A/N. I dunno. I just suddenly did this. XDD Ummm, if I be truthful, this is more my style than what I did with "Vivid". I think I realized that I had lost my touch when the last time I wrote was a long, long, loooooong time ago. So now here is a ficcie that makes me happy even though it's all angsty. Psssh. *laughs* This is a oneshot btw!
Pairing: Sora x Roxas
Summary: Because all along, his comfort was in Sora's arms.
Warnings: Mentions of blood and death
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. DO YOU WANT ME TO GO TO SQUARE ENIX AND TAKE ITS RIGHTS BY FORCE (oooh don't get any ideas, this is bad kids!) I also don't own the image so if you know the artist, please inform me and I will put copyright here " " . XD
Kiss Away the Tears When I Sleep
"Please don't cry anymore."
Sora pleads to the weeping blonde, his roughened but gentle hands patting a golden-haired head. Roxas whimpers at him, slightly recoiling from his touch as he absentmindedly rubs his own hands against his shaking shoulders. The tears do not stop cascading over his sodden cheeks.
After a long while of comforting, Roxas falls into deep sleep, arms wounding around Sora's neck and holding onto him as if afraid of letting him go. The brunette smiles sadly at his Nobody, his own tan arms encircling Roxas' waist, wanting to make the distance between them a little shorter, make it almost nonexistent. His once-jovial face drops into a blank stare, the quaint edges of his lips pull downwards. His face finds great comfort on Roxas' shoulder, and Sora slowly flutters a light kiss on the other's fair skin.
The nightmares have recently become more frequent.
Remnants of crystal liquid are still present on Roxas' cheeks, and Sora gently thumbs them in an attempt to remind himself that he could at least still comfort his other like this. A tired sigh unabashedly leaves his lips, his poignant worries clouding over in his head and he wants to brutally clobber them in bitterness.
He doesn't know what to do.
Roxas has been having nightmares as of late, and he could do nothing to help him.
It frustrates the Keyblade wielder to no end, knowing that nothing he could do would help his other self. The helplessness disgruntles him, it disgusts him to be so useless to the person he keeps closest to his heart. Roxas doesn't know, but the brunette has been harboring intimate feelings for him ever since he's been introduced to him, ever since they've started being one whole person.
Roxas had the ability to freely leave Sora's body, without harming either of them, but he couldn't be without his Somebody for too long because then he might disappear. Always in close proximity, always close together, there had been no need for a trigger to Sora's feelings because Roxas was simply there all the time.
At first, everything was normal. The only big changes to his lifestyle were that he had to share his body with a quiet, beautiful boy with eyes the very same color as his, and that the same boy was an anomaly to all the things he's been familiar with from the start.
He sputtered embarrassingly when he heard those two simple words of appreciation from the blonde. He didn't acknowledge the immediate thudding of his heart when Roxas sometimes slipped out of him and chatted him up for the smallest of things. To him, Roxas was jaded, and they've been awkward with each other since they've merged together. But with a word of thanks, did that mean Roxas was more comfortable with him than before?
Sora didn't think much of it in the beginning. Just curiosity is all.
But then he's left to his musings and starts daydreaming of blonde.
His thoughts would suddenly center around a place where blonde and blue would mix together, where pale flesh and pink lips were underneath him, pressed against his own tan skin and feverish lips. In the back of his mind, a deep but tranquil voice would hoarsely whisper his name, and when he hears that sweeping of breathlessness, his lean body would shiver and his mouth would curve into a crazed grin.
Every single time, it's all in his head.
He's always pushed away the peculiar thoughts since he's unused to them, he's even afraid of them. But they come back to haunt him, to taunt him, to forcefully grip him by the throat and subdue him, because they're always there and he can't be free from them anymore.
And then Sora realizes that everything about Roxas makes him needy.
The events that led to him admitting to himself his own feelings were quite humorous, and ever since that fateful day when the blonde revealed his true, carefree smile to him, he's been lost forever in a world that only consisted of the beautiful golden spikes and wistful baby blues of Roxas.
No one else has ever made him feel the same.
Yet he only knows of trying and never succeeding when it came to understanding Roxas. He's been desperately trying to break his Nobody's hard shell, been desperate to force him out of the cold place he's secluded himself in. It couldn't have been right to just let the blonde keep to his own doings when there was someone—his other half, his original self—who wanted to truly know him.
Sora wanted to love him.
But then—then, he doesn't know how to. He just doesn't know.
Another sigh escapes him, full of longing, and his lips firmly imprint themselves on Roxas' forehead.
-don't leave don't leave don't leave don't leave-
All that surrounds him is black, eternal black. Everything is cold, cold and gripping, and fear wholly rests on his small body. The dark night proves restless, he is enveloped in nothing but blistering nothingness.
Maybe this is what death feels like, and he continues wondering, he continues suffering.
Then in the corner of his eye, a faint light blaringly blinks out to him. His mop of blonde hair swishes with the sudden blowing wind, and his frightened blue eyes flicker towards the abnormality in his dark surroundings.
-stay with me please stay with me-
His legs take him running, towards the light, while his brain is pounded with thoughts that surely there must be something there in the light that can take him away from the biting cold of darkness around him. He needs to take that risk, he needs to come back and be with him!
He needs to be with the other half of his heart—
-I can't breathe no not without-
In an instant the darkness shatters and he basks in an infinite glow of red, streaking and filtering the light behind his dimmed blue eyes. He feels as if he is falling down to a wet pool on the ground, red liquid soaking his clothes and he's startled at how unfazed he is when he realizes that it's blood that's gripping what he's wearing.
It's bloody and he doesn't care.
But none of these things truly register in his hazy mind, because his gloved hands are painfully grasping numb shoulders, his fresh hot tears leaving widened eyes and they're also falling, falling onto a face that's not his own, but so appallingly identical. The harsh gasps coming from his mouth constrict his throat, he really can't breathe because everything is squeezing the life out of him, and oh god, the other person is starting to open his eyes.
It hits him like a ton of bricks, the reality of this whole situation. His other self, the other half of his heart, is a bruised and battered warrior seeking refuge in his trembling arms. Holding the other gently, he buries his tear-stricken face into the brown spikes he's come to love since forever.
-you can't leave you just can't leave me like this-
The strange voices he's been hearing inside his head are actually his own pleas, his own cries for everything to turn back into the way it was before. All he wanted to do was to love his other and be loved in return, and nothing else!
Why did things turn out this way?
He entwines his shaking hand with the brunette's cold one, his fragile kisses raining down on a bloodied face. At the affectionate gestures, he feels his Somebody smile at him, though weakly, and the blonde gently tucks him into a firm embrace. His parched mouth opens to form quiet words but all that comes out are chopped ramblings and incomprehensible things. And all it boils down to is one name.
-please don't do this don't-
The Keyblade wielder boyishly grins at his other, an injured hand tangling itself with sunny blonde locks, playful with its hold on the golden hair. With a great deal of effort, he manages to bring himself up to plant a tender kiss on the blonde's forehead, his grin still in place when he lets go of his sobbing other self.
The Nobody stares at him in fright.
"You're welcome, Roxas."
No! I don't want those words! You can't do this—
Feeling even colder than before, the brunette shivers violently, and does nothing to fight how slow his life is being drained away from him. But the blonde screams at him to not give up, to not leave him because goddammit he can't live without him, he just can't, he hasn't even told him that he—
Though body bloodied and wounded, the tan boy ignores the pain shooting up in various places of his body as he sits up and draws a little amount of comfort from his beloved other half. Placing his face on the blonde's shoulder and exhausted arms around his slim waist, he lovingly pushes his lips on the pale ear, and without care for his current circumstance, he feels a sick sort of satisfaction when his eyes find the fair skin reddening.
A shudder sporadically rips through the blonde's frame, a silent moan wonderfully passing the ears of his other. It was an amazing feeling, and he thinks he should have paid more attention to how the brunette mischievously nips at his ear, but he can't even process it.
Instead what only comes up in his head, his head that's so full of negative thoughts and of hopelessness, are the heated whispered words of the person who's caged his heart in his bloodied hands. Dimmed blue eyes meet electric, eyes brimming with light and hope that it makes him feel small.
The words that have spilled from the brunette's mouth make him gape at him in bewilderment. And he wants so badly to respond, to tell him the truth, to tell him what he's been meaning to tell him since time immemorial, but the other is falling down as well, everything is just falling down.
Even more tears cascade down from his blue eyes as his lips try to kiss away the coldness from the brunette's body.
-. . .-
He's tightly holding onto his damaged other half, and ultimately fails to notice the bright light coming in from behind him. It grows larger each passing second, intent on capturing them and bathing them fully in its power. When everything becomes washed with white, the blonde finally sees what's left. He sees the light enveloping them, sees it trying to lock them in, and yet he isn't afraid.
Roxas doesn't understand the light.
But he believes it's very warm.
Sora's lifeless body is in his hands, while the tears he's shedding do not stop.
The unspoken words finally pass through his lips.
And the light swallows them both.
Roxas forcibly wakes up to the worried face of Sora, only inches away from his own tear-streaked face. Breathless pants tumble out from his dry lips, golden hair matted to the right side of his porcelain face, and sweat dripping from his temple.
A horrible dream.
The blonde Nobody tries to hide his embarrassment by burying his face into the crook of Sora's neck. He feels absolutely shameful, having been caught again in the same manner like every other time when he has those kinds of awful dreams. They are not dreams but rather nightmares to him, and each one leaves him more saddened, more lonesome than ever before.
It's a vicious cycle.
"…sorry about that." His quiet apology surprises Sora.
Roxas merely receives a soothing pat on his head, indicating that the cheery brunette didn't mind one bit about the loud interruption of his sleep. Roxas brushes aside the urge to softly nuzzle the stretched column of Sora's neck, wanting nothing more but the sparse affection the brunette was bestowing him with. Even if it wasn't enough, he knows he should at least be content with it.
"Bad dream?" Sora sleepily asks, his trademark grin in place. Roxas chews the inside of his cheek, eyes suddenly finding the ceiling very interesting.
Questions are withheld as Roxas eases slightly onto his side, his back quickly facing the brunette. Sora recognizes the distinct twinge of pain that replaces the comfortable warmth Roxas has been providing him earlier, and his famous pout shapes his lips in mild scorn.
A subconscious glare is aimed at the blonde, while calloused fingers subtly rest on Roxas' hip, eliciting a sharp hitch of breath from the Nobody. Startled blue eyes meet with Sora's, and the weighted stare pronounces Roxas' discomfort to him.
Sora only intently stares back, for once wanting to let Roxas know that this distance he's trying to create is idiotic, that he's irritated with how secretive the blonde is, that he doesn't want a fucking barrier guarding Roxas' thoughts from him because in the end, they're one person so why would they need stupid shields for each other?
The tired sigh that escapes Roxas makes the brunette's brows crease together, and his ears strain to catch words along the lines of—sorry, it's nothing—but he doesn't like those words, he knows there's something else beneath them and he'll find out sooner or later.
He pulls his other's lithe form tight against him, Roxas' back coming in contact with his hard chest. The tiny whimper that Sora gets is a welcome reaction, a crooked smile finding its way on his face. His being a little mean to Roxas is mostly unintentional, but he needs to scold him for having evaded him long enough. And if it can make the blonde before him anxious and make him disclose all his secrets, then by all means he will push his buttons even more.
"What are you doing?" the grating tone makes Sora flinch.
"I'm not doing anything."
"Then why do you have your arms around me?"
He shrugs, "Is that bad?" and Roxas cutely snorts. He wants to laugh at that snort.
Roxas tugs at his arms, prying them away from his waist as he exhales another tired sigh. But Sora relents and grabs hold of him again, this time tightening his hold so that the other could not protest against his touch. Distance is something unnecessary for the both of them.
"Sora!" the exasperated call rings in his ears.
Sora's growl unnerves even himself, while it strikes Roxas hard, and he couldn't respond to the sudden command. The quickening of Sora's heartbeats lessens, he calms down from his abrupt outburst and slackens his grip on the blonde, the feeling of Roxas against him a soothing touch. His irritation subsides because he knows there are more pressing issues to attend to, like coercing Roxas into telling him about his nightmares.
"Tell me what's wrong." He ghosts a whisper into Roxas' ear.
The blonde doesn't want to answer him. "I-It's nothing. I…"
His Nobody shoves him awkwardly to the other side of the bed, the other covering himself up with Sora's warm blanket. A worried frown crosses Sora's features, and he's left to ponder on why Roxas is acting like this. They've never been so close before and yet they still feel so far away from each other.
The serene night shrouding them makes it hard for Sora to see Roxas' curled up form on his bed, and the moonlight leaking through the open crack on his window does little to show him his shivering other. He blindly reaches out for the switch of his bedside lamp, and when he finds it, flicks it open.
What fills his ears is a frightened squeak.
Pale, slender, shaking arms clutch his middle.
Roxas grasps Sora's waist, fear bludgeoning his body as he vividly remembers the contents of his wicked dreams. Flashes of white, red skies, a deadened Keyblade wielder, everything is a shitty mess and nothing will be able to fix anything. The nightmares swiftly crash on him, swiftly scar him.
The tears that stream down from the blonde's blue, blue eyes crush Sora's heart. He's always been crying since the nightmares started a few weeks ago, but Sora has never seen Roxas break down so completely like this. Roxas' depressed feelings pierce through him, even though he doesn't understand what's been going on in the blonde's head, he still feels the brokenness inside his other half and he just wants so badly to help.
"Please, please, Roxas. Tell me what's wrong?" Sora tries.
He gives Roxas a few minutes to relax and lets him breathe in his comforting scent. Roxas' hold on him does not falter in strength, and Sora's sure that in the morning, his shirt will have tear stains that will be difficult to remove. He doesn't mind actually, if it means he can help Roxas, then it doesn't really matter.
"—on't leave me…"
Incoherent words form from the blonde's lips.
"…please don't die—
"—haven't told you—
All he hears are only softly spoken phrases, disorganized words all escaping a quivering mouth. But he understands. He's long been bothered by the waking nightmares Roxas can't seem to shake off when he drifts off into slumber. The scalding tears, the sharp breaths and violent sobs that quake through the hurting blonde boy shoot at Sora like a bullet.
He can't take the pain Roxas is going through, he can't take it and all he wants is to take that pain away from the person he loves the most in this universe.
Wrapping Roxas securely in his arms, he tells the blonde Nobody through his gestures that he understands, that he can assure him nothing bad will ever happen to him, to either of them, because fate has so delicately intertwined their fates together that they cannot help but be the same person, the same life, and what happens to one will also happen to the other.
But of course, he will not die, they will not die. They have a world and loved ones to protect and what's death against that?
To him, it's nothing.
Sora knows enough to believe in what his heart is telling him, always telling him.
His tan hands gently grasp Roxas' wrists, his lips intimately greeting the porcelain skin. Roxas shudders underneath the extremely tender touch, unsure where the affection is coming from, but not detesting it. Sora follows a light trail from one of Roxas' wrists towards his ivory neck, lining his flesh with gentle kisses, each kiss shouting at him that Sora finally understands and that he'll always be there for him, no matter what.
He presses a soft kiss to Roxas' neck, "I won't leave you." and moves up to press another to his ear.
"We won't die." The firm declaration sends a shiver down Roxas' spine. "We need each other."
A moist tongue swiftly wipes away the offending tears that have fallen without Roxas' consent. Sora kisses both the lidded blue eyes that he sometimes mistakes as his.
He has done this a million times, has been so familiar with kissing the tears away that it's second nature to the Keyblade wielder.
And he knows that Roxas truly appreciates what he's been doing for him while he sleeps. He doesn't stop the really idiotic grin that pulls at his face when he sees the blonde boy flushing stark red, stuttering over thanking him again, as he did that last time when he had captured Sora's heart.
When the unspoken words finally pass through Roxas' lips, Sora smiles. He kisses him fully on the lips.
And the nightmares are replaced with sweet, sweet dreams.
A/N. Sorry if they've become OOC. I can't do endings for the life of me. XD There's this love/hate relationship going on between my fanfic and I. Please read and review! I SHALL LOVE YOU FOREVER