Author's Notes: Written for the "50 Shades of WTF?" challenge on writerverse on LiveJournal.

This is your time to sparkle like a vampire in the sun, to get your kink on, to dress up as a Mary Sue and to show the world just how weird and naughty you can be (or just weird, kink not required). This is crack!fic time! Cliches, Mary Sues, or any other trite trope you want to run with, run and be free.

Warnings: Bondange, whipping, domme!Luna, sub!Draco and a 50 Shades of Grey reference (the horror!)

Also – fittingly – for the prompt "pain" in 20_est_relships, also on LiveJournal.

600 words.


Letting Luna tie him up had, in retrospect, been a mistake.

Draco was lying spread-eagled and stark naked on their bed, his wrists and ankles bound to the bedposts and his face buried in the pillow, and Luna had gotten distracted from what she was supposed to be doing.

"Luna…" he groaned, twisting a little on the bed and glaring up at her through one eye. She had wandered over to the window and was looking out, idly rubbing the handle of the whip she had just been flogging Draco with against her breasts.

Luna was – at Draco's insistence – dressed in lacy black lingerie that Draco thought made her look unbelievably sexy, especially with her pale hair floating all around her and that big, doe-eyed smile on her face. She had been wonderfully willing to indulge him, dressing up in clothing that was most unusual for her and whipping him until he was raw, but he should have known that she'd end up taking more interest in whatever was out that window than in him.

"Yes, Draco?" she asked, not looking back at him.

"Would you mind…"

"I'm just watching the wrackspurts outside," she told him. "I won't be a minute – oh, look, they're doing a mating dance!"

"I can't look, and I wish we were doing the mating dance," Draco mumbled, but if Luna heard him, she didn't care, because she was transfixed by whatever she was looking at out the window. Draco squirmed a little, but she had tied him up tightly.


"Mm?" Luna twirled the whip between her fingers, humming idly and gazing out the window. Draco writhed impatiently.

"Dear God, Luna, hurry up!"

"Be patient, Draco," she said mildly, and if she had only been a little bit more teasing, it might have been erotic. As it was, Draco was left feeling uncomfortable and more than a little irritated as he waited for Luna to grow tired of watching the wrackspurts.

"All right," she said suddenly, making Draco – who had slumped down onto the bed and all but started to doze off – jump. "The wrackspurts are done now."

"Good," he said through gritted teeth, then let out a groan of protest when Luna set down the whip. "What are you doing? Aren't you going to whip me anymore?"

"Aren't you tired of that?" she asked, all concern. "Your back is all red."

"I don't care!"

"Don't be silly, Draco, it must hurt." She picked up her wand and flipped him over, then crawled between his legs with a bright smile. "Besides, whipping you isn't as much fun as doing this…"

Draco groaned as Luna leaned down and licked his cock, running her tongue slowly and deliberately along the underside, then taking the tip between her lips and moving her head up and down slightly, her tongue swirling around it.

Any arousal that had been lost while he was waiting for her to finish watching the wrackspurts returned immediately. Luna hummed quietly as she licked and sucked at him, and it took only moments before Draco's back arched and he filled Luna's mouth with his seed.

She pulled back, wiping her lips delicately and swallowing it down, and Draco groaned.

"God, Luna… we need to do this more often…"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it so," she said cheerfully, glancing in the mirror and checking her appearance.

"Would you mind unchaining me?"

"I will in a minute," Luna said, standing up and starting for the door. "I'll be right back to let you up, but first… I just have the oddest craving for a popsicle right now."