Disclaimer: glee, klaine, Imagine Dragons and Spider-man aren't mine. Boy, can you imagine if all that belonged to me?
A/N: for Claire because she's basically the reason I'm still around.
Kurt tries to look away. He really does. He wills his eyes, usually so sharp and alert, to turn back to the books he's been collecting from his locker but to no avail.
Why would you wanna look away, dumbass?He thinks irritably to himself.
As if there is something more worth his while than the gorgeous specimen of boy on the other side of the hallway, a few lockers down.
He's utterly breath-taking. He shouldn't be but he is. After two months of school, three classes together and glee club together, Kurt should be used to the hurricane of gorgeous and sweet scent that is one Blaine Anderson. He should be but he isn't.
Blaine looks like he goes through his grandfather's wardrobe every morning and picks the most obnoxiously classy clothes he can find and puts them on. He's wearing a mustardy cardigan for fuck's sake with a red bow-tie and yet it looks perfect on him and if Kurt was prone to such dramatics he might swoon a bit. He sighs though; long sighs of longing and suffering.
The last thing he needs is to fall in love with Stupid Blaine Anderson and his atrocious cardigans and his horribly gelled hair. Kurt has not spent his last week end pushing away thoughts of running his fingers through that hair and found the real shape of it. He hasn't! He has better things to do. Like save Rachel Berry from Dr. Octopus.
Poor Rachel. Ever since it was revealed that she might know the true identity of Spider-man, she's been taken hostage more times than she'd gotten solos in glee club. Super Villains (more like Super Cretins) have this stupid notion that she must be his girlfriend. It would be funny if it didn't put his best friend in constant danger. One of these days, he might just let it slip that he's gayer than a pair of high heels on Tony night but that would compromise his secret identity. It didn't matter that the term secret identity applied seriously to his life made him roll his eyes so far back his head, it hurt.
"Close your mouth, boo!" Mercedes snickers as she stops by his locker.
Kurt doesn't startle, he's rarely ever taken by surprise these days but he's still annoyed. However he's not sure if he's more annoyed by the fact that she caught him ogling Blaine or that she interrupted him on such a delicious mission. He grabs the book he needs for his AP algebra class and closes his locker.
"Correct me if I'm wrong but I wasn't the one who dragged my friend to watch swim practice yesterday just so I could stare at Sam Evans dripping wet," he drawls while stacking his book in his bag. Mercedes huffs next to him and when he finally looks up, he's smirking.
"I have needs."
"Tell Sam that, I'm sure he'll be way more interested than I am. Don't think I didn't see that sly wink of his as we passed by his table during lunch."
The smug smile she threw him would be annoying on anyone else. He shakes his head and his eyes involuntarily go back to Blaine.
"You are so in trouble," Mercedes sing-songs next to him and he sighs.
Yes he is.
Kurt's late again. He's always late these days. He had to stop on his way to school because of a robbery. Yes a robbery at 8:15 A.M; criminals are clearly getting desperate. Now he'll have to explain his cut lip to Carole. Another fun conversation in his future. At least he had something to look forward to. He's running down the corridor to his Lit class when he hears the commotion. There's a loud bang (something or someone being pushed against a locker) and then a multitude of voices cursing and screaming at each other. Kurt doesn't even hesitate to turn the corner and he frowns in anger as he comes to a stop. A flock of jocks surrounds Santana and Blaine.
"Homos stick together, now?" Azimio drawls, earning a few chuckles from the other idiots around him.
"Or are you guys' each other's beards?" Karosky frowns down at them.
"You seem to know a lot about gays for someone who claims not to like them," Santana quips with a disdainful tilt of her head. Karosky isn't too pleased with that remark and steps forward menacingly and before Kurt can intervene, Blaine steps forward and puts himself between Santana and Karofsky.
"You're gonna hit a girl?" he asks with a sneer. "Even you couldn't be that much of a douche!"
Kurt's mouth falls open at that before his lips twitch in a smile at the look of incredulity on the jocks' faces. Blaine, sweet, helpful, nerdy, bow-tie wearing, Katy Perry-loving, tiny Blaine, just took a stance against a guy who could easily plow him to the ground without breaking a sweat. Kurt might already be in love after all.
"Watch it Butt Boy!"
And suddenly the scene changes, the noises get louder and there's another bang as Blaine is pushed against the locker while Santana jumps on Karosky's back and tries to tear his hair out. Kurt doesn't think, only reacts. A few quick punches, a jock flying here and another going down there and a well-placed kick to Azimio's nuts and in a matter of seconds Blaine, Santana and Kurt are the only ones left standing up. While the idiots are left moaning on the floor, the three of them exchange smirks. Well, Kurt and Santana smirk at each other; Blaine is looking more dumbfounded than anything else.
"Impressive, Porcelain," Santana acknowledges with a nod, her eyes warmer than usual.
"You were not so bad yourself, Sandbags."
"That was amazing," Blaine breathes and Kurt's stupid heart skips a beat at the sound of his voice. Get a freaking grip, Hummel. You hear is voice every day.
"Keep it in your pants, Anderson," Santana teases. She smirks once more when she (and Kurt) sees his cheeks color deepen to scarlet before grabbing his arm and dragging him away from Kurt and the still moaning mess of football players on the floor.
Kurt sighs to himself and decides to finally head to his Lit class. For the rest of the day, he tries not to let the memory of Blaine's blush distract him from his studies.
He fails miserably.
A few days later, in glee club Blaine drops in the seat next to him. Kurt turns from his conversation with Rachel about the last teen wolf season ("Yes, Rachel, Derek and Stiles are hot for each other and no, you can't convince me otherwise..." You'd think that Spider-man wouldn't have time for that but, yes he does. He makes time for a shirtless Tyler Hoechlin) and raises an eyebrow at him. Blaine simply smiles and turns in his chair to start a conversation with Mike about the wisdom of suspenders. Kurt can't help but smile a little.
This week's assignment is as murky as ever and Mr. Schue simply put them in unusual pairing. Kurt sang 'Til Kingdom Come with Quinn yesterday which turned out to be more fun than he'd have expected.
Mr. Schue claps his hands as he comes in and they all quiet down.
"So, who's up today?"
Without a word, Santana gets up and goes to sit on the piano bench. There's an awkward pause when her partner doesn't follow straight away. Kurt knows Blaine is her partner but he refuses to acknowledge that this is important in any way.
"God, DJ McShortyPants! Stop staring and get off your sweet ass," Santana snaps and Kurt turns just in time to catch Blaine's eyes turn away from him. He blushes furiously and glares at Santana. Kurt can't help but feel a bit frustrated and angry at her as well.
You'd think she'd be nicer to him after what they went through together earlier this week.
"You are the most irritating person of ever!" Blaine mumbles as he gets to join her on the bench.
She rolls her eyes. "I've been putting up with you and your ginormous crush for the last week. You're lucky irritating is all I am."
That last remark was low enough that no one heard her. No one without super-hearing, at least. Kurt tries not to grin like a fool; he might have failed once again.
"You're a horrible person, you know that?" Blaine retorts, his cheek still as bright.
"I know. It's awesome," she smiles and he rolls his eyes good-naturedly. Kurt is sure his heart is gone and has landed on Blaine's lap, never to return.
"Are you guys gonna sing or...," Finn asks and there are a few chuckles.
"Right," Blaine clears his throat before flexing his fingers. He puts is fingers on the keys and the first few notes of Demons by Imagine Dragons start to float around them. Kurt's breath catches in his throat and he can only blink as Santana starts to sing. Demons is a personal favorite for obvious reasons but the way Blaine's eyes blaze as he sings When your dreams all fail and the ones we hail are the worst of all and the blood run stale, you'd think the song was written for him.
Santana is amazing as well, and they feed off of each other's anguish; their voices so smooth and gut- wrenching in the most beautiful way. Mr. Schue must know what he's doing after all.
Kurt is having trouble breathing properly but when Blaine's eyes snaps up to him and sings, 'Don't wanna let you down but I am hell bound, oh, this all for you, don't wanna hide the truth', tears flood his eyes. He blinks them away and turns his head to gauge the reactions of his friends and they all seem transfixed and moved beyond words. Britt, Tina and Rachel are outright crying and the boys have the kind of flabbergasted looks they all get when they're impressed.
Kurt turns back to the pair at the piano and they're both looking at him. Santana smiles a little and Kurt is positive he's missing something. It leaves a strange taste on his tongue. He doesn't like not knowing, he'll never be comfortable with being left out of the loop but more importantly, he can't take the look of clear and unashamed longing from Blaine's face.
It's one thing for him to fantasize. It's fun and heart-wrenching at the same time but as long as he is on his own, he can cope. There was no danger. No possibility of pain, except maybe his own but that ceased to be of importance when he let his father take a bullet to the chest.
It is however unacceptable to bring someone else down with him.
Especially not Blaine.
That night, after his night patrol (he stopped three muggings, two car thefts and he helped an charming old lady getting her groceries in her apartment), he lays in his bed and decides that in the future, he'll be avoiding Blaine Anderson more than he already does. He might have imagined that look f longing but he'll not be taking risks because Kurt knows that if he's offered with the temptation, he'll never turn it down. It's Blaine.
As he closes his eyes and sleep takes him over, hazel swims behind his eyelids and his heart revels in the mere possibility.
The next few weeks are a blessing and a curse all at once. A blessing because he's busier than usual with his double life (you'd think the cold weather would slowdown the criminals and their perpetual desire to be naughty but you'd be so very wrong) and exams are coming (he's never had trouble with his studies but it's as good an excuse as any). A curse because Blaine is everywhere. In his dreams, at school, out of school; literally everywhere and Kurt's heart can barely take the pain in the other boy's eyes every time Kurt turns away from him. It doesn't matter that it's for all the right reasons; it still hurts like a bitch. Kurt can't even eat lunch with the rest of the gang any more (seeing Blaine's puppy eyes across the table is a whole new level of torture he won't be inflicting on himself again anytime soon) and opts to eat lunch on the school roof now. The cold temperatures don't bother him and he knows he's safe up there.
His phone beeps with a new text message and Kurt bites his lower lip. He knows it's from one of them. The glee friends have taken it upon themselves to keep him daily updated on the Blaine situation. How did Kurt let it become a situation, he has no idea but that's exactly what it is. It's messy and awkward and everyone is involved and Kurt wishes to just stay in bed most days. Lunch period is the only time they do it and Kurt supposes it's because his absence is a reminder of what is not happening. He wishes he could be annoyed (and he is sometimes) but he has to admit that he's also touched. They care and ever since his father died, Kurt doesn't feel like he's cared for. Of course he loves Carole and Finn and he's grateful for them every day but it's not the same. His heart is suddenly too heavy inside his chest and he pushes the thought of his loss away.
Seriously, Hummel, couldn't you at least blow him?
Kurt chokes on air and doesn't deign replying.
And I thought I had the sad puppy look down... Blaine is giving me a run for my money.
Oh Great! Rachel is self-deprecating, now. This is a new low.
Kurt, you're my boy and all but if you don't fix this, I'll go all Puckzilla on your skinny ass!
The last message makes him laugh. For Puck of all people to be invested enough to actually text him on the issue, is more funny than anything Kurt could think of. He reads the text once more and frown. 'Fix this' Puck says as if there is something to fix. Blaine and Kurt are friendly, or at least they used to be before the Demons Debacle, but Kurt has always known Blaine was trouble so he never really became Blaine's friend. He knew better than to risk his heart. Not that it did anything good, his heart was stubborn. Still, why are his friends assuming there is anything else between them?
It's because they know there could be, you idiot! A voice strangely like Mercedes' snaps inside himself.
The voice is right, there could be but there won't be. Kurt is smarter than that.
Kurt knows Blaine's here before the chair is scrapped back from the table. Spidey senses are utterly useless if he can't act on them. It's not like he could have crawled up to the roof without the ten other students around him noticing. He grits his teeth and keeps his eyes on his text book.
"You've been avoiding me," Blaine says as he gets his stuff sorted in front of him.
Chemistry and Geography books; two of the classes they have together.
"Why would I be avoiding you?" Kurt drawls, quietly proud of the fact that his hushed voice is steadier than he expected.
"I don't know, actually," Blaine replies, linking his hands over the table. His fingers (long and soft-looking and beautiful) are the only thing Kurt can see because he won't look up from his book. "Why are you?"
Kurt takes a moment to answer, not because he doesn't have an answer at the ready but because he's actually letting the effect of Blaine's voice wash over him. And new level of pathetic reached! Congratulations Mr. Hummel, you win nothing!
"I'm not avoiding you, Anderson."
"Fine, Blaine. Whatever."
"Is it because of... of th-the song?" Blaine asks unsteadily and Kurt's heart squeezes painfully.
"What song?" he can't look up, now because he can feel his eyes stinging with the unfairness of it all.
"Don't even bother," Blaine snaps harshly and Kurt's eyes finally meet his. Blaine's breath hitches when he sees the tears and his face softens immediately. "Kurt-," he starts but he can't say anything more because Kurt is out of the library door two seconds later. He hears footsteps behind him and he stops in the deserted hallway, unable to make the tears stop.
"Leave me alone, please," he pleads softly.
At that, Kurt's eyes snap to Blaine and he takes everything in him not to crumble under the intensity of Blaine's gaze. Blaine takes a step forward and Kurt backs up. They keep going until Kurt is against the lockers and he can't believe he's let himself get trapped like this. Not that he wouldn't be able to break every one of Blaine's bones in a matter of seconds if he so wishes but he'd rather not do that kind of damage.
Blaine keeps getting closer until Kurt is plastered against the lockers and there's barely any air passing between their bodies. Kurt's breath catches is his chest and he closes his eyes, trying to make sense of all the sensations cursing through him. There's another boy's body pressed up against his. Blaine's body
"You think I didn't try?" Blaine voice is barely above a whisper, heavy with longing and meaning. "You think I don't hate myself just a little bit for not being able to let go?"
Kurt's eyes are open now and the way Blaine is looking at him burns in the most wonderful way.
"Blaine... I can't!" It's the truth. No matter how much he wants, no matter how much he needs, no matter how much he wishes for things to be different, they can't be. Kurt is not love material. It's just not in the cards for him. He's certainly not going to risk Blaine's life just so he can finally know what his lips tastes like.
Blaine's eye (those wonderful, soulful, amazing eyes) fill with tears and Kurt's sure he'll never forget the look of sorrow in them.
"Why can't you?" he whispers and his lips actually brush against Kurt's as he speaks and that's not helping Kurt at all.
Because you're Blaine. Because you're a treasure. Because everybody (even Santana and Puck) loves you and losing you would be the greatest tragedy. Because you'd make me happy again and I'd probably die if something ever happened to you. Because you're everything and I don't deserve you.
"Because I don't want to," he whispers. The lie burns his tongue but it is a necessary devil. Break his heart and he lives; granted it's not an ideal bargain but it's the best he has.
Blaine shakes his head but he doesn't look that heart-broken. If anything, he looks a bit amused. When he looks back at Kurt, there's a dangerous look in his eyes. He's determined and that scares Kurt more than anything else.
"That's a lie," Blaine says simply before framing Kurt's face in is hands and bringing their mouths together. Kurt loses his breath but Blaine is here to catch it. His lips are achingly sweet and tender, as if he wants to heal Kurt. Blaine pulls Kurt's lower lip between his own with a small satisfied noise that makes Kurt dizzy. Blaine angles his head slightly and kisses him a bit more deeply. Kurt's lost by then, not really caring about anything but the taste of Blaine, the press of Blaine body against his, the way Blaine's fingers are gently holding his face, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine. Everything is Blaine and if Kurt thought this would be good, the reality doesn't even come close to what he's ever imagined.
When Blaine's tongue sweeps for a deep taste of his mouth, Kurt moans. The sound brings him back to Earth but he can't bring himself to push Blaine away. So, instead he lets the kiss slow down. It's still delicious and more precious than Kurt could ever explain but it gradually comes to an end. One last peck from rosy, succulent lips and Blaine's gone. Kurt's body is cold with the sudden loss. He looks at Blaine and heat pulls back in the pit of his stomach at the look of desire and self-satisfaction in Blaine's eyes.
Kurt narrows his eyes but Blaine doesn't back down.
"This doesn't change anything," he tells him.
Blaine nods and his eyes, for some strange and incomprehensible reason, are warmer and softer than ever. "I know, Kurt. I know but it doesn't' matter. I'll wait."
And with that, he turns around and leaves.
Kurt can only gape while he tries to breathe properly again. It takes longer than he'd like to admit.
The next couple of days, there's a constant wide range around him. People don't usually bother him (well, not since last year when he broke Karosky's arm and clavicle when the asshole tried to kiss him) but, his classmates and the other pupils are going out of their ways to avoid him. It must be because of the thunderous glare that seems to be permanently fixed on his face. Or maybe it's because he actually snarled at Rachel yesterday when she tried to speak to him in the hallway before his French class. Whatever it is, there's a constant two feet bubble around him and he can't say he minds that much.
On Thursday, during glee club, Mr. Schue gives him a solo. Out of nowhere, just like that, without a lesson plan or anything, he just up and gives Kurt his first solo of the year. He narrows his eyes, instinct not trusting any of this and his suspicions are only confirmed when no one, not even Rachel Solo Berry, complains.
"No, thank you," he says and every one stares at him. Well, everyone but Blaine who's too busy pretending not to care.
"Kurt, you don't say no to a solo," Mercedes exclaims a look between terror and incredulity on her face.
"When it's a pity solo, I do," Kurt deadpans, his eyes fixed on Blaine's lips who have twitched with amusement at his remark. Yes, he's been staring at Blaine's lips even more often than he used to, sue him!
"It is not a pity solo!" Rachel tries to placate him but her poor acting skills only make her condescending and not reassuring.
"Give it up, Rachel. It obviously comes from a place of caring but I'm okay. I really don't need this."
He really doesn't. He'd either end up crying or thrashing the room, both really bad options.
"I can't believe you're turning down a solo!" Tina's voice is more scandalized than anything.
"You can have it," he replies with a small smile and she jumps on the offer.
Kurt's glad he got Tina a new chance to shine; her version of Little Numbers is upbeat and heart-warming.
Later, as he gets his book from his locker, Blaine approaches him and Kurt's body's response to his proximity is both alarming and mortifying. He keeps his eyes straight ahead while every bit of him, natural and supernatural absorbs everything about Blaine. His scent is something that always gives Kurt goose-bumps.
"That was really sweet of you," Blaine says as he leans against the locker next to Kurt's.
"Don't call me sweet," Kurt says a bit too harshly to make up for the way his whole face flames under the compliment.
"That's what you are, though," Blaine counters as he saunters away. Kurt watches him go and tries to catch his heart as it tries to follow.
The universe seems to be plotting against him because the next week, their History teacher pairs them up for a project and Kurt is sure he won't survive the three weeks until the assignment is due back. He winds up getting to know Blaine a lot better and to his eternal suffering, the boy is even lovelier than he's previously thought. He's not perfect, far from it; he tends to be less confident than he lets other people know, he's really harsh on himself and he's keen on perfection but he's also incredibly sweet, very smart, charming and well-mannered. He's trustworthy and a good friend. He dresses like a grandpa but it suits him because he knows what he likes and he's not afraid to show it. He loves music and art and literature. He plays more instrument than Kurt would have time to learn. He's soft-hearted and warm and genuine in a way that very few people are.
Blaine Anderson was probably born for Kurt Hummel and it kills Kurt every day that he can't have him.
He tries to keep his walls up but it's becoming clear to Kurt that as long as he's near Blaine, it's like fighting a lost battle. His whole being responds to being close to him. His heart sings, he smiles more easily, he even laughs sometimes. His skin hums quietly with the need to touch and be touched and Kurt gets frustrated when he keeps denying himself.
"You're gonna have to stop fighting yourself," Blaine says one evening as Kurt gets ready to leave his house. His spine snaps up in defense while his heart agrees with Blaine.
He leaves without another word and if he cries a bit on the way home, it's too dark out for anyone to notice. They wouldn't anyway, not under the mask.
It's easier to clear his mind when he's under the mask. When he's Spiderman, the freedom of anonymity and the exhilaration of good deeds spare him from the pain for a while. It's a relief that he seeks more and more often.
Two nights later, while he sits on the roof of a building two blocks away from Blaine's home, Kurt hears a shout. He follows the slurs and sound of scuffle to a little alley just down the street from Blaine's house. The narrow passage is dark but he can distinguish several red letterman jackets surrounding someone.
"What are you gonna do now, without your bitches?" One of them laughs and Kurt recognizes Azimio's voice. Kurt's heart stops as the implications comes slamming into him. Once again, faced with Blaine in danger, Kurt reacts without thinking. He's on the group before any of them can understand what is happening. He keeps his wits to himself and his mouth shut. Around the school, his voice is quite well known and he doesn't want anyone to recognize him. So, he uses his hands and his feet and he doesn't shout all the insults that burn his tongue. He's harsher than he needs to be; he can distinctly hear bones breaking but he can't quite make himself care. They touched Blaine.
In the flurry of movements, Kurt doesn't really have time to look at Blaine. He makes sure to protect him by staying in front of him at all times, though. There are only four of them and he has the advantage of surprise and strength and intelligence so it's not really a feat when they all scramble away after only a few minutes. He crawls up the wall and the fire-escape above them before Blaine can react.
"Hey," he calls after him and Kurt can't resist him. He slides down to him, upside down; his weight supported by his web.
He doesn't say anything, just lets himself drink in the sight of the glorious smile Blaine is bestowing on him.
"Thank you," he whispers fervently and Kurt can only nod. He's not sure how that looks considering that his head is upside down but it's all he can do. If he opens his mouth to speak, he's sure Blaine will recognize him.
Everything changes when Blaine leans forward and takes a gentle hold of his face. His fingers reach for the hem if his masks and Kurt recoils but Blaine's eyes are pleading. "You can trust me," he says softly and Kurt melts. He trusts Blaine more than anyone in the world.
Gingerly, Blaine rolls down his mask until his mouth and his nose are visible. He takes a step closer and brings his lips down on Kurt's. The kiss is fervent and grateful and a bit teasing (there are teeth involved) and it's like a dam is released inside Kurt and he feels human again. He can breathe again. It goes on and on, one kiss starts before the other finishes and Kurt doesn't know if he's dizzy because of all the blood rushing to his head or because Blaine's lips are the best thing that ever happened to him. All he knows is that if Blaine isn't stopping, he ain't either.
But stop Blaine does and Kurt actually whimpers at the loss.
"See you in glee club, sweet!"
Kurt tumbles to the ground.