AN: Alrightie me hearties! This is The Tempest from Stephano's POV. Have fun reading about a drunken sailor kay? Kay. It's a one shot... just wanted to do it to be funny and to help me grasp my character a little better because I'm playing him right now.
I don't own Shakespeare and never will. Any quotes that are italicized are from the actual play, minus the first song Stephano sings.


It was your typical ship-wreck. That horrible cracking sound followed by sea-water running through your veins, washing away the taste of lovely alcohol. And then, I was dashed on the rocks. So stereotypical! Why couldn't it have been spectacular? It really should have been more amazing! I mean really, doesn't a storm have any respect for the world's best butler?

The only thing I could do was to grab on to my barrel of wine and a bottle. And when I woke up on the shores of this blasted island I smiled and raised the bottle of drink to my lips and I felt much better... despite being bloodied and my clothes all wet and mangled.. but whatever. I lay on the rocks and sand for a while, half looking around for my ship-mates, half looking at the sky and finding pictures in the clouds. I think I saw two bunny-rabbits, three toads, and one Trinculo. Or was it one Bosun... I don't know... Once my daydreaming spree had worn off, I decided to go looking around. I was obviously the only one who had survived the wreck, thanks to the lovely affects liquor has on the body.

There really wasn't a whole heck of a lot to look at on the island. It was pretty boring and par for the course. I sat down under a weird looking tree and began to sing a few songs I knew.
"I'll go no more a rovin, with you fair maid.
A roving, A roving, since roving's been my ru-i-in,
I'll go no more a roving, with you fair maid."
As I was singing I realized that my best friend, Trinculo, was missing. I hugged my bottle and started to sob. My best friend, my jester, my tiny partner-in-crime... gone.

I got up and started to walk along the tree-line of the land and started singing a song for Trinculo.
"I shall no more to sea, to sea, here shall I die ashore!" I had always thought that this was a strange sort of song to sing at someone's funeral, and Trinc had never liked it, so I decided to sing something he loved.

"The master, the swabber, the bosun and I. The gunner and his mate. Loved Mall, and Meg, and Marian, and Mergery, but none of us cared for Kate. For she had a tongue with a tang, would cry to a sailor, GO HANG, she loved not a savour of tar nor pitch. Yet a tailor might scratch here where 'ere she did itch. Then so sea boys, and let her go-" I was cut off by the fact that I had almost run over a monster. It started yelling at me not to torment it or hurt it, and I found that exceedingly funny. I decided that he was some monster of the island, and decided he could use some of my sack so he wouldn't be so scared, poor thing.
Just after giving him some drink, another voice called my name. It took me a moment to realize that I was in the presence of the Devil himself.
He said his name was Trinculo, and though I was thoroughly afraid, my wine spurred me on.
"If thou beest Trinculo, come forth. I'll pull thee by the lesser legs. If any be Trinculo's legs, these are they." I pulled on the ankle and out came a petite body. I stumbled back a bit when I realized, it was indeed my good friend. And he was undrowned.
The young man jumped into my arms and started gabbling about something I couldn't make out. I think I heard my name a thrown in a few times, but I couldn't really tell.
Before I could do anything about it, I was being twirled around by my friend. Being as drunk as I was, I held my fist up and threatened Trinculo, but soon started hugging my friend. That is until the monster came toward me. It started to praise my drink, and to praise me along with it. Not being used to these kind of compliments, I took them in stride and made them swear on my bottle that they would do all they said they would for me.
As they were laying on the promises, I had the best idea anyone had ever had in the history of ideas.
"Trinculo," I began "the king... and all out company else being... drowned... WE... shall inherit here. Here... bear my bottle."

Trinc and I watched as the monster danced his dance of freedom. I felt so powerful... I could do anything! I was a king to this abominable thing!