Author's Note: Gosh, sorry for the long wait! But, ya'll know I was grounded! Here's the rest of the chapter!
I knew I was treading in shallow water. I was in the middle of deep water and land. In the middle of Jane and Zoe. Jane was deep water. Unsafe. While Zoe was the land. But, she was safe. It would be easy, simple, to go to Zoe. It would be so easy to fall in love with her. Of course there was only one thing in my way. Jane. If I'd just let go, let go of my feelings for her, I'd be able to really fall for Zoe. Yet, there was something luring me back to Jane. Back to my Janey. There was apart of me that kept telling me to go to Jane. How it would be so much easier to fully submerge into deep water. To fully submerge into my love for her. The other part of me was telling myself to go to Zoe. Because she was the safest choice. Because I knew she loved me the way I loved Jane. After all it is better to get to land rather than water. But, still, the part of me wanting to go to Jane was a lot stronger than the part of me wanting to go to Zoe. So, who to pick? Let myself be completely consumed in my love for Jane? Or, stay with Zoe, and know that I didn't love her, know that I loved Jane?
I think she's really confused now. About the whole Jeremy thing. She doesn't know if she should go work for him or not, but in my opinion I don't think she should work for him. Now, that has nothing to do with the fashion show. I just don't think she should work for him since he was the mole, the traitor. She shouldn't just leave Donovan Decker either. I think she needs to hear that.
I'm not doing anything now. I guess I'll tell her. My mom won't care, she usually lets me do whatever I want whenever I want.
When I open the door neither Jane or Ben hear me. They're both on the couch. But...she's crying. I've never seen her cry like that. I can tell they're talking but the only thing I hear is,
I can't make out anything else so I give the door a good slam as I shut it, so they'll for sure hear me. Just like I expected, Ben gets up and walks towards me.
"Hey, B-" I stop when I see his face. He looks scared and terrified. Why?
"H-hey Billy!" he says un-easily, and I can hear Jane sniffle.
"Who died?" I joked, but obviously neither was in the mood, because I got a dirty look from the both of them.
I sigh and say,
"Ben, can I talk to Jane? Alone?"
It takes some pleading but he finally agrees, and slips into his room. No doubt he's pressed up against the door, ready to hang on my every word.
I walk over and sit down next to her, causing her to once again sniffle and cross her arms firmly over her chest.
"Janey?" I whisper, scooting closer and touching her arm lightly in a plan to try to comfort her, a plan I have a feeling won't work at all. I'm guessing I was right, she just turned her body away from me.
"Janey! Tell me...Oh for pete's sake! Look at me!" I think my voice sounds slightly harsh, but I'm not sure, either way it only causes her to get more upset. Yeah, this plan seemed to be going nowhere...
She wipes her nose and leans back into the couch, as do I. I place my hand over her left one, and I notice it's really cold. I know her hand's are usually cold anyway, it's way we held hands so much, for me to warm her's.
"Janey, I'm sorry. Now. Tell me what's on your mind." I try to go back to joking. I always make her laugh.
She still doesn't look at me but she does finally croak,
"What did you hear?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
She sighs and croaks again,
"How much did you hear? Of what...of what Ben and I were talking about."
Her question caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting that. But, it does make me think back to what I'd heard when I first came in, Billy issue.
"Well, when I first came in I heard Ben say, Billy issue. You said something else but I couldn't tell what. I only heard those two words. So, now that you're talking about it, what did Ben mean?"
I lean forward and prop my leg on my knee, while placing my elbow on it and putting my chin on my palm, another attempt to be funny. However she doesn't seem to find it funny. She lets out a sigh of relief, and ignoring my question, replies while glancing at me,
"Oh! That's great!"
She sure was acting awful weirdly. And, for Jane, that was saying a lot. I'm not gonna lie, the girl is pretty darn crazy. But, that's just one of things I loved about her. Just one of the reasons she's my best friend. And, why we make such a good team. We're both sorta crazy.
"Great?" I say with a laugh.
She blushes madly and looks away.
"Janey?" my tone changed from playful and joking to serious and concerned in ten seconds flat. This was most definitely not Jane.
I slip a finger under her chin and turn her face around, so she's forced to look at me.
"Nothing...I said nothing!" she whimpers. Something is wrong...
"Janey, what's wrong?" My voice is so oddly calm it scares me. I should be freaking out, because Jane's freaking out.
"I never said anything was wrong." she mutters, while pulling away from me, and once again looking down at her lap.
I'd noticed one thing while I was looking at her. She looked so...so fragile. Like she was breaking...or already broken. It made me realize that my little Janey wasn't...well, she wasn't my little Janey anymore. This new girl however, was really starting to give me a bad vibe.
Sobs overcome her. Her body shakes so hard it's as if there was a volcano erupting inside her. This is killing me as much as it's killing her. I can barely take it. But, I have to take it. I have to take it for Jane.
"Janey come here."
I don't give her a choice. I wound my arms around her and pulled her onto my lap. She fits her head into the crook of my neck and dug her fingernails so hard into my back I was sure it'd leave the biggest crescent moon shaped scars you'd ever see. But, I don't even feel it.
"It's okay Janey. I got you. I got you." I repeated in a stern and steady voice and stroked her hair gently. She kissed my collarbone then leaned her face to the side, so her cheek was now currently placed on my collarbone. I still feel no pain, and it's really shocking me. I don't know exactly how it is I'm doing this, but I don't even know if it's even good or not anymore. Is what I'm doing wrong? Is it wrong to just sit here with Jane in my arms, pretending like everything's sunshine and unicorns when in reality, everything is turning to crap? Here's this girl, a girl I'm in love with, and she's in my arms, and guess what? I can't tell her because she's my best friend, and I don't want to risk losing that, and so forth. This whole thing was so...so...stupid! Yeah, that's what it was! Stupid! It's stupid that I can't tell this girl I'm in love with how I feel!
"Billy?" she mumbles.
"What are you doing?"
"Well, you keep repeating the word, stupid...I just thought something was wrong..."
"Oh, no, no, nothing's wrong. I'm...fine."
"As sure as I'll ever be."
She raises an eyebrow at me but doesn't say anything more. Whew. Now that was close.