Welcome everyone, to the first rewritten chapter of Professor Shorty! I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1: Oh HELL No!

Ed was not happy. Not only was he not allowed to sleep in or have his morning coffee, but here he was in the Colonel's office listening to some crackpot old man talking about magic as if it were real.

Not. Happy. At. ALL.

He allowed his mind wander off, day-dreaming about being curled up in his warm, soft bed.
"FULLMETAL!" The Colonel's loud irritated voice brought Ed back to reality.

"Wha-?" His mouth stretched open wide in a yawn. The Colonel sighed and rubbed his temple.

"Weren't you listening?" Mustang scolded. Edward Elric, Ed for short, shook his head sleepily, which earned yet another sigh from the Colonel, Roy Mustang.

"Honestly... I'm talking about your new assignment. At least TRY to pay attention?" Roy shook his head. Ed sighed and nodded, knowing the sooner he participated, the sooner this would be over and he could go sleep. Roy continued.

"As I was saying, your new assignment is to teach Alchemy at this man, Albus Dumbledore's, school...um... what was it called again?" Roy scratched his head and looked at Dumbledore.

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." He filled in, his blue eyes twinkling. Ed had forgotten that there was another man in the room. Which was hard to do, considering the man wasn't the most normal looking old man you'd have seen. He had a white beard so long that he could easily tuck it into his belt and long white hair to match. He had blue eyes that twinkled with kindness, along a hint of mischief. He had a long crooked nose, that looked as if it had been broken twice and was wearing long purple robes and a tall pointed hat to match. Ed scoffed.

"Hogwarts School of Wi- WOAH, WOAH WAIT A MINUTE!" Ed stood up, furious. "TEACH? You want me to TEACH?! That's it, I'm out of here." He stormed toward the door.

"FULLMETAL!" Roy commanded. Ed stopped. "This is an order from your commanding officer. You will complete your assignment. I don't care what you think. Sit there and behave." Ed could tell from Roy's tone that he was completely serious. Ed turned around with a sigh and resumed his seat.

"Now, would you mind explaining to him what exactly he is required to do?" Roy asked Dumbledore.

"Certainly." Dumbledore said. "My name is Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, but you may simply call me Headmaster Dumbledore. I am the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is a school of magic," Ed snorted and Roy shot him a warning look. Dumbledore merely chuckled and continued. "You see, our world is in a bit of a crisis. We fear the strongest dark wizard of all time, Lord Voldemort, has returned. Our students need to be prepared." Ed raised an eyebrow at this.

"So your saying your own teachers are too weak to teach them how to defend themselves?" He asked, smirking. Much to his surprise, Dumbledore nodded.

"Our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher resigned last year, and our replacement for the upcoming year has been assigned by the Ministry of Magic. I doubt she will teach them anything useful. That's why we need your help." The twinkle in his eyes left and was replaced with seriousness. Ed's brilliant gold eyes met his and he sighed.

"Fine. But just so you know, I still don't believe in magic. It completely ignores the Law of Equivalent Exchange." Ed said arrogantly, crossing his arms. Dumbledore's eyes gained back their mischievous twinkle. With a wave of his wand and a few words muttered under his breath, the couch Ed was sitting on suddenly burst into flames. He yelped and jumped up in alarm.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR, COLONEL?!" He yelled at a bemused Roy, who in turn held up his hands as if to defend himself.

"Don't look at me!" Roy protested. Ed turned to see Dumbledore smiling in satisfaction. One more wave of the wand and the flames disappeared. Stunned, Ed walked over to the couch and hesitantly reached out to touch it. It wasnt charred at all, and the temperature was normal.

"Now, what don't you believe in, Professor Elric?" Dumbledore smiled. Ed cursed under his breath.

"Fine, you got me. What exactly do you want me to be teaching there anyway?" Ed asked. Dumbledore's smile widened.

"Alchemy." Ed groaned. Even better, now he has to teach a bunch of magical brats with their little fairy wands, about how Alchemy is NOT magic, and it is a science. He could already feel a whole year of migraines beginning to form.

"Alright, shall we go?" Dumbledore stood off and held out his arm to Ed. He looked at him in confusion.

"Take my arm." Dumbledore instructed patiently. Ed cautiously linked arms with the strange man.

"See ya, Professor Shorty." Roy taunted.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MIDGET SO SMALL THAT HE CAN FIT INSI-" Suddenly there was a loud crack and he wasn't in the Colonel's office anymore.

"-DE A TEA CUP?!" He finished, finding himself standing in front of a huge gothic looking castle. Ed was at a loss for words and his jaw dropped.

"Mr. Mustang had your brother pack your trunk for you. It is already in your room. He also told me to tell you to not worry about your brother, as he is in safe hands." Ed clicked his tongue. Of course the Colonel had already packed his trunk, the bastard. Dumbledore led him all through the castle and Ed hurried after him. Finally, they had reached Ed's room.

"Starting today, this will be your classroom. Down the trapdoor over there you will find your bedroom. Now then, I will leave you to get settled. When it is dinner time, I will send someone to come and fetch you. Until then." He smiled and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

Ed sighed and looked around his classroom. There were 30 desks, arranged in 3 rows of 10, all facing what Edward took to be his desk. He walked over to it and examined the drawers. Inside was a book titled "Alchemy for Beginners". He picked it up and opened to the first page. 'Alchemy is a dead magic used to turn whatever the user wishes into gold.' Ed scoffed at this before continuing. 'Alchemy is also known for its ability to create what is known as the Philosopher's Stone which grants the user immortality.' He gripped the book tighter and gritted his teeth. He closed the rubbish book and put it away in the drawer. He walked over to the blackboard and was irritated to find that there was no chalk. How was he supposed to teach an alchemy class, when he doesn't even have chalk to draw Transmutation Circles with?! He sighed before walking over to the trapdoor and climbed down to his new room.

He found his trunk sitting neatly in the middle of a dark red carpet in front of a fireplace. He opened his trunk and the first thing he found was a box of chalk. Ed chuckled to himself. Al really does know how to look out for him. He climbed into his four-poster bed, and fell fast asleep, his hand pulling his shirt up to expose his stomach.

Yay! Hope you enjoyed it. I will be rewriting Chapter 2 as soon as I publish this one, so look forward to it!

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