Jottings- I'm surprised there aren't more fics for this story to be honest. Please read and review, my first broken soup fic! I don't own anything you recognise- song lyrics 'Tears in heaven' by Eric Clapton

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Do you remember me, Jack? I'm Rowan, your sister. You may not remember me, I don't know. You might not recognise me or have any clue who I am but I want you to know I loved you and still do love you, even if you've forgotten who I am. Have you changed? I remember you as the scruffy teenage boy who always makes people laugh and makes the world smile when you enter the room but of course, you're not a teenager any more, are you? Do you keep your room neat now? Are you just as popular in heaven as you were on Earth, do you have people swarming you, vying for your friendship and attention?

I bet every day you're changing and forgetting everything you once had, forgetting me. I bet the Jack I know doesn't exist anymore, I bet he's but a figment of my imagination and probably no-one else's. No-one knew you like I did, Jack, and no-one will ever know the Jack I knew because you're changing up there in heaven.

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

And I'm changing to, I'm growing up. When you knew me I had short hair, only down to my shoulders and I always wore it down. Now I have long hair that reaches right down to below my elbows and it's always tied back. When you knew me I was shorter, rounder. Now I'm taller, thin as a rake. When you knew me I was loud, chatty and I was always smiling, always surrounded by friends. Now I'm quiet as a mouse, quieter even and smiles and friends are rare occurrences. I don't know if you'd recognise me anymore, I don't know if I'm your sister any more.

Because every day I'm changing, drifting further away from you, become less like the Rowan you knew. Every day the girl that was Rowan is pulled a little bit further out of my reach, tweaked and pushed back to me, just a little bit different.

I must be strong, and carry on

'Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

You shouldn't be up there really, Jack, you should be next to me, lighting up the room as always, making everyone's lives happier, giving mum something to wake up for, giving her the son she wants. I don't make her happy, only you do, that's your job; you belong down here with us, you shouldn't be up there. Or are you helping another family up there at the expense of our family? Do you have a special new family who cherish you and love you and protect you, do you have another Rowan? Another protector? Or are you the Rowan tree of their family? I bet you do a better job than me at it.

We need you back, Jack, no matter how much of a blast you're having up there, you belong with us, you shouldn't be there. If anyone should be there, I should. If I was up there and you were down here, everyone would be fine. Mum would actually wake up, Dad would still be home and, best of all, you'd be on Earth. Where you should be.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees

Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

They claim that things get better over time; claim the scars begin to heal, the mental wounds close like the physical ones, just slower. But they don't. It only gets worse. Every day I'm moving further away, floating away. My heart is being dragged from you, you're being slowly wiped from my mind, rub by rub. The image I have of you in my head is slowly being frayed, slowing evaporating into thin air, gone. I don't want to lose you but I don't seem to have a choice, don't have an option.

Because every day someone rubs you out a little bit more. Every day someone makes the image I have of you in my head a little bit fainter, a little bit harder to see and pulls you a little bit further out of my reach. I just want to rewind time and have you back, I just want them to stop rubbing out. But they won't stop. They won't stop until the image I have of you is a blank sheet, a blank canvas, nothing.

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure

And I know there'll be no more

Tears in heaven.


-Checky x