A crackfic about poor Matsu discovering LxLight. Contains OOC Aizawa. I do not own Death Note in any way.
A Shocking Discovery
It was getting late. Touta Matsuda rested his head on his hand and stifled a yawn. The others had all gone off to their rooms to get some sleep and left him to work the nightshift with Aizawa. Again.
He felt his eyelids beginning to droop. The enormous bank of computer screens and CCTV monitors in front of him had blurred into one meaningless white square, full of useless information that he couldn't comprehend in his exhausted, caffeine-deprived state.
"You alright there, Matsuda?" Aizawa asked. "You look like you're about to drop dead."
Matsuda rubbed his eyes. "I feel like it, too. How do you do this so often, Aizawa?"
"Nightshifts? Matsuda, I have two young kids."
The younger detective didn't see how this was relevant, but he got the feeling he was supposed to deduce something from Aizawa's statement. "And...?" he prompted, giving the other man a questioning glance.
Aizawa facedesked. "You idiot, how did you ever become a detective?" he groaned at the table. "Matsuda, it's a general rule that kids under ten months will never sleep through the night. I have to get up every night!"
"Every night?" Matsuda had never considered the possibility of ever becoming a father, and now he didn't want to.
He turned back to the computer screen. If only there was some way to find out the truth about Kira without all this work! L still seemed pretty sure that Light was the man they were looking for, but...
An idea suddenly popped into Matsuda's head. This was a rare occurrence, and Matsuda grinned to himself. Why had he never done this before? Barely able to contain his excitement, he opened Google Chrome and went straight to the Bing homepage. He clicked on the search bar and typed, "is Light Yagami Kira," before sitting back and waiting for the results to load.
The first few links were predictably useless—mainly tabloid headlines, like "Kira and L—one and the same?" He scrolled down the page before something caught his eye. It was the same headline, but there was a typo in the last word, which now read "seme". Matsuda rolled his eyes. Typical tabloid.
He paused just as he was about to move to the next page. Seme—he'd heard that word before somewhere, but he couldn't remember where he'd heard it or even the context.
"Aizawa," he said, turning to the afro-haired man next to him, "what's a seme?"
Aizawa raised an eyebrow and shook his head. Damn, he thought. The kid's more naive than I thought. "Whatever you do," he said aloud, "don't Google it."
Matsuda looked back to the computer screen, his cursor hovering over the link. That was not an encouraging response. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad, he reasoned. Ide made me watch "The Human Centipede" once, and nothing can be worse than that. He shuddered at the memories of that film and clicked on the link.
It took him to a webpage with a blue banner along the top, the words " —unleash your imagination" written in white. He scanned the huge block of text in front of him. Had he bothered to read the summary box, he would have seen the sentence "WARNING LxLIGHT EPIC YAOI" written in capitals.
As the young man read, his face shifted through a colourful array of expressions. First, there was confusion. Then, as he read on, his cheeks started to flush as he realised what was happening. Surely they're not going to—No way. Oh God. Oh my God. Matsuda felt his innocence draining away like water down a plughole. Oddly enough, despite the pure horror he was feeling, he found it impossible to tear his eyes away, however much he wanted to.
Unfortunately, Matsuda had not yet reached the climax of the fanfiction, pun intended. When he finally read it, he couldn't take it anymore and flung himself into Aizawa's arms.
"Aizawa! Aizawa, I—" he cut himself off, burying his head in Aizawa's chest and shaking uncontrollably.
"What the hell? Get off! What's wrong with you?" Aizawa yelled, trying and failing to prise Matsuda's arms from around his neck.
"It was horrible, horrible!" Matsuda sobbed.
"What was horrible?"
"Fanfiction!" he wailed.
Aizawa, to his everlasting regret, glanced at Matsuda's monitor. One word caught his eye. Yaoi.
Matsuda felt something hard yet fuzzy collide with his face, making stars dance in front of his eyes. He felt himself hit the floor with a thud, and looked up to see Aizawa sitting with his knee firmly between Matsuda's ribs.
"What the hell, did you just headbutt me?" Matsuda hissed between teeth clenched with pain.
"No, my afro bitchslapped you!" Aizawa screamed. "Don't you ever mention that word again, ever! Do you know what our fans write about us?" He locked his hands around Matsuda's throat and began strangling him Homer Simpson-style.
"What—gag!—word?" Matsuda choked.
"But you just said it!"
Aizawa stopped mid-strangle. Matsuda took the opportunity to throw the older man off his chest, somehow snagging Aizawa's shirt and ripping it open in the process.
"Ha! Who's the idiot now?" Matsuda crowed, pinning Aizawa's arms to the floor with his knees. "Alright, now I get my revenge!" he grinned.
"Oh crap," Aizawa grunted.
"Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack," Matsuda sang happily, striking Aizawa's face with each word.
"You are an ass."
"Smack, smack, smack, smack—"
"Matsuda? You're the seme?"
Both men froze and looked up at the blonde woman standing in the doorway.
"Crap," Matsuda whispered, suddenly realising what it looked like they were doing. "It's not what it looks like, Misa-Misa, I swear!" he cried, scrambling to his feet.
Aizawa jumped up, frantically wrapping his ruined shirt around himself to try and preserve some dignity. "Yeah, whatever it looks like we're doing, we're not doing it."
"Don't worry, you don't have to explain to me!" Misa exclaimed. "I couldn't sleep, so I came down here to see if anyone was up. Then I heard you two fighting, at least that's what I thought you were doing—"
"That's what we were doing—"
"But Matsu, I never knew you had it in you!"
Matsuda blushed again. "I'm not gay, I swear," he whispered, but Misa didn't seem to hear him.
"Mr. Aizawa, why are you looking at me like that?"
Matsuda turned to look at his colleague, who was staring at Misa with an uncharacteristically mischievous glint in his eye. "Misa," he said quietly, "have you ever read fanfiction?"
A/N: I'm not sure why but I really din't like this fic, so I'll probably replace it soon. Something about it just doesn't feel right. Anyway, anyone who got the Hetalia reference gets a cookie :3 This was partially inspired by a Youtube video called "L Shows a Video to Aizawa and Matsuda", which you should really check out because it's so funny. Bye!