into one of the rehearsal rooms at ABC. Eventually he found it was just easier to dance out his anger than think about it. And he definitely wanted to work it out before he could take it out on other people. After all, he wasn't mad at Jody, not really. He hadn't decided yet. He had every right to be, didn't he? He loved her. He thought she knew that. Then why would she make love to Cooper? It was hard enough in school when he found out they were together. When he found out that a man like Cooper had had her it almost killed him. Then seeing Jody in such pain when he broke her heart – like Charley knew he would – why would she go back into his arms? What did Cooper have anyway, why was he so damn special that everyone fawned over him? CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT HE IS?, he wanted to scream.
He will hurt her again. The image of Jody lying in Cooper's embrace tore at his heart. So he danced. Harder and harder, faster and faster. It never ended. But the images of them together kept flooding his mind.
His fingers in her hair. Dance Charley Dance!
His lips on her skin. No! No!
Her hand on his chest, his heart. STOP!
Charley fell to the ground in an exhausted collapse. His breath coming in shallow gasps then lengthening into big gulps. Air. Air. Air. Jody. Jody. Jody. What happened? A few months after graduation they moved in together in the apartment that Charley lived in now. They were happy. He was happy. Was she? Then why did she leave.
Most nights Charley couldn't stand to be alone in the apartment. It still felt like she should be there and he would wake in the middle of the night and find himself reaching for her. But she was gone. What made it worse was not that he knew she was gone but that he felt it. She moved into an apartment closer to Cooper's studio which he hated. But he never thought she'd go back to the jerk. Why had they called it off in the first place?, he couldn't remember.
He felt the hard floor warming with his own body heat. Sweat still glistened on his bare arms. Too many memories, too many emotions. His eyes burned and he tried to blink away the pain. Feelings of failure and rejection filled his heart. You're just wanting what you can't have, man. Just forget it. She doesn't want you. She let you go. Let her go.
He knew that he could never let her see this part of him. He needed to be her rock, her protector. He wanted to be her companion and father of her child. Every little thing they ever did came to him. The first months of being together. Everything was new and exciting. Yes, it was terrifying at the same time but in a good way. It was like jumping off a cliff and realizing you can fly, soar. She filled his life. What more could he ever want? The perfect woman and the job of his dreams.
The first time they were together intimately he remembered they were both trembling. Both so afraid of what they were feeling, afraid of losing this precious gift. He wanted to explore every part of her. He loved to cover himself in her. Dress himself in her touch. He found himself constantly amazed that this woman was with him. Looking back now he could see his boyish ways. He was naïve. He loved her but it was not yet the love of a man – not in Charley's eyes. True, he loved more maturely than Cooper and was confident that would always be true. But Charley had been living in a world of his own illusions. Had she ever feel pressure to live up to them? She deserved more.
Back then they were in the clouds. He never wanted to come down. Never wanted it to end.
But like most things in life… it did.