Disclaimer: I own neither the show nor the characters. I don't earn any money; I just do it for fun.
Author's Note: Written for Jasminago for the Sam/Jack Secret Santa on sj_everyday. I hope you'll like it! This is set post-Unending.
She stood on the pavement before his apartment building. She didn't really know what prompted her to come straight here after she had been released from the SGC, but she felt like she had to.
Or maybe she did know.
Teal'c might have not told them a lot about those fifty years they had spent in the time dilatation field, but she felt like she could understand. She felt like she had lived those fifty years even though he hadn't spoken of their lives during that time. But he didn't need to. She knew what she would have felt, trapped in there. Guilt would have been the main feeling, as she would have been the one responsible of them being stuck there. She knew that even though her friends and colleagues wouldn't have blamed her for that, that fifty years wouldn't have been enough to forgive herself.
Just like she knew that she would feel guilty, she knew that loneliness would have been the second strongest feeling. Technically, she wouldn't have been lonely, there would have been Daniel, Teal'c, Vala, Cameron and General Landry there with her, but she would still feel lonely because she would have missed someone. And no matter what they would have tried, they couldn't have replaced him.
Pushing the door of the apartment building open, she knew that was why she had to come straight here. She couldn't stop feeling guilty that Teal'c had to give up fifty years of his life to prevent her from making a mistake, but she could stop feeling lonely.
"Can I help you, Ma'am?" the doorman asked from behind the counter.
"I'm here to see General O'Neill."
"Is he expecting you?"
"No, but...," she started before he interrupted her.
"I'll call and ask if he can see you."
Sam wanted to argue, but knew better. It was his job to make sure that the residents of the building weren't disturbed by people they didn't want to see. But still, she was sure that even if he let her enter without calling Jack, it would have been ok. She doubted she was onto his list of people he wanted to avoid at all costs.
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes when he hung up the phone with a sheepish look on his face, and motioned for her that she could continue on her way to Jack.
Once in the elevator though, the confidence that she had all but vanished. Once more, she wondered if she was right to be here. She had no doubt he would be happy to see her, but she also knew that he would be surprised. She had never been here before, besides that one visit when she was in Washington to brief President Hayes about the alternate reality she had been in. And she would rather forget about it.
Things had been awkward between them those few days. More awkward than they had been in a long time. The time she had spent in this alternate reality, and the life her counterpart had led there had been at the forefront of her mind the whole time. Without wanting it, she had put a distance between them, while trying to deal with everything. He had understood, but she knew that she hurt him, and it was the last thing she had ever meant to do.
She exited the elevator on his floor, and walked to his door. He opened it before she had time to knock, but she still paused for a second before stepping inside. He opened his mouth to say something, but she didn't give him time to do so; her mouth crashed on his while she stepped into his arms. She kicked the door shut behind herself, before pushing against the opposite wall, her hands already attacking the buttons of his shirt.
He didn't stop her; he didn't tear his mouth away from hers to ask what was going on. He was just letting her take whatever she wanted from him, and for that she was grateful. Talking would have meant thinking, and for once in her life, she was sick of it.
She didn't want to think anymore; she just wanted to feel.
He wasn't passive; he pushed her coat off her shoulders, and her hands left his chest just long enough to let it fall on the floor. She grabbed the lapels of his shirt, and without breaking the kiss, she tugged him towards the bedroom.
They lied on the bed, Sam's head resting against Jack's shoulder, spent by their earlier activities. She didn't need to feel the intake of breath to know that he was going to talk, and that she would have to explain herself. He had given her time, but now, that time was up.
"Not that I minded what had just happened – believe me, I loved it – but what's going on, Sam? It's not like you to act like this."
"Maybe it is, and you haven't seen this side of me, yet," she replied, knowing that he would call her bluff in the next second.
"Samantha," he sighed, and she couldn't help but smile; she had always liked the way he said her full birth name.
"Did General Landry call you?"
"Yeah. Is it about what happened on the Odysseus?" He felt her nodding against his shoulder, and continued. "You can't feel guilty for what happened, for Teal'c having aged 50 years."
She wasn't surprised that he understood how she was feeling, without her even having to tell him. He knew her better than anyone else. Better than she knew herself sometimes. She should be afraid of that, but she wasn't; it comforted her, actually. With him, she didn't need to put actual words to her feelings. They didn't even need to speak to understand each other most of the time.
"I would have missed you," she whispered.
"During those 50 years. I know I would have missed you."
"I would have missed you, too."
"For you, only a few seconds would have gone by," she explained. "You wouldn't have had time to miss me."
"Oh, I know I would have. I think a part of me would have known that you were out of reach."
She couldn't help the chuckle that went past her lips at his words. She knew despite his words that it just wasn't possible. But she liked the fact that he was doing his best to make her feel better. This was one of the many reasons why she loved him: no matter the situation, he would always try to make her smile. And most of the time, it worked.
"There is one thing I'm sure of," she said, straddling his body, her face inches from his. "If I had to live through those 50 years, I wouldn't have stopped loving you for a second."
He leaned up, capturing her lips with his in a slow kiss. Still kissing her, he rolled them over so that he was on top. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers buried in his short grey hair.
When the kiss came to an end, she held his face close to hers, her eyes locked on his.
"Make love to me, Jack."
She had been in control of their previous lovemaking; she had wanted to lose herself in his body in order to forget about what happened on the Odysseus. This time, she only wanted to make love with the man she fell in love with all those years ago.
She decided to put what could have happened, what had happened in an alternate timeline, aside for the time being. She would not forget it, but she would forgive herself for it.
She stopped thinking the moment his lips closed over her nipple. She moaned at the feeling it elicited in her, and felt him grinning against her skin. Wanting to get back at him for this, she wrapped her legs around his waist, bringing their lower bodies impossibly closer. The grin immediately fell, and looked up at her, narrowing his eyes playfully at her.
"Two can play this game," she just replied.
They didn't talk much for the rest of the day, or the night for that matter.