This is a distress signal from the Jupiter Mining Corporation Ship Red Dwarf; the crew is dead, killed by a radiation leak. Its new crew is Arnold Rimmer, who was in suspended animation at the time, David Lister, who was also in suspended animation at the time, a being that evolved from the ship's cat, Kryten a service mechanoid from the Nova 5 and Holly the ship's computer with an IQ of 6000, the same as 6000 PE teachers, also this is the Norman Lovett Holly. This takes place in an alternate universe where Rimmer returned to the bunkroom to retrieve a pencil while Lister takes out Frankenstein, when Rimmer tells Hollister and Lister reveals that he's had it since Mimas; Hollister assumes that Rimmer knew too and puts them both in the stasis booth. They are both revived after 3 million years because without Rimmer to cause the drive plate malfunction, it prematurely explodes, killing everyone instantly. I am the author; I write this and assumed that someone would question the continuity of this and the show, so here you go. Message Ends. Additional, this begins with an alternate take on The End and Future Echoes, so Kryten won't show up for a bit, and when he does he'll always be the Robert Llewellyn version.
Lister and Rimmer walk down a corridor repairing each chicken soup machine as they pass it.
"Red Dwarf, what a boring place, 'cept for Kochanski" Lister said.
"Say what you want Lister, but fixing these chicken soup machines is like holding back the Mongol hordes!" Rimmer said.
"Rimmer, you know what you are? You're a smeg-head."
"You know, it wrenches my heart from its socket to do this, but I must report you to the Captain"
Frank Todhunter walks by and Rimmer sees him.
"Todhunter! Can you give this to the Captain?"
"Rimmer, if this is another report against Lister I'm going to send a report to the Captain about you"
"But, but he called me a smeg-head!"
"Rimmer, you are a smeg-head, heheheh" Todhunter says while he walks away.
Rimmer watches Todhunter walk away and says "Smeg-headed git, that's what Todhunter is" and promptly starts to repair the next vending machine.
Back in the bunkroom, Rimmer is studying for his astronavigator's exam and Lister is sitting in his bunk and reaches for his guitar.
"Don't even think about it! I have to study!"
"Come on! You're not studying that's cheating!"
"Maybe to you, but for me this is just aiding my memory!"
"Well, at least you know you're not a fish!"
"Who told you about that?!"
"Peterson told me"
"That's a lie! He's lying!"
"No he's not, you just admitted it!"
"I did not! Whatever! I have to sleep for the exam. Lights."
The lights dim and Rimmer lies down and Lister falls asleep. The night passes by and Rimmer awakes early and leaves for his exam. Lister gets up quickly and lets out Frankenstein when Rimmer walks back in.
"Lister, did you get that on Mimas?"
"Yeah, but don't tell the Captain, please Rimmer! He'll have the science lab take apart Frankie and kill her."
"Too bad Lister, I'm going to tell the Captain!"