The Synthetic Desire Experiment

Set post Season 5. Amy takes extreme measures to push Sheldon's boundaries in her need for physical intimacy. Plans are derailed, couples torn apart and friendships will be forever changed LAMY/SHENNY. Rated M in case things get sweary, violent or risqué; OOC and definitely AU.

A/N: This is my first fic for TBBT. It's a short one-shot to let me get a feel for the characters. A little bit about me - I don't mind CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and I'm thankful for anyone who reads this and enjoys it but I never ask/beg people to review any of my stories. If this moves you fill out the comment box, then so be it. Also, I don't use a beta unless it's required for contest entries, I'm impatient like that, but I usually get by just fine on my own. I'm from the UK, but for a quiet life I've chosen to write this in US English.


It had been far too long since Amy had convinced Sheldon to amend their relationship agreement and still she was caught in a pattern of stiff-lipped kisses and awkward hand holding. She considered that perhaps Sheldon wasn't simply tamping down his base urges – but that he wasn't in possession of them at all. She provided him with his favorite foods and beverages, supplied him with sparkling conversation and debate and, still, there was no advancement. She had had to replace Gerard (her electric toothbrush) after his battery powered motor gave up the ghost. Her new electric toothbrush had been dubbed 'Captain Steve' as she bought it on the same day Penny dragged her to see that Superhero movie with lots of sexy men and explosions.

Amy Farrah-Fowler had decided it was time to use her brain. She was a neurobiologist, a damn good one, and she knew which areas of Sheldon's 'grey matter' would need to be tickled for him to tickle her parts that mattered. She smiled as she finalized the bottling of her chemical aphrodisiac composition, a 'love potion' for all intents and purposes. And it was a powerful one too, going by the trials on her laboratory animals. She had overdosed the first mating pair, resulting in copulation until heart failure. That had been tricky to explain to her superior.

The cardboard wine carrier was stocked with six bottles of Mountain Dew, Sheldon's chosen fizzy beverage. Amy had tried mixing the concoction into a bottle of YooHoo, but the drink curdled and went lumpy mere hours after mixing. Her excitement at the evening that lay ahead of her made her skip to her car and she joyously sang along to the radio as she made her way to 2311 Los Robles Avenue.


Penny was painting her toenails when she heard the knock at her door. She paused, briefly, wondering if it was Leonard visiting to wheedle a definition on their relationship from her … again. He wanted commitment, big commitment, marriage commitment and Penny just didn't feel like that was the road she should travel. Not at this juncture in her life anyway. Then she remembered that Leonard was out of town for the night, he had opted to stay over in a hotel in San Francisco after a meeting about lasers or some such. She opened her door and was pleasantly surprised by her (self-proclaimed) 'Bestie' smiling on the other side.

"Hi Penny." Amy grinned. "You look radiant, as always."

"Thanks, Amy. What brings you by at this time of day? Shouldn't you be in the lab trying to get your monkey to quit smoking?"

"I told my supervisor I was suffering from stomach cramps and diarrhea and took the afternoon off. I was hoping to borrow the spare key for the boys' apartment." She lifted the wine carrier and shook it lightly. "I wanted to have a surprise ready for Sheldon when he gets home from work. After thoroughly investigating the calendars of all parties, tonight is the best opportunity for the activities I have planned."

Penny frowned a little as her brain processed everything that Amy had just said. Moments later, she caught up.

"Oh! Right, yeah, Leonard is away for the night." Penny left the door open as she searched her apartment for the spare key to 4A. "So, you think you might get some boob action if you butter Sheldon up enough?"

"Something along those lines, yes."

Penny turned to her friend, noticing the wicked gleam in her eye despite her stoical expression. Thinking that it's better not to ask she continued her search, letting out a relieved breath when the key was found inside the empty peppermint tin she kept her loose change in. Suspicious but still smiling, she handed the key to Amy and wished her the best of luck before going back to her nail painting. Penny made sure she turned up the volume on her TV. There was no way she wanted to hear anything that was happening outside her door that night.


Inside 4A, Amy checked her watch. She had one hour before Raj was scheduled to drop Sheldon off after work. With her usual efficiency, she went into Sheldon's room and started setting the scene. When all the battery powered tea-lights were in place, she changed into the outfit she had brought for the occasion and took a deep breath.

Still 30 minutes until Sheldon will be home. I might as well get a head start on him.

Walking delicately into the kitchen, Amy smiled at the noise her heels made on the floor before opening one of the bottles of Mountain Dew and pouring two generous glasses. Before she lost her nerve, she downed one of them and rushed back into Sheldon's room to present herself. No sooner had she closed the door, than she heard the front door of the apartment open. Sheldon was early, but no matter – she was sufficiently prepared and spread out on his twin bed awaiting him.

The aphrodisiac worked quicker than Amy expected, within minutes her heart was slamming against her ribcage and her skin was flushed pink. Shaking her head to make sure her hair was out of the way; she heard footsteps coming down the hallway and licked her lips in anticipation. She knew Sheldon couldn't resist Mountain Dew and would have consumed the glass she left in a very visible location. Her anticipation turned to desperation as she listened to the bathroom door closing and the shower start up.

If Mohammed won't go to the mountain …

In the bathroom, Leonard scrubbed the failure of a meeting from his skin. A fire alarm had ruined the entire affair and they would have to reschedule, but the glass of Mountain Dew he'd finished had certainly perked him up. Some parts of him more than others. As he spent more time washing said parts, he felt overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of lust that coursed through his veins. He dropped to his knees and groaned as he heard the bathroom door open and close. He hoped it wasn't Sheldon; Leonard would never live it down if his roommate caught him like this.

But the curtain was pulled back and it wasn't Sheldon staring down at him. There were no words, not even a gasp of surprise or an exclamation of shock. It was simply a male and a female consumed by desire. Insert tab A into slot B.


*knockknockknock* "Penny!" *knockknockknock* "Penny!" *knockknockknock* "Penny!"

"Whaaaaaat?" She wailed as she pulled the door open. The last thing she wanted was Sheldon running to her apartment in a fluster because Amy had tried to push him too far.

"There are people engaging in coitus in my shower, Penny."

"Don't be ridiculous, Sweetie. I'm sure you're just hearing things."

"I'm not being ridiculous. There's a cacophony of sexual noises emanating from my bathroom, Penny. I'm torn between wanting to know who it is so I can banish them and not wanting to find out anything at all."

Sighing, Penny walked over to 4A but before she even stepped over the threshold she could hear it. Yep, there was definitely hanky-panky going on the bathroom. She surveyed the apartment, as far as she knew Amy should be the only one here. But there were two used glasses on the kitchen counter. In the hallway, closer to where two obvious voices were grunting like pigs in heat, sat a bag.

"That's Leonard's overnight bag."

Sheldon huffed and crossed his arms. "Well, that's just rude. He knows the rules about giving notice of coitus happening on these premises. And seeing as it isn't you he's in there with, I'm assuming his meeting was about more than just securing new equipment."


The theoretical physicist watched as Penny raced down the hall and started opening all the doors. Sheldon had no idea what she was looking for, but he soon spied something interesting himself. He was holding the wine carrier as Penny stormed up to the bathroom door and opened it before closing it very quickly.

"We need to go. Now!"


"Because Leonard and Amy need their privacy."

Sheldon shrunk back at Penny's growl and followed her back to her apartment, clutching the Mountain Dew to his chest as her words sunk in. Penny had to maneuver him into his usual seat, his spot, on her couch and took the bubbly beverages from his hands. She was angry, furious in fact. As Sheldon sat in silence on her couch, she gripped the edge of her kitchen counter so tightly that her knuckles were white and her fingertips started to throb. Penny could vaguely understand Leonard, she had rejected him – again and he moved on quickly – again. But Amy?

"I just don't understand it. Amy was there to surprise you, Sweetie. She had some big seduction planned or something." Penny blew out a long breath. "It just doesn't make sense."

"I'm aware that Amy Farrah Fowler has … needs that I'm unwilling to fulfill." Sheldon started slowly and quietly. "It's entirely possible that she simply refused to wait any longer for me to meet her standards."

Penny sighed and grabbed one of the bottles of Mountain Dew. "She brought these for you. Want some?"

"No, I find the thought of the delicious taste of my favorite sparkling beverage to be quite unappealing at this moment."

Shrugging, Penny opened the bottle and took four big gulps before screwing the lid back on and placing it on the coffee table before she sat down. "Sheldon, Amy isn't the type of woman to just screw the first guy she comes across because she isn't getting any from her boyfriend. And even if she was, I doubt she'd choose Leonard for the task."

"Should I be angry?" Sheldon turned to Penny. "This seems like something I should be very angry about."

"It's probably shock, Sweetie. The anger will come later I imagine." She pushed her hair back from her face and fanned herself. "I think I need to get my thermostat checked out. Is it really hot in here?"

"The ambient temperature of your apartment has remained static the entire time we've been here, Penny."

Sheldon frowned and watched as Penny started pulling at the neck of the gypsy shirt she was wearing. Penny shifted in her seat and let out a shuddering sigh as her thighs rubbed together before looking up at her friend.

"Oh good Lord! Penny your eyes are dilated! Are you having a seizure?"

Shaking her head, Penny licked her lips. "No … I'm just really …"

Her eyes flicked to the drink on the table and she remembered seeing two empty glasses in the guy's kitchen.

Oh Amy, what did you do?

"Sheldon, you need to leave."

"What? Why and where will I go?"

"The drinks are spiked with something. I don't care where you go, but you need to get out of here before I lose control."

"Lose control? Penny, you're being very indistinct with your demands and reasoning." Sheldon shrank away from her as a predatory expression graced her features.

"Dammit, Sheldon! The Mountain Dew is laced with something that's made me hornier than a Rhino wearin' a Viking helmet. If you value your physical wellbeing, you'll get the hell away from me right now."

Sheldon sprang off the couch and backed up towards the entrance to Penny's apartment, watching as Penny stripped off her clothes on the way to her bedroom. When her door slammed, he jumped slightly, his mouth hanging open in shock and bewilderment. His 187 IQ points were useless in understanding this development. His working knowledge of the universe and everything it contains was coming up blank. For the first time in a very, very long time, Sheldon was insecure. Not only had his lack of libido driven his girlfriend to attempt drugging him but he had been so easily replaced with an inferior male.

Penny was right, the anger does come later.

The genius started to pace, attempting to ignore the buzzing, panting and groaning from Penny's bedroom. He plotted revenge, he bemoaned his inability to satisfy all of his woman's needs, he clapped his hands over his ears and then, finally, he looked back at the offending beverage sitting on the coffee table. More than once Sheldon had been referred to as a robot, he aspired to become a robot. If he really was cybernetic in nature, then the drink wouldn't affect him.

"The Naked Time. The Naked Now. Spock and Data. All the greats have been affected at some point."

Penny sobbed as she reached her peak for a second time. She thought once would be enough but now she used her toy at a pace which resembled punishment rather than pleasure. It wasn't enough, it would never be enough. She needed more. She needed to touch someone and have someone touch her. Her bedroom door opening didn't fully register right away; it wasn't until Sheldon cleared his throat that she turned toward him.

"Sheldon!" She rolled off the edge of the bed and pulled the comforter across her nakedness. "Please, I asked you to go; I don't want you to see me like this."

She couldn't look him in the eye but he caught her attention by tossing the empty bottle of Mountain Dew on her bed.

"I'm fully functional."