I'm back! I really had no idea where to take this story, so I pretty much just pulled this chapter out of my butt. Oh well, I hope you still like it. ALSO! I have changed the summary, you may have noticed. This is because I thought the summary sounded a little ominous. I want people to think this is a funny story, not angsty. Though this chapter isn't really funny, my muse left me :/ you people all know what that feels like.
Just as a point of interest, has anyone noticed how all of us aspiring writers suffer from sleep deprivation? I have, I've read plenty of fics where the author tells the readers to shut up and be happy because they stayed up till 3 in the morning to write that chapter for them. I suppose it just comes with having an account.
Disclaimer: I am not a white sheep. I am not a black sheep. I am not the owner of the Avengers or the quotes. I am a sheep that barks...and moos.
Steve and Bruce were sitting side by side on the couch, both had their left leg crossed over their right and a book in hand. The two avengers sighed in contentment and flipped their respective pages at the same time. Both men looked up in synchronization as they heard grunting and a shuffling sound. Tony came into view a few moments later, dragging himself forward on his stomach and panting loudly. The soldier and doctor continued to watch in silence, Bruce taking out his phone to record the scene.
Thor appeared in the doorway after a little while, "What ails you friend Stark?"
"Gah...fffffffffff-" the billionaire replied.
"Is that some sort of Midgardian disease? ARE YOU GOING TO DIE FRIEND STARK?! This is a most grievous occurrence indeed. I shall prepare my best robes and mourn at your funeral dear Anthony. Such a great loss this is." Thor was wailing now, slumped down on his knees and pulling his hair.
"He's not going to die Thor," Bruce attempted to calm the saddened god.
Thor looked at him, all signs of grief gone, "Ok." He then got up and walked out of the room happily.
Steve sighed, standing to help Tony sit on the couch, as the genius was trying, and failing, to pull himself up. He pointedly looked to the vent above the couch, and Clint dropped down, right on Tony's lap, snuffing the breath out of the tortured man.
"Clint...I think you put him into cardiac arrest," the soldier said dryly.
"No," corrected the archer, "he just came out of that."
"What did you do?"
"I did nothing."
"You have no facts to base that accusation on."
"HEY!" Bruce yelled angrily, stopping the squabbling duo in their tracks. They both looked up at him guiltily. "Clint could you please move? I don't think he's breathing."
Clint jumped up instantly, "Aw sh-" he broke off at Steve's pointed cough. (A/N: Don't swear kids it's bad.)
Tony woke up to the sound of mechanical breathing. He looked around, everything was white. He blinked a few times before his vision cleared, he was in the hospital. The avengers were all gathered around his bed, arms crossed and stern looks on their faces, except for Thor. The big guy looked as though he was going to burst into tears at any moment. But...one was missing. The playboy looked around for Clint, and found him face first in the corner. He couldn't see his face but was willing to bet his suit that the archer was pouting.
"Tony," Steve said dryly.
The man in question cracked a grin, "Steve, I am your father." Unfortunately the reference was lost on the man out of time, but it was still too good of an opportunity for the billionaire to pass up.
The soldier blinked owlishly, "No you're not."
Before the banter could continue, Natasha cleared her throat, getting straight to business, "Can't say I'm fully glad to see you're alive Tony, but kudos on not dying."
"YES!" Thor bellowed, "We must hold a feast in honour of your survival friend Stark!"
"Clint has something he would like to say to you," Bruce interrupted.
Clint moved forward, clearly annoyed at being forced into what he was about to do. He groaned, "Why only me? Tasha was involved in it too!"
"Was not!" the assassin shot back rather childishly.
"Oh come on! Tony, you remember seeing Natasha take that picture of you right?"
The genius caught the redhead's eye and both smirked. Turning his attention back to Clint Tony replied, "No. I only remember you."
Stamping his foot, the archer huffed out, "Fine. I'm sorry (not)." He then turned on his heel and stormed out.
"I think that's the best we're gonna get," Steve said, rubbing the back of his head.
"I feel old," Tony complained. The nurses had insisted that he be wheeled out of the hospital when he was released. So there he was, being pushed by Steve in a wheelchair.
"You're not old Tony," the captain sighed.
"I'm older than you!" the playboy insisted.
"Physically, not mentally."
"Ouch that hurt Cap," Tony turned around and gazed at Thor in mock agony, "He wounded me friend Odinson!"
Thor looked appalled, "In the cockles of your heart?!"
Bruce was the first to walk through the door into the tower, and he immediately turned and walked out again, re-locking the door.
"What gives jolly green?" Tony asked.
Bruce gave him a blank look, opened the door again, and held it for the rest of the team. As the heroes went in, they noticed what was wrong right away. Hundreds of bananas were hanging from the ceiling. There were apples tapped to the walls, and pears on spikes sticking up from the floor. As soon as all of them were gathered in the room, a large bucket that went previously unnoticed, fell from above, drenching the team in cheese wiz. A large banner floated down after saying: Loki'd!
"Ok guys, he got us, fun's over," the genius sighed, clearly not amused. He walked towards the corridor that would lead to the elevator, but bounced off the plastic wrap that had been stretched across the door frame. The others watched as Tony flailed comically, before falling on his butt.
"I have to say that was funnier than anything else today," Natasha commented. The others nodded their heads in agreement before walking around the collapsed man, tearing through the plastic wrap.
A couple hours later found the Avengers answering a call by Fury to stop Loki from destroying the Statue of Liberty. The problem became apparent as the team went to suit up, and found all their suits had been dyed bright pink. So there they stood, embarrassed beyond belief below the statue while being laughed at by a breathless trickster.
"This is too rich!" Loki screeched, wiping tears from his eyes, "You guys look so gay!"
Steve growled, "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE THAT I'M. NOT. GAY!"
"I never said you were dear Captain, you came up with that one on your own, I merely pointed out your physical appearance," the god sneered joyfully.
Steve jumped frantically at the base of Liberty, waving his arms up and screaming at the man lounging lazily on the statue's head. From Loki's point of view, he looked like an angry hot pink ant.
"LOKI!" Thor shouted, raising his fist towards his adoptive brother, "If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow man can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby "it" and be ashamed." The thunderer seemed oblivious to the stares he was receiving from his comrades, focused solely on the figure above them.
The other god simply chortled, "I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!"
"Ok, let's just get what we're looking for and leave. Get what we're looking for and leave," Steve repeated it like a mantra, trying to remain inconspicuous while walking through the aisles of the huge library. He and Tony were on the second floor, sent by Natasha to pick up a book for her because she didn't feel like getting it herself. Steve was of course looking, while Tony was just wandering around and messing things up.
"Hey look!" said the inventor.
"Shh! We're in a library Tony! Now help me look," Steve whispered, scanning through the 'E' section. A scream interrupted the soldier's searching and he whipped around, horrified to find Tony leaning over the rail, screaming just to get people's attention. And he did, half of the population in the library were now looking up at them. Steve flushed bright red, his companion simply looking over at him with a slightly disgruntled expression.
"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in."
Steve learned the meaning of the phrase, 'facepalm' that day.
YES IT'S SLIGHTLY SHORT PLEASEDONTKILLME! Oh, and um...review? :3 Come on people, can we make it to 40? I think we can!