About Edward and Bella's bedroom furniture in this chapter:
.tantrachair dot com /en/content/32/positions/183/positions-guide/ put the usual 3w's in front and replace the word dot with a dot, but be aware this video has actual (or very cleverly faked) sex. Not Suitable To Watch At Work.
I Was Broken
The important thing here is to not keeping making mistakes.
I can dismiss the whole marrying James fuck up because he should never have rushed me into it like that, and Edward shouldn't have tried to control me. Okay, I should have stood up and told them both to fuck off and let me make my own decisions, but that doomed marriage is erasable.
I can sign a piece of paper and it will be as if it never existed.
Edward had sent me to his attorney's office to start the ball rolling, but I hoped he knew he could not read anything more into my decision to do this than the simple fact that I wanted to legally end any ties to James.
That's where it got strange.
"Isabella Marie Swan, ex wife of Edward Anthony Cullen Masen. I can locate your divorce documents for that, but I can't locate any Marriage Licence for you and James Nicholas Hunt.
Where did you file your Intent?"
"Before you get married, you file an Intent and then a licence is issued. There's nothing. No paper trail. I have to conclude your second so called marriage was not legal."
"Can you find anything on James?"
"I can tell you he married and divorced Victoria Rhona Redding. Nothing more. Are you sure of the date? Maybe it's misfiled. Things go astray at times."
"The Marriage celebrant...what was his name?"
"Laurent Taylor," I replied. He was an interesting character and a hard man to forget. Great hair. I love great hair on a man.
"Nope, he is not licensed to perform any legal ceremonies in this country," Jay said moments later, looking at his computer screen.
"Why would James only pretend to marry me?" I mused out loud. Maybe to piss off Edward, because that was all it had achieved. Maybe so I would sleep with him?
We'd never slept together before the so-called wedding. James had insisted he was old fashioned that way.
"Okay, fine. Thanks for your time."
"Bella, before you go, Edward wants me to explain about his inheritance and what it would mean to you when he accepts it."
"What would that have to do with me? You found our divorce details. Anything he inherits is none of my business."
"Edward wants to know if you are open to him backdating his assets so you'd be entitled to a share. He also wants to purchase the cottage from you and insists on paying you five hundred thousand dollars for it."
"It's not worth that. The Realtor says in this current market I'll be lucky to get more than three twenty."
"He's made an offer of half a million. I imagine your Realtor had the contract altered and signed right there and then. It's a fair offer when you consider he wants that property no matter what it costs him, and doesn't wish to risk any other potential buyers making you any offers. I would graciously accept and sign the contract if I were you."
"But why would he pay more than it's worth? He paid for it in the first place and gave it to me. By rights, he should own it already. I would just give it back but then I wouldn't have any money and I need to travel and set myself up somewhere new."
"I think Edward may have adjusted it's worth based on sentimental value the cottage holds for him alone. Another buyer would not have that attachment."
"I love the cottage too," I replied. "If I could afford to keep it so if I ever want to return some day, then I would, but I can't. It's my only asset."
"Back to Edward's inheritance, then. He wishes to settle an amount of money on you. This is not how it usually works, but he wants me to find out how much you would find acceptable, rather than decide a figure himself. He asked me to ask you to consider that you may want to travel a lot, and have maybe a few residences in your preferred locations, such as a house in London, a flat in Paris, maybe a vineyard somewhere in Spain? And there is your Mother to consider. Edward says she is divorcing her second husband and won't come out of the divorce with much in the way of assets? He would like you to be able to buy her a house wherever she chooses to settle down. I was thinking maybe a million dollars would set her up somewhere quite comfortably? He intends giving her an annual income as well. He tells me your Mother is not big on budgeting and he'd rather not just gift her a lump sum."
"A million dollars? What are you talking about? I didn't even know Edward could afford to pay off the mortgage on Victoria's house. Why didn't he pay it off earlier?"
"Edward inherited a rather large business enterprise from his biological parents. He was inclined to refuse to accept any of it but he's changed his mind and wishes to access some of the funds to do these things and help various friends and family members before he gives the remaining considerable amount to various charities.
Think of it as him handing you a blank check. What amount would you fill in if money was no object? Whatever you decide to take, I can assure you it probably won't make a dint in the total."
"I think I need to talk to Edward," I replied, wondering if Jay Jenks was quite right in the head, or maybe he drank. Maybe he was a stoner with delusions of grandeur.
Edward met me in the coffee shop and we sat opposite one another and did our stupid grins at each other.
I swear I felt eighteen again around him. It was like High School over again, and he took my hand and kissed it, while entwining his feet in mine under the table.
"Don't let the Principal catch us doing PDA's," I cautioned him, laughing.
My life was getting better every day and my nights were incredible. It was surprising that I could sit down. As Edward gazed into my eyes, I kept thinking about last night and the new piece of furniture he had installed into our bedroom.
A tantra chair.
It looked kind of weird but then he had taken us both into the shower and washed our bodies clean, then dried us off, before leading me to the unusually shaped couch.
"Is it some kind of sofa to lie and read on?" I asked, perplexed.
"It does come with a book. The Kama Sutra."
"Okaaay," I replied, looking closer at the leather seat. It had a dip in the center and Edward straddled that section and invited me to do the same so we sitting facing one another.
Then he took my legs and placed them on his shoulders, and I leaned against the rise behind my back.
Okay, this was interesting.
The chair seemed to support us both regardless of what position he put us in and I know there are things we haven't tried yet. The things we had tried had been mind blowing.
Just thinking about it was making me damp.
"I can read your mind," Edward said with a chuckle. "You are remembering the scissor position. I could tell you liked that one a lot. You were very...enthusiastic."
"Why did you buy that chair?" I asked him. "Was it to make me have so little blood left in my brain that I'd be unable to even think straight long enough to call a halt and leave you?"
"If that works for you, it works for me. I would do anything to keep you here. I am willing to beg.
Bear has been giving me lessons. He says you always give in and hand him treats when you see him begging so I was hoping it might work for me."
"I don't want you to beg. I just want us to part ways feeling like it was our choice and nobody and nothing forced us to. One day we will know that this is done, and we'll go our separate ways still able to always think of one another fondly. The pain and fuck ups with 'other people who shall not be named' will be forgotten, and we'll feel complete and always have happy memories of the ending, like we do of the beginning."
"You know it's not going to work that way for me. I will never be able to just watch you leave and think there is anything remotely right about it. I don't understand why you are not willing to stay and try again. I mean, Bella, everyone here thinks that's what we are doing already. They are all supporting us and hoping we stay together forever this time. You are going to break so many hearts if you leave."
I considered his words because, to be honest, I wasn't even sure myself why I was leaving any more. It wasn' to get away from Edward; I loved him more now than I ever had. There was no truer saying, you truly don't know how precious what you have is until you lose it.
It wasn't James, he was nothing; nobody. He'd moved out weeks ago, having possibly decided he didn't enjoy listening to how a real man makes a woman scream multiple times a night.
Our lovemaking had to make him feel completely inadequate, which he was.
I had not made any effort to tone things down or keep quiet because what Edward did to me didn't really allow that.
One would have to be in control of their body and their brain to manage that and he did things to me that made me simply surrender to his superior knowledge and take me to places I don't think we had even visited when we were married and happy.
I wanted to think our lives could stay this way, and nothing could ever come between us again. Victoria and James were both living in the wooden house together, waiting for Edward to sign it over, but they were tight again and always together when we saw them anywhere. Like they'd never been apart.
Maybe we all had to go through all that fuckery to end up back where we belonged.
I never thought about James until Edward asked me a few days ago if I was thinking of officially ending that ridiculous thing legally called a marriage that I had so foolishly entered into, and I'd agreed. It was time.
He was in the middle of divorcing Victoria, so why wait?
I guess the only reason was, I was afraid Edward was thinking once we were both free, that I'd give in and remarry him.
I fully accepted that I had pushed him out of my bed and I should have handled things entirely differently, but even so, he left me.
He went to her and maybe if I stayed a zombie, he'd still be with her and they'd have some pretty babies by now.
What's the date?
I reached inside my purse and found my organizer and calculated when my last period had occurred and realized I was due to ovulate on Father's Day. That day, like Mother's Day, was always a punch in the gut to us both.
"Bella, what's wrong? What are you thinking?" he asked, concerned. "You just went pale. Have you had a blood test lately?"
My iron levels were fine, and Marcus had told me something interesting when he got the results of that test Edward had ordered months ago.
It appeared James had been drugging me with an unidentifiable mix of medications. The ones they could pin down were designed to make me relax, sleep, and bond.
For some reason, he had been feeding me a drug given only to new mothers who were not bonding naturally with their infants, usually due to postnatal depression. It stimulated those hormones needed to form bonding, and I had no baby to bond with. It did explain why I had found what little rapport between James and I was enough, though.
Emotions fuelled by drugs only.
Once Marcus told me, I started refusing to drink anything James offered and although outwardly he took it well and laughed it off, I saw by his eyes that it made him angry.
That was when I moved back into my real bedroom and had several locks including a deadbolt installed on that door.
James had merely shrugged and said he could wait me out, unlike Edward had, but that comment had the opposite effect to what he hoped.
Instead of making me angry at Edward again, I just saw James much more clearly and realized how well he had played me.
He'd always fed me back whatever I needed to hear all the while managing to slip in the odd negative reference to Edward and his abandonment of me. Like the day he saw me crying and took me into the arms I now hated, and tried to keep up the act.
"Bella, I know what he did to you and I would never do that."
No, his method was more subtle.
One day I was cleaning up his bedroom and found a romance novel in there that I instantly assumed was my own, because I'm pretty sure fully grown men never resort to immersing themselves into those pages to find some borrowed emotions to live vicariously through.
No, only women did that. Women who needed to feel something when romance had deserted them.
To my surprise, this was a much newer copy of the book and as I flipped the pages, some passages were underlined.
Like the scene where the buff, handsome hero rode bareback on a beach and encountered the lonely heroine. I reread that part and finally understood.
"Tobias shook his long blonde hair back and bared his rugged chest as Hermione's eyes raked that manly body and sighed. In that moment, he knew he had her hooked. He had become the bait and had caught her in his trap. He jumped down from the steed in one leap and casually tied his hair back with a small black ribbon, watching the regret in her eyes.
"It will be back. I will shake it out again when I remount my horse, and toss my hair just as Black Stallion tosses his mane in the wind," he said to himself, smiling at her automatic response to being this close to a half naked man.
His shirt was tied around his waist, and he slipped it on just to see her eyes show more regret. She was picturing him naked, and he was taking away the illusion, making her long for that shirt to spontaneously combust and leave his upper body naked again.
He spoke the words that lit her on fire.
"I suppose if I had been naked when we first met, you would remember me," he said with a smile.
Hermione couldn't help but want him.
Alexander, her true love, had gone, left her, run back to his wife.
She had nobody now. No man to warm her yearning body and her cold, lonely bed.
Tobias mounted the black stallion and released his hair again and he heard her heart stutter at the sight. She was putty in his hands. While part of him wanted to grab her up and ride away with her into the mist, the sensible part of his brain warned him to merely suggest another meeting, then ride away leaving her feeling bereft and wanting more.
It was always so much easier at the next carefully staged encounter if they already had this image stuck in their desperate little brains and they yearned for more.
His trap was loaded, set, the bait taken, now he just had to return and free her from the cage. She would be so desperately needy by then, he could do whatsoever he desired to do with her.
He smiled his devastating smile.
How he loved men who deserted their women and left them lonely and vulnerable to a man such as himself. Half the work was done for him already.
Because a woman just wants a man who stays."
So, I'd been played.
I was rather shocked that I hadn't realized it at the time. It was so obvious, looking back. James clearly recognized me for the lonely, heartbroken woman I was and gave me what my stupid brain longed for.
A hero on a white horse.
I hadn't told Edward; I had a feeling he knew the whole thing had been a set up from the start. He knew James.
He had tried yet again to save me and what had I done?
I'd marched myself to the pretend preacher man and married 'Tobias' and let him manipulate me from that day forward.
Well, all that was over now but I still felt like a complete fool.
Maybe a fifteen year old schoolgirl could be impressed by such a dramatic encounter on a beach but I should have known better.
"Let's go home," I suggested, and Edward stood up and led me to the car.
Once we were curled up in bed, I lay there in Edward's arms fighting with the feelings inside.
What did I want? Really? In ten years from now, what would I regret and what would I be glad I had done?
I regretted pushing Edward away and sending him to her.
He had swum in muddy waters but I had pushed him in.
I regretted falling for James' ridiculous game.
I was glad to be free of him.
I was glad to be here, in this bed.
The fifteen years with Edward had been the best years of my life and he was willing to try and give me more of those years so why was I fighting? If I won this battle and walked away, what was my prize?
A lifetime spent trying to make Renee happy? Moving around the world as she met one 'perfect' man after another, only to see them fall from their pedestals and turn into mere mortals that could never be what she wanted, so, on to the next one.
Did I want to live my own life like that?
I would never choose celibacy so that meant my options were to go from the bed of one inadequate man to the next like she did, because I was now sure nobody else on Earth could light the spark Edward lit inside me.
Maybe I should just give in and stay.
Let go of the past, and welcome a new future.
Edward's fingers trailed lazily down my spine and the buzz burned.
I turned and looked at his emerald green eyes and surrendered.
"Edward, do you still want to have another baby with me? I think it's time. If I stay, then I want us to have back every possible part of our old life. That includes another child. Maybe two this time."
His eyes lit up and shone with unshed tears and his mouth descended onto mine and that kiss told me his answer, and the answer I needed.
I was choosing right.
This was what I wanted.
I have no idea what finally brought Bella back home, but whatever it was, it happened all by itself and I hadn't manipulated her. I would have, if I'd known how, because at this point I could feel the clock ticking and the end galloping towards us.
We were happy, and comfortable and had shaken off all regrets for paths we'd taken in error, and we were us again.
That told me she knew it too, or soon would, and there would be nothing to keep her here any longer.
Then she asked me if I wanted our old life back.
I knew it could never be quite as perfect as it had been, because the new baby would not be Angela but once again I started hoping he or she would bring some characteristics our first child had back into our lives.
This baby would be Angie's sibling.
I felt so excited, I couldn't even answer so I let my lips do the talking and my body followed through.
God, I love this girl, this woman, more than life itself and I wanted to start a new life with her, and a new life inside her.
"I'm due to ovulate on Sunday. The third Sunday in June," she said. I knew what the significance of that day was, but this year I would be able to celebrate and not just be filled with regrets for what I'd lost. Maybe I'd be a father again already by then.
Maybe I'd manage to impregnate her first try. It hadn't taken long in High School, and I was pretty sure it wouldn't take long now. We had to hit the target day of ovulation if we kept up the pace our sexlife had resumed. It didn't matter what date it occurred, because every night was now the night we were having sex for a purpose more than just to be together and to strengthen our bond and celebrate our love.
This could be a tantra chair baby.
Actually, I wanted more than that. I wanted our child conceived here in this bed. I wanted Bella to be swept away by passion, sure, but I wanted love to be the theme.
Scented candles, soft music, and a lot of kissing.
Inside me, I felt words try to pour from my mouth that she was not ready for yet.
I wanted to marry her.
Even though I knew she considered us still married, and possibly always had, I needed that to be true. But it could wait because I was not risking scaring her off with too many demands. Her choosing to stay was the vital step. The baby was another important step. The wedding would come whenever Bella was ready.
I could not believe how brave she was nowadays.
She'd come and claimed me back, despite the minor inconveniences of our spouses and not let anything stand in her way.
She knew I was hers and she wanted that wrong righted.
She saw Victoria and James as nothing more than a couple of flies, to be shoo'ed away out of our lives.
It had always been about us.
She still hadn't mentioned what Jay Jenks had told her, but maybe that was only because, as always, money meant nothing to her.
What she could do with that money would occur to her at some point, when she saw one of those tv commercials with starving children, and then she would ask me what the heck Jay had been on about. For now, it was so unimportant to her, it didn't rate as a subject worth bringing up.
Her mind was filled with the important stuff. Our future together. Our baby, or maybe babies. I would not make the same mistake this time. I would do everything possible to ensure this labour was as safe as possible and not let my fears leak through and spoil things.
She would not die in childbirth.
My Mother had, and surely that meant the statistical chances of my wife dying that way were so remote as to be nearly impossible.
I would endure the delivery and the next one before facing those unfounded fears again.
Bella would be fine.
Our babies would be perfect.
Surely by now we had already been served up more than our share of pain.
Sunday night went exactly as I had planned it to.
Soft lights, quiet music, dinner worthy of a masterchef.
Nothing heavy, just fuel for the fire.
Dancing, with my Bella in my arms as I swept her around the sitting room.
Kissing, a lot of kissing.
Declarations of love and a long night of the most intense passion we had ever had.
Our eyes never closed, our gazes never wavered. I stared into deep pools of brown velvet as our bodies connected and my love filled her repeatedly.
I could almost see the baby inside beginning.
Tantric sex did come into play but we were so connected it wasn't a conscious choice, our bodies chose that for us and I made love to her for hours. I wasn't even aware of when we finally faltered, I just woke up around noon the next day and belatedly realized I had missed half of my shift at the hospital.
I had warned Carlisle it might happen, because my wife and I had things that needed to be done and his eyes had lit up with a light that I thought had been permanently extinguished.
"I shall have Marcus on standby. Don't let a little thing like work interrupt your plans," he had replied, pulling me into a hug.
We all needed this baby, not just Bella and I.
Even Renee now felt for us and not just for herself and she would be as thrilled as anyone that we were back and we were taking the next step to spending eternity together.
Our gold rings were on our fingers and we were married in our hearts so nothing could come between us now.
Bella woke and stretched sleepily and I grabbed her and started kissing her all over.
"Edward, I need a little human time. A bathroom break, before you get too carried away."
I sighed loudly and watched her cute little butt as she headed off.
Maybe we should shower. God knows the whole bed smelt of sex.
I ripped the sheets off and replaced them with fresh ones and then tapped on the door.
"Come in," she replied. She was sitting on the edge of the bath with a plastic stick in her hand.
"I ovulated last night, as expected," she informed me, placing the stick on the counter.
"I know, I felt you conceive," I replied, taking her into the warm water of the shower and washing her body clean again. I had made it damp and sticky, it as up to me to make it clean again.
Then make it damp and sticky all over again.
She didn't resist and it seemed I could do whatever I wanted.
I lay her on the bed and knelt at her feet and put my mouth on her sweetest place and kissed it.
She grabbed my hair and made it clear that sweet and gentle kisses were not what she wanted so I started working in earnest, licking and sucking her to the edge then backing off, letting the climax that had almost happened retreat again.
"Edward," she said in a warning whisper and I grinned and did it properly this time and licked at the sweet juices she rewarded me with. I loved feeling her come against my tongue. I loved tasting those waves of exhilaration as she pulsed madly out of control as her heart raced so loud I could hear it from here.
I loved how her entire body softly blushed as she came, and the way her toes literally curled.
I loved that I was the only one she responded to like this, and in a way, her being with the stupid and incompetent James now gave her someone to compare me to and made me shine and sparkle.
I felt like a God and I was her God and she was the only disciple I would ever want.
I crawled up her body and plunged inside, just to be sure.
It never hurt to have a back-up episode of love making to make sure she was well and truly pregnant.
When we were done and no longer had the strength to move, I rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head then laughed out loud, in pure, unrestrained happiness, because I had her back and she would never leave me. I knew that as surely as I knew my own name.
"Wasso funny, Mr Cullen?" she slurred as she lay face down on my chest.
"I'm just so happy, Mrs Cullen," I replied. "So very happy. Happier than I thought possible."
"Edward, you understand why I couldn't let you touch me back then, right?" she asked me in a small voice.
"No, I don't," I replied honestly. "Tell me."
"Because your touch has always filled me with happiness and there was no place for that at that terrible time. How could I let you make me happy when all I wanted to do was cry?"
I finally understood.
It was not me she was rejecting, it was the way my touch made her feel. It would have been impossible to tolerate any happiness then and I should have realized. I'd never touched her even once without filling us both with joy. How blind I had been.
"The other reason was, I feared if the happiness was gone, and had been replaced by pain,it would have stood to reason your touch would have filled me with such sorrow I would have exploded."
"Bella, I should have known. All I wanted was for us to comfort one another. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. I will never fear happiness again now, Edward. You are mine and I am yours. Forever my love."
I lifted her body and rolled her over, so the words of her tattoo on her back covered the same words on my chest and held her around the waist.
"Forever my love, Bella."