This is a sequel to An Uncanny Likeness and was inspired by Emerald Gaze who left a review that contained this very inspiring sentence: "And there can even be a whole avengers set and all the avengers get a free prototype!"
I agreed, and, within eight hours, had this sucker first-drafted. WHOOO! Love when my writer's block gets broken!
Author's Notes and Disclaimer: So...I have resurrected Coulson because he cannot be dead and have suspended my feelings about how incredibly tacky a play set like this would be, because people died; New York was whupped; Tony's armor got all scratched up and he called Pepper when he thought he was dying and she didn't answer and he was all sad face about it. So...no, Mattel would NOT make this toy if The Avengers were real- but this is fanfic and humor and I can make Mattel do what I want.
Even though I don't own ANY OF IT!
Also, I have no idea what the things the aliens were riding were actually called, but I found the phrase jet board on Amazon and liked it. Please let me know what they were really called. Thank you!
Cheerfully unbetaed (because my beta needs a break) – please let me know if you see anything egregious!
~*~Super Deluxe by outtabreath~*~
It's her own fault, really. She allowed the box into the house. Put it in the workshop without questioning its contents.
Her fault that she has to witness three men in their forties - an efficient and ruthless government agent with a love of the Pacific Northwest and cello music; a decorated Air Force Colonel who loves pizza and Beyonce and is her anchor against Tsunami Tony; and a gorgeous and sexy part-time super hero and full-time pain in her ass - playing with a child's toy in the middle of a work day when they should be doing other things. Things Pepper Potts needs them - and by them she totally means Tony Stark - to do.
"It's the Avengers Super Deluxe Action Set," Rhodey says – the first of the trio to acknowledge her baleful gaze. He doesn't bother to look at her though, his focus is fixed on…the box says Battle Action but, to Pepper, it looks like a grown man shooting foam darts out of the top of a columnar building meant to be The Avengers Top-Secret Base (Never Before Seen By Civilians).
"Play set," Pepper points out, her finger jabbing the box.
"For ages eight and up," Tony grins, zooming an...oh God, Battle Action Loki around on a jet board.
"How did Director Fury let this get produced?" she demands, looking at the little Clint figure (Complete with Quiver and Bows).
"Purposeful misdirection," Phil replies, releasing Cap's shield at Loki.
"Hey!" Tony protests when the shield hits his toy with deadly accuracy.
"Bad guy," Phil says grimly, pointing at Loki. "Tried to kill me. With a scepter."
There is a moment of uncomfortable almost silence- almost silence because Tony Stark can never really stop talking (she's grown used to a running commentary while she's brushing her teeth, during sex, while he's asleep) and he has to grumble, "Did kill you with a scepter according to the One-Eyed Lying Liar. Which is why Nicky isn't invited to play with us."
"Worked didn't it?" Phil asks, perking up. "Besides, just like before, Steve has avenged me!" Phil proceeds to toss the Loki figure over his shoulder.
"Hey! We all avenged you," Tony grouses, grabbing up the Iron Man figure.
Pepper sighs, her attention drawn inexorably to the little Thor figure. She wonders if a child's toy should be quite so...defined.
"Potts, check out the launching action." Tony sticks his tiny other self onto the launching pad. There is a moment of silence as the figure flies up in a streak of red and gold before Tony gives it a ringing endorsement: "That's cool! Really cool!"
"Hawkeye can do it, too," Rhodey grins, sending poor Clint's doppelganger up into the air; Tony adroitly hits it with his Iron Man figure and sends it skidding towards Dummy who wheels back in panic.
"Legolas can't fly without me!" Tony proclaims, re-launching his figure.
Rhodey scowls at him momentarily before grabbing up one of the Bonus Alien Invaders (With Jet Boards) figures and launching an attack with the mini-plastic missiles. Tony pulls his figure out of the line of fire and retreats to the Top-Secret Base.
Coulson is swinging his Cap figure wildly, grinning widely. "Do you see the detail of his suit?" he demands, even though all Pepper can see is a blur of red, white and blue. "I was a consultant!"
"Fanboy," Tony fake-coughs, even though he's smiling.
"How long are you planning on doing this?" Pepper finally asks as Cap and Iron Man launch a counter attack on Alien #1 (Aliens #2 through 8 - Mattel had really put the super in Super Deluxe - are laying forlornly on the table next to The Hulk - Now With More Smash!).
"Until it's not fun anymore," Rhodey answers, grabbing up another alien figure.
"Or until something good's on TV." Tony pauses. "When is my E! True Hollywood Story on?"
"Next week," Pepper says through gritted teeth.
"Then, then," Tony says, grabbing up a mini-Natasha (with Amazing Karate Chop and Kick Action).
"Boots with heels?" Pepper says disdainfully. "How is she supposed to fight in those?"
The men...boys...exchange impish grins. "Very well," Tony smiles before winking at Pepper, "The same way you walk and run and do…other things very well in your heels."
Pepper flushes her way through Phil's wince and Rhodey's cries of "TMI." Then she sees it: a heeled foot poking out of one of the Many Working Doors on the Top-Secret Base. She glances at the mini-Natasha (now flipping her way from the top of the tower and onto Alien #2) and does the math in her head. She does not like the solution.
She has the figure in her hand before Tony can stop her.
It's her; another little her; this one dressed in a navy suit and holding a BlackBerry in its tiny hand. She has the bad soccer mom hair she had the day of the first Senate hearing (just what she deserved for getting her hair done where politiciansdid) and tiny Louboutins, complete with a flirty heel and red sole.
At least they got her...dimensions right this time. They must have used the extra plastic for Thor's muscles.
"Why?" she says, very proud that her voice is nice and steady and does not belay the visions of lawsuits running through her head. "How? We stopped production on the Pepper Potts figure."
Tony is shiftiness personified but Pepper's Glare (Now with More Tony Stark Subduing Power) wears him down. "Production was stopped on PA Potts - we had to have CEO Potts!"
"Why?" she asks helplessly, waving the plastic Pepper. "Why?"
"Because Iron Man needs his sidekick," Phil replies.
Tony's "better half" competes in volume with Rhodey's "I'm his sidekick."
"Look at her," Tony says soothingly, abandoning his toys to move next to Pepper. Warily. As if she is going to use her Karate Chop and Kick Action on him (she has not ruled it out). He gently takes the doll from her lax hand. "I made sure she was an accurate depiction of you."
"She has horrible hair!" she says, even though it's the least of her problems currently.
Tony ignores her. "She's classy and gorgeous." He begins to stroke doll's chest. "And there's not a Bratz doll in sight..."
"Stop molesting my action figure," Pepper yelps, removing her mini-me from Tony's lascivious fingers.
"Coulson's allowed to do it to Cap's doll."
Three heads swivel to regard Phil who is slowly turning Iron Man red. "I admire the figure - I do not molest it," he protests; Pepper does notice that he is clutching it a little too tightly. But she'll deal with that later.
Pepper blinks and swings her stare right back to her...other half. "Don't try to change the subject. Why is there a Pepper Potts doll with any initials before her name in this play set?"
"Super Deluxe Play set," Rhodey adds helpfully, his grin fading when Pepper glares at him. Hard. He shifts in his chair and scoops up the Hulk and pushes the button embedded in his back.
"Hulk Smash" pretty much sums up what Pepper wants to do at the moment.
"Iron Man can't be without his Pepper," Tony says quickly. "Tony Starkcan't. In any form. Plastic or mainly flesh." He taps the RT ruefully, pulling his very b est wry, self-deprecating expression (now with more Pepper Potts Panty-Melting Action).
"And Mattel wanted another female figure, but no one knows Maria Hill," Phil adds, smirking.
"Shut it, James Bond!" Tony yelps as Pepper shakes off the Panty-Melting Action and starts to ramp up her own Tony Stark Subduing Power.
"Shouldn't have said that about me and my Cap figure," he rejoins.
"Not the point," Pepper points out, pulling Tony's focus back to the matter at hand - the tiny, plastic, well-dressed matter at hand.
"Pep, don't you like it," he wheedles, "a little you and a little me hanging out forever?"
Pepper stares evenly at Tony, mind whirring momentarily before it settles on A Plan of Infinite Wisdom. She sighs and looks at the figure in Tony's hand. "I can't do anything about this, can I?" she asks, using her very best resigned tone.
Tony shakes his head slowly, trying very hard to maintain a supportive mien. He can't pull it off.
"Teenage boys everywhere are going to make my action figure kiss Natasha's aren't they?"
Tony perks up immediately, a wicked gleam – one she is growing very used to – shining in his luminous eyes. "I never thought of that!"
Rhodey is looking at the Natasha figure thoughtfully; Phil is clutching his Cap figure tightly, his face its usual implacable mask.
They are all so easy sometimes.
"Little Pepper is going to be battling Loki and the alien hoards, isn't she?" she continues, cradling her little self gently.
"In heels!" Rhodey grins. He hasn't quite cottoned onto Pepper's Plan. He will. He always does.
"Yeah," Tony smiles, encouraged by her apparent concession. "Because Pepper in any incarnation kicks ass and looks amazing doing it."
Pepper grants him a smile before moving in for the kill. "And then, of course, there will be the ménage a troises and ménage a fours..."
"The plural is ménages a troi and it's quatre, not four," Phil corrects, then blushes, re-fixing his eyes on Captain America.
There is a moment of stunned silence in which Pepper wonders more than a little about that cellist in Seattle. Finally, she's able to pull her eyes away from Phil and refasten them on Tony. He is staring at her, his eyes narrowed and flicking between the figure in her hand and her face; the light in them has gone from delighted to fulminating.
"Pepper and Thor and Clint…."
Tony's fingers clench.
"And the Hulk and Steve…."
Phil makes a low sound behind her. "I don't think that was what the manufacturer intended!"
Pepper gives him her very best world-weary gaze. "But we know that's what happens," she sighs, putting just the right vibrato in her voice. She turns back to Tony.
"That first thing you said was kind of hot - I'm not a fan of the other things," Tony says, gazing pensively at the four inches of plastic in Pepper's hand.
"Nothing we can do about it," Pepper says briskly. "Well, I'll leave you boys to your playtime. I've got a company to run."
Tony is frowning stormily. Pepper begins to count in her head. At five, he nods sharply. "I think I need to make a call."
She tips her head and smiles at him. "You're finally going to return Bill Gates' call?"
"No," he replies, striding to the door. "It's an important call."
Pepper watches his ass as he climbs the stares - it truly is a thing of beauty - before turning back to Phil and Rhodey.
Rhodey is grinning immoderately - he's been around long enough to both know what just happened and not be impressed with it at all. Phil, however, is gazing at Pepper in abject admiration. "I think you're kind of a super-hero, Miss Potts," he breathes.
"Got the action figure to prove it," she grins in return, her hand clutching tightly around the plastic. She heads to the stairs, too. She really does have work to do. And she wouldn't mind a little playtime with Tony while the other boys are busy with the toys.
She thinks she'll keep the CEO Potts figure. The hair may be horrendous, but the shoes and the suit are adorable.