Dear all readers of 50 Shades and A daughter,
This is the last ever chapter of this fanfic that I will be posting. It's been nearly two years in the making but here it is, the epilogue, the roundup of our fav characters telling us where they are and how they are dealing with the drama which I have made them experience.
Can I just say how thankful I am to every single person who has taken the time to both read and review this journey of E.L James's amazing power couple and hope that you approve of the finale.
You have all become more than just readers to me , I class you as my friends and I hope to keep in touch with you all even though this story has reached his end.
Thank you once again for your undying patience and support , I have gone through ups and downs since I posted this story and some of my drama has leaked into this , it's become my outlet and you have been there with me through it all. I cannot say thank you enough for that.
Anyway enough soppy jabbering from me hehe
Enjoy the chapter everyone and I will see you for further stories, who knows where my dramatic mind will lead me next.
Love and thanks
5 months later
I re-read the handwritten letter in front of me , letting the words sink into my brain as the tears of a lost love stain my cheeks , this is the letter I had been dreading receiving.
People tell me you have moved from Seattle, that you have taken our daughter and moved to Italy of all places, I do not know if this is the truth so I have sent this letter to your Seattle address. I guess that means you may never read this letter but I have some things I need to say, well write. I'm sorry. Sorry for the way I spoke to you all those months ago, sorry for the way I treated you and finally sorry for leaving you alone once again.
Please know that you are and always will be my first love and there are nights when I wish things could be different between us but I just can't forgive and forget this Esmee. You broke my heart when I found out you'd lied about Victoria and every time I see her I just see the life I could have helped give her , you have raised a beautiful smart little girl Esmeralda but there is a part of me which wishes I could have raised her as well.
So I guess that's what this letter is , it's my way of saying that I can't meet her , can't face what I could have had. But that doesn't mean I won't help you. I promise to send you five hundred dollars every month until Victoria is 18 and then once she decides which collage she wishes to attend I will help by paying half her tuition. That is my offer Esmee, I want to help, want Victoria to know that she does have a father but not who I am.
Mia, my fiancée, doesn't know and for now I think that's the best way to carry on with our lives, perhaps what they say is true about ignorance being bliss. One day perhaps things will change but for right now I think distance is key.
Inside the envelope which holds this letter you will also find a letter addressed to Victoria, please give this to her when you think she is old enough to understand the situation between us and why I have chosen to be absent from her life. I know she will probably hate me growing up and I can understand why but hopefully the letter I have written her will explain the decision I have made.
Aside from that I also want to wish you well Esmeralda, you truly are a beautiful enchanting woman and you deserve a life full of love and happiness and I do believe that Victoria will grow to be a strong independent woman just like you. Be happy with your life Esmee, live laugh love every day. And if you happen to find someone who you think will love you like you deserve then remember to never ever lie to them, because you do deserve love Esmee, you just have to be ready to trust them.
All my love and best wishes for your future, Ethan Kavanagh
My tears rush off my cheeks and hit the paper, causing some of the ink to smudge and I place the letter back in the white envelope before lifting the one addressed to my daughter. Looking out over the lands I now own I spot Victoria on her horse Paris, her brown curls caught under her helmet as she as she holds onto Paris's reins and makes him gallop across our lands.
The rumours Ethan has been hearing are correct, I have moved Victoria and I too Italy and it has been the best decision I have ever made. It's been three months since we left Seattle and moved into our small but comfortable three bedroom cottage in the small but beautiful town of Lucca in Italy's Tuscany hills and I can honestly say life is finally starting to feel good again. Gone is the stress I use to carry with me , I guess that's what happens when you face the people you've been lying to for years either that or its true what they say that Italian's don't feel stress like everyone else.
Placing Tori's letter back into the envelope I go to my bedroom and lock the envelope in the same drawer it's been sitting in since it got redelivered to my new Italian address last month. Once again I wonder why Ethan has chosen to stay out of Tori's life but then I remember the pain I've caused him , remember that look on his face when he came into Tori's hospital room on the darkest day of my life , and then I understand.
"Mommy!" hearing Tori approaching I quickly hide my jewellery box and turn around to face my bedroom door just as my daughter enters. She's changed out of her riding gear into a sweet pink summer dress and her brown curls are loose around her shoulders, her skin is tanned from the Italian sun she spends every single day in now.
"Yes Tori?" she narrows her eyes at me and I instantly remember how she prefers the use of her full name nowadays "sorry Victoria, what do you want darling?" she smiles before shrugging softly.
"Alonzo says he wants to talk to you before taking Paris back to the stables" my cheeks instantly redden at the mention of my daughters drop dead gorgeous riding instructor. My daughter , who has obviously noticed the flirty looks myself and her riding instructor have exchanged , seems to have made it her personal mission to get me and Alonzo Draco together , something I am more than happy to let her do.
"Oh really?" she nods and I feel my cheeks redden even more. Turning towards my small wardrobe I open the wood door and stare at my reflection in the hanging mirror on the other side of the door, smoothing down my small acid wash style denim shorts, loose white shirt topped off with cowgirl style brown ankle boots, overall I look casual but summery. Hopefully I also look sexy and perhaps a little Italian, god help me grab this guy's attention.
"Mom you look fine now get down there before he dies of boredom" Tori giggles behind me and I quickly rush past her , kissing her cheek before racing down our wooden spiral staircase and through our small kitchen towards the cottages front door , stopping dead in my tracks when I see Alonzo standing beside Paris.
His tall body and strong shoulders are shown off beautifully in his tight black t-shirt and beige shorts, not to mention his tanned skin is practically shining in the Italian sun with his jet black hair contrasting his sea blue eyes perfectly. Overall this man is just breath taking.
"Alonzo?" my voice squeaks slightly and I mentally slap myself for being so dam nervous around this guy, it's so stupidly unsexy.
"Ciao Signorina Esmeralda, Victoria said you wanted to speak with me about her lessons?" he asks and I turn to see my lovely little daughter send me a wink from the stairs, that little girl is a dream come true sometimes. Turning back to Alonzo I cross my arms and lean against the doorframe, trying to look as casual as I possibly can while my body fights the urge to jump around for joy.
"Oh yea umm I was wondering if we could increase the amount of lessons? Perhaps go to three hours instead of two a week?" I pray my voice sounds calm but going by the giggle that comes from the stairway I know I must sound just a little desperate. Thankfully Alonzo is busy looking at his phone and seems to have let the desperation in my voice slide from his attention.
"Three hours a week sounds perfetto to me Signorina Esmeralda , shall we say add an extra hour tomorrow perhaps?" he asks with a raised eyebrow and I swear down my heart almost stops at how gorgeous he looks. So instead of taking the risk with my voice I nod quickly and smile, hoping this will do for an agreement. It does and within seconds he has jumped up onto Paris's saddle and waving goodbye before shaking the reins and taking off down the dirt track towards his stables.
"Smooth mom, I'm impressed" I hadn't heard Tori move behind me and jump at the sound of her voice, spinning round to glare at her smug little grin.
"Victoria Louisa Gold did you lie to your riding instructor just so I could talk to him?" I use my most serious 'Mom' voice but it's not long before my seriousness breaks and I'm bending down to hug my small but brilliant little girl. She giggles as I hug her and soon our little Italian cottage is full of our laughter.
As the afternoon becomes night I cook us a vegetable lasagne, a recipe given to me by Mrs Roberta who had owned the cottage before Tori and I moved in, and we sit outside and watch the stars come out to play in the inky black sky. It's not long before Tori is fast asleep and I struggle to carry her through to her bedroom , still impressed by the hand crafted wooden furniture and soft red and white colour palette which runs throughout my daughter's bedroom. Once I know she's comfy and sleeping soundly I let myself think , really think , think about the past and the future , think about the present and how my life is shaping out to be something I can enjoy and be proud of.
But then I also find myself thinking about Christian , wondering what's become of the man I use to be so obsessed with , a man I use to dream was the father of my child just so he would return my affections and be a part of my life forever. That's when regret fills my mind and tears fall , tears of embarrassment and shame as I remember how badly I hurt him , how it was down to me and my lies that he almost lost his family. Which in turn lead me to move away from the USA , I wanted a new start , to allow the people my lies had hurt some breathing space , a chance to forget the past and move on with their future like I'm now moving on with mine.
Sometimes I wonder if he thinks of me but then I remember he's already got a women who captivates his mind and his heart so why would he bother to think of the woman who selfishly tried to steal him , I am not worth his thought and for that I am strangely happy. I want him to forget me so I can forget him. This is the end of my love for Christian Grey.
And who knows one day I might become Mrs Esmeralda Draco, now doesn't that sound exotically sexy.
"Ethan? Ethan where the hell are you? You said you'd help me move this sofa from the van!" I try to conceal my laughter as my beautiful fiancée passes my hiding spot, also known as the linen closet. Opening the closet door slightly I watch as Mia searches our new apartment , which is still covered in boxes and plastic covered pieces of furniture which have just been taken from the moving van currently parked outside. I watch as she backs up towards me , her eyes scanning our empty apartment to try and find my hiding place , quietly I step out the closet and inch closer to her , taking a step forward each time she steps back , then without a seconds thought I grab her around her slim waist , twist her round and kiss her deeply.
She's taken back for a few seconds and then she's kissing me back , her tiny body pressing into mine as we hit the living room wall hard , our lips moving vigorously as her hands start to explore my body beneath my white shirt , pulling it out from my jean waistband quickly.
"Mia baby the moving men could walk in at any moment" I say as her lips move from mine down to my neck, her tongue sending shivers of pleasure through me right to my hardening cock.
"Mmm I don't care baby in fact its kinda turning me on , the whole risk scenario" she giggles seductively before biting down on my earlobe , something I never use to find erotic but when done by Mia Grey it just makes me hardening instantly.
"Baby however much I want to take you right here right now" she growls cutely in my ear as her hand slips down my jeans, making my resistance lessen dramatically but still I cling to my sensibility "but I have a sofa to carry and you have a wedding dress to go buy" the mention of her dress makes her practically leap away from my body and rush to grab her bag.
"Shit your right! I said I'd meet Mom at Le Pearl in ten minutes , she'll freak if I miss our appointment" she says before grabbing her phone and rushing through to our makeshift bedroom , which at this moment in time consists of a mattress on the floor and a clothes rack of all our belongings.
Catching my breath, both from our passionate moment against the wall and the pure firebomb presence of my beautiful fiancée, I wander out to the front yard of our small San Francisco town house and help our moving guys carry out the blue leather love seat I'd bought for the new apartment last week, a sofa Mia despises but I am planning on putting it my man room so she's not too bothered about my purchase.
Moving away from Seattle had never been on the books for Mia but when we got engaged we decided it was time we moved away from the family's and started a life of our own. Then I learned about Esmee's lie, which turned me from a young engaged man into a father of an 8 year old girl named Victoria. My world since then has completely and utterly changed.
Mia has no clue, thank fully she has never needed to check my bank balance so she has no idea that every month I transfer five hundred dollars into Esmee's account. I know one day I will have to tell her about Victoria , after all a young girl deserves to know why her father has chosen to live a life without her in it , but right now I don't want to be a father. Now that may make me a class A dick but then I never planned for any of this to happen. Maybe one day I will contact Victoria or she will contact me and perhaps we can give the whole father daughter thing a go but right now I'm happy living in a two bed town house with Mia and sending the money.
I have to admit that sometimes I wish I'd stayed with Esmee at the hospital , offered for her to stay with me and let me help raise Victoria , perhaps even tried to reconcile what Esmee and I use to have , after all she was a woman I pined for years after she left my apartment all those years ago. I'd never met someone so dam innocent but so feisty , I guess it was because of Esmee that I cared for Ana so much when Kate introduced me to her quiet new roommate. Esmee showed me what passion could feel like , I guess you could even say she showed me what love felt like , but then she also showed me what pain was , deep heartbroken pain which stays with a man for years , slowly rotting inside their hearts , festering before it becomes deep dark regret fuelled hate.
Hate is a strong word I know but after I learned about Victoria I was disgusted with Esmee , hurt as well that she had left me for Christian Grey a man who I recently learned use to beat and abuse Esmee. A fact I have decided to keep to myself because frankly who Christian was seems to be a different man who he is now, ever since Ana met him she claims he's changed, become more calm and human, her words not mine. She says he's never hit her and I believe her, I guess it's just easier to pretend I never learnt that dark secret of his and move on.
That's all a man like me can do now , move on and hope my daughter will read the letter I've written for her and realise that I'm not a bad guy , just a young guy who's not ready to have someone depend on them.
"Baby I'm leaving for La Pearl; will you and the guys be okay getting the rest of the furniture moved in?" I brought away from my thoughts by Mia's beautiful sing song voice, turning around I watch her race out the front door and over to me, planting a soft but quick kiss on my lips taking me by surprise slightly.
"Of course we will we're five strapping men dealing with a few chairs and a bed, no big deal" I say with a puffed up chest, only to have my loving fiancée raise an eyebrow at me with a smirk , her expression clearly telling me to stop being so cocky , I laugh softly before kissing her soft lips "we'll be fine , I promise to leave all the furniture placement malarkey to you as well" I say with a smile and she thanks me by wrapping her arms around my neck and sticking her tongue down my throat, a seductively cheeky move.
We break apart as Mark, our head removal guy, clears his throat to ask me a question about the blue leather sofa, causing Mia to roll her eyes and stick her tongue out at the sofa two other removal guys carry past us.
I tell him where to put it and wave Mia off shouting to her as she gets into her cute little white BMW convertible "I love you Mia , hurry back so we can start designing the home of your dreams" she blows me a kiss and I pretend to catch it and place it my pocket .
"The home of our dreams baby, love you too" and then she closes the door of her car and hits the gas down the street towards Seattle.
"Taylor please tell me you've had luck finding Teddy?" I yell out in panic as Taylor walks out into the garden, the place I've been for the last four hours searching the long glass for Teddy.
"No sir I've searched everywhere but I can't find him, have you tried ringing Mrs Grey?" I shake my head and continue searching the garden, paying special attention to the paddling pool as that was the last place Teddy I remember seeing Teddy.
"No way, I daren't call her. She's never left me alone with Teddy before, when she learns I've lost something this important she'll never let me look after him again" I'd had to beg Ana for weeks to let me look after Teddy while she attended a wedding dress fitting with Mia and my mother, she'd wanted to take Teddy with her but I knew how much she wanted some off duty time from being a mom.
Five months it's been and I still get shivers when I think about being a father , its truly the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me , well apart from the moment I became a husband to Ana , that was by far my greatest moment. Looking back on the months since Teddy's birth I think I can finally say things are returning to normal , yes Ana is still hurt by what I did but then I know I deserve her anger , and there have been times Ana has brought up my betrayal and I've felt sick that she might leave me again. But then she tells me she still loves me and I tell her how sorry I am. Slowly we have started to rebuild the life we wanted, the happiness and love we always had is coming back to us. And that's all thanks to the arrival of my beautiful baby boy Theodore.
"Found him!" I look up in hope, spotting Gail emerge from the balcony doors of Teddy's nursery on the second floor of our home, she's holding Teddy!
"Oh thank God! Where on earth was he?" I say before rubbing the mud of the garden off my hands and onto my black joggers before racing into the house and up the stairs to the nursery just as Gail is walking back through the balcony doors and into the nursery.
"He was on the changing table" she says as she hands me Teddy, her eyes smiling at me as I hold him tight.
"The changing table, who on earth left him on there?" I say angrily, darting my eyes to Gail and then too Taylor who is just stepping into the nursery.
"Um you did Mr Grey" says Taylor sheepishly and I have to really think hard, wondering if he's telling the truth.
"Oh, um yes your right I did" I look down at Teddy and shake my head in annoyance at myself. How could I be so careless?
"It's fine Mr Grey, it happens to everyone" says Gail kindly, she wanders over to the changing table which we had custom made to look like boat to fit in with the sailor theme we picked for Teddy's nursery.
"And anyway Mr Grey it's just a bear" says Taylor with a laugh.
But it's not just a bear, Teddy the Bear, is my sons favourite bear, a bear he sleeps with every single night without fail, a bear he was given by his mother on the day he came home with us. This bear that I hold in my hands right now is a part of my son's childhood, with his soft wool feel and dark chocolate colouring this bear has watched over my son while he sleeps and because of my carelessness Teddy almost lost his Teddy Bear.
A soft cry fills the room and Gail instantly moves to the large white silk cot which holds my once sleeping son, however now it seems he's wide awake and in need of some attention, I'm guessing he's missing his mother, mainly because I too am missing my wife, more and more now that I know what it feels like to live without her, even when she's only been gone for a few hours I am practically counting down the seconds before I hear her arriving home. Gail goes to pick Theodore up but I stop her, motioning for them both to leave us alone. They do with a smile and I move to the cot and gently scoop my baby boy up into my arms , cradling his head just like Ana told me , pressing my lips to his forehead as I feel his little fingers curl around my tie.
"Hush there little man; let me guess you want Teddy Bear right?" I sit down in one of the white armchairs which Ana and I choose for this nursery when we came back from the hospital, deciding it was time to redecorate after all the drama that had occurred with Victoria and Esmee, a fresh look to this house was desperately needed.
Sitting down I ensure Teddy is secure in my arms and hold the soft cuddly bear in front of him, smiling as his little arms open wide and grab the bears arms, drawing the soft material close to him. Such a strong movement for one so young, it shows me how strong my baby really is. Watching Teddy is one of my most treasured past times , it's like every time I see him he shows me something new about who he's going to be , every smile every crease of his nose makes my heart sing for joy at how perfect he is. He is the most precious thing in my life along with Ana, they make up my family and I have sworn on my life to ensure I never let them down again.
However that hasn't stopped me ordering Taylor to keep tabs on Esmee and Victoria, who I have recently learned moved to Italy a few days after Victoria was sent home from hospital. I am glad they have moved away, I guess you could even say I want them to move further away because every time I think of them I remember what I almost lost and my heart breaks all over again. But Esmee is not a bad person and Victoria doesn't deserve a bad life, and even though I have sworn to both Ana and myself that I will never talk to Esmee her's and Ethan Kavanagh's daughter unless she allows it, I still wish them happiness. Because I know what it feels like to be alone and now that I have love and happiness in my life I have realised that it doesn't matter what someone does, as long as they accept that they were wrong and strive to make things better than they deserve to be forgiven and have a second chance and getting the happiness they strive for.
I have made mistakes but my family still loves me. Ana still loves me. And even though I know I will never ever be able to make up for the pain I caused I promise to all whom know my story that I will keep trying until my last breath to make her happy. Because that's the man she's made me.
This is who Christian Grey is now. A husband. A father. But before all of that I am a human being who makes mistakes but stands up and accepts them before doing everything he can to make his life and the life of the ones he loves better.