Long Summary: "We finally get to parody the Divergent book series everyone's been talking about. So, in a huge anime club in Chicago, there are five animes to worship the rest of your life - One Piece, Naruto, Bleach, Kuroshitsuji, or Hetalia. When Lucy Heartfilia takes the test to find out which anime to follow the rest of her life, she finds out that she belongs to the Haruhi Suzumiya faction, where you can like all the animes. Will Lucy choose the right anime, or will she end up in the Homestuck faction, where you can't like ANY anime?"
Author's Note: Well, since my parodies of Twilight and The Hunger Games are winding down, I decided to start a parody of the Divergent trilogy. Now, keep in mind, this fanfic is not meant to bash people who like certain animes and/or Homestuck, any anime mentioned in this fic, and Homestuck. This is meant to be a parody of a popular YA novel.
Also, there's a 50-75% chance that I will have to move this fic to the Fairy Tail/Homestuck section later on. Why? You'll see.
Disclaimer: Veronica Roth owns the Divergent trilogy, Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail, Eichiiro Oda owns One Piece, Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto, Tite Kubo owns Bleach, Yana Toboso owns Kuroshitsuji, Hidekazu Himeruya owns Hetalia, Hiromu Arakawa owns Fullmetal Alchemist, Andrew Hussie owns Homestuck, and I own One Piece: Parallel Works.
"Okay, Lucy, it's done."
I open my eyes, and I can see myself and my mother, Layla Heartfilia, staring at me from the mirror. Damn, my mom does some great haircuts.
Anyway, let's cut to the chase. My name is Lucy Heartfilia. I'm a seventeen-year old girl living in some messed-up version of Chicago. Why is it so messed up? Well, sixty-nine years ago, a bunch of people came to our world from Narnia. They went on about how some sport in Narnia called the "Hunger Games" is tearing the nation apart. Apparently, the Hunger Games is where teens have to kill each other, so somebody instituted these factions based off of five anime so the buddy system could be used to prevent these Hunger Games or something. These factions (and anime) are Naruto, One Piece, Bleach, Hetalia, and Kuroshitsuji. My family and I are from the Hetalia Faction, where we have to worship hot men who are also countries of the world. Also, there's tons of yaoi and fanfiction in my faction.
And, yes, we have to cosplay in this faction. As nations. Mom cosplays as Belarus, my dad, Jude Heartfilia, cosplay as America, my adopted brother, Gray Fullbuster, cosplays as China, and I cosplay as Sweden. Did I mention that Belarus is a psycho, America is on the road to getting Type-Two Diabetes, Gray's a borderline-nudist who wears his cosplay 50% of the time, and that Sweden's gay for Finland?
Moving on, Gray and I board the bus that will take us to school. Today is a special day. Today, we take an aptitude test to determine which anime we will like the most, and, tomorrow, we will choose which anime to follow for the rest of our lives.
"Nervous about today?" Gray asks me.
"Not really," I say as a member of the Bleach faction bumps past me. All members of Bleach faction wear black yukatas and carry around katanas. They also really, really like Taco Bell for some reason.
"I just hope I don't get Naruto. That faction is made up of weaboos who only eat ramen and speak butchered Japanese," Gray reveals.
"You mean, they say things like 'You make my kokoro go doki-doki, desu'?" I ask Gray, who nods. "Oh, Dear Lord."
A few minutes later, we arrive at our school. Already, the people from the One Piece faction are having sword fights in the quad. Gray and I ignore this and go inside.
"So, I'll see you at lunch," Gray says.
"See you," I say before Gray goes to Trigonometry and I go to History of Anime. As I go down the hall, I stop at the window that overlooks Lake Michigan. Already, students from One Piece faction are getting off of their pirate ships and going to either Denny's or Starbucks before going to school.
I sigh. This is going to be a long two days.
The tests start right after we eat lunch. Bad idea, since I feel like throwing up.
Right after Gray leaves to take his test, I decide to take a look to see what the other factions are up to. A bunch of kids from the One Piece faction are drinking rum and playing strip poker. Some of the people in Kuroshitsuji faction have tea and scones. The members of Naruto faction eat ramen and practice their jutsus. The people in Bleach faction watch some magic show by a guy called "Don Kanoji". And, the fangirls in Hetalia faction are having a mock U.N. debate.
Of course, I'm not included in the mock U.N. debate, even though Sweden is part of the United Nations last time I checked.
A few minutes later, Gray comes back. He looks very disturbed.
"Did they make you read slash fanfiction?" I ask Gray, who just shudders.
I get up from the table.
"Good luck," Gray tells me before I go out into the hall and go into a room marked "6". Already, my test administrator is standing there. She's from One Piece faction, but she doesn't look like it with her pink hair and lamb horns. When she closes the door, I notice a tattoo of a dragon on her shoulder.
Holy shit. It's the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, just like in that awesome movie I saw.
"You must be Lucy. I'm Aries, and I will be giving you your apititude test," The woman introduces herself to me as she leads me to a replica of the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones.
"What's with the dragon tattoo?" I ask as I sit down on the Iron Throne, which is pointy.
"Nothing special. After I saw The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and read the books in The Millenium Trilogy, I just had to go out and get a dragon tattoo," Aries explains as she grabs a bottle and pours a clear liquid into a plastic, Dixie cup.
"Uhh... Is that vodka?" I ask. Aries giggles.
"No, silly. This is Mountain Dew," Aries tells me. I give her a very sharp glare. "You're right, it is vodka."
I sigh as I drink the vodka. I'm preparing myself for some bad things.
"Hey, what's -" I ask before I pass out.
When I awake, I am in an empty cafeteria. Outside, it is snowing.
"Choose your destiny... Flawless victory..."
I sweatdrop. Then, the theme from Mortal Kombat begins playing.
Then, I hear a growl, I look behind me, and I see a tiger, which looks ready to eat me. I'm about to cry out for my mommy, but then I remember some valuable advice I learned from watching The Hangover.
"Tigers love pepper, but they hate cinnamon!" I say to myself as I pull some peppers out from my pocket and give them to the tiger, who eats them.
Then, the room spins. When it stops spinning, I'm on a bus, sitting next to a man wearing sunglasses.
"Do you know this guy?" The man asks me as he shows me a picture of Honey Badger.
"No," I say. The man removes his sunglasses, revealing that he is Honey Badger.
"Honey Badger is watching you sleep..." Honey Badger tells me.
I awake back in the room, where Aries is writing something.
"Lucy, the test results came back inconclusive," Aries tells me.
"Huh?" I ask.
"Well, let me put it this way - You're an S.O.S. Brigadier," Aries tells me that.
"An S.O.S. Brigadier? Isn't that from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya?" I ask.
"Yes. This means you can like all the anime in the world. Your test results were narrowed down to three anime - One Piece, Hetalia, or Kuroshitsuji. Choose wisely, or you may end up in the Homestuck faction," Aries explains. Homestuck faction is bad. In it, you can't watch any anime and you have to worship Nicholas Cage and never eat a single Betty Crocker meal again unless you like Jane Crocker.
"Uhh... Okay," I say before I leave the room.
Ending Note: If anybody's curious, here's the break-down of the factions in this parody.
Abnegation - Hetalia
Dauntless - One Piece
Candor - Bleach
Amity - Naruto
Erudite - Kuroshitsuji
Factionless - Homestuck
Divergent - The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
Review if you want to see Lucy pick her faction!