Warnings: OOC-ness, cursing. That's it! Enjoy!
"Train, I'm back!" Sven called, slamming the door behind him and tossing his groceries on the loveseat. Train grinned from the couch and flashed him a piece sign. "Yo! You remembered the milk, right?"
"Yeah, yeah, don't worry."
"Awesome!" Train sat up, crossing his legs. "Oh, you didn't happen to grab any bulletins, did you? We haven't had a decent job since we finished Creed off a few months ago."
"Nah, not yet. We can go back to the pub later and see if there are any good targets." Sven looked around, noticing that Eve wasn't in the room. "Hey, where's Eve? I bought her a new book."
"Outside." Train replied. "On the hammock." Sven nodded. "Kay'." He stepped outside, the novel clenched in his hand. "Eve? Where are you? I have a new boo-" His jaw hit the floor when he saw the girl swinging back and forth on the hammock, smoking a freshly lit cigarette. "!"
Eve flashed him a smile as she put the cigarette to her mouth. "Welcome back, Sven."
"You spit that out right NOW!" Sven screeched, throwing the book to the ground as he darted over to tear the cigarette from the girl's mouth. Eve frowned as she watched the man mash it into the ground. "That wasn't very nice, you know."
"I don't care! When the hell did you start smoking?! And more importantly, how did you even get your hands on one of these?" Eve rolled her eyes. "From YOU, DUH! I don't know if you realize it, but you leave them lying around everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE. Anyways, you left a pack on the table the other day when you went out, and it got me curious. I decided to try one, and, well… Yeah. Now I've gone hardcore."
"So THAT's where they went…" Sven facepalmed. "Eve, you know how dangerous smoking is! I demand that you quit right now!"
"Oh, it's dangerous, huh? Then why do you smoke?"
"That's different! I'm a mature adult, and you're a young lady! The effects could be much more harmful to you then they are to me." Sven insisted.
"I highly doubt that."
"Enough, alright? You're quitting and that's final!"
"Fine." Eve crossed her arms. "But if I'm going to quit, so are you." Sven paused. "…Huh?"
"You heard me. We both know that smoking is equally dangerous for both of us. I'll be happy to quit if you join in with me. With my help, it'll take less than a week, I promise." The girl held out her hand, motioning for Sven to shake it. "Deal?"
Sven bit back a snide remark as he reached over to shake her hand. "…Okay. I guess we can start tomorrow, then."
"Nope. We're starting right now. TRAIN!" Eve yelled, and the younger man quickly poked his head out the door. "What's up, Princess?"
"I have a job for you. I want you to go into the house and gather up every cigarette you can find. When you're done with that, I want you to burn them." Train raised an eyebrow. "Uhhh… Why, now?"
"Because Sven caught me smoking, and I made a deal that if he quit, I'd quit. We're quitting together. So the best thing you can do for now is to get rid of all the smokes that are in the house."
"What?! I never agreed to this!" Sven whined. "Can't I have just one more day to savor the feeling?" Eve shook her head. "No, you may not." Train, on the other hand, was more than happy to agree to the plan. "You two are finally quitting? Ugh, thank GOD! I'm sick of your dumbasses always stinkin' up the house."
"Wait, 'you two'?! You knew Eve was smoking and you didn't even bother to tell me?" Sven screeched. Train shrugged. "Why would I? It's not my problem."
"Uh, yeah, it IS. She's just a girl, Train! You don't-" But Train rolled his eyes and waved him away as he stepped back inside. "Yeah, yeah, nobody cares. I'm gonna go burn your shit now."
"Ugh, damn you!"
A few minutes later, Train came out with a heap of cigarettes and a box of matches in his arms. Dumping them onto the ground, he struck one of the matches and quickly threw it onto the pile. Within a matter of seconds, a decent amount of the cigarettes had already been consumed with fire.
"NOOOO! MY BABIES!" Sven screamed, falling to the ground while sobbing pathetically into his hands. Eve bent down and patted him on the shoulder. "It'll be okay, Sven. We all have to start somewhere." She turned back to Train, who clearly seemed satisfied with himself. "After you're done there, run to the store and get some Nicorette, will you?" She winked at him and he replied with a grin and a quick nod. He too knew where this was going.
"Yup!" Train skipped off down the street with glee. "I'm so excited! Our house is finally gonna stop smelling like a shithole!"
"You're not helping, Train." Sven groaned. Eve smiled to herself. Oh, how she hoped this would work….
Day #1 Being Smoke Free
"Congratulations, Sven-daddy, you haven't smoked at all since yesterday!" Train teased the older man. "You've made you're son so proud~"
"Shut it, catboy." Sven muttered, allowing his head to fall against the kitchen table. "I'm not in the mood." Train sighed and turned to Eve. "Well, then. Princess, how're you feeling?" Eve shrugged, not bothering to look up from her book. "I'm doing okay.. I feel pretty normal."
"That's good." He frowned when he noticed that Sven was still slumped over on the table. C'mon, man! Laying around isn't going to solve anything! Get off your ass and do something!"
"Really. Like what?"
"Uh… Go outside or some shit. I don't know."
"Yeah, no thank you."
"Aww, come on!"
"Train, shut up!"
Eve put in her headphones to block out the nonsensical bickering. This is gonna be a loooong week.
"Hey, where's Sven?" Train asked. Eve looked up. "Oh, he's still in bed. He hasn't moved all day. He claims to be 'sick'." Train frowned. "Huh. The withdrawal symptoms are probably starting to kick in. I'll go check on him." He walked down the hallway and poked his head into Sven's room. "Hey, buddy, how're you- Oh my god!"
He glanced around the room in horror. There was vomit all over the bed, the floor, and Sven's clothes. Sven was huddled in the corner, basically vomiting his guts up onto the floor.
"Christ, Sven! What's wrong with you?! You could at least attempt to vomit in the toilet." Train asked shakily, running over to pat his partner on the back. "Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not." Sven coughed. "It looks like the withdrawal is already beginning… Crap." Train sighed. "Well, this sucks. Eve, come help me clean up all this vomit!"
The three were all seated at the table, having a nice, peaceful breakfast until-
"FUCK ALL YO MOFOS I NEED A FUCKIN CIGARETTE BITCHES!" Sven screamed, suddenly flipping the table an sending a majority of the food flying across the room. "GIMME MAAH FUCKIN' CIGGS!"
"Whoa, Sven, calm the hell down! What's your problem?!" Train spat, wiping a mound of eggs off of his pants. "And watch your language! Seriously!"
"Don't tell me what to do, you cat obsessed moron!" Sven continued to tell as he wrapped his hands around Train's throat. "Now, gimme a fuckin smoke, and I'll lea-"
"Not a chance!" Train karate chopped Sven's neck, immediately rendering him unconscious. Eve let out a loud sigh, surprisingly barely phased by the whole incident. "I'm guessing one of the symptoms is anger management issues?" Train gruffly shook himself off. "I guess so."
"Please! PLEASE, man, I just want one smoke! PLEASE!" Sven complained, doubling over on the floor as he tugged at Train's pant leg. Train nonchalantly flipped through his newspaper. "You can beg all you want, Sven, but I'm not gonna give in." The older man slumped over in defeat and sobbed into the carpet. "Come oooooon! Why are you doing this to me?!"
"Just think of it as punishment for all the times you stunk up my room, okay?"
"Urgggh! Damn you!" Eve threw the man his medicine. "Here, Sven. Take your Nicorette. Your cravings will go down, I promise."
"Hell, no! That shit doesn't work!" Sven cried. "I took it last night and it gave me diarrhea!" Train rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Sven, stop complaining. That was probably just another symptom." The older man squeezed his eyes shut. "Man, life sucks."
"If you're a smoker, then yes, yes it does."
"Train.. Would you kindly shut the hell up? Thanks."
"Well, Sven, I have to congratulate you." Eve began. "It's been almost a week since you've stopped smoking. How to you feel?" Sven bit his lip as he leaned back against his pillow. "Actually.. I feel a little bit better."
"Not really. The Nicorette actually helped me today." Sven frowned, crossing his legs. "Wow, I should be the one asking you that. I've practically ignored you the whole week! How are you doing? Have you had any symptoms?"
"Nope. Not one." Eve replied as-a-matter-of-factly. Sven raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Why not? Are you saying I had to suffer through all of this alone?"
"Yes. Oh, and by the way, I've never smoked a day in my life, and I never will."
"Wait… What are you saying?! I saw you with a cigarette outside a few days ago!"
"It was fake." Eve held up a lock of her hair. "I transformed a few strands of my hair into what looked like a cigarette, when in reality, it was nothing but a blonde mess." Sven stared at her, eyes wide with confusion. "HUH?"
"Don't you see, Sven? It was all a trick to get you to stop smoking." Tran snickered. "And from the way things are looking now, it worked. Your cravings are gone, and you're not having any symptoms! Don't you feel great?"
But Sven felt anything BUT great. He curled up into a ball, an eerie cloud of depression hovering over him. "You…Tricked me.. Into giving up…My favorite thing. I hate you all so much right now.."
"Hey, look at it this way!" Train cheerfully threw his hands up into the air. "Now you won't die of cancer!" Sven looked up and gave him the mother of all death stares. "Get. Out."
"Yeah… Not helping, Train." Eve tugged on his sleeve and pulled him into another room before he could make Sven any angrier. Still, Train's attitude hadn't been dampened in the slightest. "Oh, who cares if he's pissed! He'll get over it. For now, let's just be happy that we're living in a smoke-free home!"
"Yes." Eve replied. "Now, we just gotta see how long it'll last."
Under Eve an Train's careful supervision, Sven managed the relieve himself of his smoking habit. All was well a few months later.
That is, until he caught crabs and died.
Oh, if only quitting smoking was that easy. ;3 Writing this was so much fun~ I really enjoyed it! Feel free to review-I'd love to know what you think.