Author's Note: A short, sweet, funny little Drarry one-shot. Something to lighten the atmosphere, after all the blatant drama in Seeing, Believing, Dreaming, Deceiving. Plus, I now feel confident posting pieces that are partly in the humor category, since I've now been assured that yes, I am funny. It's a nice feeling. My other fics so far have been Tomarry, but I adore this pairing as well, and I have lots of stories planned for both. When I'll get around to writing them is another story entirely, of course, but eventually they will take shape.
Warnings: Mild, non-graphic slash.
It began like any other day: the Gryffindors in Potions bent over their cauldrons working diligently, the Slytherins goofing around and tossing bits of ingredients at their long-time enemies. The peace was disturbed by a virulent hissing, as Neville Longbottom's cauldron boiled then exploded, showering half of his classmates in thick, clear liquid. Ron and Hermione had been sitting far enough away to avoid it, but Harry had been partnered with Neville, and was absolutely drenched.
Slughorn peered into what was left of the cauldron and sighed.
"Somehow, Mr. Longbottom, you managed to change your potion from a Truth Serum into a Purity Potion." the professor said, shaking his head wearily. Hermione made a soft sound of surprise, and Slughorn looked at her.
"You know of the potion's purpose, Miss Granger?"
Hermione flushed a little, and became very interested in the pattern of the stone floor. "Um... well, Professor, it... its primary function is creating an aura around a person that reveals if... if they're 'pure' or not."
"What defines purity in this case?" Harry asked, looking rather green. Hermione's blush intensified.
"Well... basically it tells whether you're a virgin or not."
Giggles rang out from around the classroom, mixed with jeering remarks from the Slytherins, though many of the people who had gotten drenched in the potion looked anything but amused. Neville was abruptly the target of several lethal glares, and he whimpered slightly and shrank down in his seat.
"How long until-" Ron started, looking decidedly apprehensive, but he stopped talking when everyone who had been splashed by the potion started to glow. Giggles and gossiping overtook the classroom as nearly half of the Gryffindors had their secret love lives laid bare for all to see.
Many of the auras were a soft spring green, signifying the person's virginity. Others glowed purple, marking them as impure. Seamus was glowing such a bright maroon color that it hurt to look directly at him, but he didn't look at all put out: indeed, he was practically preening. Ron winced, and looked over at Hermione. "What do the differences in color mean?"
"Green is pure, purple is not. The darker the purple, the less innocent the person." Hermione said, cringing slightly. "Also, that maroon shade signifies a lack of emotional attachment with the other person. A lighter purple, lavender or something like that, or anything shading into blue, would suggest deep emotional commitment - even love."
Ron snorted and turned to Harry. "Well, that explains - HARRY?!"
Harry was standing there, looking deeply abashed, glowing the purest, clearest shade of periwinkle that Ron and Hermione had ever seen. The room had fallen into stunned silence as the students turned at Ron's shout and saw Harry. The green-eyed boy swallowed, offering a sheepish smile.
"Would now be a good time to mention I'm seeing someone?"
Slughorn cleared his throat and spoke into the shocked stillness, looking decidedly uncomfortable. "Well, I'm sure none of you will be particularly pleased to hear this, but there is no antidote to this potion. It should wear off in about an hour. I suggest you clean up your desks and head to lunch." The professor started toward the door, but was stopped by the voice of Draco Malfoy, his tone laden with deceptive innocence.
"Professor Slughorn, sir, I think you got some of the potion on yourself as well!"
Sure enough, a dim glow was making itself known around Slughorn's wide girth. What provoked another wave of snickering, though, was the dull green color of the aura. Flushing furiously and mopping at his damp forehead, Slughorn mumbled something unintelligible and fled. As the students turned to the task of cleaning up, Hermione shot a questioning look at Harry.
"Not to pry, Harry, but this 'someone' that you're seeing... it looks like it's rather serious. Why didn't you tell us?"
Harry blushed a bit. "Well... it's someone you guys aren't that fond of, although I'm sure you'd like them a lot more if you got to know them better, and..." he dropped his voice so that they had to lean closer to hear. "It's not a girl."
Ron looked rather shocked, but Hermione smiled understandingly. "So you finally realized, then? I figured when things went so horribly with Cho that you weren't really into girls, but I wasn't sure if you knew."
Harry nodded, blushing. "Yeah, I figured it out last year. You two... don't have a problem with it, then?"
"Course not, mate." Ron said, recovering and grinning at him. "Don't care who the bloke is, either, as long as he treats you right. Can't help who you fall in love with, right?"
Harry grinned, vastly relieved. "Right. Let's get to lunch, then."
Before they could finish packing their bags, though, a familiar and obnoxious voice rang out. "Ooh, so wee Potty isn't so pure after all!"
Pansy Parkinson was sneering at them, her pug-like face scrunched up in a malicious smile. Harry flushed, but glared right back at her.
"Bugger off, Parkinson, my love life is none of your concern. Why don't you go stick your pug nose in someone else's business?"
Several students gasped at this blatant challenge, and Pansy shrieked in fury, her hands curling into claws. "Why you-"
"Pansy." Draco Malfoy said from the classroom doorway, frowning at her. "If you're done impersonating a Harpy, I'd like to eat lunch sometime in this century."
Pansy flushed, casting Harry a last glare. "Yes, Draco." she said sullenly, sweeping off to join the young Malfoy as he left the classroom. Ron, along with most of the Gryffindors, gaped.
"Bloody hell! Did Malfoy just stop her from taunting you, Harry?"
Harry grinned, an odd gleam in his green eyes. "Yeah, he did. C'mon, I'm starving."
When they reached the Great Hall, nearly every student there erupted into questions about the glowing Gryffindors. Five minutes later, every student and a good portion of the teachers was gossiping about Harry's periwinkle glow. Harry refused to answer the many questions directed at him, only smiled and ate his lunch. Ginny was the most persistent: Harry had told her he was gay some time ago, and she had shifted from pursuing him into trying to set him up with someone. She was more than a little put out that the fun of matchmaking had been taken away from her, but mostly she was just intensely curious.
"Come on, Harry! Just tell us who it is already!"
Harry opened his mouth to decline, but before he could get a word out, there was a commotion at the Slytherin table.
"Merlin's beard, Pansy! What part of I'm gay do you not get?!"
It was Draco who had shouted: he was standing up, looking furious, glaring at the shocked witch who had moment before been clinging to his arm. Pansy stared up at him, her lips turning down into the familiar unattractive pout. "But Dray..."
Students all across the Hall stopped to watch the drama playing out in front of them. Draco was livid. "No but, Pansy! For the umpteenth time, I have a boyfriend! I do not need you hanging off of me like some mangy old fur stole! Now bugger off before I hex you!"
"But why won't you tell me who you're seeing, then?" Pansy wailed. Her pout intensified, but a sly gleam entered her eyes. "You don't really have a boyfriend, do you? You're just playing hard to get!"
"Oh, for the love of Circe-" To the shock of all, Draco snatched his bookbag from behind his seat and whirled around, storming away from a shocked Slytherin House and straight across the Hall to the Gryffindor table.
"Budge up, Potter, I'm not sitting next to a redhead." Draco demanded, dropping his bag. Harry grinned broadly and shifted along the bench, opening a seat on the end for Draco and provoking gasps from the riveted students. Ron choked on his pumpkin juice.
"What the hell-"
"Clingy birds." Draco muttered, installing himself next to Harry and promptly stealing half of the kippers on Harry's plate. Harry snorted, grinning at the stunned expressions on his housemates' faces.
"Nice one, Drake. Once again, your melodrama leaves the entire Hall speechless."
"It's not melodrama, Harry, it's called flair." Draco said haughtily. Harry laughed.
"Whatever you say, love." he said with a grin, leaning over and stealing a kiss from the snarky blond.
Ron spat his juice across the table, Hermione cooed, Ginny squealed, Seamus practically started drooling, and Pansy shrieked loud enough to shatter crystal. The most satisfying reactions, though, came from the staff table: McGonagall choked on her own drink, rather like Ron, and some of the other teachers started clapping. The crowning glory, though, was Snape.
The thud when the Potions Master hit the floor, out cold, seemed to be the signal for the students of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff to start cheering. Harry pulled back from the kiss, beaming as he brushed Draco's silky blond hair back from his face. "I love you."
Draco smiled serenely at his glowing, periwinkle-aura'd boyfriend. "I know."