Hi! This is just a ramble/character study. I hope you like it. I won't beg for reviews, even if they would be nice, because this isn't my best work. Sorry. I just felt like posting something.
It's hard to miss someone when you are evil. Really, it is. It's hard to really register that they are gone, forever. But, before that, you have to remember that being evil isn't just a matter of hating the good. Evil is a matter of knowing that inherent goodness is just a myth. It's a matter of knowing that charity is for self benefit. Evil is a matter of not believing in the human race.
I know I don't. If you have ever thought about it like I have, you would know that I am the one doing good. At least I'm actually trying to help. Believe it or not, I'm saving you, and I am happy about it. Really, damn, happy. Some people just can't deal with that. Like Captain Hammer.
That's not the problem.
The problem is her. It's too hard for me to miss her. I am just not that attached. Anyways, I shouldn't be missing her. It's my fault she is gone, that's what people keep telling me anyway. I'm not quite sure I believe them. If it was me, I helped the world. I put Captain Hammer away. He can't keep doing what he was doing. Captain Hammer had all the wrong reasons, but apparently he did good things. My heart was in the right place.
It still is.
But if it was him, well, I wouldn't have a problem. I always hated him. He was an ass. An ass that didn't understand anything. He wasn't even good looking. But she went out with him anyways. I won't pretend to understand. I can't even try to understand what went through Penny's head. I can't think like that. I can't be that naive. I can't be that stupid. I can't trust the public to support my ego
I can't pretend that I love, loved, her. I wanted her, but that was my innocent self. That was the side of me that thought it I could still believe in the theoretical good. That was the nice side of me, that side that thought I was still good. Some part of me thought I was just playing villain. I was wrong.
I am evil, for all the right reasons. I am evil and for that reason I can't miss her. It's just that she was never mine to have. She was always just a want. You can't miss something you've never had, not like you miss a friend, a love. I am evil because I won't let myself be that person who falls into the pit of self pleasing goodness. I'm not that person. My world is too real for despair and loneliness.
I don't miss her. I promise. I'm sure. It's because I'm evil.
Reviews make me happy, or at least happier. Because this was a suckish ramble. I take the reviews part back. I'll actually just be happy if you read this.