Attention this is a collab fiction with infinitevertigo :)
Authors: infinitevertigo (Izaya) and Simplyfx (Shizuo)
Title: All or Nothing
Pairing: Shizuo x Izaya
Summary: Shizuo and Izaya get invited by Shinra in a bar, unaware of each other's presence at first. Things get complicated after a sudden revelation that leaves Shizuo speechless as the latter starts to act rather weird toward his archenemy. Obviously knowing about Izaya's sexuality isn't exactly what Shizuo has been expected to find out.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the DRRR characters!
Warning: THIS STORY CONTAINS YAOI MEANING MALExMALE RELATIONSHIP.
Shizuo didn't seem to care at all about the people that were gathering to look at the show, amused, and he continued to strip, showing his toned chest, which sight was followed by a howl from the little crowd; Izaya had to facepalm.
But when Shizuo started to put on another shirt, much to the crowd's discontent (that at this point started to flow again), Izaya rolled his eyes, recognizing it was the shirt he had bought for him three months ago. How was it even possible that Shizuo still had it? What was he trying to tell him? Why was everything so confusing, difficult? What's the meaning of this, Shizuo? Izaya thought, not able to ask the blonde directly.
Shizuo wasn't good with words, he never was, words were Izaya's specialty after all. What he did just now was his highest attempt to tell Izaya that he loved him, that he wanted to be with him; he had hoped in his heart that the informant would understand his actions, but when he saw him resuming his own steps and leaving, Shizuo faltered.
"Sunshine 60, tomorrow 6pm, I'll be waiting for you Izaya, I'll be waiting no matter what," He shouted with all of his will, maybe that one might have been his last chance after all.
Izaya stopped once again, trembling a bit at Shizuo's words…but he didn't turn around, instead he only smirked slightly when an old lady, who had assisted at the entire scene, spoke to him with interest.
"I wouldn't let such an occasion slip if I were you," the woman giggled and Izaya sprinted off without throwing a last glance towards Shizuo.
Shizuo was now left alone. All he could do was wait, wait for his tomorrow, he had done everything he could, right? or—
"Good luck, kid!" the old woman said sweetly as she walked away.
Yeah, good luck … Shizuo really needed it at this point.
He recomposed himself, a light smile playing on the corners of his lips, as his heartbeat fluttered slightly.
"All or nothing, Izaya, all or nothing," he whispered to himself before heading home.
Izaya's eyes were narrowed as he trudged back to his apartment, brow set in a scowl and hands deep in his pockets, only removed to throw open the door and press the buttons on the elevator. He was lost in his own mind, a vortex of emotions flurrying around. He thought he had gotten over Shizuo, that he was getting better; he was beginning to be able to walk past bars without thinking of him, see cigarettes smelling of him, look at blondes without seeing Shizuo.
But now this?
He couldn't go back to him; after all, he gave him a choice. Shizuo made his. And Izaya made his. He couldn't just come back for a second chance, that wasn't how it worked; he made his choice and he clearly didn't want him. How dare he come back now?
He pushed the thoughts out of his mind when he got back, throwing the door open. The only good thing that had happened that day would be that Shiki was gone, he thought as his red eyes scanned around the apartment, seeing only Namie. But just to make sure he had to ask.
"Where did Shiki go?"
"Had some business," she answered and he relaxed, relieved that the man wasn't in his bathroom or something. She looked up and frowned when she saw Izaya physically relax, shoulders slouched and a hand brought up to cover half his face. "Izaya, are you all right?"
"...Fine," he answered after a hesitant pause, straightening himself and plastering a smile that she could tell was tired, "You can go home."
"...What?" she asked, eyes widening in surprise, "I-"
"You'll be paid for the rest of the hours you were supposed to work," he stepped aside, using his foot to keep the door open and shrugged, "I have no need for you the rest of today."
She gave him a suspicious look but shrugged it off and picked up her bag, heading towards the door. After all, she didn't really care about him, just would rather have him alive so she would have a job.
The Orihara closed the door after her and let out a sigh, suddenly remembering that his groceries had been dropped back in the alleyway and scowled, realizing he wouldn't have anything to eat for dinner that night because he had stocked up on some food too along with tea.
The rest of the evening went by in a haze for him, mind only cleared when he was in bed. He vaguely remembered ordering take out because he couldn't find the energy to go out once again. The smell of the Chinse still pervaded his apartment and so he had opened the windows only to close them moments later because he caught a whiff of smoke. How dare he come back?, Izaya couldn't help but think as he tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall asleep. The audacity of him to just come back, to give him the same ultimatum that he offered him; he couldn't believe Shizuo would actually do that. He made his choice, why couldn't he keep by it?
But at the same time, no matter how badly he wanted to just push the thought, the very idea out of his mind, he couldn't because, although he didn't want to admit it, he wanted to go. He wanted to make his own decision, wanted to be with him, wanted another chance; he missed chasing Shizuo, he missed hating him the way he used to.
He didn't want to forgive him, to go back; he wanted Shizuo to suffer just as he had but he couldn't do that.
He had control of both his and Shizuo's futures and didn't want it. He didn't want that choice, the burden; he had the power to change things now, to better himself, but he had the chance for revenge, to make Shizuo suffer, make him sad, break his heart.
Needless to say, he didn't sleep much that night.
Thoughts of Shizuo, of his words kept repeating in his head, Sunshine 60 and 6pm tomorrow, all or nothing, Shizuo's determination, here was a second chance, didn't he want that?, no, no he didn't...
The next morning wasn't much better, nor the afternoon. Izaya found himself staring at the clock and tapping his fingers, red eyes distracted, focusing on the device, on the ticking hands. Namie found it odd but saw no need to ask him; she always found Izaya a bit on the eccentric side anyway.
The words of the elderly woman rang through his head all day, her voice, her smile, that tone.
"I wouldn't let slip such an occasion if I were you."
An opportunity like this, he knew, was rare; how many heartbroken people had gotten another chance? But he hated this, feeling like the victim; Shizuo was helping him, Shizuo was giving him this chance and he didn't want to take it like that. He was Orihara Izaya, he took no one's charity.
Except... this wasn't charity. Shizuo wouldn't say that out of pity; obviously he wanted him, wanted to fix things. It must've been hard to say those words, to come to Shinjuku, to swallow his pride, to look Izaya in the eye after abandoning him three months earlier. But was that enough?
Six o'clock came and passed.
As did seven, seven thirty, seven forty five, and eight.
Shizuo hung his head as he leaned against the railing, elbows on the metal, blonde hair obscuring his vision. Littered cigarette butts were around his feet; he had gone through nearly a pack already, feeling anxious. Izaya was always punctual but the blonde reminded himself to not fret when he didn't come at six; after all, he had waited a long time, hadn't he? Little bastard was probably making him do the same.
But he couldn't help but pray feverishly; he was never one to do so but couldn't help it. His heart was racing in his chest and his hands were shaking as each minute passed; every minute that passed made his heart sink just a little more. He had hoped that he would come, he really did, but...
...what if it's too late?
He pulled out his phone (it was getting cold) and saw it was now nine pm exactly. He grit his teeth and straightened up, looking upwards with a small smile.
I lost him.
All or nothing and...
"All or nothing, Shizu-chan."
The blonde heard the voice and turned around immediately, brown eyes widening behind blue shades to see Izaya behind him, hands in the pocket of his fur trim coat and half smile on his lips. The raven was relieved to see the blonde still waiting; part of him wondered if Shizuo would give up and go home once six was passed. But if he waited then, surely, he was serious.
"You're three hours late, flea," Shizuo said softly as he watched Izaya walk towards him and join him by the railing. The nickname rolled off his tongue naturally but his tone held no malice in it; it was pure and genuine, relief evident.
Izaya chuckled lightly. "You're three months late, protozoan."
"Touche," Shizuo commented dryly and joined Izaya in leaning against the railing, hardly daring to look at the raven beside him. He dug his nails into his fingers anxiously, blonde brow creased as he tried to find the right words to say. Where did he even begin to apologize? "I-"
"I wasn't going to come," Izaya cut him off quietly, "...I didn't want to. I wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me. I wanted you to get your hopes up, to believe you had a chance, to make yourself vulnerable just to get hurt, to never want to do that again, to close yourself. I didn't want to come because I wanted to hurt you."
"...I see," the blonde frowned at the words, feeling guilt stab at him. "Then why did..."
"Because I couldn't stay away either," the raven sighed with a small shrug, "I hate that you hurt me, I hate you, I hate that I wanted to stay away but I couldn't. I hate everything about you, Shizu-chan. So I hate myself for coming," he laughed shortly before turning to him slightly, offering a bit more than a profile of his face to look at, "So tell me, Shizu-chan, what made you come back?"
At first, Shizuo didn't answer. He found himself at a loss for words because he, himself, wasn't even sure why he came back. It was peaceful in Ikebukuro but he was more agitated than ever, quiet but it was deafening.
"It's too peaceful without you," he gave as his answer, ignoring Izaya's surprised look, "Too quiet. Not enough chaos. I got bored without you. Even if all you did was annoy me and complicate everything... without you, it was... I got accustomed to dealing with your havoc," he shrugged and took out another cigarette, staying silent as he lit it, "I..."
He took a drag before he continued.
"I couldn't imagine living without you."
The words were mumbled, feeling uncomfortable as he said them, the honest truth. Because when he thought about it, really, that was what it was; he got bored without Izaya, without someone to chase, to threaten, to be annoyed at. He thought he hated Izaya more than anything but the moment Izaya was out of his life, he felt empty.
He had grown used to Izaya being a part of his life that he didn't even pause to think about what would happen if he really was gone.
"Are you..." Izaya broke the silence and he looked away, "...in love with me?"
Shizuo's eyes widened for a moment when he heard the question; it had to be hard to utter that, to ask such a personal question to the person he was supposed to hate but actually didn't. The blonde frowned and took another drag of his cigarette, contemplating the question.
"...I suppose I am," he answered gruffly, refusing to look at him, "...Yeah. I am."
"Stupid Shizu-chan just didn't realize it until now."
"Shut up, flea."
He heard Izaya chuckle quietly under his breath and found himself unable to help a smile smirk to creep onto his lips. His hand was still holding the cigarette up to his lips but felt something cold against his own fingers and looked down to see Izaya's fingers linked with his. He was surprised at first but didn't pull away, only smirking and obeying as the raven tugged gently; they weren't holding hands, not that they would ever do something that cliche, but their fingers were linked which felt all the more intimate.
"Your hands are cold, Shizu-chan."
"So is your heart," was his answer as they continued to walk along together, dark sky illuminated by the moon and stars littered across the expanse. It was quiet as they walked, relaxing as they didn't need to say anything, not anymore, nothing was so important.
It was peaceful for a bit too long, though, Shizuo thought, and he was beginning to get antsy; it wasn't normal for them to be serene together for so long. He racked his brain to say something, anything; part of why he couldn't live without Izaya was because he was annoyed by him.
Luckily for him, Izaya broke the silence.
"The marks on my neck..." Izaya glanced at him, a familiar sly expression decorating his features and Shizuo immediately felt his face burn up, "...care to explain where they came from?"
"...Shut up, flea."
"Aw, Shizu-chan's blushing!"
"Shut up, flea, or I'll give you more of those-!"
"Hah? That's a threat?"
Authors Notes: and this is the last chapter guys, well happy ending c: (just cuz Jess, infinitevertigo, wouldn't stop talking about Shizaya happy endings lol xD) Anyway we hope you liked it xD also some of you said Shiki was OOC, well yeah we actually wrote him this way purposely to fit him in the story, hopefully it was not much of a hassle c: ah! check out the new collab please Tainted heart orz.