Celebrity Jeopardy: DC Edition
Disclaimer: I do not own the Celebrity Jeopardy SNL skits, nor do I own DC comics and it's characters.
The Jeopardy theme song plays. Alex Trebek is now standing between three of the best superheroes known to man. It's finally game time, not noticing that the show had came back from the break.
"Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. For those of you watching, this show has been brought to you by the people who fake bowel movements. We know that's you, Canada." Alex Trebek fumed right at the camera, "Let's now look at the board. In first place with -1,000 points is Green Lantern... which is flipping me off right now."
Trebek had now took his focus on a Green Lantern in which he created a huge green middle finger lightning from his lantern-lit ring.
"That's right, Trebek! You know ya love the bird!" Green Lantern smirked at him sarcastingly.
"No I don't, Mr. Lantern..." Trebek groaned deathly, "In second place with -6,000 points is Huntress."
"Kiss my ass, Trebek." Huntress spoke lashing out at Alex Trebek.
"Wow... you sure have a mouth on you, young lady..." Trebek said looking a little disturbed.
"Yeah, just like the mouth you'll be using to kiss my ass later.", Huntress said to Trebek with a wink.
"No thank you, I like my lips chapped as it is..." Trebek said groaning as he now focused on the last contestant, "And finally in last place with $20 is Nightwing. "
"That's right. All the ladies came to get a piece of Nightwing. That's right! This body is ready for action!" Nightwing said as he winked to the hot attractive ladies in the audience.
"20 bucks... okay, that wasn't even your score!" Trebek shot at Nightwing just fuming.
"I'm sorry, 20 was how many times me and Huntress did it in your car when you came here!" Nightwing teased at Trebek like a hyena went hyper after 20 cups on coffee.
"Thanks a lot, Nightwing. Now I may never drive my car again..." Trebek said scowling at Nightwing who still chuckled, "It's now time for Double Jeopardy, let's take a look at the board. The categories are 'Potent Potables', 'Types of Boots', 'Animals', 'Connect The Dots', 'Name this Transformer', and 'Toast'. Choose that category and you automatically get Toast. Green Lantern, well start with you."
Green Lantern didn't pay attention. Instead, he was drawing something on the podium. Trebek noticed right on the spot.
"Green Lantern, what in the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be picking a category, not doodling!" Trebek exclaimed angrily.
Green Lantern then held up the picture for the world to see. Trebek squinted his eyes and noticed it right off the bat.
"Oh, great. It's a pickle dressed up like me..." Trebek spoke lowly.
"Yep, and that mustache came from my pubic hair!" Green Lantern exclaimed as his statement made Trebek cringe from the face.
"Okay, I don't need to know about that..." Trebek spoke like he was gonna upchuck from the mouth thinking about that thought, "Okay Huntress, you choose a category!"
Huntress didn't respond. Instead, she ends up flipping Trebek off as a response to her choosing a category.
"Okay, then... we'll just skip to you, Nightwing." Trebek told Nightwing carefully, "You choose a category."
"Alright, I'll choose 'Name this Transgender' for 400." Nightwing smirked at Trebek.
Alex Trebek suddenly turned around to see the word "Transgender" taped over the word Transgender' through duck tape and some magic marker.
"Nightwing, the category's called 'Name This Transformer', not 'Name This Transgender'! Are you a sick pervert?" Trebek said in anger.
"It's Name This Transgender! Get your glasses on, ya Canadian Gonch!" Nightwing said, teasing Trebek once again.
"Let's just go Animals for $200 instead..." Trebek groaned as he went on with the question, "This is the sound that cats make."
Nightwing then buzzes in.
"Nightwing?" Trebek asked him.
"Moooooooo!" Nightwing answered.
"No, that's wrong." Trebek replied.
"Well, that's the sound your mother made last night! POW!" Nightwing teased him with a smirk.
"Okay, that was really low, Mr. Nightwing..." Trebek scowled angrily at the latex-molded vigilante before Huntress decided to give it a try by buzzing in, "Huntress?"
"Yeah, what is a... gorilla?" Huntress answered as Trebek sighed.
"Not even close..." Trebek groaned as Green Lantern buzzed in, "Mr. Lantern?"
However, Green Lantern wasn't even paying attention to Trebek, but instead was writing something on the podium.
"Mr. Lantern, what are you writing now?" Trebek spoke at him just fuming from the mind.
"I wrote a duck pooping on a bird bath! Woof woof!" Green Lantern replied happily as he showed Trebek the drawing of a poorly-drawn duck taking a horse crap on the pond that the birds were swimming in.
"Very nice of you, Mr. Lantern..." Trebek groaned in agony, "The answer was 'meow'. Nightwing, since you're not a poorly drawn gonch like Green Lantern here, you start."
"Nice! I'll take Types of Boobs for $400, please!" Nightwing exclaimed as Trebek turned back once again.
His eyes were pointing to the Types of Boots sign which had the letter B under the right corner of the T. It was a poorly drawn B. At least it spelled 'boobs' correctly.
"The magic marker again?" Trebek scowled at him once again.
"I didn't do that, Trebek. Don't go pointing the finger at me!" Nightwing defended himself personally.
"Give me the magic marker now, Nightwing." Trebek gestured at Nightwing to hand over the magic marker to him as possible.
"I didn't do it, Trebek. Honestly! It just spelled 'boobs' all by itself, an act of God!" Nightwing said in accusation as the magic marker rolled behind his leg, therefore kicking away the evidence.
"I'm watching you." Trebek pointed at him like a hawk staring at his prey, "'Types of Boots' for $400."
As Trebek was about to go to the question, Nightwing immediately buzzed in.
"What is Huntress?" Nightwing answered, trying to take a guess.
"Mr. Nightwing, you haven't let me ask the question yet..." Trebek spoke lowly as Huntress buzzed in suddenly as well. "What is it, Huntress?"
"What is my boobs? They're bouncy!" Huntress exclaimed trying to take a guess as well.
"We're not doing 'Types of Boobs'!" Trebek shouted just fuming from the mind again as Green Lantern buzzed in suddenly just like Huntress and Nightwing did, "WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT NOW, GREEN LANTERN?"
Trebek then looked at Green Lantern who was still busy writing on his podium like a nutbag meets Gumby. As soon as he finished drawing, he showed him the picture.
"I drew a butt! PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT!" Green Lantern said as he raspberried right to Trebek's face, in result that it sounded like someone crapping prematurely. In response, Alex Trebek cleaned all of the Lantern's ratty spit with a cloth. It felt real messy.
"How nice of you, Mr. Lantern..." Trebek groaned angrily right at him, "You know what, let's just forget the question and answer and go right to Final Jeopardy! The category is..."
Trebek then saw the rest of the contestants who were anticipating to hear the question.
"You know what? The hell with this." Trebek said as he ripped the note cards, "Just write a superhero. Just write the name or draw a picture of any superhero and you all win. Do it quickly so I can lock myself in a basement and cry."
Both Green Lantern, Huntress, and Nightwing both took their pens and wrote on their podiums as the Final Jeopardy theme song played on.
"You can not seriously get this wrong. If you want to draw Superman, draw Superman. If you want to draw Batman, then draw Batman. Or if you want to draw yourself, that's fine with me. Just write down any superhero." Trebek spoke on as the contestants drew all their answers real nicely.
The Final Jeopardy theme song finally concluded as the superheroes finally put their pens down. Trebek then approaches them one-by-one.
"Well, let's hope one of you didn't mess it up. Let's go to Green Lantern. He looks rather pleased of himself. Let's see what he wrote down..." Trebek said as he looked at Lantern's podium.
Green Lantern's wager happened to be a poorly drawn picture of a foot.
"You drew a foot..." Trebek said just being speechless, "Which kind of foot did you draw?"
"Um..." Green lantern said as he put his thinking cap on. "I don't remember."
"Okay. Well, that's wrong apparently. let's see what you wagered." Trebek said as he looked at Green Lantern's wager, which just happened to be a question mark. "You happened to wager a question mark. What a first for you."
"Yep! The rest of my money I lost is now being shoved up the butt. Wanna see?" Green lantern smirked at Trebek as he turned around and bent over. Luckily for Trebek, he managed to back away at the uncomfortable image.
"I rather not. We have kids watching the program..." Trebek said being grossed out. He then went right to Huntress, "Well, Huntress. You look pretty confident."
"F**k off, splatstache..." Huntress cussed at Trebek harshly as she turned around and gazed at Nightwing passionately for some apparent reason.
"Yes, well. Let's see what you wrote." Trebek replied as he looked at Huntress's answer, which just happens to be the letter I. "I. Well, 'I' must mean you, which means you are a superhero, so in terms, you are correct! Excellent work, Huntress! Let's see what you wagered."
Huntress wager revealed to be 'love butts' which her whole podium said, 'I love butts'.
"I love butts..." Trebek bluntly said as he noticed Huntress staring at Nightwing's tight leather butt, "Yeah, I can see why you wrote that. How family friendly of you, Huntress..."
"Knock it off, tiny. I'm enjoying the show..." Huntress spoke in such a hypnotized manner as Nightwing's butt seemed to draw Huntress like a magnet.
"Fair enough. Let's go to Nightwing. He looks rather pleased of himself." Trebek spoke with a depressed sigh.
"Why shouldn't I be? I got the most rocking-est butt I got! Ain't that right, ladies?" Nightwing boasted off as he sent his hand to ear so they could the ladies scream for him. And in fact, they did. Even one of the female audience members handed him a lacy thong which was tossed and caught by Nightwing's hand.
"Yes, well... let's see what Nightwing wrote." Trebek said as he looked at Nightwing's answer.
Nightwing seemed to wrote himself holding Huntress caressingly from behind, but they were rather half naked. This looked more like a drawing or a picture other than a clue.
"Wha?" Alex Trebek looked on as he felt stunned for some reason, "I think I know where this is going. Let me just see here... yeah, yeah, it's a picture of you and Huntress having hot sex in my car. How terrific of you..." Trebek now felt dissatisfied as Huntress let out a sinful giggle at Nightwing.
"Come on, Trebek. Let the people see my work!" Nightwing smiled at him devilishly.
"No, we're not gonna do that, okay?" Trebek responded angrily at Nightwing and then to the camera, "That's all for Celebrity Jeopardy, I'm going home and taking a dump. Goodbye."
And then Alex Trebek left the studio angrily and fuming with Nightwing on his tail as the show closed out for the night.
Wow, a DC version of SNL-styled Celebrity Jeopardy? Such an awesome idea!
Next up will be Green Arrow, Black Canary and Nightwing once again! Boy, is this gonna be something else! Read and review if you can! Woo woo woo, you know it!
P.S.: Nightwing will be this fic's counterpart of Sean Connery.