OK, so here's a bad girls short story iI wrote while I was at school. I literally wrote in in school in a Maths lesson. This was on Tuesday 10th May 2011. Woo! It's a sort of parody, repeated ideas from Bad Girls episodes. Nonsensical things that wouldn't happen, and an anachronism of character. When I wrote this, I didn't think up of a title, so I just made it up right now.

Natalie Buxton was in bed, getting off over indecent photos of little young Russian girls on her phone.

"Haha," she told Miranda. "I remember this girl. She was the one who started to service lesbians at the age of 12."

"Piss on yourself," Miranda said. But Natalie was sleeping, and while she did, Miranda took her knickers off and pissed all over Natalie's flowery bedcovers.


Shell Dockley finished setting fire to Nikki's bed and went to her bitch, Denny. "Denny, can you get some drugs off Buki?"

"No, get it yourself, I'm going to play lesbian rape-chase with Shaz."

"Shaz is dead you divving twat!"

Denny grabbed a sleek knife from the canteen and held Shell's throat. "Don't you EVER talk about her like that. She's alive to me."

Officer Hollamby saw this and she wobbled over to Denny. "You're going down the bloc, Missy."

Denny raised the knife and slashed Hollamby's tits. "OW!"


The Julies were in the process of murdering young Rénee. They grabbed some nuts and grinded them to powder. At that moment, rénee came in.

"Oi, you two prozzies. Have you got any crack?"

The Julies said, "Yeah we do but we're not giving it to you."

Rénee saw them carrying a small transparent packet containing nut powder. "Gimme that!" Rénee took it and left the room. She saw Crystal. "Oi, jungle beads, piss off back to the forest."

So Crystal monkeyed her way out of Larkhall and disappeared to the Sydenham Hill woods.

Rénee opened her nose and snorted the nut powder. It zoomed up there. Then her eyes opened wide and she ran screaming until she bumped into Virginia O'Kane and knocked her off her wheelchair. Rénee gasped as she fell to the floor and died.


The police inspected Rénee's murder. They went to Natalie Buxton's room and saw the wet patch.

"Not another bed wetter," said Jim. "First Purvis, now Buxton."

Buxton got up and saw that her bed was flooded. "Aaaaah! Someone pissed on me!"

Darlene came in and said "Me say that's what you get, nonce!"

Natalie got up to grab Darlene's tits, but instead she wiped piss on Darlene's shirt.

"Right!" Darlene said as she flung Natalie's head on the window. Crack! Went Natalie's skull as she died.

Pat came in and said "Hey I was meant to kill her."


The Julies went to Frances Myers.

"It was us…"

"who killed Rénee…"

"Williams, cos we…"

"had some nut powder…"

"and she thought that…"

"it was crack…"

"so she took…"

"it and since…"

"she's allergic…"

"to nuts she died."

Julie Dawson said "That slag."

Frances said, "Right, you two have 30 months added to your sentence," so the Julies went back to their room.

They got some vodka from Bev and they drunk so much that they got drunk. They ended up killing everyone on D wing, except for Gina, who slapped them.


Meanwhile, Darlene ended up with a life sentence for killing Natalie Buxton.