This was written for the Summer Ficathon, "It's a Lockhart-Garden Tradition" for the prompt: Four times that Kalinda wanted to kiss Alicia, and one that she did.
This is my first fic ever in english, and it wasn't correct for anyone after me... So don't be so hard on me, and I hope you'll enjoy it.
Reviews are more than welcome.
Disclaimer: I don't own any this characters, they are from CBS.
She hates concern, and everyone who makes like they concern for another one. That's bullshit. Or she thought that, until she met Alicia.
She cares about other people, about the cases, about their little stupid stories behind the money and the wins. She realize of it after the McKensy's case. She really wants to do justice. She didn't meet anyone like her before, so genuine, so naïve. The first time that she realize how pure she was… she just want to kiss her, to show her that everyone has an agenda behind what they do. Kalinda too, of course. Behind the tequilas, behind the support, there was guilt and an intention to clean up what she did to her.
But she didn't, and she didn't know why yet.
-I wish I would know you back then.
- We would hate each other.
Kalinda gave a skeptical look at her. She know that she couldn't hate Alicia, not then, not now.
After their celebration Kalinda went to the parking, but before she went with Alicia to get a cab. She was more concern about driving under alcohol ingest than Kalinda. When Alicia was already on the cab Kalinda knock on the window: Thank you…
Alicia looks as surprise as hell for those two words.
– I'm your lawyer you don't have to thank me… - but while she was saying those words she saw Kalinda's expression. For the first time in all the time they know each other, she knew she was being up front with her. She can't refuse it. – Your welcome.
Kalinda wanted to slap her, to say that she didn't have to be so good with her, with everyone. That they will hurt her, that she will hurt her. And, strangely, at the same time she want to kiss her for make her feel that way, that she can trust her more than she ever trust anyone.
But this wasn't the time, or place, so she just waves silently her when she was getting away with the cab.
She found Grace, she found her daughter, but she didn't show up. Now she has to face up to the consequences. She's asking why, why she didn't told her that she was the one who find her daughter.
-I didn't want mess… - she answers as a little girl who has been scolded by her mom.
This mess. She can barely look at her into the eyes. She looks so angry with her, so incomprehensive with everything she does. She didn't know what to say, she just want to run away from the car, or being locked there forever. She wants to talk with her, to make her understand. At the same time, she just want Alicia to slap her, to say something rude, to broke the ice wall she built around them.
But she just remains silence.
-You don't have to...- she said keeping the same tone.
-No, you didn't have to. –The coldness again- This is why I'm thanking you.
For a brief moment, she thought about kissing her. Show her how much it means to her. How much she would do for her. Just a little and cast kiss on her cheek to thank her…
Instead: Your welcome.
And the ice wall was still there, but the melt water starts.
-What's going on with your FBI friend? – Alicia says entering in Kalinda's office. With any answer from the P.I. – She's again trying to get something from us about Lemond Bishop.- she explain herself.
- I don't know about that. – Alicia looks desperate but Kalinda was calm about that, she had worst things to deal with right now.
-She's pushing me, trying to make me break the client-attorney privilege on some strange circumstances… - her hands were moving uncontrolled, as she did when she was nervous.
-What do you want me to do? Talk to her?
But Alicia doesn't seem happy about hearing that, or maybe it was just her reading the wrong thing here. But…
-No, I will deal with her. – she said abruptly. She started to leave Kalinda's office when she said:- she so no your type… - And Kalinda thought about Donna, and how wrong was she when she said those words to her.
Alicia was right about that, Kalinda know who was her type. And, right now, seeing a small trace of Alicia's jealousy she was willing to follow her and confess with a stupid and prosaic kiss that she was her type. But, as always, she just smiles at the possibility of that happening one day, not so far.
-Why did you never tell me?
-What? – Kalinda was totally out of her game. They have pass more than a year since they start again this whatever, and in all this time they never talk about what happened.
- Why did you never tell me? – she look at Kalinda, making her to stop looking at the tequila shot and be forthcoming with her.
-It isn't an easy conversation, you know? – she said, but Alicia's look still demanding for an answer.- Anyway, what did you want me to say? "Alicia, here you have the papers for the McQueen case, by the way I slept with your husband once" – she try the sarcastic way to get out of this dead end road.
Surprisingly, Alicia laughs at that. A truly, out loud, laugh. And it feels so good…
-I didn't mean that. – she has a nice smile now in her face, a confident one. And she looked at the tequila shot again. Kalinda was waiting for the rest of the sentence for a while, but it wasn't coming so she asked: "What did you mean then?"
-I mean…- she holds her breath for a while. Maybe it wasn't as good idea as she thought at the beginning, maybe it was better to leave things be the way they are, maybe it was good for both of them living in this grey area in which none of them was really truthful about what was there. – Nothing… - And she knew that Kalinda wasn't the type who will ask again. If she can skip an awkward conversation she will take the change without any doubt. And she did.
They both keep talking about work the rest of the night. Everything was normal. They just avoid this conversation once more. They went out of the bar, getting ready to stop a cab and share it to their homes. They were waiting in silence outside until Alicia broke that silence.
-I meant, why you didn't tell me about finding Grace? Or helping Zack with his summer job? Or about why did you betrayed Will and not me to Wendy Scott Car? Why did you try to cover my first year mistakes? Why did you told Diane to give me more free time when Zach was in troubles? Why did you refuse work for Eli when it regards to Peter's campaign? Why are you always there, even when I froze you out? And most important, why did you choose to stay when I told you that your husband called me? – she started in a lower tone, more as a confession than a reproach, but it ends with Alicia holding Kalinda's shoulders and almost screaming at her and shaking her.
Kalinda was frozen. She didn't though about all this things, all together. It's true that she did some things for Alicia, but she didn't have a count on them. And now, seeing all together she knows what Alicia was thinking, and what she meant.
-You were married, you are still married.
-Are you kidding me, right?
-Really, what did you want me to say? – it was late, the street was empty, but there were still some people on the bar who can see them, even heard them, and Kalinda don't want the drama scene there.
-What do you want to say to me?
They were both looking at each other, waiting for a revelation, something that could change everything. But Kalinda wasn't that type.
-Oh God! Are you really…?- Alicia start a reproach that will never had an end. Kalinda's lips were on hers.
At the beginning she thought that was Kalinda's way to make her shut up. Her lips were immobile on her own. But when they start to move sensually and slowly, she realizes that Kalinda was as much surprise as her for her actions. They were kissing tentatively for a while, until Kalinda broke the kiss.
-Do you get your answer? - she asks teasing Alicia
-Yes...- she was still recovering herself- thank you.
On the awkwardness of the moment a cab stops in front of them. Kalinda opened the door to Alicia, who slips into the back seat. Kalinda told to the taxi driver her address, when she was starting to say that he had to stop later on Alicia's place, she stops her.
-Just one stop- she said firmly to the driver. And then slip her hand to take Kalinda's hand on hers.